i should be grading essays. i'm not.
i should be making a couple of phone calls. i'm not.
i should be figuring out my lesson plans for the week. i'm not.
i should be returning kenny and marissa's Schoolhouse Rock DVD. i'm not.
i should be cleaning my house. i'm not.
i should stop writing in here. i'm not.
so yesterday was quite the exciting one in thurmanworld. sunday celebration - excellent. so glad i'm getting the chance to help janet with worship. so great to be in the space, even if it was a bit on the chilly side. probably unwise to wear only my birks. probably won't stop me from doing so again next week (assuming, of course, we continue to stay snow free in 2006. stupid weather). wonderful time of fellowship/eating at the brownhouse. then i stayed around to help aaron with the outside lights.
went home and, in a major change in my life, decided to watch the steelers game live instead of after the game. didn't hurt that by the time i turned it on, the steelers were already up by 14. wow. i watched all the way until the last five minutes, about the time the refs overturned the polamalu interception. God obviously knew what was coming and knew if i kept watching, i would end up in the hospital. wow. so glad i had today off so i could spend the time listening to all the recounts, reading about the game. i honestly did have much hope going into yesterday's game - i mean, indianapolis had been so great all season. i had said all week they would have to play over their heads to win. and they did. what a crazy, crazy ending. hard to watch, even knowing the outcome. i cannot fathom having watched that live - i would have been found floundering in the fetal position.
then colin came over and we headed over to the comet to catch the allstars. great night. so glad we made it early - place was packed, which is what happens when people don't have to work the next day. kim and joyce joined us, as did charlie. and i got to eat one of their amazing burritos. mmmm....
interesting couple of days in my WW journal. seinfeld and war, back to back. crazy. still pondering what thurman now would say to thurman then. or vice versa. i do remember thinking (and maybe this is in the journal later) that i could just keep cycling south and go into mexico, avoiding any possibility of the draft. strange, strange time. surprised at how little i actually wrote about it on the day. semed like a much bigger deal in my memory than it did on the page. but like i said, maybe there's more coming later.
excellent meeting with the triemergent cohort - gathering of folks interested in discussing this thing called the emergent church. not much focus, but then there rarely has been. raised some more questions about church and if there are foundational issues that allow us to call ourselves Christian. i struggle with knowing if this desire to determine who is in and who is out is just a hold over from my upbringing or if there are foundational questions we must answer. i think we all can see how our stories mingle with The Story, even those that would never claim faith. but how much richer our interaction when we've experienced The Story.
saturday night i decided i shouldn't sit at home, so i took a chance and went down to see anthony and cleopatra at the cincinnati shakespeare festival. i knew the story, but not sure i had ever read it. i was underwhelmed. the supporting cast was much stronger than the two leads. anthony reminded me too much of jake on veronica mars and did not make believe he was one of the greatest warriors of his time. and cleopatra's interpretation was just wrong. she came off more like a spoiled rich girl than a mysterious, exotic queen. i never felt a real connection between her and anthony. and i didn't like either one of them enough to care. ah well. here's hoping julius caesar is better.
worst part: bea called while i was at the show to invite me to hang out with her and courtney. figures the one night i actually decide not to stay home.
hmmmm...i have things to share. but not sure this is the forum to do so. is this self-censorship? self-preservation? self-importance? self-delusion?
i'll let you figure it out.
Æ
Tunes: old 97's - am i too late
Monday, January 16, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 16 January 1991
As I write this, the United States is at war with Iraq. Where was I when it started? Biking toward Long Beach from where we camped.
Have you ever slept in a wind tunnel? I sure felt like I have. Last night was so incredibly windy that my clothes even started to blow away! Luckily I woke up in time to get them before they beat me to Long Beach! The wind definitely made the beginning of our ride rather an experience. It's not often that you have to pedal as hard as you can to get downhill. Plus, the road made it seem like we were back in Mount Vernon - the roads were so bumpy I had my second flat of the trip. But at least we got to stop in Malibu (actually, most of the first half of the trip was through there). Not far away they were taping something, though I'm not quite sure what.
We were the first to make it to Santa Monica and to Venice Beach for lunch. So we ate, I fixed my innertube and then we went for one of the most fascinating walks of the trip, down the boardwalk of Venice Beach. It was like stepping into someone's psychedelic flashback. So much action, so many interesting people. You got to see a little of what gives California its reputation as a strange state. People selling everything, reading tarot cards and telling fortunes, playing all kinds of music. One person from every walk of life was there, for the high class businessman to the reggae man selling super bongs, to the man in the Santa hat selling energy packs. We even saw some paintings/graffiti by R. Cronk. A coincidence? Who knows? We spent quite a bit of time soaking up the experience, then moved on.
Most of today's trip was right along the coast on bike paths, so we were right on the sand. It was a biker's paradise, sun, no cars, surf and great curves (both kinds). We rod on to Marina Del Rey, the largest man-made marina in the world. We got to see some UCLA sailors practicing out there. We rode on to Rodendo Beach and stopped along International Boardwalk and saw a 15 lb lobster (at $13.00 a pound, that's $175.00). It was here that we discovered that the US had attacked Iraq. We all gathered into a kite shop and listened to the radio.
By this time the sun had already begun to set. So it was suddenly a race against the sun to get to Long Beach. And it sure wasn't easy. Weaving in and out of traffic, getting held up by traffic lights, passing other groups, and still the darkness continued to fall. By the time we reached Long Beach, we'd added to our group two or three others and we all followed Randy (whose bike had a light) through the Long Beach twilight. It was a blast!
We finally reached our destination, the Long Beach YMCA. Talk about your nice facilities. We got warm showers, were able to swim and play a little basketball and the owner even washed our WW shirts for us. Scott, Dennis and I ate at Taco Bell, the spent some time in the Long Beach Plaza. Brad Fox, who used to be in the Repetory Co., lives out here and came to see Randy and I got to talk to him for a while. He seems to be enjoying himself. Then I played a little basketball (very little) and then I filled out half of my postcards. I've been tuning for most of the night to 106.7 KROQ, an alternative station out there. It's definitely one of the best I've ever heard. In fact, I think I'll fall asleep to it tonight. And speaking of sleep, it's time for it, being almost midnight. 415 miles down, more to go. Ɔ
Tunes: king's x - freedom
Have you ever slept in a wind tunnel? I sure felt like I have. Last night was so incredibly windy that my clothes even started to blow away! Luckily I woke up in time to get them before they beat me to Long Beach! The wind definitely made the beginning of our ride rather an experience. It's not often that you have to pedal as hard as you can to get downhill. Plus, the road made it seem like we were back in Mount Vernon - the roads were so bumpy I had my second flat of the trip. But at least we got to stop in Malibu (actually, most of the first half of the trip was through there). Not far away they were taping something, though I'm not quite sure what.
We were the first to make it to Santa Monica and to Venice Beach for lunch. So we ate, I fixed my innertube and then we went for one of the most fascinating walks of the trip, down the boardwalk of Venice Beach. It was like stepping into someone's psychedelic flashback. So much action, so many interesting people. You got to see a little of what gives California its reputation as a strange state. People selling everything, reading tarot cards and telling fortunes, playing all kinds of music. One person from every walk of life was there, for the high class businessman to the reggae man selling super bongs, to the man in the Santa hat selling energy packs. We even saw some paintings/graffiti by R. Cronk. A coincidence? Who knows? We spent quite a bit of time soaking up the experience, then moved on.
Most of today's trip was right along the coast on bike paths, so we were right on the sand. It was a biker's paradise, sun, no cars, surf and great curves (both kinds). We rod on to Marina Del Rey, the largest man-made marina in the world. We got to see some UCLA sailors practicing out there. We rode on to Rodendo Beach and stopped along International Boardwalk and saw a 15 lb lobster (at $13.00 a pound, that's $175.00). It was here that we discovered that the US had attacked Iraq. We all gathered into a kite shop and listened to the radio.
By this time the sun had already begun to set. So it was suddenly a race against the sun to get to Long Beach. And it sure wasn't easy. Weaving in and out of traffic, getting held up by traffic lights, passing other groups, and still the darkness continued to fall. By the time we reached Long Beach, we'd added to our group two or three others and we all followed Randy (whose bike had a light) through the Long Beach twilight. It was a blast!
We finally reached our destination, the Long Beach YMCA. Talk about your nice facilities. We got warm showers, were able to swim and play a little basketball and the owner even washed our WW shirts for us. Scott, Dennis and I ate at Taco Bell, the spent some time in the Long Beach Plaza. Brad Fox, who used to be in the Repetory Co., lives out here and came to see Randy and I got to talk to him for a while. He seems to be enjoying himself. Then I played a little basketball (very little) and then I filled out half of my postcards. I've been tuning for most of the night to 106.7 KROQ, an alternative station out there. It's definitely one of the best I've ever heard. In fact, I think I'll fall asleep to it tonight. And speaking of sleep, it's time for it, being almost midnight. 415 miles down, more to go. Ɔ
Tunes: king's x - freedom
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 15 January 1991
Well, so much for a day off. I am more exhausted now than almost any other time of the trip. This morning I woke right up (probably because I was sleeping outside in a canyon and it was very windy) and went and washed up 'cause we were gong to L.A. and Hollywood, so I had to look my best (well, at least for this trip). Then came the wonderful news: we were having class before we went to L.A. Which means Randy was collecting our journals. Thank God I had finished my homework. The classes so far have been interesting and this was no exception. We held it outdoors in an open amphitheater. How I wish all my classes were like that. We talked about communication and Tim, Chip and I "won" a little exercise on communication (Randy said ice cream for the first ones done, but later said he was kidding).
After class we loaded up, picked up the Taylor kids having class down the road and headed toward Los Angeles. On the way we stopped for a short tour of Pepperdine University. That was something else. $23,000 a year to go and we only found two Chevette's on the entire campus (and one was from out of state!). Then we drove on to Farmer's Market where we ate lunch and did some shopping. I finally got my postcards, which I need to send out as soon as possible. Then we drove through Beverly Hills. We didn't get to stop and shop but I think looking was quite enough (plus we'd never have gotten the girls out of there).
Then we drove on to the glamour capitol of the world, Hollywood. We drove down Hollywood Boulevard and let everyone off right after Mann's Chinese Theater. We were told to be back in an hour and a half at the bus. Not two minutes later, some people in our group found a guy who said we could get tickets to see the Tonight Show and the Seinfeld Show! Sudden change of plans! We were given half an hour to wander the streets then we had to get in the bus to go and wait in line. Talk about lucky breaks! Everyone was so excited!
So we looked around for a while and tried to find people's stars on the sidewalk (I couldn't find Errol Flynn or Fred Astaire). Then we got on the bus and headed off to NBC Studios in Burbank, California to see Jay Leno host the Tonight Show! I was so pumped. We were on our way when we realized Mike and Laurie weren't on the bus. Apparently they hadn't heard the message and no one knew they weren't there. So Matt, one of the drivers, drove back to try and find them. Meanwhile, the rest of us waited in line and were very loud and obnoxious (typical college students). The whole day almost made us forget that today was the deadline in the Middle East and Iraq's Sadaam Hussein. Almost. Even standing in line we wondered what was going to happen. It's been interesting being on this trip and the rest of the country is sitting around wondering and worrying about war.
Anyway, we waited in line for about an hour and we finally got into Studio One and The Tonight Show! The wait wasn't as bad because we were excited, plus one of the ushers came out and kind of entertained us. Lori Roberts went off on him when he almost asked for her identification.
The first thing I noticed about the studio was how small it was. Everything was really close together and the curtain was so small. The camera just makes it look big. The producer came out and welcomed us and then Doc Severinsen took over and warmed us up (he was wearing a bright neon green tie. Good ol' Doc!).
Then it was time for the show to begin. The guests were Jerry Seinfeld, Tyne Daly, Corbin Bernsten and Jeffery Osbourne. And of course, Jay Leno hosted. I lost my voice I screamed so much (wanted to get my voice on TV). The band was incredible! That would be my dream, to play in The Tonight Show Band. They were so tight and rocked the house. The show was a lot of fun (hopefully some people back home taped it for us), but I wouldn't want to be there every night.
After the show, Jay waved at us (ooo, thrill) and I got my ticket back before getting on the bus, which took us immediately over to CBS/MTM studios across town to see Jerry Seinfeld again on my favorite show on TV last spring, The Seinfeld Show. Man, what a day! We were sitting and being entertained beforehand by a band called Jerry's Kids. When they announced the names, I realized that the bassist used to play for Steve Taylor and Some Band. So during one of the breaks, I went over and talked to him and found out Steve has a new album coming out this week. Sounds like a must buy!
The stage for the show was split into four scenes, and they filmed scene by scene, sometimes once or twice. In between shots they had this comedian, Mark Jeffries, who was only vaguely amusing and who got downright crude occasionally. The best thing he did was play Stump the Band. I asked for I Want to be a Clone, but Glen Holmen wouldn't play it (well, not all - he played the bass riff really quick). Jerry came out and did a monologue (short, of course) and it was a riot!
The whole show as about how Elaine was going to move upstairs and how it would cramp Jerry's style and how Jerry tried to get out of it. After the show I waited around and got Jerry to sign my Tonight Show ticket. Yeah! Then we went out to the bus and went to McDonald's for dinner (at about 10:00) and then rode back to camp, listening to the news about Hussein and the possibility of war. A very eclectic, hectic and absolutely wonderful day off. Ɔ
Tunes: talking heads - road to nowhere
After class we loaded up, picked up the Taylor kids having class down the road and headed toward Los Angeles. On the way we stopped for a short tour of Pepperdine University. That was something else. $23,000 a year to go and we only found two Chevette's on the entire campus (and one was from out of state!). Then we drove on to Farmer's Market where we ate lunch and did some shopping. I finally got my postcards, which I need to send out as soon as possible. Then we drove through Beverly Hills. We didn't get to stop and shop but I think looking was quite enough (plus we'd never have gotten the girls out of there).
Then we drove on to the glamour capitol of the world, Hollywood. We drove down Hollywood Boulevard and let everyone off right after Mann's Chinese Theater. We were told to be back in an hour and a half at the bus. Not two minutes later, some people in our group found a guy who said we could get tickets to see the Tonight Show and the Seinfeld Show! Sudden change of plans! We were given half an hour to wander the streets then we had to get in the bus to go and wait in line. Talk about lucky breaks! Everyone was so excited!
So we looked around for a while and tried to find people's stars on the sidewalk (I couldn't find Errol Flynn or Fred Astaire). Then we got on the bus and headed off to NBC Studios in Burbank, California to see Jay Leno host the Tonight Show! I was so pumped. We were on our way when we realized Mike and Laurie weren't on the bus. Apparently they hadn't heard the message and no one knew they weren't there. So Matt, one of the drivers, drove back to try and find them. Meanwhile, the rest of us waited in line and were very loud and obnoxious (typical college students). The whole day almost made us forget that today was the deadline in the Middle East and Iraq's Sadaam Hussein. Almost. Even standing in line we wondered what was going to happen. It's been interesting being on this trip and the rest of the country is sitting around wondering and worrying about war.
Anyway, we waited in line for about an hour and we finally got into Studio One and The Tonight Show! The wait wasn't as bad because we were excited, plus one of the ushers came out and kind of entertained us. Lori Roberts went off on him when he almost asked for her identification.
The first thing I noticed about the studio was how small it was. Everything was really close together and the curtain was so small. The camera just makes it look big. The producer came out and welcomed us and then Doc Severinsen took over and warmed us up (he was wearing a bright neon green tie. Good ol' Doc!).
Then it was time for the show to begin. The guests were Jerry Seinfeld, Tyne Daly, Corbin Bernsten and Jeffery Osbourne. And of course, Jay Leno hosted. I lost my voice I screamed so much (wanted to get my voice on TV). The band was incredible! That would be my dream, to play in The Tonight Show Band. They were so tight and rocked the house. The show was a lot of fun (hopefully some people back home taped it for us), but I wouldn't want to be there every night.
After the show, Jay waved at us (ooo, thrill) and I got my ticket back before getting on the bus, which took us immediately over to CBS/MTM studios across town to see Jerry Seinfeld again on my favorite show on TV last spring, The Seinfeld Show. Man, what a day! We were sitting and being entertained beforehand by a band called Jerry's Kids. When they announced the names, I realized that the bassist used to play for Steve Taylor and Some Band. So during one of the breaks, I went over and talked to him and found out Steve has a new album coming out this week. Sounds like a must buy!
The stage for the show was split into four scenes, and they filmed scene by scene, sometimes once or twice. In between shots they had this comedian, Mark Jeffries, who was only vaguely amusing and who got downright crude occasionally. The best thing he did was play Stump the Band. I asked for I Want to be a Clone, but Glen Holmen wouldn't play it (well, not all - he played the bass riff really quick). Jerry came out and did a monologue (short, of course) and it was a riot!
The whole show as about how Elaine was going to move upstairs and how it would cramp Jerry's style and how Jerry tried to get out of it. After the show I waited around and got Jerry to sign my Tonight Show ticket. Yeah! Then we went out to the bus and went to McDonald's for dinner (at about 10:00) and then rode back to camp, listening to the news about Hussein and the possibility of war. A very eclectic, hectic and absolutely wonderful day off. Ɔ
Tunes: talking heads - road to nowhere
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 14 January 1991
As I write this I am lying under the stars twinkling their past to earth. We've moved far enough south now that we're all sleeping out under the stars like I did last night. Last night was great. Dennis, Ed, Scott and I laid outside in our sleeping bags on the cement and tuned to some of the local radio stations. It was a very beautiful experience and a wonderful time (albeit a bit chilly).
Then in the morning we had to bike about ten miles to breakfast. But our group decided that we'd go to the Santa Barbara mission before breakfast. Unfortunately we weren't able to get in, but the outside was ornate enough. Then we rode along the beach and saw a lot of the contrast here in California - the mountains and the ocean, the ritzy city of Santa Barbara and the homeless sitting around the park benches. But we finally made it to a wonderful breakfast of french toast. Alison was trying to get Dennis and I back for throwing her into the water yesterday while she was trying to get a tan (but she looked liked she needed to be cooled off...).
Then we took off for the rest of our trip. We got to get on Ventura Highway (ooo, what a thrill). We rode right after breakfast 20 miles straight, no stopping and son, was my butt sore! But we finally made it to San Buenaventura, where we stopped to take a break and look for an outlet store. On the way, as yesterday, there were tons of surfers cruising the beaches and hitting the waves. We ate at the world's worst Subway for lunch (but got .35 ice cream down the street) and then headed down the road again.
But we took a small detour into Ventura Marina and toured the ships and admired all the boats docked there. By the way, Tim cracked his collarbone and won't be riding for a while, so we all had pieces of tape with Tim's name on it (we couldn't find any black arm bands). Then after the marina we biked toward our destination for a while. We passed a naval testing grounds and saw a training plane come in for a landing and take off again. Then we got to see an F-14 Tomcat take off. Talk about power, speed and rumble. Shawn drove by in the van and told us we were 13 miles away from our campsite, so we took off. Shawn is one of the people that makes this trip great. He's the resident mechanic, which isn't so incredible except he lost his arm in a farming accident five years ago. Then there's Gary, who is riding this trip...and he's blind. It really makes you appreciate what you have and what they can do.
Remember when I said we took off? I meant that literally. Randy decided he was tired of piddling around so he went off. And I got left in the dust. Dennis and Ed could keep up, but I just couldn't make my bike move that fast. Not to say I didn't try. We finally all got back together and we played a little catch with a football our group bought at lunch time. Then I got a warm shower, called Brenda and Robin and now, yet again, I'm under the stars. So far I've seen four shooting stars, which has been great.
In case I haven't said this before, this is the best experience of my life, one I'll never forget. Well, tomorrow we go to Los Angeles, so I'd better get my rest (even though we don't have to ride). But first I'm going to watch the stars some more and listen to the Indigo Girls new album. Night, all. Æ
Tunes: sleater-kinney - hollywood ending
Then in the morning we had to bike about ten miles to breakfast. But our group decided that we'd go to the Santa Barbara mission before breakfast. Unfortunately we weren't able to get in, but the outside was ornate enough. Then we rode along the beach and saw a lot of the contrast here in California - the mountains and the ocean, the ritzy city of Santa Barbara and the homeless sitting around the park benches. But we finally made it to a wonderful breakfast of french toast. Alison was trying to get Dennis and I back for throwing her into the water yesterday while she was trying to get a tan (but she looked liked she needed to be cooled off...).
Then we took off for the rest of our trip. We got to get on Ventura Highway (ooo, what a thrill). We rode right after breakfast 20 miles straight, no stopping and son, was my butt sore! But we finally made it to San Buenaventura, where we stopped to take a break and look for an outlet store. On the way, as yesterday, there were tons of surfers cruising the beaches and hitting the waves. We ate at the world's worst Subway for lunch (but got .35 ice cream down the street) and then headed down the road again.
But we took a small detour into Ventura Marina and toured the ships and admired all the boats docked there. By the way, Tim cracked his collarbone and won't be riding for a while, so we all had pieces of tape with Tim's name on it (we couldn't find any black arm bands). Then after the marina we biked toward our destination for a while. We passed a naval testing grounds and saw a training plane come in for a landing and take off again. Then we got to see an F-14 Tomcat take off. Talk about power, speed and rumble. Shawn drove by in the van and told us we were 13 miles away from our campsite, so we took off. Shawn is one of the people that makes this trip great. He's the resident mechanic, which isn't so incredible except he lost his arm in a farming accident five years ago. Then there's Gary, who is riding this trip...and he's blind. It really makes you appreciate what you have and what they can do.
Remember when I said we took off? I meant that literally. Randy decided he was tired of piddling around so he went off. And I got left in the dust. Dennis and Ed could keep up, but I just couldn't make my bike move that fast. Not to say I didn't try. We finally all got back together and we played a little catch with a football our group bought at lunch time. Then I got a warm shower, called Brenda and Robin and now, yet again, I'm under the stars. So far I've seen four shooting stars, which has been great.
In case I haven't said this before, this is the best experience of my life, one I'll never forget. Well, tomorrow we go to Los Angeles, so I'd better get my rest (even though we don't have to ride). But first I'm going to watch the stars some more and listen to the Indigo Girls new album. Night, all. Æ
Tunes: sleater-kinney - hollywood ending
Friday, January 13, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 13 January 1991
Thirteen is definitely Team Bias' unlucky number. We had so many problems today. It started out early in the morning when we, well, actually Scott, discovered that sometime in the night Chip had moved his bag outside and it had been covered with dew. Needless to say he (Scott, that is) was not happy at all. Then everyone loaded up on the bus, which took us to Solvang, Denmark in the middle of California. I ended up eating a couple of wonderful buttermilk pancakes and my official beverage on this trip, ice tea. Then Randy, John Joachim and I split a day old cherry danish. Couldn't tell, though.
Then they bused us back to camp and from there we began our trip. We've been riding for a whole week now and up until today we've had very few problems. And at the beginning everyone was feeling good. We were all set to take off and hit the road with food in our bellies and anticipation on our lips. Then things began to go wrong. First there was the hill. Now hills are no big deal anymore, but after doing 72 miles yesterday it was rough. Then we got a great downhill and hit a trip high 45 mph! Then Tim dropped his waterbottle and toppled his bike (this was just the beginning for Tim as you shall soon see!).
Then we reached lunch about 20 miles down the road. It was right on the beach, so we all trashed our shirts and shoes and went in. That water was COLD, but it felt great. Dennis and I went body surfing, but only once as our skin was beginning to develop icicles. Then, as other groups arrived and most began to sunbathe, Dennis, Chip and I began work on Hurts Castle. At first it looked more like a turtle, but it turned out pretty fine.
Then our group decided we'd get an early jump to Santa Barbara. Not that it helped. First, even before we got out of the parking lot, Tim's tire went flat. So we spent an extra ten minutes before we left. Then about ten miles out, Randy's tire went flat. So we spent a long time as he tried to fix it. Then he discovered he had a broken axle. So Chip and I rode on up ahead, 'cause I had a phone call to make. Now that I think about it, I wish I had stayed. I'm feeling guilty about splitting from the group. I'm not sure why, exactly. I guess it's just breaking up the group.
So Chip and I got a couple of groups ahead and were going along fine reading the chalk markings when I ran over a 3/4 inch nail and pierced both sides of my innertube. So we held up another group (which made me feel bad) to get it fixed. Meanwhile, Randy got his axle and the remaining members of Team Bias were coming to us when a mix up at a light sent Tim careening into Ed's bike and flying through the air over his handlebars, bruising his shoulder and scraping his nose. So he had to wait until the van came and got him.
So everyone finally reached our destination here in Santa Barbara, albeit by about seven different routes. From there I called back home (school) and talked to Ami and Mike, but no one else was there (like Miss Stacy Leigh). So that was kind of depressing. Then we went to dinner at a place called Hudson's. It was good food, but a bit expensive. However, Tim got iced tea all over him (told you it was a bad day for him), but got a free dessert from the waitress. Then we had class on goals and a wonderful little service. Then the Boy Scouts (we're staying at their camp) fixed us a wonderful fruit cocktail cobbler. Then Dennis, Scott and I talked about dorm pranks and now I'm off to go sleep under the starts, sans tent. I'll write about how it went tomorrow as people are wanting the light out to go to sleep. Æ
Tunes: rem - fretless
Then they bused us back to camp and from there we began our trip. We've been riding for a whole week now and up until today we've had very few problems. And at the beginning everyone was feeling good. We were all set to take off and hit the road with food in our bellies and anticipation on our lips. Then things began to go wrong. First there was the hill. Now hills are no big deal anymore, but after doing 72 miles yesterday it was rough. Then we got a great downhill and hit a trip high 45 mph! Then Tim dropped his waterbottle and toppled his bike (this was just the beginning for Tim as you shall soon see!).
Then we reached lunch about 20 miles down the road. It was right on the beach, so we all trashed our shirts and shoes and went in. That water was COLD, but it felt great. Dennis and I went body surfing, but only once as our skin was beginning to develop icicles. Then, as other groups arrived and most began to sunbathe, Dennis, Chip and I began work on Hurts Castle. At first it looked more like a turtle, but it turned out pretty fine.
Then our group decided we'd get an early jump to Santa Barbara. Not that it helped. First, even before we got out of the parking lot, Tim's tire went flat. So we spent an extra ten minutes before we left. Then about ten miles out, Randy's tire went flat. So we spent a long time as he tried to fix it. Then he discovered he had a broken axle. So Chip and I rode on up ahead, 'cause I had a phone call to make. Now that I think about it, I wish I had stayed. I'm feeling guilty about splitting from the group. I'm not sure why, exactly. I guess it's just breaking up the group.
So Chip and I got a couple of groups ahead and were going along fine reading the chalk markings when I ran over a 3/4 inch nail and pierced both sides of my innertube. So we held up another group (which made me feel bad) to get it fixed. Meanwhile, Randy got his axle and the remaining members of Team Bias were coming to us when a mix up at a light sent Tim careening into Ed's bike and flying through the air over his handlebars, bruising his shoulder and scraping his nose. So he had to wait until the van came and got him.
So everyone finally reached our destination here in Santa Barbara, albeit by about seven different routes. From there I called back home (school) and talked to Ami and Mike, but no one else was there (like Miss Stacy Leigh). So that was kind of depressing. Then we went to dinner at a place called Hudson's. It was good food, but a bit expensive. However, Tim got iced tea all over him (told you it was a bad day for him), but got a free dessert from the waitress. Then we had class on goals and a wonderful little service. Then the Boy Scouts (we're staying at their camp) fixed us a wonderful fruit cocktail cobbler. Then Dennis, Scott and I talked about dorm pranks and now I'm off to go sleep under the starts, sans tent. I'll write about how it went tomorrow as people are wanting the light out to go to sleep. Æ
Tunes: rem - fretless
it's me in third person...
ang did this on her blog. i liked it, though she felt it was "gay" (i didn't know it could have a sexual preference...). just google your name with needs attached. here are my thirteen favorites in honor of today.
- Thurman needs a new focus.
- Thurman needs to provide a context more in keeping with Thomistic ethical constructs.
- Thurman needs to bring that mentality Sunday.
- Thurman needs to get over his love affair with the concept of “sexual orientation.”
- Thurman needs to take out Daryl Hannah.
- Thurman needs to connect.
- Thurman needs support.
- Thurman needs to be successful in his own home.
- Thurman needs to eat a few meals.
- Thurman needs a special samurai sword.
- Thurman needs to suck less.
- Thurman needs an injection to the heart.
- Thurman needs to get up and stay up.
pick your favorites! (i've bolded mine) let me know!
Æ
it's friday! it's the thirteenth! aggghhhh!
and i'm not in the mood to do much of anything after fourteen hours at school yesterday (film club and parent/teacher conferences).
my therapist asked, "Why is it more special to you right now than the present?" meaning my recent posts from the bike trip instead of blogging about now. not sure i saw it in terms of more special to me than the present (though my lack of 2006 related posts certainly points that direction), just a different time, a time i remember with fondness and, after reading some, not a little cringiness. i'm not intentionally avoiding now, but if i'm honest (and why should i not be), i would rather be there doing that right now than here doing this right now. hard to compare my day to day so far this year with that exceptional time in my life. who wouldn't want to be on the coast of california spending your days biking?
the question then is, does that mean i'm dissatisfied with my life now, beyond the usual hoping for a better tomorrow? i believe i'm where i'm supposed to be, doing what i'm supposed to be doing. sure, things aren't exactly as i dreamed them to be, but i'm certainly not dissatisfied with where i am. i love my church, i love my house, i love my friends. and while i wish i had as much life ahead of me as i did then, i know i have plenty of time still, that, contrary to jibes i make all the time, my life is not over. Life still waits around the next curve.
plus, with things like THIS to keep me amused, how could life be bad?
and for those missing my more daily updates, trust me, 2006 has not come in like a lion. more like a giraffe (quiet and goofy looking). you're not missing anything.
looking forward to the three day weekend, though i know i must spend a significant portion of that grading. someday i'll figure out how not to have assignments due right before a break. no big plans, other than hitting the triemergent cohort saturday and the comet sunday night. mmm. burritos.
might have something to share a bit later in the weekend, but i don't want to talk about it now, not until i've done something i need to (ooh, cryptic).
back later with another 1991 update. maybe i'll talk about what Thurman Now thinks of Thurman Then. we shall see.
Tunes: willard grant conspiracy - beyond the shore
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 12 January 1991
72 miles! We biked 72 miles today. Not all at once (were no that in shape yet) but we did it! AND we were the first group in, a great accomplishment since we were the last ones to leave. After a very restless night's sleep (I don't know, maybe I'm just not made to sleep in churches), we ate breakfast and then guess who was on clean up crew. That's right, Hindsight Bias (Team Bias) washed dishes and cleaned up the church and, might I add, did a dang fine job of it, too. Then, after checking our tire pressure and getting things together, we began the day's journey, which wouldn't end until we were 72 miles down the road.
In the first mile, mile and a half, we passed three or four groups who were either fixing a flat, waiting on someone or who had taken a wrong turn. Our first stop was Pismo Beach, not far from where we started at a little place called Grandma's Bakery for some blueberry muffins. Boy, were they ever great! A wonderful way to start our ride. The weather was the hottest it's been since we arrived and I now have a wonderful biking tan (almost a burn). We rode for quite a while then, passing by large fields of growing asparagus and grapes and broccoli. We stopped at, get this, an olive tasting store. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I tried one and it wasn't too bad.
We stopped for lunch in Guadalupe at an authentic Mexican restaurant. And I mean authentic. The waitress spoke very little English. And the food! Talk about your hot picante sauce. We had eyes and noses watering. And we got two tacos (handmade shells) and an enchilada for $3.00. And was it ever filling. The La Gloria Cafe is definitely worth eating at.
From there we continued our trek. I'm telling you, my butt was sore. The countryside was very interesting. We stopped by a vineyard and took a couple of pictures and then watched some Mexicans picking broccoli. Watching them work made me realize that Americans would never work that hard at such a menial task. It was also fascinating to see how they just put the tractor in low gear and walked behind it.
From there we rode to Los Alamos. The whole ride was very quiet, as everyone was tired and sore. In Los Alamos I discovered why my water had tasted funny: someone had stuck a sausage in it. It's disgusting, but kinda amusing. There we found out that we were the first group there, which picked up our spirits and made us push to get to the campsite first. In the beginning there was a long uphill and I thought I'd never make it. But the last six miles were all downhill. And our 72-mile trek was well-rewarded. After trying to fly our tent, we went and soaked in a whirlpool for half an hour and got our third, count them, three showers in a row! Must be some kind of record. Then Randy, Chip and I walked down the street (by the way, we're camping in Buellton, home of the best split pea soup) to Anderson's to eat some split pea soup. Randy and I split a bowl and surprise surprise, I actually liked it. It was great soup.
Right now I'm getting ready to sleep and it's only 8:40. Guess I am a bit tired. Here's to sweet dreams of great biking and beautiful women. Æ
Tunes: the moody blues - your wildest dreams
In the first mile, mile and a half, we passed three or four groups who were either fixing a flat, waiting on someone or who had taken a wrong turn. Our first stop was Pismo Beach, not far from where we started at a little place called Grandma's Bakery for some blueberry muffins. Boy, were they ever great! A wonderful way to start our ride. The weather was the hottest it's been since we arrived and I now have a wonderful biking tan (almost a burn). We rode for quite a while then, passing by large fields of growing asparagus and grapes and broccoli. We stopped at, get this, an olive tasting store. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I tried one and it wasn't too bad.
We stopped for lunch in Guadalupe at an authentic Mexican restaurant. And I mean authentic. The waitress spoke very little English. And the food! Talk about your hot picante sauce. We had eyes and noses watering. And we got two tacos (handmade shells) and an enchilada for $3.00. And was it ever filling. The La Gloria Cafe is definitely worth eating at.
From there we continued our trek. I'm telling you, my butt was sore. The countryside was very interesting. We stopped by a vineyard and took a couple of pictures and then watched some Mexicans picking broccoli. Watching them work made me realize that Americans would never work that hard at such a menial task. It was also fascinating to see how they just put the tractor in low gear and walked behind it.
From there we rode to Los Alamos. The whole ride was very quiet, as everyone was tired and sore. In Los Alamos I discovered why my water had tasted funny: someone had stuck a sausage in it. It's disgusting, but kinda amusing. There we found out that we were the first group there, which picked up our spirits and made us push to get to the campsite first. In the beginning there was a long uphill and I thought I'd never make it. But the last six miles were all downhill. And our 72-mile trek was well-rewarded. After trying to fly our tent, we went and soaked in a whirlpool for half an hour and got our third, count them, three showers in a row! Must be some kind of record. Then Randy, Chip and I walked down the street (by the way, we're camping in Buellton, home of the best split pea soup) to Anderson's to eat some split pea soup. Randy and I split a bowl and surprise surprise, I actually liked it. It was great soup.
Right now I'm getting ready to sleep and it's only 8:40. Guess I am a bit tired. Here's to sweet dreams of great biking and beautiful women. Æ
Tunes: the moody blues - your wildest dreams
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 11 January 1991
Yet one more wonderful riding day. It seems that God is truly smiling on our trip. First thing today (worth noting anyway) was the devotion this morning. Joel talked about how so often we can worship the creation and not the Creator. I've fallen into that on this trip. I've not been keeping up with my bible reading and prayer. But that devotion helped knock me back on track.
Today's ride wasn't quite as spectacular as the past few days on the coast, but it certainly made up for it in speed. We cruised at a steady pace for about 15 miles when we decided to stop for a while in a small town called Cayusco, rather quaint, right along the coast. We ended up spending about half an hour there, walking on the pier, playing on the playground, watching the dogs chase birds on the beach and shopping at some of the little stores around town. Then we picked up and rode about 8-9 miles more to Morro Bay.
Most of today's riding was done in crunch formation and I got to break wind for most of the day, which was a wonderful feeling (let the jokes begin....). Riding like that is a lot more fun than being in a single file line 'cause we're more able to hear and talk to each other (plus it's easier to sing old TV theme songs). When we arrived in Morro Bay, we asked one of the locals where the best place to eat was and he pointed us to a little place called Bay City Grill. It was the best! The burgers were 1/2 lb and the drinks were tall, cold and bottomless. And the place itself! You couldn't ask for a better atmosphere. Salt and pepper in Corona bottles, pictures of Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and The Beatles on the wall, a jukebox and MTV on the wall made it the perfect little eatery. Well worth the price.
From there we moved down the road to (the lights went out here, so I'm writing in the morning) a natural history museum and spent some time looking at the exhibits. Then the Naz went on while Taylor had a class lecture at the museum. We rode about 20 miles to San Luis Obispo (I knew we'd finally get there). On the way we passed a rather deserted military base (most are in the Persian Gulf) and a "men's colony," a rather polite term for prison. Then when we arrived in San Luis we stopped at a bicycling/running/swimming store. Our whole group bought matching biking hats (the guy even cut us a deal) and Randy bought a LOT of biking gear (like a loud pair of tights).
Then we got showers (two says in a row!) at the local YMCA and after getting all clean, we had to bike a mile or so to the First Baptist church. We were going to have class, but the bus, with Randy's notes, didn't arrive until about dinner, so we had it afterwards. We studied group decisions and did a very interesting activity on types of decision making and learned an important lesson: an average group makes better decisions than the average person. Outside of class I realized that being part of a group doesn't mean that you agree on everything. For example, Chip Wall doesn't care about conserving water since he doesn't live here. And this morning I was elected group conscience when I wouldn't allow Ed to steal a USA Today. Guess that's the way groups work, though. You put aside differences to work together.
(aside: on the beach last night, Randy made an interesting observation: you can't have a passion for life if you're always worried about where your next shower is coming from. Think about it) Æ
Tunes: ub40 - red red wine†
Today's ride wasn't quite as spectacular as the past few days on the coast, but it certainly made up for it in speed. We cruised at a steady pace for about 15 miles when we decided to stop for a while in a small town called Cayusco, rather quaint, right along the coast. We ended up spending about half an hour there, walking on the pier, playing on the playground, watching the dogs chase birds on the beach and shopping at some of the little stores around town. Then we picked up and rode about 8-9 miles more to Morro Bay.
Most of today's riding was done in crunch formation and I got to break wind for most of the day, which was a wonderful feeling (let the jokes begin....). Riding like that is a lot more fun than being in a single file line 'cause we're more able to hear and talk to each other (plus it's easier to sing old TV theme songs). When we arrived in Morro Bay, we asked one of the locals where the best place to eat was and he pointed us to a little place called Bay City Grill. It was the best! The burgers were 1/2 lb and the drinks were tall, cold and bottomless. And the place itself! You couldn't ask for a better atmosphere. Salt and pepper in Corona bottles, pictures of Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and The Beatles on the wall, a jukebox and MTV on the wall made it the perfect little eatery. Well worth the price.
From there we moved down the road to (the lights went out here, so I'm writing in the morning) a natural history museum and spent some time looking at the exhibits. Then the Naz went on while Taylor had a class lecture at the museum. We rode about 20 miles to San Luis Obispo (I knew we'd finally get there). On the way we passed a rather deserted military base (most are in the Persian Gulf) and a "men's colony," a rather polite term for prison. Then when we arrived in San Luis we stopped at a bicycling/running/swimming store. Our whole group bought matching biking hats (the guy even cut us a deal) and Randy bought a LOT of biking gear (like a loud pair of tights).
Then we got showers (two says in a row!) at the local YMCA and after getting all clean, we had to bike a mile or so to the First Baptist church. We were going to have class, but the bus, with Randy's notes, didn't arrive until about dinner, so we had it afterwards. We studied group decisions and did a very interesting activity on types of decision making and learned an important lesson: an average group makes better decisions than the average person. Outside of class I realized that being part of a group doesn't mean that you agree on everything. For example, Chip Wall doesn't care about conserving water since he doesn't live here. And this morning I was elected group conscience when I wouldn't allow Ed to steal a USA Today. Guess that's the way groups work, though. You put aside differences to work together.
(aside: on the beach last night, Randy made an interesting observation: you can't have a passion for life if you're always worried about where your next shower is coming from. Think about it) Æ
Tunes: ub40 - red red wine†
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 10 January 1991
It's been one week since we left Ohio. Hard to believe I could fit so much into that time. Heck, hard to believe I could fit so much activity and beauty into two days. Today matched and complemented yesterday perfectly. After a restful night's sleep (after we found Ed and made porn shadows on the wall), we awoke and got ready for our ride today. We knew what was coming, 'cause one of the groups had already ridden it! Seems that they were too busy looking at the scenery and learning about sea creatures to find the campsite. So they rode 15 miles out of their way and ended up leaving their bikes at an inn and catching a ride back to the campsite on the van. Our group calls the The Tour de France (Tore de Pants) group, since they are the fastest among all the groups (and also one of the most spread out!).
The ride started with a small warm-up climb and by the time we reached the top of it, the sun poked its head around the corner and took away some of the morning chill. Then we hit, after a short curvy downhill, a wonderful twisting and turning 4.1 mile climb. If this had been here three days ago, more than half our group (The Self-Serving Bias) wouldn't have made it. But today we sang all the way up and talked and even cheered (yes, cheered) every time we went around a curve and realized that the road was still going up. Chip also kept us entertained with his 90 decibel belches. Of course, after the climb comes what everyone looks forward to on the way up: the ride down. And this one certainly didn't disappoint. It was a bit scary going around the curves, but the feeling was so exhilarating and gave such a rush. And the weather was yet again absolutely perfect.
After a few more hills (and downhills), we coasted into the inn where Tour de France had left their bikes. As we were the first ones there, we spread out and took in some of those bright and beautiful California rays. In fact, everybody took the chance to work on their tan. The lunch truck set up lunch and we ate a wonderful meal yet again. I'm going to miss this food when we leave. As usual, after lunch we were the first group to get out on the road. We stopped once along the side to take some shots of some sea lions on the rocks. Unfortunately, some of the guys in the group got a little over-anxious and scared a lot of them away.
About 15 miles later we reached our second destination, the visitor center for the Hearst Castle, after a short stop at a pier across the street. The castle was absolutely incredible. I expected to be underwhelmed, like in Las Vegas, but this wasn't just excess, it was a museum. The house was built to fit all of the Hearst's large pieces of art into (with a little bit of extra, of course). The art inside and out was incredible. Large tapestries, whole ceilings, large paintings, fireplace, archways, tables, silver, everything was here, including a breathtaking view of the mountains and the ocean. The tour guide was a bit cantankerous, but you could tell she really knew her stuff.
After the tour it was a short four mile ride to our campsite, another gorgeous beach front camp site. I got yet another shot of a sunset for Kim (with me in it), but only after I sprinted to the beach to get it. Then I sat for a while with Dr. Tim Burkholder and saw a sea lion bobbing about 40 yards off the beach and some ducks diving through the waves. Then I came back, took a nice hot shower and ate yet another scrumptious meal.
Then Randy and I took a walk down to the beach to watch the stars and listen to the waves crash on the shore. It was great to stare at the ocean and suddenly see white as the wave broke against the shore. I walked around for a while, then met up with Jeff and John from Taylor and we talked and decided we'd stand in one spot until the tide came up. We waited and waited and were about to give up when we were almost washed away!
It's been so beautiful all day and tonight was indescribable. I've never felt closer to this earth or to God. And I enjoy getting to know the guys in my group, although I have noticed that I get annoyed if I'm not close to the front, which is selfish of me. I'm going to try and change that. Now I'm going to read a little Cyrano and then I'm off to bed. Farewell 'til tomorrow.
(aside: the rain we had a couple nights ago was the most rain they've had here in a year and a half) Ɔ
Tunes: over the rhine - when i go (acoustic)
The ride started with a small warm-up climb and by the time we reached the top of it, the sun poked its head around the corner and took away some of the morning chill. Then we hit, after a short curvy downhill, a wonderful twisting and turning 4.1 mile climb. If this had been here three days ago, more than half our group (The Self-Serving Bias) wouldn't have made it. But today we sang all the way up and talked and even cheered (yes, cheered) every time we went around a curve and realized that the road was still going up. Chip also kept us entertained with his 90 decibel belches. Of course, after the climb comes what everyone looks forward to on the way up: the ride down. And this one certainly didn't disappoint. It was a bit scary going around the curves, but the feeling was so exhilarating and gave such a rush. And the weather was yet again absolutely perfect.
After a few more hills (and downhills), we coasted into the inn where Tour de France had left their bikes. As we were the first ones there, we spread out and took in some of those bright and beautiful California rays. In fact, everybody took the chance to work on their tan. The lunch truck set up lunch and we ate a wonderful meal yet again. I'm going to miss this food when we leave. As usual, after lunch we were the first group to get out on the road. We stopped once along the side to take some shots of some sea lions on the rocks. Unfortunately, some of the guys in the group got a little over-anxious and scared a lot of them away.
About 15 miles later we reached our second destination, the visitor center for the Hearst Castle, after a short stop at a pier across the street. The castle was absolutely incredible. I expected to be underwhelmed, like in Las Vegas, but this wasn't just excess, it was a museum. The house was built to fit all of the Hearst's large pieces of art into (with a little bit of extra, of course). The art inside and out was incredible. Large tapestries, whole ceilings, large paintings, fireplace, archways, tables, silver, everything was here, including a breathtaking view of the mountains and the ocean. The tour guide was a bit cantankerous, but you could tell she really knew her stuff.
After the tour it was a short four mile ride to our campsite, another gorgeous beach front camp site. I got yet another shot of a sunset for Kim (with me in it), but only after I sprinted to the beach to get it. Then I sat for a while with Dr. Tim Burkholder and saw a sea lion bobbing about 40 yards off the beach and some ducks diving through the waves. Then I came back, took a nice hot shower and ate yet another scrumptious meal.
Then Randy and I took a walk down to the beach to watch the stars and listen to the waves crash on the shore. It was great to stare at the ocean and suddenly see white as the wave broke against the shore. I walked around for a while, then met up with Jeff and John from Taylor and we talked and decided we'd stand in one spot until the tide came up. We waited and waited and were about to give up when we were almost washed away!
It's been so beautiful all day and tonight was indescribable. I've never felt closer to this earth or to God. And I enjoy getting to know the guys in my group, although I have noticed that I get annoyed if I'm not close to the front, which is selfish of me. I'm going to try and change that. Now I'm going to read a little Cyrano and then I'm off to bed. Farewell 'til tomorrow.
(aside: the rain we had a couple nights ago was the most rain they've had here in a year and a half) Ɔ
Tunes: over the rhine - when i go (acoustic)
Monday, January 09, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 9 January 1991 (entry two)
It's night now and the feeling has yet to leave me. If anything, it has increased. Thousands upon thousands of stars are in the sky and even here at the campsite I can hear the ocean falling upon the shore. Today has been one of the best days of my life. It all started last night about one in the morning. Chip, Tim, Dennis, Nancy Dorn, Alison Burkholder and I were sleeping in one tent. The woods were peaceful and calm, with only the pattering of rain upon the outside of the tent breaking the silence. Suddenly, out of the darkness, a cry pierces the silence. "Suck! My bag's outside!" Dennis then proceeds to go outside and grab his (and mine, thank goodness) and moved it to the bathroom. Then he came back in and realized that his bike bag was unzipped. So he went back outside and zipped it up. Then he came back and realized his journal was outside. He went out and looked for it and came back - unable to find it! It was seriously amusing.
We woke up in the morning and a lot of our stuff was wet, which wasn't too pleasant. Then after a wonderful breakfast (the food on this trip has been exquisite. Every meal is wonderful!), we took off on our ride. The first thing we saw were four small deer right along the side of the road. Our first activity was the climb out of the camp. Unfortunately, it didn't go very smoothly. Scott ended up falling along the side of the road, breaking a spoke and flattening his tire. So we got a slow start. But I used the time to find Michell's ZIP and buy twenty 15 cent stamps (for actually 15 cents each!) But eventually we made it to the top of the two mile climb.
The whole ride today was great. We had some incredible downhills and (surprise surprise) more wonderful landscape. We saw the California Grey Whales off the coast and saw lots of spouts and then a few tails! We even saw some sea lions. Well, not exactly. We thought we saw sea lions, but when we got closer (and after a five-minute stop), we discovered it was just kelp. It was a riot.
Out group is so much fun to be in. We must be the loudest group and I know we take the most pictures (like of Ed going over a cliff). We sing and yell "Car Back!" and are constantly talking. Most groups are spread out over the road, but our group is always together. I think that's what make it so special. We spend time together off the bikes and I'm getting to know everyone in my group a LOT better.
Well, I've written a lot today and I need to go to bed. But first I'm going to lie outside and stare at the stars. Another perfect day. Ɔ
We woke up in the morning and a lot of our stuff was wet, which wasn't too pleasant. Then after a wonderful breakfast (the food on this trip has been exquisite. Every meal is wonderful!), we took off on our ride. The first thing we saw were four small deer right along the side of the road. Our first activity was the climb out of the camp. Unfortunately, it didn't go very smoothly. Scott ended up falling along the side of the road, breaking a spoke and flattening his tire. So we got a slow start. But I used the time to find Michell's ZIP and buy twenty 15 cent stamps (for actually 15 cents each!) But eventually we made it to the top of the two mile climb.
The whole ride today was great. We had some incredible downhills and (surprise surprise) more wonderful landscape. We saw the California Grey Whales off the coast and saw lots of spouts and then a few tails! We even saw some sea lions. Well, not exactly. We thought we saw sea lions, but when we got closer (and after a five-minute stop), we discovered it was just kelp. It was a riot.
Out group is so much fun to be in. We must be the loudest group and I know we take the most pictures (like of Ed going over a cliff). We sing and yell "Car Back!" and are constantly talking. Most groups are spread out over the road, but our group is always together. I think that's what make it so special. We spend time together off the bikes and I'm getting to know everyone in my group a LOT better.
Well, I've written a lot today and I need to go to bed. But first I'm going to lie outside and stare at the stars. Another perfect day. Ɔ
Wandering Wheels - 9 January 1991 (entry one)
As I am writing this, I am sitting on a beach watching the tide move in and out and waiting for the sun to reach just the right point so I can take some pictures. It is an unbelievably peaceful night here. The ocean, the sky, the setting sun, the beach. All my life I've wanted to do this, to sit on the beach and watch the sunset and feel the waves and smell the biting ocean air. I could stay here all night. You can almost taste this place. I don't think I've ever realized how wide the ocean is. I feel like I'm suffocating, overwhelmed by al the beauty around me. To sit here and soak up all this is on of the best times I've EVER had. Now the waves slowly creep up on me, making me leave this paradise. But the memory, the feelings, the taste, the experience will never leave, forever carved into the sands of my memory. Does it sound like I overwrite? It doesn't even come close to what I'm feeling. I love this place, I love this earth and I will never forget this. Ɔ
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 8 January 1991
Well, I survived (and then some). Today was the first day we just got up, ate and then biked. It started out a bit chilly, but by the time we were on our way, the sun was out and we had the most gorgeous biking weather. Our group really is working well together. This morning we got all of our bikes out, pumped up with air and ready to go well before anyone else. Our group enjoys being together and is always helpful. We seem to have taken great pride in our group. We've been debating on names. We're thinking self-serving bias or Randy suggested Team Bias.
Today's biking was absolutely perfect. The weather was perfect, the landscape was perfect, even our lunch spot was perfect. At first, we didn't get very far. We went back down to the Carmel Mission and luckily it was open this time. It's amazing the structures that the Catholic's butt as missions. It was a fascinating place to go.
Then from there we rode out of Carmel to Point Lakes. Talk about beautiful! This place was great. We got a chance to see an old whaling house. Then we rode to a great scenic spot where we could see everything, from otters and sea lions to beautiful rocks and even grey whales (at a distance, of course). I could have spent all day there. However, we were only 3 1/2 miles down the road and had 30 to go. So we hopped on our bikes and pedaled our hearts out.
Remember how I said the view were breathtaking? Well, today was even better. There's so much beauty it's hard to take it all in. It's amazing how much you miss when you're riding in a car, like the waves crashing on the shore and the sea lions barking out their song.
We stopped for lunch right before the Bixby Bridge. The whole time was just wonderful with the view and the people and the good and the watching the other bikers come in (we were first, of course). It's amazing how good food can taste after biking. Then after lunch, we had a mile climb up a nice-sized hill. The feeling at the top was so great (I'm running out of adjectives). We took it nice and slow but steady. Then came the best part of any climb - going back down! We went around curves at about 32-38 mph with the ocean on one side and rolling hills on the other. The experience was almost orgasmic!
From then on it was just miles of beauty; so much to see, so much you don't see from a car or on TV. My whole view of California has changed already. We stopped a couple of more times (once so I could get more film, which I desperately needed, although I hated paying $2.37 for it!). Then we pulled into Pfeiffer Camp Grounds in Big Sur. As if the rest of the day hadn't been perfect, the ride through the forest was the perfect ending. There's so much beauty on God's earth and so many people take it for granted. It's a shame.
We got showers and have been taking it easy the rest of the time. Our group got together and did a load of wash which took ages to finish (and quite a bit of money I might add!). I'm so glad I was able to get into a group that is so close. It makes the trip that much better.
There were a couple of accidents today and Laurie has numerous cuts and scrapes all over her elbows and knees. Some of them (not all) occurred when she came into camp and people cheered and she turned to look and fell down. I think it was rather amusing (and so will she in a couple of weeks). She's doing really well. Æ
Tunes: bruce springsteen - trapped
Today's biking was absolutely perfect. The weather was perfect, the landscape was perfect, even our lunch spot was perfect. At first, we didn't get very far. We went back down to the Carmel Mission and luckily it was open this time. It's amazing the structures that the Catholic's butt as missions. It was a fascinating place to go.
Then from there we rode out of Carmel to Point Lakes. Talk about beautiful! This place was great. We got a chance to see an old whaling house. Then we rode to a great scenic spot where we could see everything, from otters and sea lions to beautiful rocks and even grey whales (at a distance, of course). I could have spent all day there. However, we were only 3 1/2 miles down the road and had 30 to go. So we hopped on our bikes and pedaled our hearts out.
Remember how I said the view were breathtaking? Well, today was even better. There's so much beauty it's hard to take it all in. It's amazing how much you miss when you're riding in a car, like the waves crashing on the shore and the sea lions barking out their song.
We stopped for lunch right before the Bixby Bridge. The whole time was just wonderful with the view and the people and the good and the watching the other bikers come in (we were first, of course). It's amazing how good food can taste after biking. Then after lunch, we had a mile climb up a nice-sized hill. The feeling at the top was so great (I'm running out of adjectives). We took it nice and slow but steady. Then came the best part of any climb - going back down! We went around curves at about 32-38 mph with the ocean on one side and rolling hills on the other. The experience was almost orgasmic!
From then on it was just miles of beauty; so much to see, so much you don't see from a car or on TV. My whole view of California has changed already. We stopped a couple of more times (once so I could get more film, which I desperately needed, although I hated paying $2.37 for it!). Then we pulled into Pfeiffer Camp Grounds in Big Sur. As if the rest of the day hadn't been perfect, the ride through the forest was the perfect ending. There's so much beauty on God's earth and so many people take it for granted. It's a shame.
We got showers and have been taking it easy the rest of the time. Our group got together and did a load of wash which took ages to finish (and quite a bit of money I might add!). I'm so glad I was able to get into a group that is so close. It makes the trip that much better.
There were a couple of accidents today and Laurie has numerous cuts and scrapes all over her elbows and knees. Some of them (not all) occurred when she came into camp and people cheered and she turned to look and fell down. I think it was rather amusing (and so will she in a couple of weeks). She's doing really well. Æ
Tunes: bruce springsteen - trapped
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 7 January 1991
The word for today is awesome. I'm feeling absolutely great. Exhausted, but great. After a restful sleep at the church (a thousand times better than the bus), we got up and had a light breakfast. Then we headed down to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It was wonderfully fascinating. The aquarium is one of the best in the world. It focuses only on the marine life in Monterey Bay. The most interesting exhibit was the kelp forest, the only place where kelp is found inside. The aquarium is filled with water right from the Bay, brought in through pumps that used to be used for the cannery there. It was great to see the sea life that we'll be gong by on our ride. And it even came in handy today, the first day of biking.
After the tour of the aquarium and all the "critters," we met together and prepared for our riding by going over the rules of etiquette and some safety precautions. Then we split up into seven groups. My group, which I personally feel is the best, is Randy Cronk, group leader, Dennis Bailey, Tim Pressler, Chip Wall, Scott Jones and Ed Hardnett. We started from the church and rode around Pebble Beach to Carmel. In between was some of the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen. We saw gorgeous shorelines, beautiful sunsets and breathtaking mountains. At one of our many stops, we saw a rock covered with sea lions. On shore the body of a sea lion (dead) washed up on shore. Once again I was able to see man's works against God's and God one hands down. Gorgeous houses and scenic golf courses (and houses with golf course on their front yards) and fancy cars galore.
But the coast and the life and the beauty of nature are what I'll remember always. All the scenery alone would have made the trip fantastic, but the group I rode with made it awesome (yeah!). Dr. Cronk stopped often enough so we could get pictures and make sure we took in everything (no, I'm not brown-nosing, thank you). The rest of the guys were helpful and hilarious and helped make the trip great (hey, a little alliteration never hurt anyone).
We stopped by the Carmel Mission when we got in town, but it was closed. Hopefully, we'll get to go tomorrow. Tonight we're staying in a youth center. Class was great tonight. Again, it wasn't so much the lesson but the getting together and sharing. I'll never look at mushrooms the same again. I really haven't seen much of Mike and Laurie today, but for some reason it's not bothering me as much. The only problems now are that I haven't written my friends back home (I can't find stamps) and that I'm beat. We start at 9:00 AM tomorrow and go 35-40 miles. Well, time for bed! More tomorrow (if I survive!) Æ
Tunes: king's x - we are finding who we are (live)
After the tour of the aquarium and all the "critters," we met together and prepared for our riding by going over the rules of etiquette and some safety precautions. Then we split up into seven groups. My group, which I personally feel is the best, is Randy Cronk, group leader, Dennis Bailey, Tim Pressler, Chip Wall, Scott Jones and Ed Hardnett. We started from the church and rode around Pebble Beach to Carmel. In between was some of the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen. We saw gorgeous shorelines, beautiful sunsets and breathtaking mountains. At one of our many stops, we saw a rock covered with sea lions. On shore the body of a sea lion (dead) washed up on shore. Once again I was able to see man's works against God's and God one hands down. Gorgeous houses and scenic golf courses (and houses with golf course on their front yards) and fancy cars galore.
But the coast and the life and the beauty of nature are what I'll remember always. All the scenery alone would have made the trip fantastic, but the group I rode with made it awesome (yeah!). Dr. Cronk stopped often enough so we could get pictures and make sure we took in everything (no, I'm not brown-nosing, thank you). The rest of the guys were helpful and hilarious and helped make the trip great (hey, a little alliteration never hurt anyone).
We stopped by the Carmel Mission when we got in town, but it was closed. Hopefully, we'll get to go tomorrow. Tonight we're staying in a youth center. Class was great tonight. Again, it wasn't so much the lesson but the getting together and sharing. I'll never look at mushrooms the same again. I really haven't seen much of Mike and Laurie today, but for some reason it's not bothering me as much. The only problems now are that I haven't written my friends back home (I can't find stamps) and that I'm beat. We start at 9:00 AM tomorrow and go 35-40 miles. Well, time for bed! More tomorrow (if I survive!) Æ
Tunes: king's x - we are finding who we are (live)
Friday, January 06, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 6 January 1991
Goodness gracious, we had yet on one more jam-packed day today. Last night about 1:00 AM we crossed into wild and wonderful California! Unfortunately, they confiscated all of our apples on the bus (which were the only things keeping me from spending twice as much on food).
By the time I woke up in the morning, we were well into California and on our way to Santa Cruz, where we spent most of our day. First we stopped at the Natural Bridge National Park, which was a nesting place for the Monarch Butterfly during winter. It was wild, because they clustered together and looked like a group of dead leaves. They mostly slept, 'cause it was too cold for them to fly or even move. From there we hopped on the bus and drove to Long Marine Laboratory, which is owned by UCSC. There was a skeleton of a blue whale there, as well as various sea creatures which we could pick up and touch, like star fish and sea anemone. We almost go to see the dolphins and see elephants, but hey turned us away at the door (bummer).
From there we went to the Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park to look at the giant redwoods. It was incredible! It amazed me how old and how big they were. After Las Vegas, it was interesting that God's monuments are much more breathtaking than man's. I could have spent hours in the woods just walking around. This trip is truly showing me the wonders of God's earth. I'm so excited about riding down the coast. It's going to be great.
On the way to Monterey (which is where I am now), I saw a beautiful sunset. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a picture since we were in the bus at the time. I sure hope I get some pictures before this trip ends. Anyway, I'm staying at the First Baptist Church of Monterey. We got our first taste of Wheel's cooking and it was wonderful. We learned a couple of songs to sing in the service and I "testified" about the trip out. I love sharing in churches. It's great meeting people and it's a great feeling to know that people are thinking about you on the trip.
After a movie on Wheels, we had our first class session. It last half an hour and was really pretty interesting. Dr. Cronk read from All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten and talked about how we need to not just sit around and say it's all been done. These session will be a good time I feel.
Then (I told you this day was packed) we all hit the Bay, cannery Row. We walked along the beach and had a wonderful time. Mike was walking on the rocks and got stuck out in the middle when the tide came in. I laughed so hard. It was very amusing (at least to me). Then we walked around the town a little. For some reason I'm still feeling like a third wheel around Mike and Laurie. I think it's just because they're so close and I realize I'm not part of that. I'm continuing to get to know more of the Taylor people, which is fun and exciting. A few more people joined us today and we finally have everyone here. Tomorrow we bike for the first time. I can't wait! Ɔ
Tunes: breathe - how can i fall
By the time I woke up in the morning, we were well into California and on our way to Santa Cruz, where we spent most of our day. First we stopped at the Natural Bridge National Park, which was a nesting place for the Monarch Butterfly during winter. It was wild, because they clustered together and looked like a group of dead leaves. They mostly slept, 'cause it was too cold for them to fly or even move. From there we hopped on the bus and drove to Long Marine Laboratory, which is owned by UCSC. There was a skeleton of a blue whale there, as well as various sea creatures which we could pick up and touch, like star fish and sea anemone. We almost go to see the dolphins and see elephants, but hey turned us away at the door (bummer).
From there we went to the Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park to look at the giant redwoods. It was incredible! It amazed me how old and how big they were. After Las Vegas, it was interesting that God's monuments are much more breathtaking than man's. I could have spent hours in the woods just walking around. This trip is truly showing me the wonders of God's earth. I'm so excited about riding down the coast. It's going to be great.
On the way to Monterey (which is where I am now), I saw a beautiful sunset. Unfortunately, I was unable to get a picture since we were in the bus at the time. I sure hope I get some pictures before this trip ends. Anyway, I'm staying at the First Baptist Church of Monterey. We got our first taste of Wheel's cooking and it was wonderful. We learned a couple of songs to sing in the service and I "testified" about the trip out. I love sharing in churches. It's great meeting people and it's a great feeling to know that people are thinking about you on the trip.
After a movie on Wheels, we had our first class session. It last half an hour and was really pretty interesting. Dr. Cronk read from All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten and talked about how we need to not just sit around and say it's all been done. These session will be a good time I feel.
Then (I told you this day was packed) we all hit the Bay, cannery Row. We walked along the beach and had a wonderful time. Mike was walking on the rocks and got stuck out in the middle when the tide came in. I laughed so hard. It was very amusing (at least to me). Then we walked around the town a little. For some reason I'm still feeling like a third wheel around Mike and Laurie. I think it's just because they're so close and I realize I'm not part of that. I'm continuing to get to know more of the Taylor people, which is fun and exciting. A few more people joined us today and we finally have everyone here. Tomorrow we bike for the first time. I can't wait! Ɔ
Tunes: breathe - how can i fall
i am so not here today
school, that is.
i mean, physically i'm here, but my brain is somewhere else completely at the moment. the only problem is, i'm not sure where it is. i at least hope it's having a good time, maybe sipping cocktails on a beach somewhere, or enjoying a walk outside in the woods on the side of a mountain. if it's not here, it might as well be enjoying itself.
been pondering resolutions and for whatever reason i can't seem to come up with any. i mean, eat better, exercise more, blahty blahty blah, but i'm really not feeling resolute at the moment (yes, i know, improper use of the word. i'm being witty. or at least i think i am). to quote calvin:
"See, in order to improve oneself, one must have some idea of what's "good." That implies certain values. But as we all know, values are relative. Every system of belief is equally valid and we need to tolerate diversity. Virtue isn't "better" than vice. It's just different. I refuse to be victimized by notions of virtuous behavior."
To which hobbes replies, "I don't know if I can tolerate that much tolerance."
seriously, bill watterson is a genius.
i'm quickly realizing the posting of my thoughts from the bike trip are more than just a bit on the painful side, as i'm sure everyone has realized. ah well. i toyed with the idea of keeping a snarkastic commentary along with them, to take some of the sting out, but really, what does it matter? not like there's anything there that most people reading this don't already know. i mean really, did anyone expect that it would be all daisies and butterflies? i am a bit disturbed by some of the parallels to my life now. i sincerely believe i've grown and changed as a person, but reading these entries makes me wonder at time. at least i'm consistent, right?
i remember in high school hearing my youth pastor describe me as a buoy - up and down, but always consistently in the same place, setting boundaries. guess it's better than a yo-yo. :) i've always been drawn to the quote by walpole: "Life is a tragedy for those who feel, but a comedy to those who think." i realize i lean heavily, especially in my writing, to the tragedy side. but there are parts of life i find freaking hilarious. i hope as i've grown older i've moved to the center of these ideas. but too often i stray to feeling instead of thinking.
maybe i should resolve to think more in the coming year.
hmmm, that doesn't sound like a good idea. maybe feel less?
maybe get over myself (and suddenly all my readers go "YES! That one!").
meeting after school. then janet and matt are coming over at 8:00 to do a little rehearsal for sunday's celebration. hopefully i don't crash too hard before all that is done. gotta love fridays.
better go make sure i'm ready for fourth bell. at least they're taking a test. and here's hoping fifth bell isn't completely out of control. please oh please oh please....
Æ
Tunes: beck - oh maria
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 5 January 1991
So much to say, so little time. My was this a full day. And an empty day. First stop today was the Grand Canyon. The scenery on the way in was gorgeous. It;s amazing how beautiful things can be when they're different. We stopped along the South Rim of the canyon to see...and all we saw was fog. The only time I've ever been or may ever be at one of the most beautiful places in the U.S. and I can't see it.
The best part was that we finally got to take showers. Boy, do I feel a lot better now!
Not being able to see the Canyone sort of put a damper on the rest of the day. Here we are again, talking about expectations not being reached. Actually, a lot of this trip so far has been failed expectations, which, of course, means that I probably set my expectations too high. It's hard to write this right now because I'm feeling depressed (again). And I hate myself for it. All I do is whine all the time about what I'm not getting to do, not feeling how I want to. I'm ruining my trip. And even now I'm doing it. Enough.
We got to see an IMAX theater presentation about the Grand Canyon, which was great. At least I got to see the Canyon that way. From there we headed to Las Vegas. On the way, Mike an I wasted Laurie and Ed in euchre, which was amusing. Then, just as I was finishing The Shining, we drove over the Hoover Dam. It was incredible! Hard to believe something man made can look that beautiful The bus stopped on the other side and we all got off the bus. And just then they turned out all the lights! So much for pictures.
So we all jumped ack on the bus and headed to Las Vegas. Coming out of the mountains and seeing all the lights was great. But to be honest I hated Las Vegas. It was so depressing. All the excesses, all the lonely people, all the waste. My head seriously hurt when I was done. As far as groups go, I'm starting to get to know more people, which is nice. However, I feel like I'm alienating myself (being alienated?) from Mike and Laurie. There's that vicious circle again. I'm depressed because I'm not included but I'm not included because I'm depressed. Arrghh! I hate this. you'd think I'd beat this by now. No such luck. Maybe I'll get some insight on this trip. I hope and pray so. Æ
The best part was that we finally got to take showers. Boy, do I feel a lot better now!
Not being able to see the Canyone sort of put a damper on the rest of the day. Here we are again, talking about expectations not being reached. Actually, a lot of this trip so far has been failed expectations, which, of course, means that I probably set my expectations too high. It's hard to write this right now because I'm feeling depressed (again). And I hate myself for it. All I do is whine all the time about what I'm not getting to do, not feeling how I want to. I'm ruining my trip. And even now I'm doing it. Enough.
We got to see an IMAX theater presentation about the Grand Canyon, which was great. At least I got to see the Canyon that way. From there we headed to Las Vegas. On the way, Mike an I wasted Laurie and Ed in euchre, which was amusing. Then, just as I was finishing The Shining, we drove over the Hoover Dam. It was incredible! Hard to believe something man made can look that beautiful The bus stopped on the other side and we all got off the bus. And just then they turned out all the lights! So much for pictures.
So we all jumped ack on the bus and headed to Las Vegas. Coming out of the mountains and seeing all the lights was great. But to be honest I hated Las Vegas. It was so depressing. All the excesses, all the lonely people, all the waste. My head seriously hurt when I was done. As far as groups go, I'm starting to get to know more people, which is nice. However, I feel like I'm alienating myself (being alienated?) from Mike and Laurie. There's that vicious circle again. I'm depressed because I'm not included but I'm not included because I'm depressed. Arrghh! I hate this. you'd think I'd beat this by now. No such luck. Maybe I'll get some insight on this trip. I hope and pray so. Æ
Tunes: luna - new haven comet
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Wandering Wheels - 4 January 1991
(if nothing else, this journal will help me keep track of the date!)
Time to write again. Gee, it's the second day and already this sounds like a routine. I hope it doesn't end up being how it sounds. I honestly thought I wouldn't have much to talk about today. Hours upon hours of riding on a bus can be monotonous, especially when you write about it in a journal. But a couple of things have been going through my head. First is about my self-concept. And expectations. Actually, this silly journal has something to do with it. I think I think I'm some great thinker occasionally, that in the future people are going to read this and go, "Wow. What a deep person. And what fascinating insights into life he has." But more and more recently I'm realizing that I'm not as important as I think I am or will be or have been. I'm just (God forbid) AVERAGE. Well, maybe a little aove, but not too much. And that's scary. Funny thing is, I still think I could change it. And who knows, maybe I will. Right now I'm not doing near enough, if anything. And THAT'S scary. Life sucks when you don't live up to your own expectations.
But I think I'll stop floating around on that big sea of self-pity now. As I now write this, I'm farther West than I have ever been. I've been in Texas for the first time and by the time I write again tomorrow, I'll have seen the Grand Canyon (and there was much rejoicing). Actually, right now we're approx. 1000 miles from L.A. (ooh, exciting). Ah, but I digress.
We stopped at a mall in Amarillo, TX and were told to be back by 8:30 (Texas time, that is). Laurie, Mike and I were going to eat in the mall but decided (actually, our wallets decided) we'd eat at Burger King across the road. So we had a nice meal and then sat around talking for a while. Then about 8:10 (TX time) we decided to head back. What we didn't realize was taht everyone else had decided they wanted to go to another mall, since the one we'd stopped at was for the most part closed. So as we walked across the ice slickened streets of Amarillo, the bus, filled with all the other students who had be waiting for us to return so they could get to their shopping, drove toward us and picked us up. I had mixed feelings about it. We hadn't done anything wrong. I mean, how were we supposed to know everyone else wanted to blow the joint and that we were holding them up? Yet at the same time I felt guilty for making EVERYONE wait. In fact, I sat in the bus instead of going into the second mall because of it. But I'm still convinced I did nothing wrong. Ah, these pesky moral dilemmas. As I close, I thought I'd let whoever reads this know that Laurie has decided that she will not defecate for the entire month. Should be a L-O-N-G month. Æ
Time to write again. Gee, it's the second day and already this sounds like a routine. I hope it doesn't end up being how it sounds. I honestly thought I wouldn't have much to talk about today. Hours upon hours of riding on a bus can be monotonous, especially when you write about it in a journal. But a couple of things have been going through my head. First is about my self-concept. And expectations. Actually, this silly journal has something to do with it. I think I think I'm some great thinker occasionally, that in the future people are going to read this and go, "Wow. What a deep person. And what fascinating insights into life he has." But more and more recently I'm realizing that I'm not as important as I think I am or will be or have been. I'm just (God forbid) AVERAGE. Well, maybe a little aove, but not too much. And that's scary. Funny thing is, I still think I could change it. And who knows, maybe I will. Right now I'm not doing near enough, if anything. And THAT'S scary. Life sucks when you don't live up to your own expectations.
But I think I'll stop floating around on that big sea of self-pity now. As I now write this, I'm farther West than I have ever been. I've been in Texas for the first time and by the time I write again tomorrow, I'll have seen the Grand Canyon (and there was much rejoicing). Actually, right now we're approx. 1000 miles from L.A. (ooh, exciting). Ah, but I digress.
We stopped at a mall in Amarillo, TX and were told to be back by 8:30 (Texas time, that is). Laurie, Mike and I were going to eat in the mall but decided (actually, our wallets decided) we'd eat at Burger King across the road. So we had a nice meal and then sat around talking for a while. Then about 8:10 (TX time) we decided to head back. What we didn't realize was taht everyone else had decided they wanted to go to another mall, since the one we'd stopped at was for the most part closed. So as we walked across the ice slickened streets of Amarillo, the bus, filled with all the other students who had be waiting for us to return so they could get to their shopping, drove toward us and picked us up. I had mixed feelings about it. We hadn't done anything wrong. I mean, how were we supposed to know everyone else wanted to blow the joint and that we were holding them up? Yet at the same time I felt guilty for making EVERYONE wait. In fact, I sat in the bus instead of going into the second mall because of it. But I'm still convinced I did nothing wrong. Ah, these pesky moral dilemmas. As I close, I thought I'd let whoever reads this know that Laurie has decided that she will not defecate for the entire month. Should be a L-O-N-G month. Æ
Tunes: shriekback - faded flowers
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
this could be fun...or really, really painful
so fifteen years ago today i went on a trip. mvnc offered j-term classes - basically a semester's work in about three weeks. nice program, especially since it allowed for some great opportunities. one of them was a bike trip down the coast of california, for which you received four college credits - three psych credits for Group Behaviors and one PE credit for Advanced Bicycling.
anyway, part of the class was to keep a journal and so i thought it might be fun, being the fifteenth anniversary of the trip, to let others see what i was like fifteen years ago. i'm afraid to find out how little i've changed. should be interesting. i'll try to label the posts so those of you wanting to avoid them can. i don't imagine they're too long, but they might be a bit painful. we'll see. do keep in mind i was still only 20 years old.
so without further ado, California 1991: Highway One/Wandering Wheels
*************************************
And we're off, goin' to California. To be truly honest, I wasn't as excited as I thought I'd be to leave. I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm on the edge of some large change and to be honest, I'm not sure if it's good or bad. So my trip started with rather mixed emotions. So far the trip has been ratehr uneventful. We left "The Naz" about 1:00 and traveled to Upland, IN and Taylor University. 24 of us traveled and there we met up with 15 from Taylor. There we ate dinner at a place called Ivanhoe's, which supposedly the best food around.
OK, I'll be honest. I started this last night and then we (were) forced to go to sleep and right at this moment the last thing I want to do is write in this journal. I'm feeling like excrement. Sleeping last night was a lot like sleeping in a coffin, for there was about 3" between my nose and the ceiling. Someone said that normally you go to sleep and you don't wake up 'til breakfast. Nnnnnh! Thanks for playing. I woke up every time the bus stopped. So, as stated earlier, I feel like excrement. I alraedy feel like I'm not getting anything out of this and I feel like an irresponsible jerk. Mike is doing much better than I. I'm not soaking it all in enough, not attuning myself to this trip and all it has to offer. I'm not feeling good about myself right now. And to be honest, I'm not sure why. Of course, knowing me, it'll probably change by tonight. Well, we ate breakfast at Catoosa, OK, wh ich means I slept (sorta) through Illinois and Missouri. Bummer. Maybe part of my problem is I look like one of the undead. So far I haven't met too many new people from Taylor yet. Hopefully I'll get a chance sometime soon. I talked to Dennis Bailey for the first time last night. He seemed pretty OK. Hopefully I'll get to know everyone by the end of the trip. Man, I can't get this bandana on. Oh well. Æ
anyway, part of the class was to keep a journal and so i thought it might be fun, being the fifteenth anniversary of the trip, to let others see what i was like fifteen years ago. i'm afraid to find out how little i've changed. should be interesting. i'll try to label the posts so those of you wanting to avoid them can. i don't imagine they're too long, but they might be a bit painful. we'll see. do keep in mind i was still only 20 years old.
so without further ado, California 1991: Highway One/Wandering Wheels
*************************************
And we're off, goin' to California. To be truly honest, I wasn't as excited as I thought I'd be to leave. I'm not sure why. I feel like I'm on the edge of some large change and to be honest, I'm not sure if it's good or bad. So my trip started with rather mixed emotions. So far the trip has been ratehr uneventful. We left "The Naz" about 1:00 and traveled to Upland, IN and Taylor University. 24 of us traveled and there we met up with 15 from Taylor. There we ate dinner at a place called Ivanhoe's, which supposedly the best food around.
OK, I'll be honest. I started this last night and then we (were) forced to go to sleep and right at this moment the last thing I want to do is write in this journal. I'm feeling like excrement. Sleeping last night was a lot like sleeping in a coffin, for there was about 3" between my nose and the ceiling. Someone said that normally you go to sleep and you don't wake up 'til breakfast. Nnnnnh! Thanks for playing. I woke up every time the bus stopped. So, as stated earlier, I feel like excrement. I alraedy feel like I'm not getting anything out of this and I feel like an irresponsible jerk. Mike is doing much better than I. I'm not soaking it all in enough, not attuning myself to this trip and all it has to offer. I'm not feeling good about myself right now. And to be honest, I'm not sure why. Of course, knowing me, it'll probably change by tonight. Well, we ate breakfast at Catoosa, OK, wh ich means I slept (sorta) through Illinois and Missouri. Bummer. Maybe part of my problem is I look like one of the undead. So far I haven't met too many new people from Taylor yet. Hopefully I'll get a chance sometime soon. I talked to Dennis Bailey for the first time last night. He seemed pretty OK. Hopefully I'll get to know everyone by the end of the trip. Man, I can't get this bandana on. Oh well. Æ
Tunes: paul jones - diggin mammas tatters
Monday, January 02, 2006
resolutionless
doesn't feel like a new year. haven't given much thought to resolutions. still not sure what to make of last year.
i am the very model of indecisiveness at the moment.
barely pulled myself out of bed this morning, found my way to school eventually, got enough done to be able to go back and teach tomorrow and may at least have the foundation for what i want to do with IIB when we do short stories. we'll see.
spent the evening at the havens celebrating gina's birthday (which is officially tomorrow, but tonight worked better for all involved). great meal, great company. i still freak josie out, which makes me a little sad. but hey, guess i can't expect to charm all the girls.
5am is going to come far too soon tomorrow.
seems there's not much of significance here tonight.
Æ
i am the very model of indecisiveness at the moment.
barely pulled myself out of bed this morning, found my way to school eventually, got enough done to be able to go back and teach tomorrow and may at least have the foundation for what i want to do with IIB when we do short stories. we'll see.
spent the evening at the havens celebrating gina's birthday (which is officially tomorrow, but tonight worked better for all involved). great meal, great company. i still freak josie out, which makes me a little sad. but hey, guess i can't expect to charm all the girls.
5am is going to come far too soon tomorrow.
seems there's not much of significance here tonight.
Æ
Tunes: honeymoon suite - i got a new girl now
i wonder at my lack of wonder
just back from seeing narnia. i can sum up my experience in two words:
mostly bored.
and this bothers me. i was looking forward to being swept up in the fantasy, the magic of narnia. but i sat there most of the time wondering how much longer it was going to go on. it wasn't a horrible movie, but neither was it magical. i never felt transported outside of this reality.
is that my own failing or that of the film?
obviously others have been transported, others have loved it, others have been swept away.
so it must be me.
i'd like to recapture that sense of wonder, to be overwhelmed again. but this wasn't the film to do it. i even breathed a prayer that God would remove any cynicism from my heart and allow me to enjoy the film as a child would.
i guess His answer was no.
off to bed. up early for prayers, then i should be heading off to school to get set for the coming week. and the rest of the trimester in IIB. still not sure how i'm going to work the short story unit. must be something i can do. i'll think on it tomorrow.
oh, and happy new year, by the way.
Æ
mostly bored.
and this bothers me. i was looking forward to being swept up in the fantasy, the magic of narnia. but i sat there most of the time wondering how much longer it was going to go on. it wasn't a horrible movie, but neither was it magical. i never felt transported outside of this reality.
is that my own failing or that of the film?
obviously others have been transported, others have loved it, others have been swept away.
so it must be me.
i'd like to recapture that sense of wonder, to be overwhelmed again. but this wasn't the film to do it. i even breathed a prayer that God would remove any cynicism from my heart and allow me to enjoy the film as a child would.
i guess His answer was no.
off to bed. up early for prayers, then i should be heading off to school to get set for the coming week. and the rest of the trimester in IIB. still not sure how i'm going to work the short story unit. must be something i can do. i'll think on it tomorrow.
oh, and happy new year, by the way.
Æ
Tunes: don henley - boys of summer
Saturday, December 31, 2005
final thoughts
on my way to usher in the new year with elizabeth. i leave 2005 with some haikus from yesterday's walk around mt. airy and a prayer from thomas merton. goodbye 05. here's to 06.
Æ
***********************************
luminous she seeks
darkened corners desperately
needing connection
gnarled fallen fingers
stretch to touch the stilled waters
lost beneath the leaves
i'm looking forward
hoping the past won't sneak up
to steal what waits there
cuts left by lovers
seeking immortality
heal year by rough year
do you feel these scars
callously inflicted by
our selfish passion
white blurs mistaken
for mere humans running through
your forest stillness
our violent natures
lie splattered against nature's
peaceful solemness
in my solitude
reminders assail my thoughts
of our falleness
how long will it take
before fallen majesty
deteriorates
blackened former life
shows what lies just below these
multicolored leaves
an idea forms
wishing to be whispered to
distance unaware
barren winter woods
breathe secrets unheard amidst
autumn's lost glory
you watch curious
unmoved waiting wondering
whose stare will break first
i climb the stone stair
stopping for lack of breath while
destiny divides
i will never love
another, i swear, until
her eyes eclipse yours
these spidered limbs creep
from beneath this web of leaves
dessicated, dead
trees full of dead leaves
whisper rejections to the
jealous forest floor
***********************************
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain
where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that
I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that
desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the
right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I
will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the
shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and
You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Thoughts in Solitude
Æ
***********************************
luminous she seeks
darkened corners desperately
needing connection
gnarled fallen fingers
stretch to touch the stilled waters
lost beneath the leaves
i'm looking forward
hoping the past won't sneak up
to steal what waits there
cuts left by lovers
seeking immortality
heal year by rough year
do you feel these scars
callously inflicted by
our selfish passion
white blurs mistaken
for mere humans running through
your forest stillness
our violent natures
lie splattered against nature's
peaceful solemness
in my solitude
reminders assail my thoughts
of our falleness
how long will it take
before fallen majesty
deteriorates
blackened former life
shows what lies just below these
multicolored leaves
an idea forms
wishing to be whispered to
distance unaware
barren winter woods
breathe secrets unheard amidst
autumn's lost glory
you watch curious
unmoved waiting wondering
whose stare will break first
i climb the stone stair
stopping for lack of breath while
destiny divides
i will never love
another, i swear, until
her eyes eclipse yours
these spidered limbs creep
from beneath this web of leaves
dessicated, dead
trees full of dead leaves
whisper rejections to the
jealous forest floor
***********************************
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain
where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that
I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that
desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the
right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I
will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the
shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and
You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Thoughts in Solitude
Tunes: david bowie - young americans
Thursday, December 29, 2005
kong, part ii, or son of kong....
was going to do this a reply to ![[info]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_uz5m1A0ajeuxwk4lnzYOZbD5Y01tl9fORRaEbY0i5_mSDOTTlfCHg6Ej80uBsiWxIX5Yrd7206YI4YI9kfL3-ZpuxY03UFklJiHpYJ60Vg=s0-d)
peanutdowns thoughtful post, but figured if others were like me, no one would actually read the reply (i usually only read my own comments....).
obviously my communication skills were lacking during my previous post. i enjoyed kong. a lot. it was what i expected it would be. probably one of the better films i've seen this year, and certainly one of the best "blockbusters" i've seen in a while. and peanutdowns makes the excellent observation that the story was deep enough to be open to a variety of interpretations. i guess when i said "bare minimum of a story," i meant....well, not sure, exactly. maybe it's just because i know the story already and it didn't go much deeper than the original. not that it had to, of course - it is a remake, after all. i felt the story was much like bilbo at the end - like butter scraped over too much bread.
and i'm not convinced my post was meant to be a literary look at kong, more a personal response to what i saw. trust me, i can do the literary thing. but this wasn't what that was. or not what i intended it to be. it's what i felt more than what i thought.
and why do i feel the need to justify what i said?
as for the other part of the post....maybe i should have labeled my question rhetorical :) for those not following along at home:
"i mean, if a 25 foot tall gorilla can get a girl like naomi watts to like him, why can't i?" You must first learn to love yourself before anyone else will.
which raises the question, do i love myself? i've often been accused of self-loathing, justifiably on certain days. but i don't imagine that's something unusual for most of us. and my default position seems to be self-deprecation - the old idea of do it to yourself before others do it to you. so i don't doubt it seems like i don't like myself very much.
And I don't believe it's the way you were raised
or the cards you were dealt
or a poor self-image
I think you love yourself too much
this probably comes closer to my problem - i love myself too much. i honestly am quite happy with the person i am - in many ways i've become exactly who i've always wanted to be. and i am surrounded by people who like and love that person, too. so maybe i should just stop my bitching and moaning and get over myself.
good advice, indeed.
my disconnect comes because i've yet to love (and here i'm speaking romantically) someone who has loved me back i have too many amazing friends to believe i am unlovable. but i've never romantically made the connection. but that has more to do with other failings on my part - attracted to the wrong women, cowardice, a penchant for giving up too soon - than the idea that i don't love myself.
and maybe i love myself so much i've set my standards too high.
geesh, like i want to think about this stuff now - i'm on break, for crying out loud :)
nothing planned today - literally. should probably give the grotto a good cleaning since it's become apparent the work i was going to do around here is not going to happen. yesterday's shopping excursion was painful - my head felt like i'd spent the entire day taking a standardized test. but i did get a christmas tree - probably should take it out of the box and set it up, make sure it's what i want. will probably take tomorrow and go on a hike in the morning - hopefully the weather will cooperate more.
and i still haven't decided what i'm doing for new years. probably should get on that....
Æ
peanutdowns thoughtful post, but figured if others were like me, no one would actually read the reply (i usually only read my own comments....).obviously my communication skills were lacking during my previous post. i enjoyed kong. a lot. it was what i expected it would be. probably one of the better films i've seen this year, and certainly one of the best "blockbusters" i've seen in a while. and peanutdowns makes the excellent observation that the story was deep enough to be open to a variety of interpretations. i guess when i said "bare minimum of a story," i meant....well, not sure, exactly. maybe it's just because i know the story already and it didn't go much deeper than the original. not that it had to, of course - it is a remake, after all. i felt the story was much like bilbo at the end - like butter scraped over too much bread.
and i'm not convinced my post was meant to be a literary look at kong, more a personal response to what i saw. trust me, i can do the literary thing. but this wasn't what that was. or not what i intended it to be. it's what i felt more than what i thought.
and why do i feel the need to justify what i said?
as for the other part of the post....maybe i should have labeled my question rhetorical :) for those not following along at home:
"i mean, if a 25 foot tall gorilla can get a girl like naomi watts to like him, why can't i?" You must first learn to love yourself before anyone else will.
which raises the question, do i love myself? i've often been accused of self-loathing, justifiably on certain days. but i don't imagine that's something unusual for most of us. and my default position seems to be self-deprecation - the old idea of do it to yourself before others do it to you. so i don't doubt it seems like i don't like myself very much.
And I don't believe it's the way you were raised
or the cards you were dealt
or a poor self-image
I think you love yourself too much
this probably comes closer to my problem - i love myself too much. i honestly am quite happy with the person i am - in many ways i've become exactly who i've always wanted to be. and i am surrounded by people who like and love that person, too. so maybe i should just stop my bitching and moaning and get over myself.
good advice, indeed.
my disconnect comes because i've yet to love (and here i'm speaking romantically) someone who has loved me back i have too many amazing friends to believe i am unlovable. but i've never romantically made the connection. but that has more to do with other failings on my part - attracted to the wrong women, cowardice, a penchant for giving up too soon - than the idea that i don't love myself.
and maybe i love myself so much i've set my standards too high.
geesh, like i want to think about this stuff now - i'm on break, for crying out loud :)
nothing planned today - literally. should probably give the grotto a good cleaning since it's become apparent the work i was going to do around here is not going to happen. yesterday's shopping excursion was painful - my head felt like i'd spent the entire day taking a standardized test. but i did get a christmas tree - probably should take it out of the box and set it up, make sure it's what i want. will probably take tomorrow and go on a hike in the morning - hopefully the weather will cooperate more.
and i still haven't decided what i'm doing for new years. probably should get on that....
Æ
Tunes: old 97's - am i too late?
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
score another one for the alpha male
yeah, i know, i have issues.
saw kong tonight. pretty much what i expected - excellent effects, the bare minimum of a story, actors doing their best to react to a green screen. would have been worth the money i spent had we not chosen to see it in the director's hall (which is the biggest freaking rip off in the world, but that's a story for another time). so a good movie. not great, but good.
however....
maybe i put too much thought into this (ok, just remove the maybe), but i couldn't help feeling this was a story about the power of the alpha male and how it is this that women want, not the namby pamby guy. kong is the quintessential alpha male - takes what he wants, treats the girl as something to be possessed, talks little, shows his love by his actions (granted, it mostly involves killing other creatures/rivals), saves the girl from the horror of living a mundane life, etc. and ann falls for him, so much that she's willing to climb to the top of the (very phallic) empire state building to be with him.
as a confirmed omega male, i question the romantic idea that the woman can "tame" the beast, which seems to be one of the messages of the film (implied, at least). always been uncomfortable with the idea of "saving" anyone through a relationship. and there were scenes in the film where kong seemed like nothing more than a violent, angry drunk frat boy. and we all know my issues with frat boys (insert your own joke about my jealousy here).
i guess it comes down to me not getting the connection between ann and kong. or maybe it's just projection on my part - i mean, if a 25 foot tall gorilla can get a girl like naomi watts to like him, why can't i?
happy holidays, everyone.
here's been my issue so far this break - i'm having a hard time determining when i'm relaxing and when i'm just being lazy. not so bad the last couple of days, but something doesn't seem quite right about sleeping the day away, no matter how good it feels to stay curled up in bed.
i'm actually up late tonight killing time because i'm waiting for the dryer to finish so i can put sheets on my bed. this is what happens when you go out to see a 3 1/2 hour movie - domestic activities are put on hold.
i have no plans for the rest of the week - literally. after i get up tomorrow for prayers, i have nothing scheduled. keep thinking i'd like to head to columbus to see a couple of people, but i haven't talked to them and don't know if they're even in town. hmmm. all i do know is i don't want to think about school until, oh, monday of next week. though if anyone has a great way to teach short stories, i'd love to hear about them.
ok, time to trek to the basement and see if my whites are dry. more tomorrow, perhaps.
Æ
saw kong tonight. pretty much what i expected - excellent effects, the bare minimum of a story, actors doing their best to react to a green screen. would have been worth the money i spent had we not chosen to see it in the director's hall (which is the biggest freaking rip off in the world, but that's a story for another time). so a good movie. not great, but good.
however....
maybe i put too much thought into this (ok, just remove the maybe), but i couldn't help feeling this was a story about the power of the alpha male and how it is this that women want, not the namby pamby guy. kong is the quintessential alpha male - takes what he wants, treats the girl as something to be possessed, talks little, shows his love by his actions (granted, it mostly involves killing other creatures/rivals), saves the girl from the horror of living a mundane life, etc. and ann falls for him, so much that she's willing to climb to the top of the (very phallic) empire state building to be with him.
as a confirmed omega male, i question the romantic idea that the woman can "tame" the beast, which seems to be one of the messages of the film (implied, at least). always been uncomfortable with the idea of "saving" anyone through a relationship. and there were scenes in the film where kong seemed like nothing more than a violent, angry drunk frat boy. and we all know my issues with frat boys (insert your own joke about my jealousy here).
i guess it comes down to me not getting the connection between ann and kong. or maybe it's just projection on my part - i mean, if a 25 foot tall gorilla can get a girl like naomi watts to like him, why can't i?
happy holidays, everyone.
here's been my issue so far this break - i'm having a hard time determining when i'm relaxing and when i'm just being lazy. not so bad the last couple of days, but something doesn't seem quite right about sleeping the day away, no matter how good it feels to stay curled up in bed.
i'm actually up late tonight killing time because i'm waiting for the dryer to finish so i can put sheets on my bed. this is what happens when you go out to see a 3 1/2 hour movie - domestic activities are put on hold.
i have no plans for the rest of the week - literally. after i get up tomorrow for prayers, i have nothing scheduled. keep thinking i'd like to head to columbus to see a couple of people, but i haven't talked to them and don't know if they're even in town. hmmm. all i do know is i don't want to think about school until, oh, monday of next week. though if anyone has a great way to teach short stories, i'd love to hear about them.
ok, time to trek to the basement and see if my whites are dry. more tomorrow, perhaps.
Æ
Tunes: wally pleasant - barista
Sunday, December 25, 2005
A Christmas Greeting and Gift
Taft Finale 2000 - Over the Rhine, Ron Sexsmith, Leigh Nash
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .
. . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .
. . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Thursday, December 22, 2005
blahty blahty blah
day one of break twas a busy one here. up early for prayers, home to make a birthday cd, called time warner about the lapses in my internet service, showered, drove to dayton to meet amelia and candice for lunch (made it from norwood to the dayton mall in about 35 minutes - can you say speeding?), drove back in time to get my haircut/scalp rub/back rub/facial at aveda, watched the steelers/vikings game from last week, tried the cheeseburger at quatman's grill per colin's advice, downloaded this months e-music downloads (nick cave's abattoir blues/lyre of orpheus, miscellaneous Old 97's tracks i didn't have). and now comes the time to update my life here after a taking a few days off to try and throw off these christmas blues.
not entirely successful, but i'm feeling much better than i was.
posted a bit on my friend alexa's blog last night after a fairly scathing comment she received. i'm a bit protective of my friends and felt like something needed to be said. i repost it here because, well, the issue is one i deal with myself....
***************************************
“(Thurman… is this the kind of thing have been trying to avoid? Backlash?)”
not exactly, though it’s certainly been a concern. i struggle, too, with the idea that whatever i write is a proclamation, a hard and fast truth to be chiseled permanently into the foundation of Life. whatever. this isn’t solid, this isn’t eternal, this is only me, right now. if you don’t like it, hang around - it’ll probably change in fifteen minutes or so.
wishy-washy? perhaps. but then i was never quite arrogant enough to believe what i wrote held much weight outside of the infinitesimal circle of me.
and, like you, writing is how i think and process. i have to get it all out before i can make sense of it. sometimes it’s pretty ugly. it’s the old cliche about making sausages.
readers, beware: people like alexa and i have been brave enough to let you see the pulling of the levers behind the curtain. it’s not always a pretty sight. and sometimes it’s offensive. but it’s never personal (well, it’s rarely personal anyway).
to quote bill:
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber’d here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream,/Gentles, do not reprehend:/If you pardon, we will mend.
hang in there, alexa.
***************************************
which of course begs the question: then why keep a public journal at all? if it's so ugly, why not scribble away in some notebook somewhere?
excellent question.
mostly i keep mine public for the accountability factor - knowing other people read my blog (and - surprise surprise - notice when i don't post) helps me write more often. it's not a perfect forum - there are many times i don't post about things just because i know other people read it and, well, it will either hurt or confuse or piss them off. and i'd like to avoid it. the problem then is, if writing is how i process, i end up not processing some things that maybe i should.
i could keep two journals, i suppose, but that seems like more work than i'm willing to do.
if nothing else, i'm a lazy writer.
or i could throw caution to the wind and cling to the hope that my friends will understand if i say something offensive.
but then i think of alexa's recent experience. or aaron's. and i'm wary.
and i'm rambling.
getting a permanent crown put on my tooth tomorrow. joy. i hope there's no more drilling, but i doubt i'll be that lucky. be nice to use the right side of my mouth again. the bad part is i don't remember what time my appointment is (i think 9:30....) they were supposed to call but they didn't. probably got a busy signal because they didn't use the area code. stupid cincinnati bell....
still pondering the joy question from earlier this week. most of the responses i've received have been that joy is something you can choose. not sure i believe it, though. or maybe i just don't want to believe it, because then it means if i'm not feeling joy that it's a failing in me. it's my shortcoming. and something i should be able to overcome. but i'm not convinced joy is that easily manipulated. i think being open to joy is a choice. but the actual experience of it depends on more than my just wanting to feel it.
i'm not sure i'm making myself clear.
i'm sure i can *fake* joy. i'm sure i have. but real joy is outside of my control. it's an honest-to-goodness gift of God. i can deny joy, i can put a damper on it and refuse to feel it, but i can't create it.
but then what happens if joy underlies all of Life? am i just closing myself off to that joy underneath the surface of things?
too many questions to ponder.
geesh, it's like someone kinked the hose for a while and then suddenly let it all go....
no solid plans for next week yet. toying with heading up to kent, though i've only heard from jenna and not the other two. not that it wouldn't be great to see jenna, but would prefer to see everyone in one fell swoop (where does that phrase come from anyway...).
and a quick google search gives me...
"The phrase is one of those fixed expressions that we hardly think about most of the time. It means all at once, suddenly. It’s been around in the language for at least 400 years. Shakespeare is first recorded as using it, in Macbeth: when Macduff hears that his family has been murdered, he says in disbelief:
All my pretty ones?
Did you say all? O hell-kite! All?
What, all my pretty chickens and their dam
At one fell swoop?"
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-fel1.htm
bill. of course. should have known.
enough sausage making for one night. not too ugly this time. more later, perhaps.
Æ
not entirely successful, but i'm feeling much better than i was.
posted a bit on my friend alexa's blog last night after a fairly scathing comment she received. i'm a bit protective of my friends and felt like something needed to be said. i repost it here because, well, the issue is one i deal with myself....
***************************************
“(Thurman… is this the kind of thing have been trying to avoid? Backlash?)”
not exactly, though it’s certainly been a concern. i struggle, too, with the idea that whatever i write is a proclamation, a hard and fast truth to be chiseled permanently into the foundation of Life. whatever. this isn’t solid, this isn’t eternal, this is only me, right now. if you don’t like it, hang around - it’ll probably change in fifteen minutes or so.
wishy-washy? perhaps. but then i was never quite arrogant enough to believe what i wrote held much weight outside of the infinitesimal circle of me.
and, like you, writing is how i think and process. i have to get it all out before i can make sense of it. sometimes it’s pretty ugly. it’s the old cliche about making sausages.
readers, beware: people like alexa and i have been brave enough to let you see the pulling of the levers behind the curtain. it’s not always a pretty sight. and sometimes it’s offensive. but it’s never personal (well, it’s rarely personal anyway).
to quote bill:
If we shadows have offended,/Think but this, and all is mended,/That you have but slumber’d here/While these visions did appear./And this weak and idle theme,/No more yielding but a dream,/Gentles, do not reprehend:/If you pardon, we will mend.
hang in there, alexa.
***************************************
which of course begs the question: then why keep a public journal at all? if it's so ugly, why not scribble away in some notebook somewhere?
excellent question.
mostly i keep mine public for the accountability factor - knowing other people read my blog (and - surprise surprise - notice when i don't post) helps me write more often. it's not a perfect forum - there are many times i don't post about things just because i know other people read it and, well, it will either hurt or confuse or piss them off. and i'd like to avoid it. the problem then is, if writing is how i process, i end up not processing some things that maybe i should.
i could keep two journals, i suppose, but that seems like more work than i'm willing to do.
if nothing else, i'm a lazy writer.
or i could throw caution to the wind and cling to the hope that my friends will understand if i say something offensive.
but then i think of alexa's recent experience. or aaron's. and i'm wary.
and i'm rambling.
getting a permanent crown put on my tooth tomorrow. joy. i hope there's no more drilling, but i doubt i'll be that lucky. be nice to use the right side of my mouth again. the bad part is i don't remember what time my appointment is (i think 9:30....) they were supposed to call but they didn't. probably got a busy signal because they didn't use the area code. stupid cincinnati bell....
still pondering the joy question from earlier this week. most of the responses i've received have been that joy is something you can choose. not sure i believe it, though. or maybe i just don't want to believe it, because then it means if i'm not feeling joy that it's a failing in me. it's my shortcoming. and something i should be able to overcome. but i'm not convinced joy is that easily manipulated. i think being open to joy is a choice. but the actual experience of it depends on more than my just wanting to feel it.
i'm not sure i'm making myself clear.
i'm sure i can *fake* joy. i'm sure i have. but real joy is outside of my control. it's an honest-to-goodness gift of God. i can deny joy, i can put a damper on it and refuse to feel it, but i can't create it.
but then what happens if joy underlies all of Life? am i just closing myself off to that joy underneath the surface of things?
too many questions to ponder.
geesh, it's like someone kinked the hose for a while and then suddenly let it all go....
no solid plans for next week yet. toying with heading up to kent, though i've only heard from jenna and not the other two. not that it wouldn't be great to see jenna, but would prefer to see everyone in one fell swoop (where does that phrase come from anyway...).
and a quick google search gives me...
"The phrase is one of those fixed expressions that we hardly think about most of the time. It means all at once, suddenly. It’s been around in the language for at least 400 years. Shakespeare is first recorded as using it, in Macbeth: when Macduff hears that his family has been murdered, he says in disbelief:
All my pretty ones?
Did you say all? O hell-kite! All?
What, all my pretty chickens and their dam
At one fell swoop?"
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-fel
bill. of course. should have known.
enough sausage making for one night. not too ugly this time. more later, perhaps.
Æ
Tunes: nick cave - there she goes my beautiful world
Monday, December 19, 2005
question of the day
is joy a choice? can you choose to find joy? how much control do we have over it?
metaphor for the day - i am sick and am quarantining myself from everyone so as not to infect them. which is why i haven't been posting. and will continue not to.
merry christmas.
Æ
metaphor for the day - i am sick and am quarantining myself from everyone so as not to infect them. which is why i haven't been posting. and will continue not to.
merry christmas.
Æ
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Monday, December 12, 2005
the overwhelming blankness
nothing worse than a blank page.
yeah, want to write again, but again, words fail me.
my life seems so unimportant lately. or at least uninteresting. insignificant?
no, not insignificant. just not worth writing about. i mean, it means something to me, obviously, otherwise i wouldn't crawl out of bed in the morning. but the masses? ehh, not so much.
hate this apathy, you know? though is it apathy if i care enough to hate it?
ok, this is much more interesting. a favorite christmas song of mine. God bless shane macgowan. no, seriously, have you seen him lately?
anyway....
A Fairy Tale of New York
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night
The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you
yeah, want to write again, but again, words fail me.
my life seems so unimportant lately. or at least uninteresting. insignificant?
no, not insignificant. just not worth writing about. i mean, it means something to me, obviously, otherwise i wouldn't crawl out of bed in the morning. but the masses? ehh, not so much.
hate this apathy, you know? though is it apathy if i care enough to hate it?
ok, this is much more interesting. a favorite christmas song of mine. God bless shane macgowan. no, seriously, have you seen him lately?
anyway....
A Fairy Tale of New York
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night
The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you
Tunes: the perishers - blue christmas
Sunday, December 11, 2005
curious
i am drawn tonight to write
yet i have nothing to say
no insights, no stories, nothing
of any significance
and why the words
come in verse
i do not know
i should be in bed
i should be grading papers
i should be making a difference somehow
i am doing nothing
but throwing words onto the screen
and hoping they don't slide off into
the abyss
it's easier for me to get closer to heaven
than ever feel whole again
why mr. smith is in my head
remains a mystery
but there he is and has been and probably will be
i hesitate to post
knowing the words aren't elegant
aren't meaningful
aren't much
but they'll stay
a snapshot of my brain
faded and out of focus
but full of odd colors
i rub the stone in my pocket
and whisper the name inscribed
in deep blue sharpie
and pray all is well and love and light and life
refract in her eyes
unconnected...
my body has been sensing the lack
more than my heart
seeking contact
trying to merge
tired of being only flesh
needing more
and more and more and more and
this is not art
this is not eloquent
this is simply
me
tonight
this moment
for whatever it's worth
i pray the week slides swiftly by
reducing the days to a single handful
the elements will be dissolved with fire
haunts me and cries for words of my own
another night perhaps
let sleep come
let words stop
let peace rule
let love
let go
stop
Æ
yet i have nothing to say
no insights, no stories, nothing
of any significance
and why the words
come in verse
i do not know
i should be in bed
i should be grading papers
i should be making a difference somehow
i am doing nothing
but throwing words onto the screen
and hoping they don't slide off into
the abyss
it's easier for me to get closer to heaven
than ever feel whole again
why mr. smith is in my head
remains a mystery
but there he is and has been and probably will be
i hesitate to post
knowing the words aren't elegant
aren't meaningful
aren't much
but they'll stay
a snapshot of my brain
faded and out of focus
but full of odd colors
i rub the stone in my pocket
and whisper the name inscribed
in deep blue sharpie
and pray all is well and love and light and life
refract in her eyes
unconnected...
my body has been sensing the lack
more than my heart
seeking contact
trying to merge
tired of being only flesh
needing more
and more and more and more and
this is not art
this is not eloquent
this is simply
me
tonight
this moment
for whatever it's worth
i pray the week slides swiftly by
reducing the days to a single handful
the elements will be dissolved with fire
haunts me and cries for words of my own
another night perhaps
let sleep come
let words stop
let peace rule
let love
let go
stop
Æ
Friday, December 09, 2005
2005 recap
stolen from my LJ friends, here's a recap of 2005, using one sentence from the first entry of each month.
(my other blog is at www.livejournal.com/users/teaii)
jan 2005
"it will be a reminder of the inexplicable hope infusing me today, this firm belief that this is the year i break out of my oh-so-very-extended relationship slump and actually discover what i've been wishing for for so so long."
feb 2005
"yesterday was bad - bad bad bad bad bad. so bad. the badness of this bad was greater than any badness that's been bad before.
well, maybe not that bad, but it certainly wasn't good."
mar 2005
"weekend was a difficult one for obvious reasons. i hate feeling helpless and wanting to do more. but i suppose that's how it goes in these situations."
apr 2005
"You would think I would realize, just because I’m in another country doesn’t mean my body won’t react to caffeine the same way. A big chocolate pastry and Diet Pepsi right before bed is a bad idea."
may 2005
"i wonder sometimes if my own spontaneity is just a ploy to keep people at a distance."
jun 2005
"year two is finished and my room is stripped bare and i have nothing but partying and sleeping planned for the next two days.
excellent."
jul 2005
"heading out the door for toronto. cincinnati was kind enough to welcome me back with some vicious thunderstorms"
aug 2005
"but the more i think about it, the more God brings it to the forefront, the more i am sensing i need to move away from this urban sprawl i so despise and look for a little piece of land a little closer to where my heart turns more and more lately - norwood, specifically, near st. e's. i want to be where God is, commute be damned."
sep 2005
"slivered morning light
pointing toward the coming day
sneaking up the sky"
oct 2005
"suffice to day, i spent the night in my new place last night and am experiencing no buyers remorse (though i'm not nearly as excited as i thought i would be - maybe that will come once i actually move in)"
nov 2005
"first, thanks to all who had kind things to say about my beardless picture. excellent ego boost this week."
dec 2005
"helped me not to dwell on the fact that it's been ten years now. geesh. i've entered my second decade now. and it's not a big deal for, oh, 350 days out of the year. but on those other days, it becomes a big deal."
(my other blog is at www.livejournal.com/users/teaii)
jan 2005
"it will be a reminder of the inexplicable hope infusing me today, this firm belief that this is the year i break out of my oh-so-very-extended relationship slump and actually discover what i've been wishing for for so so long."
feb 2005
"yesterday was bad - bad bad bad bad bad. so bad. the badness of this bad was greater than any badness that's been bad before.
well, maybe not that bad, but it certainly wasn't good."
mar 2005
"weekend was a difficult one for obvious reasons. i hate feeling helpless and wanting to do more. but i suppose that's how it goes in these situations."
apr 2005
"You would think I would realize, just because I’m in another country doesn’t mean my body won’t react to caffeine the same way. A big chocolate pastry and Diet Pepsi right before bed is a bad idea."
may 2005
"i wonder sometimes if my own spontaneity is just a ploy to keep people at a distance."
jun 2005
"year two is finished and my room is stripped bare and i have nothing but partying and sleeping planned for the next two days.
excellent."
jul 2005
"heading out the door for toronto. cincinnati was kind enough to welcome me back with some vicious thunderstorms"
aug 2005
"but the more i think about it, the more God brings it to the forefront, the more i am sensing i need to move away from this urban sprawl i so despise and look for a little piece of land a little closer to where my heart turns more and more lately - norwood, specifically, near st. e's. i want to be where God is, commute be damned."
sep 2005
"slivered morning light
pointing toward the coming day
sneaking up the sky"
oct 2005
"suffice to day, i spent the night in my new place last night and am experiencing no buyers remorse (though i'm not nearly as excited as i thought i would be - maybe that will come once i actually move in)"
nov 2005
"first, thanks to all who had kind things to say about my beardless picture. excellent ego boost this week."
dec 2005
"helped me not to dwell on the fact that it's been ten years now. geesh. i've entered my second decade now. and it's not a big deal for, oh, 350 days out of the year. but on those other days, it becomes a big deal."
Tunes: palomar - knockout
Thursday, December 08, 2005
giddy, i'm giddy i tell you
SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
glorious glorious glorious.
no phone call - should have told andy he needed to dial the area code to get in touch with me.
glad i checked online before wandering off to bed.
this has been a marvelous night....
...tutoring with jordan. such a great kid. tries really hard and seems to like me.
...the daily show and the colbert report - brilliant.
...it's official - i am a cast member for the CMT production of CHESS. i'll be playing Nikolai. small part (i think). little singing. probably no dancing. but who knows. we'll see what happens.
...late dinner invite from the barr's. vegetarian lasagna. julie gonnering came by. we watched The Snowman. lovely time.
...finished the CD for shannon, which was quite the adventure. should finish another before i go to bed, though i have all day tomorrow.
...did i mention the snow day tomorrow? and knowing about it the night before? priceless.
time to do the snow day celebration dance. woohoo!
Æ
Tunes: cake - love you madly
glorious glorious glorious.
no phone call - should have told andy he needed to dial the area code to get in touch with me.
glad i checked online before wandering off to bed.
this has been a marvelous night....
...tutoring with jordan. such a great kid. tries really hard and seems to like me.
...the daily show and the colbert report - brilliant.
...it's official - i am a cast member for the CMT production of CHESS. i'll be playing Nikolai. small part (i think). little singing. probably no dancing. but who knows. we'll see what happens.
...late dinner invite from the barr's. vegetarian lasagna. julie gonnering came by. we watched The Snowman. lovely time.
...finished the CD for shannon, which was quite the adventure. should finish another before i go to bed, though i have all day tomorrow.
...did i mention the snow day tomorrow? and knowing about it the night before? priceless.
time to do the snow day celebration dance. woohoo!
Æ
Tunes: cake - love you madly
no more cold nights
no, i haven't found someone to share my bed (insert own inappropriate joke here).
i was going over my cinergy bill this morning while my students were down taking the PLAN test, trying to figure out how to get onto the budgeted billing plan because my bill jumped from $43 to $270 in one month. in the process, i saw a notice saying i had not paid my last bill, which made me concerned, since i knew i had set it up through bill pay at 5/3. so i looked and saw what the problem was. my last bill said $42.95 was due, which is what i paid. unfortunately, they moved over the remaining bill from my apartment (which was a frightening amount) and took the money i had sent in to pay down that balance. and then charged me a late fee for not paying my bill. i called to let them know what had happened, but of course, i was on hold forever and decided .64 wasn'tworth the hassle (the cost of the late fee).
ANYWAY, all that to say, my heating bill was only $70 last month, not $270, which means i can probably raise the temp in The Grotto a couple of degrees (it's at a cavelike 62 right now). it's the little things inlife that bless.
still no word from mr. canipe, so no idea if i need to be checking my bank account or not for souvenir/gas/ticket money. so shouldn't go. so probably will if the price is right (not sure whatright would be, but i'll figure it out eventually).
time to break out the snow dance - forecast is calling for 2-6" tonight. as with most things in life, it will all depend on timing. too early, the trucks will have a chance to clear the road. would love a snow day - who wouldn't - but i'm working hard not to get my hopes up. we are in southern ohio, after all, and if anything is consistent, it's that weather reportsare consistently mistaken.
but i'll dance tonight anyway.
tonight...rehearsal was cancelled, so not sure what i'm doing. probably grading. janet and some friends from the blue jordan label are performing a john lennon tribute - maybe i'll sneak out and see that - if the snow isn't too bad, that is. might be a good night to curl up with a good book or film and watch the snow fall outside the windows of MY house...ifonly i had a fireplace.
ok. must go. it's grice's lasagna day - one of the teachers fixes lasagna for the entire staff once a year. much easier when he started some 15-20 years ago - school was MUCH smaller. but he perseveres. glad to have first lunch - means there'll be plenty to eat. north beach, here i come!
more later perhaps.
Æ
Tunes: juliana hatfield and tanya donnelly - josie and the pussycats
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
who am i kidding?
two things...
one, if they offer me a part, any part, i'm taking it. like i would turn it down. just hearing the music sung through the curtained divider in the suprisingly balmy church basement made me want to do the show. sure, my dance audition was hideous (once you start yelling out official french names for moves, i'm out), but i was the only bass at the ensemble singing and even was asked to stick around and read for a speaking part (though seeing it, i might be better off doing multiple roles in the chorus...). so now comes the waiting (hey, wasn't i talking about this sometime recently?). in this case, e-mail = bad. phone call = good. no whammies, no whammies, no whammies....
two, chad canipe just e-mailed me. seems a coworker has U2 tickets he's looking to unload. hmmm. so should not do this, no way, no how. and yet i asked for more details. of course i did. like the subject line says.
back to school tomorrow. but half the day is PLAN testing, one bell of practice OGT and one bell in the media center. shuoldn't be too bad, other than the stack of grading i have to do. why oh why must the district have the practice scores before the new year? does it really matter? not to me it doesn't.
did i just type that out loud? silly me.
to sleep. perchance to...sleep.
Æ
one, if they offer me a part, any part, i'm taking it. like i would turn it down. just hearing the music sung through the curtained divider in the suprisingly balmy church basement made me want to do the show. sure, my dance audition was hideous (once you start yelling out official french names for moves, i'm out), but i was the only bass at the ensemble singing and even was asked to stick around and read for a speaking part (though seeing it, i might be better off doing multiple roles in the chorus...). so now comes the waiting (hey, wasn't i talking about this sometime recently?). in this case, e-mail = bad. phone call = good. no whammies, no whammies, no whammies....
two, chad canipe just e-mailed me. seems a coworker has U2 tickets he's looking to unload. hmmm. so should not do this, no way, no how. and yet i asked for more details. of course i did. like the subject line says.
back to school tomorrow. but half the day is PLAN testing, one bell of practice OGT and one bell in the media center. shuoldn't be too bad, other than the stack of grading i have to do. why oh why must the district have the practice scores before the new year? does it really matter? not to me it doesn't.
did i just type that out loud? silly me.
to sleep. perchance to...sleep.
Æ
Tunes: chess - where i want to be
pacing the cage
this song came up on my mp3 player this afternoon and struck a chord so deeply it reverberates even now.
Pacing The Cage
Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it's pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you live too long
Days drip slowly on the page
You catch yourself
Pacing the cage
I've proven who I am so many times
The magnetic strip's worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And every one was taken in
Hours chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage
I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage
Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land
For the coming of the outbound stage.
Pacing the cage.
Pacing the cage
bruce cockburn
Pacing The Cage
Sunset is an angel weeping
Holding out a bloody sword
No matter how I squint I cannot
Make out what it's pointing toward
Sometimes you feel like you live too long
Days drip slowly on the page
You catch yourself
Pacing the cage
I've proven who I am so many times
The magnetic strip's worn thin
And each time I was someone else
And every one was taken in
Hours chatter in high places
Stir up eddies in the dust of rage
Set me to pacing the cage
I never knew what you all wanted
So I gave you everything
All that I could pillage
All the spells that I could sing
It's as if the thing were written
In the constitution of the age
Sooner or later you'll wind up
Pacing the cage
Sometimes the best map will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads through dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
Today these eyes scan bleached-out land
For the coming of the outbound stage.
Pacing the cage.
Pacing the cage
bruce cockburn
no school
well, there is school. i'm just not there. woke up feeling my skin was uninhabitable and decided it would be better to try to kick this cold that seems to be lingering around instead of going and infecting my students with my bugs and my lack of enthusiasm. unfortunately, i still had to drive into school because there was no way to get things set up for the sub via email. so out the door at 5:30, back by 7:15. then sleep, glorious sleep. seems to have helped a bit, though i still have the pre-cold hangover. bleah.
i'm not ready for christmas yet, literally or metaphysically. no decorations, no christmas shopping. and other than the two marvelous advent services at st. e's, no connection to the season. not even the brilliantly cold weather has helped. time is flying by and i don't want to miss it.
stupid head. even harder today to gather my thoughts together.
so seems i did well enough to get called back for the ensemble in chess. so now i'm torn, 'cause i'd already written off being involved. and the way i'm feeling today, i'm afraid of how things will go tonight. but i have to go to callbacks, right? would be rude not to. and who knows - maybe a role in the ensemble will be better - fewer rehearsals, fewer responsibilities, more time for my other commitments. so i'll go. and then i'll decide. really, the big issue is one of the performances is scheduled for the night of film club's student film festival. and i don't think it's possible to move it - barely was able to get the auditorium that time of the year as it was.
speaking of film club, we watched seven samauri the past two days. always a bit wary on how high school student will do with the older films. but for the most part they enjoyed it and caught its influence over modern films, from archetypes to wipes. great group of students, except for the few that decided to bring food into the auditorium monday and then leave the wrappers and crumbs behind. no respect, i tell you. they didn't come back on tuesday, so no chastising. unfortunately.
ok, need to go rest some more, clear my head, figure out if i am indeed going to get a crown put on this afternoon. plus, would be nice to use some of this down time to get some stuff done around the house so its ready if the christmas spirit ever does come and find me. or i go out and find it i suppose.
Æ
i'm not ready for christmas yet, literally or metaphysically. no decorations, no christmas shopping. and other than the two marvelous advent services at st. e's, no connection to the season. not even the brilliantly cold weather has helped. time is flying by and i don't want to miss it.
stupid head. even harder today to gather my thoughts together.
so seems i did well enough to get called back for the ensemble in chess. so now i'm torn, 'cause i'd already written off being involved. and the way i'm feeling today, i'm afraid of how things will go tonight. but i have to go to callbacks, right? would be rude not to. and who knows - maybe a role in the ensemble will be better - fewer rehearsals, fewer responsibilities, more time for my other commitments. so i'll go. and then i'll decide. really, the big issue is one of the performances is scheduled for the night of film club's student film festival. and i don't think it's possible to move it - barely was able to get the auditorium that time of the year as it was.
speaking of film club, we watched seven samauri the past two days. always a bit wary on how high school student will do with the older films. but for the most part they enjoyed it and caught its influence over modern films, from archetypes to wipes. great group of students, except for the few that decided to bring food into the auditorium monday and then leave the wrappers and crumbs behind. no respect, i tell you. they didn't come back on tuesday, so no chastising. unfortunately.
ok, need to go rest some more, clear my head, figure out if i am indeed going to get a crown put on this afternoon. plus, would be nice to use some of this down time to get some stuff done around the house so its ready if the christmas spirit ever does come and find me. or i go out and find it i suppose.
Æ
Tunes: roland kirk - we free kings
Monday, December 05, 2005
each game of chess means there's one less variation left to be played
so i auditioned tonight for one of my favorite musicals - chess. have listened to it over and over again for years, since i discovered it back in high school. for those unfamiliar, this is the show written by the two male members of abba, with lyrics by tim rice and the 80s hit, "one night in bangkok." always thought it was a show that missed it's chance - the black vs white, us vs russia issues were there, waiting to be played out. but the book never really came together (the songs were written before the book) and by the time it did, communism had fallen and the changes made were iffy at best.
anyway....
cincinnati music theatre is doing it this spring and once i found out, i knew i had to audition. NO ONE does this show, so i figured it would be my only chance. so i signed up for a time, grabbed a copy of "stars" and gave it my best shot.
shortest audition ever.
but hey, i did it. and now i can go back to my life. didn't really have the time to do it anyway. but would have kicked myself if i'd not auditioned.
too bad i can't transfer that to other areas of my life.
got a call from candice tonight - she was going to be in the area visiting a friend, so i drove back up to tylersville road to catch up a bit. haven't talked to her in ages, which is a bit odd for us. hopefully we'll be getting together again next monday with our friend amelia. always a bit disconcerting to talk to candice - she and God are best friends, and He talks to her much more than to me - and often He talks to her about me. which makes me think i must not be listening if He has to talk to me through my friends. but that's another issue. good to chat.
weird school week. my first two bells are taking the PLAN test tomorrow and tuesday, which means i have to figure out something for my fifth bell to do, without getting them too far ahead. no idea what i'll be doing. that's probably a bad thing. fourth bell is taking the practice OGT, so no worries there.
bed calls. laundry will wait. good night.
Æ
anyway....
cincinnati music theatre is doing it this spring and once i found out, i knew i had to audition. NO ONE does this show, so i figured it would be my only chance. so i signed up for a time, grabbed a copy of "stars" and gave it my best shot.
shortest audition ever.
but hey, i did it. and now i can go back to my life. didn't really have the time to do it anyway. but would have kicked myself if i'd not auditioned.
too bad i can't transfer that to other areas of my life.
got a call from candice tonight - she was going to be in the area visiting a friend, so i drove back up to tylersville road to catch up a bit. haven't talked to her in ages, which is a bit odd for us. hopefully we'll be getting together again next monday with our friend amelia. always a bit disconcerting to talk to candice - she and God are best friends, and He talks to her much more than to me - and often He talks to her about me. which makes me think i must not be listening if He has to talk to me through my friends. but that's another issue. good to chat.
weird school week. my first two bells are taking the PLAN test tomorrow and tuesday, which means i have to figure out something for my fifth bell to do, without getting them too far ahead. no idea what i'll be doing. that's probably a bad thing. fourth bell is taking the practice OGT, so no worries there.
bed calls. laundry will wait. good night.
Æ
Tunes: the white stripes - candy cane girl
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