on the night he was betrayed

i say the above words every sunday as i wrap up the liturgy, before i invite everyone to come forward to take of the body and blood of our Lord. this past sunday, i was reminded why it is so significant. the lectionary reading was from matthew and spoke of the first time Jesus invited His disciples to take of the Lord's Supper. but before that, he tells them he knows one of them will betray Him that evening....

When it was evening, he took his place with the twelve; and while they were eating, he said, "Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me." And they became greatly distressed and began to say to him one after another, "Surely not I, Lord?" He answered, "The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born." Judas, who betrayed him, said, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" He replied, "You have said so."

While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will never again drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."

"Drink from it, all of you..." all of you. including the one who sold Him out for 30 pieces of silver. including the one who would deny Him three times before the cock crowed. including all who scattered when their Lord was lifted up.

i know there are communities who feel that the Eucharist is a holy moment reserved for only those of their community, who have proved themselves faithful, who take this sacrament seriously. but how can you deny that Christ Himself offered His body and blood to His betrayer? could it not be, just like it was in the garden, that He knew the path that lie ahead, but still had hope that the cup would be removed, that Judas would offer up his heart instead of a kiss? is that not the hope we all live in as we step forward to take these elements that point us to Christ's sacrifice we celebrate this week?
Æ

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Now playing: U2 - Luminous Times (Hold On To Love)
via FoxyTunes

the prayer of st. patrick (excerpts)

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

good stuff this st. patrick's day. wish i had had this prayer with me at many points today. more exhausting then i anticipated for reasons unforeseen. i have much to think about, to pray about, to try to make sense of. might talk more of it later if i can.

i realize there hasn't been much of mine own since saturday. hopefully tomorrow i'll have more time to share more. must to bed now. good night.

Æ

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Now playing: U2 - So Cruel
via FoxyTunes

via crucis: immersion

http://www.viacrucisimmersion.com/

Via Crucis :: Immersion is the stations of the cross remixed. It is an experiential worship event merging art, media, and music that brings us into the story. A journey into the heart of God and the story’s reality in us. It is an immersion into the suffering of Jesus and a discovery of our own brokenness.

17 -22 march 2008 11am -11pm daily

St. Elizabeth's 1759 Mills Ave. Norwood OH 45212

i recommend everyone come to this. amazing tonight. isaac from pomegranates wrote a 14 movement piece that walked us through the 14 stations. described as "violently beautiful," it surely lived up to that. words are inadequate to describe the experience. it runs all week and is the type of thing you can drop in and spend as much or as little time as you want. during this most holy of weeks, see if you can steal a couple of moments to join us.

more tomorrow. must to bed so i'm well rested for teaching and academic team banquet and dance rehearsal and...wow, i'm already exhausted by tomorrow and it hasn't even started.
Æ

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Now playing: Resurrection Band - My Jesus Is All (Live)
via FoxyTunes

an early celebration

i've been accused before of not putting enough emotion into my postings - that i give a good blow by blow of the day, but never really delve any deeper into the events. so let me show you why that's a bad idea for me....

today started with a hangover from the night before. not from alcohol, but from a wave of melancholy that hit me last night. the most likely culprit? bowling. no, i'm not kidding. i know i'm not a great bowler. i'm probably below average. yet every time i go bowling, i go expecting to do well. sometimes it works. not last night. i was bad. only broke 100 once and that in the final game. i couldn't seem to find a groove. my first ball was too heavy, my second had holes that were too small, blah blah blah. now intellectually i knew it wasn't a big deal - even though it's a league, the teams involved were in it to have fun more than to practice for the PBA. but the longer the night went on, the worse i felt because i sucked. a lot. and i started to feel bad, even though no one else really thought anything about it. it's my own perfectionism. i tried to put on a good face but was completely unsuccessful. which made everyone else uncomfortable because they could see i wasn't having the best of times. which made me feel worse because not only was i sucking at bowling, i was sucking all the joy out of the evening.

usually when i'm feeling like this, it's best if i just get away from people until it passes. but it wasn't a possibility last night. and then - and here's where my need for deep psychological analysis comes in - i began to generalize and believe since i couldn't bowl and couldn't have a good time then obviously i couldn't do anything right. i was a horrible human being, i was a horrible christian, i was a horrible friend and a horrible teacher and ... you name it, i couldn't do it. i got home after the evening ended drunk on my low self-esteem. which led to the hangover this morning.

when the alarm went off, announcing it was time to go to the national board orientation, i felt even worse than i did when i went to bed. i took a lukewarm shower (did i mention my hot water heater is giving me fits?), threw on some clothes and went to meet kristin at the starbucks parking lot, where i discovered the jeans i had thrown on looked like i had been gardening in them. great. then i sat through the orientation and the more the leader talked, the more i became convinced not only was i not good enough to become board certified, i wasn't even good enough to continue teaching. everyone else was there for the right reason - to become a better teacher, to challenge themselves, to help their students. me, i was there for the money. the state of ohio gives a stipend to board certified teachers which mason city school matches, which means more money in my pocket at the end of the day. by the end i had stopped paying attention, assuming i obviously been fooling myself to think i could or should be board certified. kristin and rachel were excited, but i barely could look at myself and think about facing my students on monday, much less going through the process to get certified.

i scribbled this on my paper: lamest. teacher. ever.

can you see the problem? something as small as having a bad night bowling had spiraled into me believing i should abandon my profession and find something i was more suited for, like asking people if they would like fries with that. completely illogical and unreasonable and it doesn't matter because it's how i felt and it wouldn't matter what people said, i would only see everything through the negative lens. it was so bad, i toyed with calling brent and telling him sorry, i couldn't join him to visit bethany up in columbus today because i knew i would be poor, poor company in my current state.

boy am i glad i didn't do that.

after getting a late start because the meeting ran the whole 2 1/2 hours (kurt had led us to believe it would only take an hour or so), and because i had to run home and change jeans, i finally made it to the grove city steak and shake and met brent. since his car was full of stuff, we took mine and drove to bethany's house which is literally out in the middle of nowhere. with all the urban sprawl around grove city, i guess you have to go that far to feel like you're living in the country. anyway, after a brief bout of doubt that we were actually going the right way, we found ourselves at the house. so we walked to the door and bethany and andy met us at the door. we said our hellos and then walked into the kitchen, where my friends steve and angela were standing. and my first thought was, "wow, i didn't know steve and angela knew bethany and andy." and my second thought was, "i guess brent must have invited them down to join us for the afternoon." and then everyone stopped and looked at me and said....

surprise!

boy was it. turns out the whole visiting bethany thing was a cover for a surprise party in honor of my birthday. worked really, really well since even after they said surprise, i had no idea what was going on. but it sank in eventually, especially when they pulled out the gift bags and the sherbet punch. there were only a handful of us - brent and me, andy and bethany and their three kids, steve and angela and nikki from school and her boyfriend jay - but it quickly made me forget the negativity of the past 20 hours and reminded me i am incredibly blessed. after an afternoon of punch and cookies and appetizers and soup and salad and sandwiches (sorry, no lent today!) and cranium and laughter and cake and ice cream and wii and scene it, the worst was over. i felt human again.

i wish i knew what caused these bouts of extreme melancholy, where i can't see beyond the darkness of my own inner navel gazing. i wish i knew how to break out of them without having to rely on surprise birthday parties and unexpected emails from friends. like i said, it's not a brain thing - it's a feeling thing. and those are so much harder to deal with sometimes.

ok, way past my bedtime. via crucis starts tomorrow and i need to be well rested. here's to a truly holy holy week.
Æ

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Now playing: Stryper - Passion (one of my birthday presents, thanks to the balls)
via FoxyTunes

take the skinheads bowling

well, not the skinheads. just me. and gina. and a league one of her coworkers is in. haven't bowled for a while now. we'll see if i'm having an on night or an off night.

thought i better step in here before i leave in 20 minutes so that my reader cannot point out the error of my way and recommend i throw in the towel on this whole lent thing since i failed yet again (i'm pretty sure they were joking...pretty sure).

something to think about: hilary clinton points to her experience making her a more viable candidate than barack obama. she usually points to her time in the white house as first lady giving her the edge. but i don't understand how this makes her more experienced. just because you're the spouse of a brain surgeon and have been in the hospital and watched as surgery was being performed doesn't mean the next time i need to have a tumor removed i'm going to turn to you. being in the general vicinity doesn't make you more qualified.

i'm just sayin'.

the OGT madness is over for another year - don't have to think about it for another five months or so. there was a palpable sense of relief in the air today, though i have to say, i'm going to miss having that extra two and a half hours at the beginning of each day to get stuff done. but at least next week is a short week - three "normal" days and one pep assembly day. not sure i'll make it through act iii of the scottish play, but we'll give it our best shot.

i have recently thrown my hat in with the St. Elizabeth's Arts Foundation that launched recently. i told them of my interest in theatre and so am getting to do a little dreaming and a little planning about what that might look like in the context of the foundation. today i got an email asking if i would be interested in meeting with some local high school students and getting their feel for what they would like to see happen. are you kidding? of course i'm interested. it's one of those areas that i feel i haven't quite achieved yet - one of the reasons i got into teaching high school is because i hoped to find opportunity to work with teens and drama. so maybe this will be the outlet i've been looking for. we'll see.

time to get my bowling gear on (i guess it's college night in the league, so i'm going to pull out my golden flashes stuff). here's hoping i can move my arm tomorrow...
Æ

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Now playing: The Raveonettes - Blitzed
via FoxyTunes

losing momentum

this always seems to happen - the closer i get to easter, the easier it is to let slide those commitments i've made for lent. i had the time yesterday to blog, and yet i found other occupations to steal away my time so that by the time i got home after midnight last night, i had neither the energy or focus to do a decent blog entry. so another day. but really, two in the span of 40+ days isn't too bad.

reasons to always double check your schedule: i knew last night was going to be rough for B&B rehearsal because rehearsal started at 7:30 and i could eat at 7:40. so i packed a lunch and hoped to sneak a sandwich and some doritos during a break. unfortunately, we didn't take a break because, contrary to my belief, it wasn't just a music rehearsal - it was a dance rehearsal for "be our guest" as well. so not ready for that in my khakis and sandals. luckily in "be our guest" i am not in the infamous kick line, which means my main objective is to not fall down. mission accomplished last night. but instead of getting out a little before 10:00 as we had before, we went right up to the end, which put me a little late for my post-rehearsal activity...

...seeing pomegranates perform. had been a while. they're the "artist in residence" at the southgate house this month, which means they perform every wednesday with a guest artist of their choosing. we had thought that meant they would go on second, but when we arrived late because of my boneheadedness, they had already started. still got to see plenty of songs, but would have preferred seeing the whole show. their sound was great last night - always better when isaac's guitar is in the front of the mix. lots of good energy and the new bassist seemed much more confident. i'm going to try and go to their cd release on the 22nd - gina let me borrow her copy, but i need to pick up my own copy. plus there'll be cake.

one more day of the OGT. have to say, proctoring has definitely allowed me to get organized. my files are finally in some semblance of order and i recycled two years worth of tests and exams i'd been keeping in case some student questioned their grade (which i've never had happen, but better safe than sorry). if i'm feeling it tomorrow, i may organize my closet, which is the last piece that needs to be done. classes tomorrow will be a bit of a joke - not only will my sophomore's be checked out now that it's all over, my last bell won't be there again because of the celebration for the sophomores after lunch. so i put together an activity to get us started on act ii. we'll see how it goes.

no piano yet, though i think we finally worked out a time for it to happen. barring something unforeseen, it should be in the grotto next tuesday. need to find someone to meet them probably, since they'll come while i'm teaching. hopefully someone in the community will be able to help a brother out. need to put out an email, see if anyone is available.

ok, time to wind down a bit by catching up on the daily show/colbert report. not sure i'll sleep much tonight - i forgot that just because tea isn't carbonated doesn't mean it doesn't have caffeine. ah well, not like i need to be too focused tomorrow anyway. bye.

(ok, the song for now playing is one of my favorites. i love this version by galaxie 500, even more than the new order version. always makes me smile when it comes on).

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Now playing: Galaxie 500 - Ceremony
via FoxyTunes

multitasking

thoughts may be even more scattered than normal - am trying to rip some of my cds while i type this up. so please forgive minor spelling mistakes, as i'm sure you already do.

technology at school has failed me - i am unable recently to update edline, the communication website we use at mason, because of some security glitch. when i try to update, i get a dialog box that no matter which button i press, causes the entire browser to shut down. and then today my yahoo! mail would not load properly so i was unable to reply to email. tech knows about it but it's amazing how dependent i've become on this technology that even ten years ago didn't exist. was thinking about this last week when the stapler on the copy machine wasn't working and i had to (gasp!) staple by hand. i'm by no means a luddite, but sometimes i wonder if we aren't too dependent on technology to survive.

he says as he rips cds to his portable drive....

i need to stop paying attention to the elections. was watching keith olbermann (thanks to brian for getting me addicted) and they reported ferraro's comments that obama would not be where he is now if he wasn't black. *sigh* is there truth to that? possibly. i am sure there are other senators who would be more qualified to be president but who don't have the personality or charisma to do so. and there is that "historic" quality to the campaign. but to claim that is the primary reason he is currently beating clinton in the campaign is short sighted at best and racist at worst. and to make it worse, clinton has made little attempt to distance herself from the remarks. it's almost like she's happy to let someone else do the dirty work she cannot soil her hands with. again, it's tactics like this that make it impossible for me to imagine voting for her. if i wanted tactics like that, i'd be a republican.

sorry. that was uncalled for.

true, but uncalled for.

productivity continues: i mapped out the trimester. turns out i don't have enough time to show either into the wild or to kill a mockingbird to my classes. may have to see if i can at the very least show clips, though i prefer to show whole piece if possible. of course, this leaves me with a bit of a dilemma as far as into the wild goes. i finally watched it this past weekend and they did a decent job of translating the overall story to the screen, but not most of the controversy. chris comes out the hero instead of a conflicted young man. the dilemma for me is i cannot show it as is to my students. too many f-bombs, too much gratuitous nudity (which isn't in the book, at least the nudity. the f-bomb only twice). as i watched, i could see where i could make cuts that would make it school appropriate. but then aren't i engaging in the same kind of censorship i get incensed about from companies that make "clean" versions of dvds? would it be violating my own feelings on art and censorship? so maybe it's best that i cannot show the whole thing anyway - at least with clips i can pick and choose what to show. of course, i think the students might be able to follow the story better if they saw the whole thing. guess we'll have to see how it goes.

time to head to bed. been nice to have a couple of hours at the beginning of the day to not teach. and my class has a couple of students who take a while to finish the tests, so we haven't had any problems with discipline since they just have to sit there when they finish and count the holes in the ceiling or read a non-textbook or sleep. be over halfway done tomorrow. it's the writing test, the one i'm most nervous about. i pray the effort we put into helping them become better writers becomes evident tomorrow - and that no one finishes in 30 minutes as seems to happen every year. grrr.

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Now playing: XTC - I'm The Man Who Murdered Love
via FoxyTunes

and the nesting continues

must be spring. i organized my desk at school, finished all my grading, paid my norwood taxes from last year (finally - still not sure what happened there), i went and bought salt for my water softener and a filter for my heater and, miracle of miracles, i even picked up some groceries. don't want to think about it too much, just in case by figuring it out i stop doing it.

part of the reason i did some grocery shopping is today began the long two weeks before lent - because of the time change (damn you ben franklin, though the argument could be made that it's whoever decided to move it up to the second weekend of march instead of the first of april that's causing me this frustration), i now will not eat until nearly 8 PM each night. it's amazing how much that extra hour makes such a difference. so i bought some breakfasty food and hopefully will allow myself enough time to grab something to eat. probably not a bad habit to get into anyway.

i might have figured out what is wrong with my garage door opener, though the answer is actually raises more problems than just the garage door. i think water may be flooding underneath my porch, causing the roof of my garage to bow in. it looks pregnant with the possibility of breaking through. i can picture in my head the ceiling caving in on my poor car. i'd assume i would be covered either under homeowners or auto, but who knows. no idea what i would need to do to get it fixed, either. or if it can be fixed. all i know is it would cost more than i have right now.

light rehearsal week - only wednesday. and it's a vocal rehearsal, which should be fun. need to start working on memorizing my parts instead of just knowing them. the music director made cds of the piano accompaniment for everyone, complete with the song list burned into the top of the cd. fancy. i just need to start using it. probably ought to listen on the way to and from school. that's at least 45 minutes a day working on it.

ran into my friend julie while shopping at meijer tonight. completely unexpected, especially since she lives on the other side of 75. we haven't been good at keeping in touch lately. lives get busy - you know how it is. good to catch up with her again. we were looking at trying to get together to celebrate st. patrick's day next week, but, of course, i have rehearsal. did i mention the busy-ness?

time to sleep. must make sure i'm well rested to proctor day two of the OGT. this one's math - i don't care so much about this one. i didn't take the chance to look at the reading test, though the students hated it. no surprise there. one student said they would do better if the reading was interesting. well, duh. the point is, can you comprehend when the information doesn't interest you? plus, i already teach all the interesting stuff, so they have to use the second tier stuff. that's my story and i'm sticking to it. night.
Æ

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Now playing: Pixies - Caribou
via FoxyTunes

do these aches mean i'm old?

had planned to get up early this morning to shovel my driveway so i could drive to the church to drop off the clothes i had gathered and participate in our work day. plus i had to make sure communion was set up for those that wanted to partake. unfortunately, when my alarm went off at 8:00, my body refused to get out of bed, still living under the delusion that it was 7:00 on sunday morning and why on earth would you be getting up now ya frickin' idiot...yeah, my body's a bit grumpy early in the morning. so an hour later i pulled myself out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt and some boots and my ipod and headed outside. took me 45 minutes to clear the driveway enough that i could get out. would have been a little easier if i had, oh, i don't know, maybe cleared all the leaves from my driveway before the white death came. all i know is tomorrow when i wake up, i am sure my body will be even less happy than it was this morning. oh my aching shoulders and back.

i am old old old old old.

hold on, need to get some iced tea. think i might be a bit dehydrated...

oh, much better now.

been trying to work out in my head why yesterday was SO much more productive than my saturdays usually are. i did more yesterday than i have the previous eight or nine saturdays combined. ok, perhaps i exaggerate a bit. but still, quite the impressive list of activities. maybe it's because i had no where else i could go. but usually that means i would find myself lounging in my comfy chair, unable to move from my prone position. wish i could figure it out so i could be that productive every saturday. gina suggested maybe i'm nesting. now there's a frightening thought.

talked to mom and dad on friday. looks like they won't be able to come see me in B&B because they will be in DC those two weekends. just bad timing. thought it was odd i hadn't heard from them about tickets. was good to chat with mom - she was quite chatty. funny - i joined gina and the havens for dinner and it turns out we had all talked to our mothers. it's like the snow came and their maternal instincts kicked in (though gina had to call her mother).

did i mention how sore i am? oh the aches and pains.

phase two of my great music organization is underway. i went through my cd collection and pulled cds i had not ripped the first time or had deleted when i started to run out of room. i've got quite the stack waiting now. need to figure out the best way to do this - itunes for windows is excruciatingly slow at ripping cds, so i've been using my creative mediasource software to do it. i think i can rip it right to my itunes library on my portable HD, which itunes should automatically organize. we'll see how that works.

my gosh, even i'm bored hearing about this.

suppose i should begin moving toward bed now - have to get to school early enough to OGT-proof my room - hide any posters that might help students, make sure there is no way i could be accused of giving my students any unfair advantage since it means my job. heck, i could probably lose my job for even mentioning the OGT on my blog. i better stop before i'm pulled before the state tribunal...
Æ

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Now playing: Radiohead - Go To Sleep (Little Man Being Erased)
via FoxyTunes

Daylight Loser

in honor of tonight. hope everyone remembered....
Æ

Daylight Loser
by: Jake Speed

I had plans to win the war,
cure cancer work in the Peace Corps
clean up the river get cats outta trees
help an old lady cross the street

I was gonna donate a lot of cash
try to make it all the way through an episode of MASH
Help Pete Rose get reinstated
But I’m an hour late ‘cause of Daylight Savings

Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Bifocals, I can see it
But Daylight Savings, bad idea
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Just think of all that could’ve been
Ben Franklin screwed me over again

My To Do list said “write a novel”
Run for Mayor, win America’s Next Top Model
I had it all planned from 7 to 8
‘cause of Daylight Savings, I woke up late

run a marathon, go parachuting
cry on a Barbara Walters interview and
be in a movie with Kevin Bacon
I got denied by Daylight Savings

Ben Franklin screwed me over again
A penny saved is a penny earned
An hour lost, Ben, you’re a jerk
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
I could’ve been the next John Glenn
Ben Franklin screwed me over again

Never got a chance to be a doper
Then clean up and go on Oprah
Daylight Savings totally blew it
Would’ve been a great VH1 Behind the Music

I could’ve been the next Bob Dylan
Or Bob Dylan could’ve been the next me
I’m not even quite sure what that means
I’m writing this song on an hour less sleep

Ben Franklin screwed me over again
He gave us Electricity
Now give us back the hour, please
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
didn’t get time to give this song an end
Ben Franklin screwed me…

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Now playing: Jake Speed - Ben Franklin Screwed Me Over Again
via FoxyTunes

this is why i don't plan ahead

my friday and saturday were packed - friday night movies with the guys, saturday morning meeting for national boards, saturday lunch doing the art walk, saturday night watching MST3K shorts. an excellent time by any standards. and now, because of the weather, only the MST3K remains and i'm still expecting a phone call any time now telling me it has been canceled as well. this is what i get for making plans.

the good news is it's given me lots of time to get stuff done around the house that has gone wanting lately - laundry, for instance. i also cleaned out my closets and dressers for clothes to donate to the salvation army tomorrow. couple bags worth of clothes, one bag of things that needed to be trashed. also finished off laughing gas by wodehouse. fun tale and clever. i also began slam by hornsby. enjoying it immensely. i think several of my students would enjoy reading it. in fact, i'm borrowing it from one of my students. should be a quick read. and after nearly three months, i finally took down my christmas tree. seemed a good time to do it with the blizzard-like conditions outside.

so quite a productive morning. now i have to decide how to spend the rest of my day until MST3K, if it happens. and figure out what i'm going to bring to said gathering. here's hoping the snow lets up enough so i can get out of my garage (which has been giving me fits. if anyone knows how to fix a door opener...). i might do some more work on my music collection - i have finally transferred all my mp3s from my computer to my portable hard drive and then onto my ipod. now i need to go through my cd collection and begin adding those cds i haven't ripped yet. feels a little obsessive (a little thurman?) but there is some satisfaction in having everything ordered and organized.

i'm enjoying the snow immensely. it's deep enough to have covered everything and it's currently drifting down in a magical way, stealing my attention and reminding me of my childhood. usually by this time i would be disappointed with snow like this - being a season guy, in my head it's time for spring, not the last blast of winter. but i shouldn't be surprised - snow like this comes often in march and even april. and it's quite peaceful, something i've been needing after the chaos of the last couple of weeks.

monday starts the OGT, which means a bizarre week. i'm hoping to use my time proctoring the test to get my desk in order (it's bad even for me right now) and make sure everything is planned out for the trimester. also need to figure out when to slowly back out so christina can take over. probably the best bet is to let her do her own thing once we start into the wild. we'll see what we come up with.

time to get clothes out of the dryer and put another load in. might come back if i can't think of anything else to do...
Æ

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Now playing: The National - Slow Show
via FoxyTunes

the white death

i know. i didn't post last night. so i'll try to make up for it by posting twice today. or something.

well, the white death is upon us again. we're getting out after lunch (around 1 PM), just in time to hit all the traffic and crawl through bad cincy drivers for an hour or two. joy. plus, the man movie night has been canceled. for a second time. yesterday they canceled it because of the threat of weather until kurt and i called them nancies and suggested maybe we should watch films like beaches or terms of endearment or a walk to remember or the notebook. so they said we would play it by ear. and since the white death is now upon us, they have canceled it again. so i guess i'll have to find something else to occupy my time tonight.

i broke down and talked to dennis wednesday night about "be our guest." turns out we're waiting to hear if we'll have the costumes we want before assigning roles. but if all goes well, i will be....

a corkscrew.

(insert your own joke here)

i cannot wait to see what that costume looks like. and am wondering what it will be like to dance in it. couldn't find anything with a quick google search. we'll see.

i feel like my lent has been be lacking. i surely haven't put enough time into the positive side of lent (other than the writing almost every day). i haven't been seeking to follow isaiah 58 as i should. i'm not going to beat myself over it - enough guilt already in my life - but with only a couple weeks left in this time, i'm feeling perhaps i didn't listen enough to God before starting this journey. or maybe it's become merely a ritual. hard to battle against that i suppose but still disheartening.

bell rang. time for not eating lunch. two more hours to go and it keeps getting worse outside. my prediction: i won't get home until after 4:00 today. fearful bunch of nancy drivers.
Æ

now playing: Old 97's - Victoria

6:39 AM

this is what time i woke up this morning. i realized i cannot hear my alarm ring when it is in my coat pocket in another room.

*sigh*

walked into my classroom at 7:15, just as the bell rang for first bell. not bad considering it's usually a 20-25 minute drive with no traffic. i'll let you do the math. at least i woke up in time to make it, though.

and then i find out that ohio once again royally screws everything during an election. they have now given hillary every reason to continue to tear the democratic party apart with her negative campaigning and grandstanding. more power to her. even though she still trails in delegate count, she now feels the vote in ohio shows that everyone in the country wants her to be president. so like some demonic groundhog, ohio has said there will be three more long months of distortions and attacks from both sides so by the time the general election comes, all mccain will have to do is point to the negativity of the past six months and say, "see, i'm better than that." and so the democrats will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory once again.

my take: if hillary gets the nomination, i will "throw away" my vote and give it to nader. because really, both mccain and clinton will do little to fix what's wrong with our political system. not that i'm convinced obama could do any better, but at least he's pointed in that direction. the other two are the same old same old. of course, that might change if she takes obama as her vice president, but her campaign has left such a horrible taste in my mouth, it will be hard to vote for her. and no, it's not because i'm sexist, thankyouverymuch. it's not because she's female - it's because she's what i hate about politics.

you would think since i hate politics so much i would not talk about them, especially since most of the time i can't talk about them logically. but i get the feeling something else will fly in my craw and i'll be back. i promise, though, not to let it take over the blog. that i know i can do.

grades are done. wasn't too bad. now off to get all my ducks in a row for this trimester (funny aside: i tried to use this phrase last week and said "get all my eggs in a row." guess it's better than "all my ducks in one basket." God bless you malapropisms).

Now playing: Slaid Cleaves - Key Chain

drive-by posting

no time to post. must finish grades. but wanted to keep my lenten promise. so....

voted today. no wait. no problems. still feels like my vote is wasted because someone nullified my vote not long after i voted. but that's the way elections go, i suppose. won't know the results until well in the morning. i'll probably still be up, so i'll have to check and see how it turned out.

on the way to the polls, the wilco/billy bragg number "christ our president" came on my mp3 player. funny.

singing rehearsal tonight - "be our guest" and "human again." guess i know which songs will be stuck in my head the next couple of days.

life will be much better tomorrow at 7am when 2nd tri grades are posted. life will be just a little less hectic. and third tri doesn't look too bad grading-wise which is good.

enough time wasted. must get to grading.
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Now playing: Neko Case - That Teenage Feeling
via FoxyTunes

third time's a charm

so yesterday we learned our third version of the choreography for gaston's number. seems the first two weren't exactly what dennis had in mind. much happier to be making the changes now instead of, say, the week before the show. muscles are a little sorer today than usual, possibly because of the kicks i have to do now. feeling much more comfortable with the dancing than at first - i'm pretty good with choreography, assuming i can see how it's done and don't have to try and translate fancy french words. and the more we work on it, the more confident i get, which can only help.

still don't know who i am beyond the baker - think i'm going to have to ask next rehearsal so i can figure out exactly when i am called. keep thinking i missed a communique somewhere along the line. time to put my trepidation aside and ask.

stayed after school today until 7 finishing up the exams. now i just have to finish up the senior research papers so i can post final grades by wednesday. throwing a wrench in the plans is voting and house church and rehearsal tomorrow. but if i can make it through tomorrow, i should finally have a little breathing space, what with OGT coming next week. hopefully i'll be able to catch up on some of the little things that have fallen between the cracks - like taking down my christmas tree, which still stands in my front window. sad, i know.

so i decided to take possession of a piano today. i had just been talking to rachel on friday about how i regretted not taking advantage of a free piano offered to me a year or so ago. so when this one came up on the district bulletin board, i jumped on it. did a little research and even at its most expensive, it should be less than $200 for the piano to be moved to my humble abode from mason. not a bad deal at all. will still have to get it tuned, but it seems a good way to spend some of my tax return. now if i could just learn to play it...

time to curl up and sleep.
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Now playing: The Raveonettes - Blush
via FoxyTunes

Beauty and the Beast ticket info

Step into the enchanted world of Broadway's modern classic. Based on the Academy Award winning animated feature, the stage version includes all of the wonderful songs from the film, written by Alan Menken and the late Howard Ashman (the team responsible for Little Shop of Horrors), plus new songs written especially for the Broadway version by Mr. Menken and Tim Rice (Aladdin, Aida).

The show was 60% sold by the first rehearsal, so don't wait too long to order your tickets!

NOTE: if you order online or by phone, there will be an extra $2.50 service charge AND a $2.75 handling fee (this is out of our control). You can avoid these fees by going to the box office at the Aronoff or by making arrangements for someone to order them for you. If you're looking at the seating charts, look at the one for the Jarson-Kaplan Theater.

Show Dates

May 9 @ 8pm

May 10 @ 8pm

May 11 @ 2:30pm

May 14 @ 7:30pm

May 15 @ 7:30pm

May 16 @ 8pm

May 17 @ 2:30pm & 8pm

Ticket Prices

$21.50 & $20.50*

*20.50 for 1st and 2nd side balconies AND for groups of 10 or more for each performance

Tickets can be purchased in person, by phone, or online

In Person: At the CAA Ticket Office - Aronoff Center

By Phone: Call (513) 621-ARTS (2787)

Online: Click Here to Order Tickets Online

wasted?

no, i haven't been drinking. but i wonder if my day was as the title suggests. i've been trying to be conscious of taking a sabbath every week - one day when i set aside any responsibilities and rest. so though i have a ton of grading to do, i decided to not do any of it. i wonder if that's more attributable to my laziness or my wanting to follow God's commands. perhaps a bit of both. it wasn't a completely wasted day - i spent a good deal of time getting my computer in shape, including finally deleting all the mp3s off my hard drive that are now on my portable drive. did a disk cleanup and a defrag. went out tonight, grabbed some dinner, picked up my redken water wax and looked for a car mount for my ipod. no such luck. the only one i found included a car charger, which, while nice, is not something i think i will need, especially at $53 dollars. so i'll wait. i also watched beauty and the beast tonight, something i probably should have done before rehearsals started. it's my favorite of the modern disney movies, with good reason.

and now i need to be heading to bed. gathering in the morning. meeting afterwards. rehearsal in the afternoon. and then time to grade. i don't think it will be too bad, but i have been wrong before. i'm sure my students are going crazy waiting for their grades. ok, so maybe only a couple. i just want to get it done so i can stop worrying about it.

i always think i'll have more to share when i come here, some deep thoughts of some sort or some clever observations on the world we live in and life in general. but then i get here and it turns out to be just the highlights of a mediocre day. of course, when you do little to nothing, it shouldn't be surprising that your writing isn't so exciting.

i need to take another class so i can write some more poetry. sad that it takes a deadline for the poetry inside me to come out.

off to bed.
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Now playing: Julian Cope - World Shut Your Mouth
via FoxyTunes

it's the thought that counts

tonight one of the drama students, robyn, was presenting her capstone final - a production she directed starring some other students i have had. though it meant another 50-60 minutes in the car, i figured it would be a good way to show support and a good way to spend the evening. so i left around six, drove up to moe's, enjoyed dinner and then headed to the play - only to discover the show started at 7:00, not 7:30 like i thought. so it was over and done by the time i walked in late. felt bad i had missed it. but hey, at least i didn't spend friday night alone in my house, right?

first day of classes went well, even with the abbreviated prep time. not a lot of returning students this trimester. huge classes again, which always seems to happen third tri. so glad there are no major papers this tri - grading 120 papers is a bit overwhelming. speaking of which, guess what i'm doing this weekend. that's right, yet another pile of essays and research papers. i have until wednesday to post grades, but need to get these done so those students who failed can start saving up money for summer school. joy.

not sure if anyone out there is a connoisseur of frozen pizza, but if you've never tried jack's frozen pizzas, do not, under any circumstances. sauce is too sweet, not enough veggies on the supreme and like television during the summertime, it just kept on repeating. bleah. little sleep yet once more. had to break my lenten promise of no carbonated beverages to try and settle my stomach. that and sucking on a peppermint eventually helped, but miserable until then. as if i needed more proof that i'm getting old.

finally got online and figured out where i am registered to vote so i can do so on tuesday. not sure why it always comes down to ohio, but i guess it's better than feeling your vote is meaningless. would love to believe it will all come to an end tuesday, but somehow i see this stretching out for months more, even if obama wins texas or ohio. i wish i could believe hillary would step aside gracefully, but i don't think it's part of her personality.

started reading laughing gas by p.g. wodehouse, a book sarah loaned me last year at her wedding. enjoying it immensely. not sure why it's taken me so long to get around to it. when douglas adams declares someone the funniest writer, i should have listened. clever and vedy vedy british. not sure i'd say he's funnier than mr. adams, but definitely an enjoyable read.

ok, time to try and sleep again. feel like it might actually happen this weekend, unlike last friday when i was up until 5am. someday i'll fall into a normal sleep pattern. i hope.
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Now playing: Rufus Wainwright - Across The Universe
via FoxyTunes

one thing without stain unspotted from the world

i believe we do not so much choose our passions as they choose us. something about them strikes a chord in our being, ringing through the years, until we cannot tell their booming tone from our own heartbeat. for some it's a hobby. for some it's a sports team. for some it's a religion.

for me, it's cyrano de bergerac.

where i first read the story is lost in the peeling facade of my history. i assume it came through an english class but what year i could not say. junior high? high school? all i know is at some point i was introduced to this tragic hero, cyrano-savinien-hercule de bergerac and ever since i've found myself shaped by this piece of beautiful fiction, so much more true than reality at times.

tonight i watched the jose ferrer version for the first time on the big screen. strangely enough, it was part of showcase cinema's "heartthrob thursdays." it certainly is a romantic story, but not like most of the other choices, like charade or when harry met sally. which probably explains why i was was one of two people in the entire theater. should have known when the theater didn't even know what movie i was talking about that it wouldn't be well attended.

as i sat there in the dark, watching these lines that have been woven into the very fibre of my being come to life, i realized how often some of these lines come up in my thoughts.

"i carry my adornments on my soul"
"what a fool - but what a gesture"
"to make myself in all things admirable"
"i seemed to see over some flower a great snail crawling"
"my old friend - look at me and tell me how much hopes remains for me"
"she might laugh at me; and that is the one thing in this world i fear"
"BRING ME GIANTS"
"oh...i have done better since"
"to sing, to laugh, to dream"
"never to make a line i have not heard in my own heart"
"those pretty nothings that are everything"
"lady, o read my letter with your lips"
"night making all things dimly beautiful"
"what am i, what is any man, that he dare ask for you?"
"there comes one moment, once"
"love, i love beyond breath, beyond reason, beyond love's own power of loving"
"a secret whispered to listening lips apart"
"a moment made immortal"
"somehow that news fails to disquiet me"
"it is a little thing to die, but - not to see her, that is terrible"
" i did not wait for you to say i might"
"i have missed everything, even my death"
"i have had one friend not quite all a friend"
"ah you too vanity! i knew you would overthrow me in the end"
and of course...
"my white plume"

and so many more. i cannot tell if i love this play because of who i am or if what i am is because i love this play. i wonder if i had read the play at a different time in my life - perhaps after i had become a little more cynical - if it would still hold the same resonance it does. there are perfect moments when you are exactly who you need to be to connect with something. that definitely happened with me and rostand's play.

the strangest moment of the night came after the movie had ended and the lights came up. as i turned around to put my coat on, i glanced up and looked for the first time at the other member in the audience. there, four rows from the top, was an older gentleman, looking very much the literature professor type. and before he slipped his coat on, i noticed something: we were wearing similar shirts. and i had a strange, sci-fi moment, where i wondered if perhaps i was looking at myself from the future, doing much of what i do now - sneaking off to catch my favorite movie alone. a little eerie. a little scary. a little thought-provoking.
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Now playing: U2 - I Fall Down
via FoxyTunes

unexpected package

when i returned home from school yesterday, i found a door hanger saying that i had missed a package from fed ex. this struck me as odd since i hadn't ordered anything. so i got online and looked up the door hanger code, which told me the package originated in memphis. this only deepened the mystery as i know no one in memphis and had no idea what it could be. i toyed with driving to the warehouse to pick it up but figured since i didn't know what it was i could wait one more day. so i signed the form and left it on the door so they would leave it for me this time.

when i got home today, i found a medium-sized box on my porch. i shook it and could hear something moving around inside. intrigued i ran my key along the seal and opened it up. inside was...a phone. from verizon. one of those fancy ones with a camera on one side and then a screen that opens up to a mini-keyboard. only, there was no battery with it. nothing i could actually use. not that i would have any way since, well, it's obviously not mine. looks like i'll be making a call to verizon to figure out what i should do with it. i'm guessing someone somewhere in cincinnati is not happy right now.

another long day. early rise to make sure my exams were ready for today. finally knocked out the persuasive essays. talked with christina about the start of the trimester friday. went to an inane meeting about proctoring the ogt where we were reminded once again that we could lose our job and/or our license if we screw it up. no pressure. then off to the academic team coaches' meeting. ray missed getting on first team all-conference by one point. but both he and ahmed made second team, so i guess that's something. mark and i had hoped we would resolve the challenging questions issue, but basically everyone decided to go by "home court advantage," meaning, each school could choose to do what they want. we're going to always go by the book as i think the majority of schools will. but i'm not convinced that will be true everywhere. as the sycamore coach pointed out, once you open it up to questioning, then you're going to have to be googling everything. not a good idea. anyway, i finally made it home around 5:15 - just enough time to watch the daily show before i headed out to grab a bite to eat on my way to another dance rehearsal. turned out the director didn't care for the choreography we worked three hours on monday night, so we had to mix it up a bit. wasn't too bad, except he came back in and wasn't completely happy with the changes. ah well. at least we're having a good time doing it.

today in my continuing quest to avoid being productive, i stopped by andy' s room and talk turned to politics. he said he could never vote for a democrat because of their stand on abortion and gay marriage. he then asked how i as a christian could justify voting for a democrat knowing their stand on these issues. i tried to articulate what i was thinking, but i don't think i did a good job. and i'm still not sure i could articulate it (which is one of the reasons i hate discussing politics - i always end up feeling like an idiot). when it comes to the presidency, i don't see them having much say in issues like that. not like anything changed under clinton in those areas. but then i look at the precedent set by the current administration and i fear the executive branch can now pretty much do whatever it wants, congress and judiciary be damned. so maybe those are valid concerns - if you think those are important issues in our society. me, i guess i have different priorities.

ok, it's almost midnight and i have to be sure to get up on time tomorrow so i can drive rachel to work - her car's been on the fritz all week. will probably try to at least get my classes loaded into my gradebook before sleep - one less thing i have to finish before friday that way. here's hoping sleep comes soon, though it doesn't feel like it right now...
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Now playing: Billy Squier - All Night Long
via FoxyTunes

i'm the baker

found out tonight. at least that's what i am in the opening "bonjour" number. others will be coming, i think. who knows. i get to be uninterested in belle's reading. fun.

been a bit absent this week. final week of the tri - two days of classes, two days of exams and then we start the new trimester on friday. usually we get a teacher work day, but no such luck this time because of the ohio student government convention being held at mason in april. we exchanged the day for one in april. when we don't need it. ah well. all that to say, my time has been severely crunched. between school and rehearsal, haven't had much time for sitting in front of the computer typing my thoughts out. and i'm afraid it's only going to get worse.

cannot stay long, but wanted to let you, my faithful readers, know that i haven't forgotten my lenten promise to write here. will share my initial thoughts on being in BatB soon. suffice it to say, i am enjoying myself immensely. lots of singing, lots of dancing, lots of new people to get to know.

must sleep so i can be awake enough to grade tomorrow morning first thing. so much to do, so little, little time.
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Now playing: Phil Collins - Take Me Home
via FoxyTunes

oscar recap

so since i cannot seem to fall asleep again, i figured i'd jot down some initial impressions of tonight's oscars. i watched them at gina's. this, her 38th annual oscar party, was probably the most laid back, mostly because a month ago no one knew if they were happening or not. spent the evening with her and the havens and angela. good times.

thoughts....

• jon stewart rocked again as the host. i hope people are kinder to him this time than they were last time. my favorite moment: after the orchestra ushered off marketa before she could give her speech, jon brought her back out and let her speak. class.
• so glad "falling slowly" won. amazing. i wasn't impressed with the full orchestra version they did at the show - if that's your only exposure to the song, get thee to your favorite video store and rent once. the version in the movie beats the oscar version (and the soundtrack version) hands down. so happy for both of them.
• impressed by the number of non-american winners. at least it seemed that way. loved javier's words to his mother. great moment.
• the bit on failed montages was hysterious! seriously brilliant.
• made it to see there will be blood saturday afternoon. and i decided why i was so disappointed with the best picture nominees this year: lack of hope. other than juno, all of the best pictures were hopeless films. i suppose if movies are a reflection of our culture, then our culture is feeling rather hopeless right now. given the state of everything, it's not surprising. but i get enough hopeless with every day life - i don't need movies to remind me of it. i want them to give me something more. it's why once was my favorite film of the year and why i cannot rejoice of no country winning.

i should be heading to sleep, but it feels far away again. after the insomnia of friday night, i slept until 10 or so saturday morning and was up late last night. perhaps i should see my doctor about this, though last time i did that, they put me on anti-depressants instead of sleep aids so i'm a little wary. going to be a crazy week - after only two days last week and two days left in the trimester, we're going to be playing catch up. luckily i planned to lose a couple of days at the end, so it shouldn't be too bad. still need to put together my exam for my sophomores. maybe i'll go work on that to put myself to sleep.

this morning ended my run with the house of blue leaves. going to miss being with those people. such a great group to work with. strike was a bit sparse, which is why i prefer to do it right after the show - you don't lose nearly as many people. no time for post-production blues, though - beauty and the beast rehearsals started this afternoon. in fact, i drove right from strike to rehearsal. fun. found out they've already sold 60% of the run already. before we started rehearsals. wow. i'll post ticket info here soon as well as a way to avoid the nearly $5 in service charges. cast looks to be fun - i look forward to getting to know them over the coming weeks. dance rehearsal starts tomorrow. here's hoping i don't pull something. still no idea what "role" i'll be playing other than ensemble. hopefully that will become clear soon.

enough lollygagging here. pray sleep comes to me soon.
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Now playing: Ben Folds Five - One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces
via FoxyTunes

is this why i'm still awake?

so i just realized i didn't write on friday, but since i still haven't gone to bed yet, i think i should be allowed to count it. i have no idea why i am still up. i'm just not tired. at all. decided i should try to go to bed, but then realized i'll probably just lie there, unable to fall asleep. and i hate that.

the penultimate show went well tonight. only one more to go. hard to believe it's almost over. of course, when you put together a show in five weeks, i suppose it will seem to fly by. going to miss seeing everyone. the show was a lot more fun than i thought it might be. wish i had invited more people to see it. i know a couple of people came, but no one stayed around after it was over. hmmm. wonder if that should tell me something about the play...or my performance...

the sophomore research papers are graded. of course the seniors won't turn theirs in until monday with all the snow days - and i'm sure a few of them will think they're not due until tuesday because of the snow. i wish i had told them monday was the final deadline no matter what the weather held. ah well. will give them the option of comments or just a grade. worked remarkably well last trimester.

of course, i left all the persuasive essays at school, which means i have to drive all the way to mason to pick them up so i can get them into the gradebook on sunday. must have reminded myself over a dozen times to pick them up thursday. that sound you hear is me thwacking myself in the head. am thinking i might stop by the mason showcase to see there will be blood. seems only fair to see all the best picture nominees before making my choice.

still no idea why i'm still awake. and not feeling any closer to nodding off. maybe i'll go watch the house episode that taped tonight. better than lying in the dark praying for sleep.

ok, better go give this sleep thing a shot. night.
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Now playing: Stevie Nicks - Edge Of Seventeen
via FoxyTunes

the agony and ecstasy of living in cincy

two hours. it took me two hours to drive from mason to home. i left at 4:30 after i allowed film club to talk me into staying after school, even though every other activity had been canceled; even the media center closed early. things were fine until i hit just north of fields ertel, when everything came to a stop. literally. for the next hour and a half, we didn't break the 10 mph mark. miserable. the combination of weather with everyone letting their workers out early caused the slowest traffic i've been in for quite a while. i despise cincinnati drivers on good days. on days like today, i downright loathe them. i was so done by the time i pulled into wendy's for some supper. and then they were out of the beverage i wanted (i gave up carbonated beverages as part of my lenten fast). grrrrrrr. but i eventually made it home and got to relax a bit since our line rehearsal was canceled because of the weather.

and then, just before i was heading to prayers, i got the call - no school tomorrow. nothing better than knowing the night before that you don't have to get up early in the morning. completely screws my end of the trimester plans, but hey, i think i can live with it.

everyone see the eclipse last night? quite fun to walk the neighborhood and see groups of people staring at the sky. so strange to think about what it must have been like for people before we knew what it was. the moon slowly disappears, then turns red. no wonder they told tales of monsters.

had a great conversation tonight with my friend candice. she never fails to lift my spirits and help me be more aware of God. He truly is around us all the time, if only we would open our eyes to see.

deeper thoughts will have to wait until later. right now i need to take advantage of my ability to sleep past 7 tomorrow. nothing like a two day work week, though there will be plenty of school stuff to keep me busy tomorrow. but i'll be sure to sneak in here some time.
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Now playing: Drive-By Truckers - Let There Be Rock
via FoxyTunes

God smiled on me

i was up late last night, finishing off the OGT literary term activity i wanted to do - it always takes me longer than i anticipate, mostly because i enjoy putting stuff like this together. it's a sickness, i know. anyway, when the alarm went off four hours after i went to bed, i could not find the energy to pull myself out of bed. so i let the snooze go off. and off. and off. then, three minutes before the last snooze would ring, my phone rang. snow day said the screen on my phone. two hour delay. sweet. so i reset my alarm for 6:45 and went to get more sleep (which unfortunately didn't come easily, but lying in bed was enough).

when the alarm rang again, i jumped up, grabbed my shower and waited for 7:20 to roll around so i could get in my car and drive to morning prayers. i pulled on my coat, grabbed my bookbags and headed to the car. as i opened the garage door, my phone rang. snow day calling. we were canceled. i laughed all the way up the stairs and out the door to walk to prayers. so much for the weather reports that said little accumulation. the second call actually said the roads were getting worse in mason. glad i don't have to go anywhere. of course, it will throw my lesson plans out of whack, but i already have ideas on how to adapt them to work. will make my seniors happy since their research papers will now be due on monday instead of friday.

i wish i didn't have to wait for snow days to start my day with communal morning prayer. really starts the day well.

of course, being home will make fasting a little trickier. as i found out this weekend, grading is not enough to keep my mind off my hunger. but perhaps it will give me impetus to finish. that's the hope, anyway.

more later, perhaps. need to go do my snow day dance of celebration.
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Now playing: U2 - What's Going On
via FoxyTunes

i think i've caught it

obamania
noun
The national obsession with presidential hopeful Barack Obama

caught the tail end of his speech tonight where he talked about his use of the word hope. and i know he's been attacked for being all rhetoric and no action and being full of ideas but not full of solutions, but after hearing him speak, i find myself wanting to believe what he says, that the time of politics as usual has passed and it is time to build a new future together.

and he's better than the other alternatives. mccain will give us the same old failed ideas and policies of the current administration. and clinton will give us, well, politics, politics, politics. i was wary of her before the primary season; i despise her now. she represents what i hate about politics. and i know obama is at heart a politician, but at least there's hope that things could be different. i still don't trust him to be able to implement all of his ideas. but at least he's willing to try.

i don't often talk about politics because, well, i despise them. and i can never adequately articulate my feelings or argue coherently. like stephen colbert, i go with my gut. and my gut says of the choices out there, obama is my man this time. maybe eventually i'll figure out why.
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Now playing: Me First & The Gimme Gimmes - Over The Rainbow
via FoxyTunes

better do this now

need to head back down for the final push on today's grading - nine more inp book reviews to grade. been a relatively productive day. at least i didn't sleep it away, though it was terribly tempting. was cold all day long and just couldn't seem to warm up. but i got a chunk of the grading done and all my laundry done, so i declare it a success.

talked to the 'rents today - turns out they know of my blog and have now shared the link with their sunday school class. seems my discussion of the great spaghetti monster raised some curiosity. now not only do i have to concern myself with my students, but with my mom and dad's sunday school. actually, i'll probably forget and type something terribly offensive. sorry in advance mom and dad. just tell them you did the best you could raising me. blame it on the rock and roll. and television. and the internet.

good to go to prayers this morning. wish i could do it every day. i'm somewhat surprised it wasn't better attended - just angela and me, much like it is for evening prayers. but then i suppose not everyone gets the day off.

i have so little to share. at least nothing of interest. kurt loaned me the first season of arrested development. i can see why people like it, but am not quite getting the passion for the show. kurt said it was the best tv sitcom ever. high praise, but not sure it's deserved yet. we'll see how i feel when (if?) i finish the first season. certainly is better than most of the "popular" shows out now. so of course it got canceled.

i enjoyed watching the snow drift down this afternoon. peaceful. comforting. then the winds came and forced it to swirl a little more violently. still beautiful, but with an edge. just enough of a dusting to cover the brown grass and make everything a little brighter. i've missed winter this year - too much rain, too many drastic temperature changes for my taste. but glad i could enjoy today's moment.

ok, time to grade again. this will be a common theme for a while. six days of classes left in the trimester plus two days of exams. and them boom!, we're in the last trimester. scary.
Æ

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Now playing: The Beastie Boys - Three MCs And One DJ
via FoxyTunes

just under the wire

spent the better part of the last two hours trying to get together stuff for tuesday's class. i had hoped it wouldn't take as long as it has, but alas, it's taken far longer than it should. didn't help that i've been trying to multitask and get some of my emusic downloads onto cd. got eleven done, but still have a lot of work to do to organize my itunes folder. bleah. not a fan of itunes. maybe it's better on a mac, but it's so annoying on my pc.

church this morning was excellent. my "sister" judy and her husband robin were there. surprised to see them, though i shouldn't have been, since they know the mcneely's who have been coming. steven hamilton spoke. he was here to talk about human trafficking. he started by saying how hard it was to work for justice, which echoed some of what i wrote about yesterday. he spoke about agape love being a reorienting of ourselves, which makes sense, though it's odd to think of God "changing" to reorient himself. it struck me how easy it is to let things like human trafficking to go unchallenged. reminds me of the "what i have left undone" part of our confession.

got to spend time with the havens tonight again. really need to do that more often. they're getting ready to transition from kenny staying at home and marisa working to marisa staying at home and kenny working. i pray the transition isn't too tricky for either of them.

ok, i should get some sleep if i hope to make any headway against the mountain of grading waiting for me. discipline - i must have discipline tomorrow. Father, help me in my weakness!
Æ

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Now playing: Morphine - The Saddest Song
via FoxyTunes

dilemmas

i'm not in my normal hallway fortress of solitude - instead i'm sitting in the dressing room with everyone else. which i supposed is a bit of bad form, writing while people are being social.

i spent a lot of money today - more than i like to. yesterday, one of the guys working on my neighbors roof stopped me as i got my mail and said while they were up on their ladders, they noticed my gutters were clogged with leaves. he offered to clear them out for $60. since i own no ladder and i hate cleaning them, i said sure. so they came over this morning. sometimes you spend money to save yourself time and frustration. then i mailed a package, which set me back another $10. dinner, $10. gas, $35. post-show revelry, $15. spending money like you have it - priceless.

saw atonement this afternoon. three down, two to go. it was good, but like most of the oscar films i've seen, it left me wanting a bit. pacing was a bit slow, especially the war section. loved the long tracking shot on the beach and thought the music was fantastic. i liked the incorporation of the typewriter as a rhythmic element. it's my pick for best picture of the three i've seen. it won't win. no country has that wrapped up. but i personally liked atonement better. still want to see michael clayton. i think it hits dvd this week, so maybe i'll try it that way. and the cast tells me i should see see there will be blood. so maybe i will. only one week left. better get a move on.

am trying to decide if i can take a second sabbath tomorrow and just spend monday working. we'll see. maybe i can pull together my OGT stuff tomorrow and grade all day monday. so much for a three day weekend.

things that thrill my soul: found out there's a moe's at the levee. much closer than mason. went there tonight before ths how, which may turn out to be a bad idea. feeling a bit bloated at the moment.

i thought about going to the human trafficking gathering - how to stop it, not how to participate in in it. but decided, selfishly probably, that i didn't want to spend my saturday that way. and i wonder if i should care more than i do. and i despair of what i could do to help, which i know is no way to view a problem, turning a blind eye. which obviously i'm beating myself up over, yet i don't know why other than my penchant for guilt and martyrdom.

i think the abyss from yesterday still lingers.

time to get my habit on. i might have people in the audience tonight - be the first ones. guess i'll stayin in costume tonight instead of changing immediately, in case there are pictures to be taken. mustn't keep my public waiting...Æ

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Now playing: The Urban Hillbilly Quartet - Nightmares
via FoxyTunes

the scottish play

so right before the show our illustrious director and billy in the show spoke the most terrifying word an actor can hear backstage. yep, he referenced the scottish play. i know many of you are unbelievers, mockers even of such a superstition. but let me demonstrate why it is verboten anywhere near a stage.

• bunny's earring broke and fell off - no problems previously
• lines were dropped that had never been dropped before
• music fell off the piano and scattered about
• our bananas got confused, thought we were at the end of the scene instead of in the middle and completely missed an entrance
• bunny forgot to bring her purse and keys onto the stage ,which made it very difficult for her to give the little nun her keys
• worst of all, we had the deadest. audience. ever. so quiet you could hear the flopsweat dripping from our brows

so thanks ted. thanks a lot. of course, perhaps it can't all be blamed on the invocation of the scottish play. the day seemed off from the time my alarm went off this morning. i hit the snooze the max five times, then reset the alarm to get ten more minutes of sleep. took my shower and still wanted to go back to bed. got to school and wanted to go back home, even though it was a short friday. even free folksong friday failed to fill my feelings with fullness of life. an inexplicable sadness filled me all day. didn't help that i struggled with my fasting today for the first time. i seriously entertained cheating. but i held fast (pun intended).

time for curtain call. more later, perhaps, after the revelry.

(later) or not.
Æ

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Now playing: Jake Speed - Ben Franklin Screwed Me Over Again
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cheating

i have no thoughts of mine own for today. so i share this that i found.
Æ

A Prayer For Valentine's Day
from Out of the Ordinary by Joyce Rupp

Praise to the One whose love stirs the ancient embers
sparks the breath of prayer

Praise to the One whose love entices the wandering
beckons the confused

Praise to the One whose love grows wings on the weary
dreams hope in the discouraged

Praise to the One whose love soothes with the ointment of mercy
transforms with the touch of compassion

Praise to the One whose love threads the energy of friendship
stitches the strength of fidelity

Praise to the One whose love tickles the soul with laughter
urges the heart toward joy

Praise to the one whose love embraces the untamed
dances with the passionate

All praise to this Gracious One
All gratitude to this Beloved
All love to this Mentor of Friendship
All devotion to this Shaper of Hearts.

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Now playing: Old 97's - Valentine
via FoxyTunes

lost, now found

so i found this a while ago, but hadn't updated my blog. so for those who didn't know, my good friend brian has a great blog that was stolen from him. he has found a way back.

http://therealbigrockcandymountain.blogspot.com/

it's over there on the right for future reference. glad to have him back.

saturday night after the play, the cast went out to the york street cafe for some post-show revelry. while there, discussions turned to religion, specifically the craziness of the creation museum and the small-mindedness of those who believe the Bible to be true. i listened to their conversation, hearing their arguments and realizing the church has done a horrible job of presenting itself to many people. they brought up the great spaghetti monster, declaring it a brilliant argument against religion in general. now i have to admit, i find the great spaghetti monster amusing and it does point to some of the ridiculousness preached in the name of God. but it also points to a deeper question, one i ran across again last night in my nightly buechner reading: "what's so good about religion anyway?" buechner talks about the question this way:

...I found myself speechless. I felt surely there must be something good about it. Why else was I there? But for the moment I couldn't for the life of me think what it was. Maybe the truth of it is that religion the way he means it - a system of belief, a technique of worship, an institution - doesn't really have all that much about it that is good when you come right down to it, and perhaps my speechlessness in a way acknowledged as much.

Unless you become like a child, Jesus said, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven, and maybe part of what that means is that in the long run what is good about religion is playing the way a child plays at being grown up until h finds that being grown up is just another way of playing and thereby starts to grow up himself. Maybe what is good about religion is playing that the Kingdom will come, until - in the joy of your playing, the hope and rhythm and comradeship and poignance and mystery of it - you start to see that the playing is itself the first-fruits of the Kingdom's coming and of God's presence within us and among us.

i think sometimes it's hard to talk about faith with my friends who don't believe because they have valid points. religion does sometimes seem to cause more harm than good. wars, division, intolerance, self-righteousness, small-mindedness. hard to argue against those things that are often done in the name of religion. but they miss out on the joy that can be there when you find yourself "playing," pretending you are something that you wish you were and then eventually, hopefully, discovering you've become just that.

Father, help those of us playing to be better at presenting the joy and hope you offer. help us to experience that joy and hope ourselves.
Æ

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Now playing: Bruce Cockburn - The Whole Night Sky
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the final hour

fasting from sunrise to sunset is most difficult when you don't have anything to do, when you don't fill your time with enough activity to keep your mind off the fact that you haven't eaten in 22 hours.

that's where i am right now.

God smiled on us today and brought just enough nasty weather mason's way to keep us from school. i knew last night going to bed that i had a two hour delay, so i got to sleep in until 6:30 and just as i was pulling on my clothes, the phone rang and the news that they had canceled school rang loud and clear. so i through on some jeans and a sweatshirt and headed to morning prayers. spent the day catching up on stuff i've been putting off. relaxed a little. but as great as it was to be off school, it was a tough one fasting-wise. very aware of my desire for food. found myself several times today praying, which is the point, of course.

everyone in house church is sick, so we'll not be meeting tonight. been struggling lately with my role as leader - truth is, i feel i mostly suck. and i wonder if we wouldn't be better off without me leading. if one of my roles is to help set the vision for the church, i'm not sure i've done much to help with that. the vision i had has not come to fruition. and i know there's been a lot going on in our lives and i realize ultimately it is God's hands, but i can't help but feel like i'm hindering - not so much because of what i'm doing, but more what i'm not doing. and i'm not sure if the rest of the group is feeling that or not. probably something we should talk about.

my head is all wonky from lack of food. not a good idea to blog right now.

these lyrics just ran through my itunes:

tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

always have loved that song.

40 more minutes. think i'm going to find something other than this to occupy my time. might blog later. who knows. not me.
Æ

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Now playing: Sixpence None The Richer - Tension Is A Passing Note
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