first moves

i know, cheesy title. what can i say?

some (OK, peanutdowns mostly) have been asking for an update on my experiences as a cast member in Chess. have been meaning to do this, but theendofthetrimester has pretty much occupied all of my time (not to mention the existential angst of deciding i'm not truly a writer - but that's a post for another time). but now that exams are going and i find myself with a miraculous "free night," i thought i'd give some initial thoughts.

first, the musical itself. i have to admit, i'm a bit disappointed. see, i "grew up" on the london version of the show. we're doing the american. and oh my the differences. the songs are there, but some have been changed to fit the new book. and the new book sucks. sorry, no other way to put it. from what i've been able to piece together, mr. rice was unhappy with the way the london production went, so hired richard nelson to rework the book. huge mistake. i don't know what else mr. nelson has done (and i have neither the time nor the interest to find out), but my gosh did he butcher this. the story changes make little sense, the dialogue is stilted at best. don't get me wrong - the show was never really about the story. and the songs will be great to see stage. i'm just disappointed that for legal reasons only the american version can be done here.

that said, it's great to get the opportunity to sing these songs i've been singing in the shower in a public setting. the learning of the songs has been fairly easy, mostly because i'm SO familiar with the soundtrack. and i've realized i've missed singing in a choir/chorus setting. love singing those parts. funny, i'm probably the only true bass in the cast and i'm much more comfortable in the baritone range. fun to hear your typical musical types trying to sing bass lines. makes me laugh (but not out loud, of course. that would be rude).

i hesitate to talk about the cast because, well, i haven't really had the chance to get to know them much (plus, they may someday find my blog and i'd hate to say something i'd have to apologize for later). being the new guy and an introvert to boot, i've been lurking in shadows. but most of the stereotypes are there - if you've ever done a musical or community theatre, you know what i'm talking about. i don't think i'm the only straight guy, but i'm guessing i'm the minority here. and no, that's not a surprise, just an observation.

as for my role in the musical, i'm beginning to regret actually getting a "named" part. i think i'm going to miss being in the chorus - strangely enough, i may have less to do than many of the cast members. though i do get to learn how to say "f*%k your mother" in russian. i'll be sure to let you know how that goes. speaking of russian, i had my first experience with a dialect coach (rocco's his name, languages his game). i usually have a pretty good ear for accents and have done russian before. but now that i've been "taught" how to do it correctly, i'm having a harder time with it. too much thinking going on. need to learn the "rules" and then just let myself do it instead of thinking about it.

confession: i'm feeling a bit of jealousy. there's a role i wanted to play and i feel pretty confident i could have done it well. and so far, i'm unimpressed with the person playing it. of course, it's early and like i've said, there hasn't been a lot of time to see much of what everyone is doing. but still. is it bad to daydream about someone having to bow out of the show? probably.

so the first couple of weeks have been good and i'm having a great time with the singing. and i'm sure the getting to know people will come soon enough. always takes me a while to "warm up" to people (though i do find myself falling into my "witty, sarcastic thurman" mode a lot, which seems to freak people out a bit - hopefully because they don't know me yet. hopefully....). i'm trying not to think too much about the not getting to sing/dance as much as i'd like and just enjoy the process of putting together the musical. i really do love the music and i think there's enough of the original idea to make it an excellent musical if we do it right. and from what i've been able to tell, we are.

is that enough peanutdowns? :)
Æ

Tunes: king's x - visions

i have the sneaking suspicion....

that God is asking me to give up music for lent.

not all music, just prerecorded music.

no radio (not a big deal)

no cds (tougher, but doable)

no mp3s (yikes!)

gina suggested no playing for worship, too, but that seems going a bit far. this is a personal sacrifice, not something that would affect others (not that we don't have other options, but you know).

hmmm. no background music for 40 days. no music while i surf, no music while i drive, no music while i grade.

obviously, i won't be able to control it all (can't ask restaurants to turn off their muzak, though if i could i would have done it a long time ago). but i can do my part.

shoot. i don't want to do this. which probably means i should. not to be masochistic but because it should be something that means something to me. and this definitely fits that.

now if i can just think of something positive to do during lent, i'll be all set. suggestions always accepted (though not always taken).

yeah, i know, i haven't written in a while. thought about giving up blogging for lent, but that wouldn't be much of a sacrifice at this point.

two days left in the trimester, then two days of exams. just a couple more things to grade. and then it all starts all over again. fun.

how long until summer? heck, how long 'til spring break?

time to go finish off that grading. night.
Æ

Tunes: ratt - i want a woman

telegram for mongo

stuck in grading hell STOP
no time to share the stories of my life STOP
survived VD STOP
chess has begun will give details later STOP
letting possibility slip through my fingers need to STOP
Æ

Tunes: love and rockets - so alive

must be in the air

can't get away from it and ought to just give in instead of fighting tooth and nail like i normally do at this time of the year. some of it i've brought on myself, but really, seems to be something unavoidable.

it's love, baby.

not the type i normally piss and moan about here in thurmanworld. it's not me in love....well, maybe it is. maybe i am in love, i just don't have anyone to focus my attention on. or maybe i do and i'm just not.

maybe i'm talking myself into a whirling dervish.

anyway, enjoyed one of my favourite movies this afternoon with film club - say anything. *sigh* it's so not me. i prefer to be bitter and cynical. and this movie always - always - sucks the darkness right out of me. most disturbing part of showing it - at lunch, NONE of my fellow teachers had seen it. how is this possible? they're all around my age, sort of. i just took it for granted that they'd all seen it. how wrong i was. would have canceled class and made them watch if i thought i could get away with it. and then they looked at me like i was crazy for insisting they watch it. whatever guys. you're the ones missing out.

of course, i hate lloyd dobler because he tantalizes with that rarest of qualities - hope. i watch the movie and i feel it seeping back in. maybe i should watch it every week, though i fear i would build up a resistance to it.

and then, continuing the theme, my name is earl was brilliant yet again tonight. so enjoyable. i think it's doing well enough that it won't be canceled, which is great since it's nice to have a sitcom i enjoy again. it, too, was about love. and karma. and timing. kind of like many of my rants here, minus the karma, of course.

oh, and then, catching up on my x-files watching, who should be on but felicity huffman. weird when obsessions cross-pollinate. seen the episode before, but that was before felicity was on my radar. fun. and oh my, the scene between her and scully checking each other for the worm. just one word: yum.

yep, it's definitely february.

three days until chess officially begins. still haven't had the nerve to e-mail and find out if i am included in the ensemble or if i'm simply nikolai. on one hand, if i'm only nikolai, then not so many rehearsals, which will definitely help me time-wise. but it would also mean not so much singing, which would make me sad. ah well - come what come may. looking forward to meeting the cast. should be entertaining to say the least.

got my copy of monday's pittsburgh post-gazette in the mail today from brent. lovely. here's hoping i find time to sit down and actually read it at some point. or at least look at the pictures.

had hoped to catch people online tonight - have been negligent of my online friends. but they are not around. alas. maybe it means i should just go to bed, or at the very least, crawl under the covers and read some more of fever pitch (seemed like the perfect book to try and understand my own obsession with the steelers). big thanks to anne for the exchange.

ok, enough for the night. keep your eyes peeled for low-flying gods wielding funny shaped arrows - those damn things can hurt.
Æ


Tunes: cake - i will survive

gather ye thoughts while ye may

so seems yesterday, while i was out with my personal day, a bomb threat was found at the school. figured it out when i got into school today and had an e-mail talking about it. great. not that i was overly concerned for my safety. but the message did little to calm fears of an actual bomb threat, so most of my classes were half-filled. and students kept disappearing throughout the day. i mean, once you tell them that it won't be held against them, what's to hold them there? i think the administration did the best they could with a no-win situation. call off school and the kid who pulled the prank wins. ignore the threat and parents feel you're not protecting their students - or worse, have it turn out to not be a prank. rock, meet hard place.

caught a student plagiarizing a PERSONAL narrative yesterday. ridiculous. it's embarrassing how easy they make it to find them - they don't even bother to change the format or fix it so it fits the assignment. calling the parents tomorrow - student automatically gets a zero. and maybe a saturday school, we'll see. i mean if you're going to do it, at least do it well....

finished velvet elvis last night. good book, though not nearly as life-changing as i imagined. perhaps because i've thought through many of the issues presented already? and i'm not sure i gave it a fair reading - sporadic and mostly as i was falling asleep at night. still, will probably be using parts of it in house church, specifically the section on scripture. i've had several "jabs" at our lack of biblical focus (read: in-depth bible study) lately. something we need to address.

lots of hating going on toward two of my favorites - bono and the steelers. obviously the steelers didn't win the super bowl as much as had it handed to them. and bono obviously isn't a real christian or have any idea what he's talking about. *sigh* guess we can't let anyone actually be a success - we must bring everyone down. yeah, i know, i'm a bit biased in this case. still, we do seem to like to rev up our chainsaws and chop everyone down to size, don't we?

sleep beckons. and i must answer. at least it's a short day tomorrow. getting together with steve novotni to do a little bike riding. yes, i know, it's winter. but sounds like fun. and God knows i could use the exercise. plus, it's 3 1/2 miles - how hard could that be? the trickiest part will be not pushing full speed.

night.
Æ

Tunes: over the rhine - let it be

21-10

i know, it was ugly. definitely not a game for the ages. there were questionable calls. there were stunning moments of ineptitude. but when the clock turned to 0:00, only one thing mattered.

Steelers 21 - Seahawks 10

this isn't figure skating. you don't get style points. it doesn't matter if you look good winning, it doesn't matter if you dominate. all that matters is that final score. and while many of the pundits today want me to feel bad for rooting for a team who was "given" the game by the refs, i will simply point out this fact: the steelers played their worst game of the playoffs. and they still won the game. your team must be pretty good to win even playing as poorly as pittsburgh did.

look, i've seen the replays and yeah, i know, i'm on the far side of objective. but jackson did push off, even if it wasn't very much. and to my eyes, the ball crossed the line and was pushed back. and the holding call? yeah, i know, it happens every down. and i understand why seahawk fans are upset for the timing of it. but good teams overcome those things: seattle didn't. pittsburgh did.

and one other point: most said the steelers couldn't win unless ben/porter/polamalu had a big game. none of them did. and they win. to me, that says this was a TEAM, not a gathering of individuals dependent on one or two people to help them to win. the steelers represent what is good about football - teamwork, consistency, unselfishness. it is a quality organization and it feels good to have that quality recognized with a championship.

enough on that.

took the day off to get some grading done - got some, but not as much as i would have liked. amazing how the hours disappear. getting ready to load up the papers and head to chipolte to get away from the distractions here. here's hoping i can stay focused enough. worst part of teaching, hands down. hate the paper load.

a lovely day in steeler nation. bye.
Æ

friday night's not right for writing

try saying that several times rather swiftly.

another friday night, another week catching up with me. amazing how completely out of it i feel. really shouldn't attempt this - am sure to get a cramp or something. but i've been neglectful of you, my faithful readers and i must make amends, no matter how painful it may be, for either of us.

good news: another evaluation this week, another glowing post-obs. conference. they're quite impressed with the changes i've made to my classroom. i know i'm still not there, but am glad they aren't thinking of firing me any time soon. it's become more and more apparent to me that mason is the only school i could teach at - no where else could afford me. or would afford me. so i'd best keep doing what i'm doing...otherwise life could become quite the battle.

long weekend - took monday off, ostensibly to get some grading done, but mostly because, regardless of the outcome of sunday's big event, i think i'll need some time away from school. plenty of time to celebrate (read: gloat) when i return on tuesday. and being away monday will give me the chance to steel myself for the inevitable taunting should the steelers lose. unbelievably, i'll be watching the game live, but unlike ten years ago when i watched it by myself in the upstairs of my lansing abode, this time i'll be sharing the experience with the crew at the brownhouse. here's hoping it's an evening to remember, positively anyway.

cannot stop playing "forget myself" by elbow - it's on the new paste sampler and me likey lots. e-music has the whole album - may have to bump that up and download it. but not just yet.

trip to heaven tomorrow morning - getting the works done this time. then will go see the diviners at mason - was thinking i should go to the matinee, but rhonda's going sat. night, so i may go then. feels a touch pathetic to go by myself. not that that has ever stopped me before.

"once upon a time in your wildest dreams"

*sigh* the moody blues make me nostalgic. if i only knew for what...

ok, enough rambling. off to watch some "x-files" episodes - have had the first season forever and just bought the second season now that the price has dropped to 34.99. sometimes it's good to wait. more tomorrow. perhaps. you know how it goes.
Æ

Tunes: U2 - paint it black

my evening

5:58 PM
i cannot believe i have nothing prepared for tonight's house church. i prayed, i searched, and i have absolutely no sense of what God wants to do tonight. i am completely worthless as a house church leader. the group would be far better off without me leading - heck, i'm not even sure i'm leading anyway. maybe we should just talk about finding someone more qualified to lead the group before i drive this group into the ground.

8:15 PM
ok, so i'm still completely worthless as a house church leader. but i guess God didn't "give" me anything to share because He needed the time to do what He wanted to do. and to think it all started with a simple logistical question about VDay, trying to get a sense on if people made plans for the mother of all hallmark holidays. and now we're taking that theme of love and running with it in a very hands-on kind of way.

i know God doesn't call me to be inept. but i sure am glad He's able to use my ineptness to do what He wants.
Æ

Tunes: pedro the lion - promise

a thought

been thinking a lot about individualism lately - mostly negative thoughts. i know it's been held up as a virtue here in the states, but really, it seems so unnatural to me. we're not meant to live and survive on our own. we're not meant to live and let live. we're intricately tied to one another and it's only when we recognize that fact that we are able to fully live.

last night in talking to kat, the old mantra came up - we have to be complete ourselves before we can hope to be in relationship with anyone else. it's been repeated so many times we take it as truth. but is it? what if, instead, some parts of us cannot be complete unless we have others to sharpen us, to enrich us, to focus us? what if our attempts to become complete on our own remain fruitless not because we don't try hard enough but because we need others to help us?

the danger is to go overboard, say we only find completeness in others. i'm not saying that. but i am saying that perhaps this image of the solitary hero standing against the world alone is one we need to let go. and while we tend to think of them as strong, maybe the more difficult path is to actually stand with the world, or at the very least, stand against the world with others. Æ

Tunes: king's x - visions (live)

i done got tagged

look, no more wandering wheels posts. you can come back now. i may do one post bringing some closure to the WW entries. but soon you'll be forced to read my current blatherings and trust me, you'll be pining for the college me.

my friend ang tagged me with this list of questions and since smy brain can't seem to hold a thought, i'd best use this to try and focus myself.

Four jobs I’ve had in my life:
1. Sophomore English Teacher, Mason High School
2. Night Auditor, Sheraton Suites, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
3. Minister to Youth and their Families, Lansing First Church of the Nazarene
4. Night Innkeeper, Southmoreland on the Plaza bed and breakfast

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Roxanne
2. LOTR Trilogy
3. Say Anything
4. Before Sunrise/Before Sunset

Four places I have lived:
1. Norwood, OH
2. Mt Vernon, OH
3. Lansing, MI
4. Kansas City, MO

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. The Daily Show
3. The Colbert Report
4. My Name is Earl

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Denver
2. Toronto
3. San Francisco
4. Key West

Four websites I visit daily:
1. livejournal/blogger
2. my yahoo
3. steelerblog
4. e-music

Four of my favorite foods:
1. betta's margharita pizza with pepperoni
2. jalepeno's chimichanga
3. outback prime rib
4. moose tracks ice cream

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. colorado rockies
2. biking down Highway One
3. st. patrick's cathedral, new york
4. at a U2 concert
Æ

Tunes: rancid - ruby soho

Wandering Wheels - 28 January 1991

Right at this moment is the perfect ending for the trip. Behind me, toward California, the sun is setting, reminding me of all the beauty and fantastic times I had this month. But my old friend is rising full in front of me, a reminder that things change and are constant, that always before me will be a reflection of the time, a memory seen in the darkness, sometimes brighter, sometimes not at all, but always there just the same. A comforting thought as I head back to the cold bleakness of Ohio, something that no on can take away from me, not friends, not time, not other experiences.

And the trip's not over, the good times will always be with me like just now when our bus passed the other bus and Keith and I mooned it. A crazy thing to do, but nothing I'm ashamed of. Life's too short to let things go by untried, to not reach out and grab for the stars. To do so is to live a life of mediocrity, never fully inhaling the life and wonder found on this earth. Lord, continue to make me a sponge, to be aware of all you have to offer me, to not discover when I come to die that I never lived (thank you H.D.T.). Farewell until I need to relive this time again, to once more grab a hold of the wonder of Highway One.

California Dreamin'...
Æ

Tunes: nine inch nails - closer

Wandering Wheels - 27 January 1991

Actually, it is Jan. 28, but Randy collected the journals yesterday and I didn't get a chance to write what happened. And quite a bit did happen. Sleeping at the front of the Possum Seven is a wonderful experience. You get to look out the green front window at the moon. I as kind of scared to move around much 'cause Randy was next to me. Sometime in the middle of the night the drivers came to a startling realization: the alternator was broken. But we continued on anyway. On our way to breakfast we passed a Les Miz truck parked in a hotel parking lot. I wanted so much to take a picture. Unfortunately, there was no time. It must have been in Albuquerque, though I didn't see anything about it in the paper. I ate breakfast at Winchell's Donuts and slit a dozen with Chip and Jenny. Then it was back to more riding, on the bus, of course.

We were supposed to go to a church in Amarillo, but because of the problems with the bus, we didn't get there until 6:30 PM. We ate at McDonald's and sat around talking and waiting for periodical bulletins on the Super Bowl. The bus was supposed to be back at 7:30, but it didn't make it. So Keri Thorne and I ran over to the grocery store and I bought 11 doz chocolate cookies for .99. Now I'm down to exactly .75.

This next part is to be kept in complete confidence. By reading the next few lines (until I say different) I swear you to secrecy (and I mean it!). I think I may take a chance and ask Keri out when we get back. At least I'd like to. It would certainly be a first for me. I suppose that depends how I feel when I get back, but hopefully writing it down will give me incentive to keep it.

And another personal thing: I'm scared. It's hard to believe that a friendship could fall apart so fast. Mike and Laurie are still rather distant. I ought to confront them about it, see what I did wrong. But I'm scared. I just want it to all work out you know, we both realize we've been stupid and it just works out. Somehow I don't see it happening. And it bothers me. Funny when you know what you have to do but you don't. Guess it's fear. Or pride.

Well, enough talk. This ends the personal part of my diary. The rest you can read and repeat. If not, I'll tell you.

Last night I slept at the front of Possum Seven again and watched the moon and sang depressing songs to myself. I was also very hot so I stripped down to my underwear and slept that way. Of course that's not unusual, unless you consider that Marie was right next to me. I could have been in a lot of trouble if my bag had come unzipped!

We stopped quite a bit to recharge the battery (about every two hours). Then we ate breakfast at the world's largest McDonald's. I broke down and bought the world's worst vanilla shake ever. Oh well. Then we drove for a while and then stopped at a truck stop and picked up another bus. So now the group is split in two. I'm now on Possum Six, which smell a whole lot better than the other bus.

This will probably be my last entry. So much happened on this trip, so many experiences, I'm not sure how much I've changed. Randy said this is the kind of trip that you look back on in six months and realize this is where I changed. I guess that's true, that I'm a little too close to the whole experience now to really appreciate it. I do know that I've never experienced anything like this before and it is and will be one of the best times of my entire life. Maybe more later. If not, from this pint on, I'll surely be California Dreamin' for a long, long time. Æ

Tunes: dave dudley - i want a woman with a handle

Wandering Wheels - 26 January 1991

[a song was included here in the journal, written by some of the riders on the trip. And as you'll see, i was fairly prophetic...]

Hope you enjoyed that little musical interlude, though I'm sure in a few years I won't even remember the tune to sing it to. But I'll remember the memories.

Well, we're finally off, on our way back to Mt. Vernon, Ohio. The day started insanely early for me, as I wanted to get a long, warm shower (make that HOT) before we made the long rip home sans showers. Of course it helped me get my breakfast first, a tasty pancake/hard-boiled egg smorgasbord. Then I tried to get everything together. Somehow on this trip I misplace one Wheels shirt and (more importantly) a roll of film. And of course it was the best roll I had. Oh well. I hope it shows up in someone else's stuff.

We left Wenden Elementary and began our trek toward Tucson, but not before Shawn, Jim, Jack and the cooks left us behind. Already we were saying goodbye. Also Gary and Dale, our tandem riders, left as well. Unfortunately, most of the day was spent riding the bus. The night before we had decided that everyone (myself excluded) wanted to get home early, so now we are driving all night to Amarillo to go to church and then we're off and running to Ohio, with a short stop at Taylor.

Anyway, after dropping Rob off in Phoenix, we were on our way to the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum. Amusingly, Tim Pressler neglected to use the facilities before we left, so by the time we arrived, a good three hours later, his eyeballs were seriously floating and had an almost chronic case of FBS (Full Bladder Syndrome). It was when we finally reached the museum that I realized going home on $12 was an impossibility for me. The lunch prices were outrageous. I ended up eating french fries, frozen yogurt and a Snickers Bar and it cost me $2.50.

After lunch I went on a quest: a quest to find the perfect saguaro for a picture. I really wasn't looking forward to this stop but it turned out to be a wonderful time. I walked around for a while. I've now decided that aviaries are one of my favorite things. I love being able to walk though the "woods" and see birds not two feet from me. It's so calming and brings me closer to nature. It makes me realize that you can't walk through this earth without taking the time to look up and around you. If you don't, you end up missing so much. Anyway, I got to see so much of the wildlife that I was looking for in the desert but didn't get a chance to see, like hummingbirds and hawks and road runners and golden eagles and river otters and bighorn sheep. I also got to see a jaguar, which was somewhat depressing since we (as Americans) hunted them to extinction here in the US. The last part I spent with Chip and Keri (who I found looking at all the snakes).

After the museum we made our trip back toward Phoenix. However, we didn't get very far, as we ran out of gas (even the auxiliary tank). So we spent some time getting that taken care of and finally made it to Phoenix. There we picked up Rob, but had to say goodbye to Reanne, Jenny and Brian (the last two live in California. Lucky dogs) as they took off. The left us with "It's a Happy Day (Happy Happy)."

Then we went to dinner. I ate at Fuddrucker's and blew all the money I had left, no joke. I have exactly $1.00 to my name now after an incredible meal. We had a great time eating and playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We had about 12 people gathered around with a little girl who kept trying to get in. Now we're off and running again, I'm feeling stuffed and I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow after church. And Super Bowl Sunday. Æ

Tunes: monty python - sit on my face

Wandering Wheels - 25 January 1991 (the far less melancholy entry)

It's later now, same night. The melancholy still lingers a bit, but only faintly tasted. God truly has spoken softly since those first moments, but very clearly. Praise God for friends and good times to bring one out of their sadness. I'll get to the details later. Now I'll tell you about the day.

The morning was a complete disaster. First we woke up late, so I felt rushed all morning. Then the news came - Randy had badly sprained his foot. Details were a little sketchy, something about a man and a rat and a stone, but the fact remained: Team Bias would be without their leader for the remainder of the trip. Which didn't turn out to be very long. Seems that in order to get us MVNC students home in time for registration, we'd have to cut out the ride to Wickenberg, AZ. Most people were happy. I was not.

So after a short meeting, we left and began the day's journey. Just out of town Scott walked his bike over a goatshead thorn (we know this because Dr. Burkholter was our leader for the day) which set the pattern for the first half of the trip. We left California (sniff) and headed into Mexico...er...ah, I mean Arizona (don't ask. Temporary brain aneurysm). Now Arizona (bump-bump) is an interesting (bump-bump) state. It seems that it (bump-bump) wants to keep its drivers (bump-bump) awake, so it put little hiccups (bump-bump) in the shoulder. For 30 miles (bump-bump) we rode on these. I counted them. 2353. Two thousand, three hundred and fifty-three (sounds better if you say it that way). That's a lot of bumps (oh my aching butt). I wasn't in the best of moods after the bad-news morning (which, I forgot to mention, included an expensive breakfast with incredibly slow service at Mac's) and the ride didn't help. We put Chip and Scott in front to set the pace. Being the selfish, I'm-the-best-biker-around guy that I am, I wanted to go faster, but I hung back and kept my mouth shut.

We stopped in a little town called Quartzville. Not exactly a town, really, more like the world's largest flea market. There must have been two-three miles of trailers selling things, mostly gems and rocks. Not my favorite place on the trip. Then we were off again, up hill to our lunch stop. After turning off I-10 to 60, Scott and I led the group to lunch.

After a wonderful lunch of hot roast beef sandwiches, mashed potatoes, green beans and cherry cheesecake, we were off again. Since we lost an hour crossing the border, we had to fly. So Ed and I set the pace for the first 7-10 miles. My legs were seriously aching after that. We picked up Alison as we passed her group and continued our pace, slowing a bit as Scott got tired. The Arizona desert is filled with saguaro cactus (aka Road Runner cactus) and is really rather beautiful with the mountains and sky and everything. Aside: we ate lunch at a ghost town called Brenda; we also went through a small town called Hope. Today I also realized that as trucks pass you can smell what they're carrying, such as cows or pine.

Anyway, when we reached Hope we discovered that it was only ten miles to Wenden, our final destination. So we slowed up the pace a bit (except for Ed, who took off with Tour de France) and took in the gorgeous Arizona desert scenery. Along the way we were chased by a do for the first time all trip. It was very amusing.

The last five miles I left the group a little and just rode by myself for a while. It was such a great feeling. We found a dead coyote on the side of the road and stopped for a while, then resumed our riding (Dr. Burkholter wanted to pick it up and freeze it, but never did). Then we finally reached Wenden and the realization hit me: it was over. We unpacked the bikes and I became extremely depressed (see earlier entry).

We hung around until dinner time and ate (I think) our last meal, which was exactly what we had the first night: spaghetti. Then Team Bias had to do dishes. We had the best time. We had the music going and we all started to dance around the kitchen, washing and drying as we went. People were taking pictures and watching us. I really had a great time and it cheered me up immensely.

Then we had class. I realized the trip didn't have to end, that the experience would always be in my memory and that I could take what I learned and continue back home to boring Ohio. After class we saw some slides from the trip that Gail had taken and had a great time remembering everything. Then Chip, Jeff, Ed, Dennis, Theresa and I played a game of 3 on 3 soccer for a while. I won't mention who won, but their team go all the lucky breaks.

And now, while I sit here surrounded by Taylor biology students studying for their second test in 12 hours, it is time to go to bed. I leave with this thought from Dances With Wolves: "Every day ends with a miracle" (my favorite line from the movie). Æ

Tunes: luna - neon lights

Wandering Wheels - 25 January 1991 (the incredibly depressing entry)

It's over, finished, kaput. There's no more. The road has ended, nothing left to do now but pick up and go home. All around me people are screaming for joy, ecstatic that it's completed. Not me. I am more melancholy now than I've been all month. It's over. Just saying that makes me want to cry. It's not supposed to be like that. I'm supposed to be thrilled to finally get off my bike, all pumped and set to go home. But I'm not. If I had my choice, I'd keep riding. And riding. And riding. There's nothing left for me.

OK, so I'm getting a little melodramatic. But that's how it feels. Nothing to look forward to, no way to go back, right now I'm stuck in a void. I'd change my attitude if I thought'd help. But hey, I'm depressed and I think that's how I should be. I mean, here I am, I've spent the last month coming to the coast, biking in beautiful weather with spectacular scenery to keep my attention and show me how wonderful this earth is and how incredible God is and now, what do I go back to? Not a whole lot.

I think most of my problem is fear. Fear that college will seem mundane now. Fear that things will have somehow changed at home. A lot has already changed on this trip. I've become completely alienated from Mike and Laurie. They don't even talk to me now. I guess I did something, though I'm totally oblivious. And I know that the friends I've made on this trip (especially Team Bias) probably won't be around much. We all have our friends back home. That's the way it goes. Sometimes I truly h ate being a pessimist. I want to be out there laughing and hugging and congratulating. But I'm not. And I won't, 'cause the best time of my life is over, finished, kaput. This is where the story ends, my friend. The book will continue and someday I may have another story like this one. But so far this has been the best one and I'm left with an aching yearning that it would go on. But it won't. Æ

Tunes: daphne loves derby - come winter

Wandering Wheels - 24 January 1991

The word for today was leisure. A nice and easy 44 mile ride, relatively flat. Of course, our day started very early, like 2:00AM early. Seems that everyone started to get a little chilly 'cause the fire was going out. So Chip, Keri and Dennis went out to get some firewood. Wouldn't have been so bad except Dennis decided he'd try to cut down a small tree (it's 2:00AM mind you). After that they woke up at two hour intervals to restock the fire. It was a great time, except for smelling like smoke and Keri and Scott waking up with burning coals on their pads.

After a tasty breakfast of Crunch Berries, we were back on the road again. The first few m iles were like a roller coaster - up and down and up and down. Other than that, it was pretty much just more and more desert. We did have a very close call with a camper (about 12-18 inches away!) right before Paolo Verde and lunch. Most of lunch was spent sunning ourselves and staying warm. Then, once again, randy decided we needed to leave just as we were drifting off to sleep. So we were off with only twenty miles left. For some strange reason (I think they spiked the bug juice) we decided to sing everything we knew, from Michael Jackson and Madonna to Cinderella and Led Zepplin. I'm sure we kept Dr. Burkholter, who had joined our group at lunch, entertained and amused. We went past Jim's group and sang, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" and seriously butchered it, but had a great time.

The day was so laid back that we arrived at the Baptist Church in Blythe, CA, four miles from the Arizona border (and a time change) at about 2:10. So we waited outside since the church wasn't open. They had a hose for showers, but the Cube got lost so all my stuff wasn't there, so I did the next best thing - soaked up some rays. That is until Theresa decided we looked hot and drenched us with water. Finally the Cube arrived and I showered and cleaned up.

Then came some great news: the theater in town was showing Dances With Wolves and we could see it for $2.50. Best money I've spent in a long time. Talk about a myriad of emotions. It's funny that on this trip I saw two films and both of them were fantastic. This film was beautifully shot and kept our interest for the full three hours (we even had an intermission). Then we went back to the church and had class for a while. By this time, we were seriously hungry, so we ordered Domino's and had it delivered to the church. Very tasty. After that it was right to bed, 'cause tomorrow is a long 65-70 mile ride. In fact, it's today, 'cause I was so tired I waited 'til today to write. And it's going to be an interesting day. Tell ya later. Bye now! Æ

Tunes: podunk - damn good day

boy howdy

confession: i actually used the title of this entry in conversation this past weekend. it may take years of therapy to get over it.

confession, part ii: i've been avoiding posting here, hiding behind my old entries. partially because i haven't found my life terribly interesting lately. but more because i'm not sure how to share some of what is going on, or even if i should. but here i am and i'll do my best to make this at the very least coherent. i hope.

let's start with the easy stuff....my steelers are headed to the super bowl. in detroit. now, i grew up watching the steelers, brainwashed by my grandma todd early on. sure, at the beginning it was great - those were the days when they were winning super bowls. but then we hit the 80s and, well, things were pretty ugly. and it's from that time period that i get my lack of confidence in my team. i always expect the other shoe is going to drop, that we're going to give up the big play, blow it in some spectacular fashion. and the past decade hasn't helped me shake that feeling, with us losing 4 of 5 afc championships. but can i get a WOW for how this season has played out? i mean i actually watched the last two games live, something i haven't done in years. and they looked great. not good - great. knocked off the 1, 2, and 3 seeds in their own backyards. and they looked good doing it. now some may claim fandom is just the cry of a shallow heart in need of affirmation. perhaps. but the community that builds up around a team is no less real than the community you find in any number of situations - civic clubs, sports teams, even churches. it's a shared experience, something we find in common with others around us. will be a long two weeks until the big show. if they play like they have the last seven games or so, we'll finally win one for the thumb. should be fun.

so....last week was a rarity in the life of thurman. i actually went on a blind date. yep. so blind in fact that i forgot to find out what she looked like, so i was standing in joseph beth looking at every girl that passed by wondering if she was my "date" for the evening. luckily, we found each other pretty readily. lovely evening. good conversation. lots in common. no nightmare stories, which is good. i've never been good at talking about this stuff, so if you're looking for details this is not the place for them.

but the madness doesn't stop there. i actually called someone else, too. must be something in the water. that or i'm realizing my feasibility window is closing swiftly (or at least it feels that way). didn't work out like i had hoped but hey, at least i'm taking steps in the right direction. tiny, infinitesimal steps, but steps.

enough of that.

finally broke down and saw brokeback mountain on saturday. had thought to avoid it basically because the story didn't interest me at all. but felt i should see it before casting aspersions. so i did. let the casting begin. i'm sorry, but i don't see what the big deal is. and while i hate the claims of agenda and all that crap, the truth is, if this wasn't about two men, it would not be nominated for so much. or be getting so much attention. first the good - it's beautifully shot and well-acted. i've always liked ang lee's work, so this was no suprise. but the story....just hard to really connect. i never really bought the passion between jack and ennis - it felt more like, "heck, we're alone on this mountain, we're bored, let's sleep together" instead of some grand passion. and i thought the story covered far too much time and they didn't spend enough time with the two main characters to make us care about them. plus, i've always had a problem when i'm supposed to be sympathetic with characters who are being unfaithful (the english patient anyone?). hold overs from my nazarene upbringing, i'm sure. but i was far more sympathetic toward the lives they destroyed than with their "inability" to be together.

and for the life of me i can' t think of a single film from this past year that i would label best picture worthy. was it really that bad or am i just forgetting?

one last thought: was reading a blog this weekend and "eavesdropped" on a conversation posted there. the claim was made that individuals are no longer comfortable with who they are, which is why so many are caught up in blogging - they do it to find approval and acceptance. as they put it, no one can just live and let live. and while there may be a hint of truth in what they said - i do think that we put our lives on our blogs out of a desire for others to read - i'm not convinced that's a bad thing. and the idea of live and let live is too easily transformed into "live and let die." we are not islands doing our best to avoid one another. as cheesy as it sounds, we do need each other - even when the other is someone we've never met.

think i'd better go to bed early - still feeling a bit under the weather. no nasty symptoms at least, but man, i can't seem to find the energy i need. only four more days of WW stuff. biggest regret: why did i focus so much on the insignificant? where are the conversations? where are the connections with others? who cares what you ate, idiot. write about the important moments.

not that i do much better now....
Æ

mark heard - victims of the age†

Wandering Wheels - 23 January 1991

You know, I thought today was going to be the worst one on the trip. But it turned out to be one of the best. I didn't start out bad. I mean, I woke up and everything was OK and I went to devotions and was happy. Then suddenly BOOM! I was on the verge of tears for some unknown reason. Then I got to breakfast at a little place called Ethel's and when I ordered my favorite breakfast, biscuits and gravy, they said that Dennis and Scott had ordered the last of them. So I settled for two hotcakes, which was good since the biscuits and gravy weren't that good.

Then the first part of the ride was extremely boring, nothing to look at, bumpy roads. The only excitement was when we scared a whole herd of sheep into running away. Everyone in the group was feeling kind of lethargic. Then we reached the sand dunes. We all took off our shoes and socks and had a great time sinking into the sand. I enjoyed myself by doing flips over the side. We played king of the hill for awhile and wrestled around. Randy was the winner, but only because he ran to the top while we were wrestling and then quit when we ran to tackle him.

Then it was time to move on. However, we didn't get very far. We took another dune break and Randy took off to take pictures. So we too k a few of our own and then Dennis and I went to get Randy and filled his shoes with sand. That must have fired him up 'cause he blew by us and we were off to the races. Luckily, lunch wasn't far away, in an extremely little town called Glamis, the off road rec vec capitol of the world. A bunch of the girls got rides from some of the guys around. Unfortunately, there weren't any female-type riders to give the guys a ride. We spent about two hours at lunch and the Randy got bored so we all took off. Oh yeah, we also piled fifteen guys into the van because the bus got stuck, but we didn't get a chance to push. Oh well.

Chip wasn't too happy about leaving, but we had a pretty good time, singing Christmas carols and stopping to throw rocks at bottles. After a small delay at the border patrol (for some reason they wanted to know where I was born), we reached the campsite. We are out in the middle of nowhere. We had to walk around and find our own firewood. After that I set up Lori and Nancy's tent since they had never done it and all of the Naz people had to sleep outside or else lose participation points. I then ran off to take some pictures of the best (and only) sunset I've seen in the desert.

For dinner we made hobo dinners, but mine burned 'cause I folded it wrong. Our tent was just the fly over the poles, but we made a little sidewalk leading to the cubicle and our own fireplace. In fact, that's where I am now, sleeping under the stars. I had a really good time tonight singing with Joel and Am and Ami - a bunch of songs from my youth group days. Now Chip, Dennis, Tim, Scott, Keri Thorne and I are all sleeping around the fire. A little bit ago we ditched a tent, the one I put up earlier. Right now Dennis is snoring up a storm and I'm running out of firelight so I'm going to turn in for the night under starry skies above. Æ

Tunes: mark heard - carry on

Wandering Wheels - 22 January 1991

From an ocean of water to an ocean of land. I've certainly become aware on this trip of the immensity of the earth. Today's ride was one of the best of the entire trip. Straight, flat roads, miles upon miles of desert scenery, a bright, beautiful sun and a somewhat cooling breeze (albeit a head wind).

The morning started early after long night's sleep, a needed one after yesterday. We got up at 6:45 AM, well before our wake up call. We had breakfast and I realized that nature was calling. Unfortunately, the toilets were backed up. So I took my first ever, all-natural restroom break out in the desert, kind of an historical event in my life.

Then Team Bias took off, after a nice little devotion by Randy about being kind. I'm so afraid that I'm going to be become insensitive to all the beauty around me. I've seen so much on this trip and sometimes it's hard to take it all in. But today's ride was something else. Mountains on the left, desert on the right, the road stretched out before us. It's almost impossible to take it all in, but I'm certainly giving it my best shot. I got to set the pace today, 'cause we rode side by side with no cars coming, at least not many. Mostly trucks, which caused wonderful tailwinds for 1 1/2 seconds. We biked a sweet pace, about 18-20 mph for about twenty miles 'til we reached a little place called Blu In. It was one of the few signs of life we saw on the first half of today's trip. Unfortunately, like many of the places in California, it was closed on Monday's and Tuesday's, so we had to settle for a short break and a quick restroom stop. Then we were on our way.

We continues our quick pace and continued to have beautiful sunshine and a cooling wind. By this time it was getting close t lunch, so we all were looking for the Cube and the bus. We'd crest hills and hope to see it, but it was always just not there. Once we saw the van on the side of the road, but it turned out to be Shawn and Tim sunbathing on the side of the road (poor Tim). Then we crested a hill and there in the distance we could see the brightly colored bus waiting for us. So we began to sprint. However, the bus was just a little farther away than it looked, so we pretty much burned ourselves out by the time we got there.

Lunch wasn't quite ready, so we pulled out some mats and did a little sunbathing. The weather was perfect and the sun felt so great. Lunch took about an hour and a half. We heard some great tunes on the radio, like "Hotel California" and "Ain't Nothin' Gonna Break My Stride." An exquisitely relaxing time.

And we were off again. The trip was pretty much uneventful. The second half we went through Imperial Valley and suddenly the dry and barren desert transformed into lush farmland. All that green right in the middle of nowhere. We stopped for a break in Westmoreland, not 'cause we were tired, but because the church wouldn't open until 3:45 and we had some time to kill.

The last seven miles were some of the worst roads we've had on the trip. Incredibly bumpy, little shoulder to ride on. Made my behind incredibly sore. But we persevered and finally reached our destination, the First Baptist Church in Brawley. Looked just like an old motel transformed into a church grounds, complete with an outdoor baptistry sporting a diving board. Randy discovered a shower out by the pool and then further surprised us by discovering it was a hot one. So everyone took their turn showering outside. Some people felt compelled to swim, though not of their own volition. By the time it was over, about 9-10 people had taken a dip in the baptistry/pool, which was approximately 30 degrees colder than the temp outside.

While others were playing, Team Bias, having got their showers first, snagged one of the best rooms in the place, complete with couch, TV, piano and electric organ. Then we were off to dinner at Pizza Hut. For some reason, the bus consistently parks as far away as possible from the place everyone wants to eat. Also, I can officially say now that I despise James Taylor, seeing as how they have played his tape for four days straight now on the bus. After two breadsticks, two large iced teas (with a salt shaker added) and four pieces of Meat Lover's Pizza, it was off to McDonald's for a hot fudge sundae.

Then we came back to the church and had yet another interesting class on power. All the biology people are seriously bummed 'cause they have two tests due I two days. Needless to say, they don't appreciate us having all this free time. I feel sorry for them, 'cause their class is ruining their trip. After our class, Randy, Dennis, Chip, Patty and I made 7-11 run for Slurpees. When we got back, we watched a little news about the Persian Gulf crisis, then eventually went to bed. But for some reason I'm not tired, so here I sit, writing my journal. I'm feeling vaguely lonely right now, but I'm not sure exactly why. I think I'm gong to go sit outside for a while and just think about things. I'll let you know how it turns out tomorrow. Farewell, 'til then. Æ

Tunes: king's x - she's gone away

Wandering Wheels - 21 January 1991

This was the hardest day of biking today; in fact, in my entire life. Not even when I was just staring. It's heard to believe right now as I sit around a campfire in the middle of the desert that I actually did it. Since yesterday, the roads have been dotted with cacti, mixing with the grass. Today we started from Ramona and the temperature was rather chilly (at least for this trip). Remember when I slept in a wind tunnel? Well, today I rode in one. From the beginning of the ride today, we went up. And up. And up. For about eight or nine miles. A nice, gradual climb under normal circumstances, but today was anything but normal circumstances. Until today, the weather was perfect for riding, no rain, no head wind, just beautiful sunshine. Today it was cold and extremely windy. I learned that I'd rather ride up a hill with no wind than downhill in a head wind, especially if it's cold! We climbed and climbed and climbed. Usually when we go up hills we can look forward to going downhill. But today, the wind was so bad, going down hill was worse than going u p!

After pedalling our butts off, we came down to the best bakery in all of California. And, running with the luck of the day, it was closed. So then we began our ascent up to Julian, a wonderful seven mile climb. About half way up, we stopped at a little Farmer's Market and bought some cinnamon rolls hot out of the oven and ate them out on a haybale outside. It's the stop like this that makes me love the group I'm in. It's the stopping that makes this trip great, not necessarily the biking (especially today's).

Anyway, I bought a slice of banana bread to eat for lunch and then we were on our way for the second half of the climb. I've definitely had enough of climbing. But the feeling of accomplishment I felt at the top is unsurpassed. It really makes me feel like I've done something important.

When we got to Julian, the elevation was over 4,000 feet. Not bad, considering we were at sea level yesterday. We stopped at a little market and I got two turkey sandwiches, my slice of banana bread and a Snickers bar for $2.30. Then we walked around a little more, looking at the shops around time. In one of the shops we met a lady who volunteered at the state park we're staying at tonight, Aanza-Berregno, and she talked to us for a while. Then we took off for the park.

Now the temperature in Julian was about 45 degrees and the first part of the trip was all downhill. And windy. And extremely cold. And I wouldn't change it for the world. It was one of the most intense experiences of the trip. I was behind everyone else and the view was spectacular. Five bikers speeding down curves, the wind blowing (and freezing) our faces and the mountains and valleys to either side of us. It's an incredible feeling to know you're going about 30-35 mph down hill on 1/4" wide tires. There's not hing like it.

By the time we were down, the temperature was up and we were definitely in the desert. The desert is so beautiful. It's incredible that just two days we were right by the coast (even just yesterday). The only problem was Chip flipped going down a straightaway and wiped himself and Ed out. I was behind them and it was certainly a sight to see. Luckily, neither were hurt and either bikes were ruined. The rest of the trip was uneventful, except for Randy almost being taken out by an RV.

We arrived at the camp and then some of us went to see a slide presentation at the visitors center. It was kind of interesting, except I was really tired and dozed off quite a bit. Then we came back and had a mighty tasty Mexican meal. Dennis and Chip wore their sombreros and we all did our best Three Amigo's imitations. We had a wonderful time talking and enjoying ourselves. Then they built a fire, we made some s'mores and now everyone has pretty much gone off to bed. And so am I. Æ

Tunes: crooked fingers - disappear