finally

a summer movie worth seeing.

pirates rocked. 'twas everything a summer blockbuster should be - lots of fun, great characters, enough of a plot to keep the audience interested. and oh that sword fight on the water wheel. very imaginative.

forget X3 (butchers!). forget superman (BOR-ing). go see pirates. i know i will again sometime. best movie i've seen all summer, hands down.
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Tunes: U2 - don't take your guns to town

hey.

yeah, i'm still around. just not in a posting mood.

or a mood i should be posting in.

to elaborate would require more energy than i currently have.

someone called me from a cell phone based in oxford, ohio at 4:04 am. if it was you, please call back so i can yell at you for waking me up and not even leaving a blasted message.

i have poems to write, but the words refuse to come.

i have lines to memorize, yet i haven't touched my script.

i have life to experience, and here i sit.
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Tunes: archers of loaf - learo, you're a hole

unsightly, pus-seeping wounds

this is my life right now. i don't seem to remember having these problems when i've had poison ivy before, but probably because i was too busy scratching the heck out of it, which i'm trying to avoid now that i'm older and more mature.

i'll spare you the gory details.

being the slacker i am, i reneged on my plans to go biking. the only excuse i have is a mockable one - i didn't want to miss the world cup matches. sad, i know. at least today's matches were worth it - yesterday's were just ugly. am going to try and go biking tomorrow. i have an appointment with my insurance agent up in mason, so i have to be up toward the bike path anyway. will probably load up my bike and head up after morning prayers, making sure i stop early enough to cool down and take a change of clothes. not sure how far i'll go - there's a good 25 mile ride, but i'm a bit afraid that might be pushing it since i haven't ridden in a while. but there's a great place to stop along the river, which would be good and relaxing. suppose i can play it by ear - not like i *have* to do anything.

sent out a bulk e-mail about midsummer, only to discover a major typo after i sent it. little embarrassing, but i'm sure my friends will understand. and laugh.

tonight at house church we talked about birthing, trying to figure out where God is leading us now. we're at megachurch size currently and need to get back to simple gatherings. great discussion, good insights and ideas. will meet with julie and aaron tomorrow to come up with some sort of proposal. still not sure how this will work logistically, especially since jeremiah and sarah no longer can host. does this mean i should host in my house? i have the space, though not the furniture. and hosting and leading sounds a bit daunting to me. prayer will definitely be needed.

enough for now.
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Tunes: matthew sweet - i don't want to know warning

hill-air-ee-uhs

coming soon to a crappy network near you...

gardening at the grotto

in this new and exciting addition to the unbelievably-yet-to-be-tapped-out reality tv genre, watch as a new homeowner gets into side-splitting situations as he tries to keep the encroaching weeds at bay. watch in awe as the star, thurman allen, breaks his newly purchased pruning shears after snipping only four stubborn weeds. gasp when, trying to dig up a deeply entrenched weed-tree, the graciously loaned shovel snaps in half, while the weed remains. giggle uncontrollably as thurman walks his lawnmower down his 75 degree angled front lawn, only to lose his footing, unceremoniously landing flat on his back while his (luckily, not running) lawnmower rolls into the street, leaving the poor slacker with twisted shoulders and a bruised ego.

you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scream, "Get those gardening implements away from him!"

get your tivo revved up and ready to go!
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Tunes: old 97's - i'd be lonesome

the last sunday in june

another weekend gone, another weekend closer to them becoming important once again. they lose a little something when you don't have to get up on a monday morning.

not to rub it in or anything.

actually, this weekend i had to be up by 7:00am both days. saturday i worked the auditorium for a huge let's rob parents blind....er....dance competition. fifteen hours, my friends. will be worth it once the paycheck comes, but the during was a bit draining. did get to watch the two world cup matches without too much interruption. did finish possession (a marvelously written book, though i surprised myself by guessing the ending, which is something i rarely do. highly recommended for those of you that love literature - great stuff). did work a bit on my bottom (heh. that just sounds funny). hope to do a lot more of that this week as well as i try to get a firm grasp on my bottom (oh this could go on all night). colin was selling concessions for radio club - good to catch up with him. he's (a sucker) teaching summer school. and house sitting. in goshen. more power to him.

woke up this morning in a funk for no discernable reason. didn't get better on the walk over to church, or during rehearsal, or really during much of the service. my mind was elsewhere but it left no forwarding address - a bit disconcerting to say the least. then, after the service, i had two different people say they appreciated what i said before eucharist. only problem is, i have no idea what i said that i haven't said before. need to spend some time this week looking over the liturgy - have some ideas i need to flesh out (no pun intended....well, ok, maybe a little).

let's see, what does the week ahead hold? oh yeah, nothing. no rehearsal. was supposed to get publicity pictures taken, but judy called and we're holding off until after allen returns. house church tuesday night (sorry allison, won't be able to make the karaoke night, unless you think you might be performing between 8:30-9:00. i'm sure you'll knock 'em dead, though). couple of random meetings/appointments. as much world cup watching as i can. it's happening - my failure to fill my days with stuff to do means my days fill up for me, which usually consists of lying around the house thinking of all the stuff i could/should be doing. not an ideal way to spend the summer. think i might get on my bike and ride! tomorrow - been needing to do that. the question is, do i just tool around norwood, or do i strap the bike on the back of lorelei and head out to the bike path? decisions decisions. maybe i'll leave it for tomorrow...

suffering with poison ivy for the first time in...what, decades? literally. this is what i get for doing yardwork. shoot, i need to mow my lawn tomorrow, too. guess i can do that before i head off on my ride. or after. i mean, i have nothing going on tomorrow. but it will disappear regardless.

funny - matt and kevin walked into church this morning beardless. a sign of what my choice should be? do i follow the cool kids? do i stand as an individual? do i spend too much time thinking about insignificant things?

night all.
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Tunes: dimestore prophets - yeah sure ok monet

what to do

'twas headed out for publicity photos for midsummer (yes, it appears i will be on this year's poster, albeit wearing an asses head) when judy called and said they're going to hold off because of the thunderstorms rolling through the area. so now i find myself with nothing planned for the evening - not necessarily a bad situation - i'm reaching the end of obsession (ED: heh. actually, it's possession. wonder where my head is...) and could conceivably finish it off. will probably stay in and eat dinner here, though the draw of going out somewhere is strong. must...fight...it....

confession time: i'm a world cup junkie. been watching as many matches as i could lately, including today's disappointing match between usa and ghana. the americans just didn't seem to want it, or didn't have the right scheme to get it. got to watch with brandon dawson and julie thompson as neither of them have espn. fun having company over (and yes, i know, i should do it more often), even with the disappointing outcome. i'm drawn to soccer because it's all about process - the very reason it probably will never be popular in here in the states. we're all about ends, the means be damned. me, i love watching the game develop, even if it doesn't end in a goal. journey vs destination. and for me, a 0-0 tie is much more interesting to watch than most baseball games. it's not all about scoring (again, insert your own joke at my expense here).

speaking of jokes at my expense, alexa brought up an interesting point about self-deprecating humor, that there is usually a grain of truth there. perhaps. but sometimes the jokes are too easy to let go by. and i learned long ago, best to make fun of yourself first than to let someone else beat you to the punch. which raises another point i've been pondering since my blathering this past weekend. lori commented: "Do you think that introverts tend to have distorted self images because they lack many of the human interactions which give them a better mirror of who they really are?" my first answer is no, at least not in my experience, basically because i'm not sure how clear a mirror other people are of who we actually are. or maybe it's because i'm uncomfortable with the image reflected back at me. i know i've often been startled by what others thought of me, especially what others thought i thought/believed. maybe it's because introverts tend to be more guarded and so the image presented isn't truly who they are and thus the reflection is veiled. and it's not like introverts have no human interactions - they just tend not to seek them out as readily as extroverts.

i do believe we need others to help us with our blind spots, to point out those qualities, both good and bad, that we are unable to see in ourselves. but we must also be careful to realize that others can only know us so well - no one is us - no one sees the world exactly as we do - no one has experienced this glorious life the same as we do. and while we do well to walk a mile in one another's shoes, we still may never claim we know what it is like to be someone else.

bet you're wishing my pictures wouldn't have been canceled....

weekend should be interesting - well, profitable, anyway. my only responsibility tomorrow is an eye appointment. then saturday i will literally be spending all day at the auditorium - 8:00am-11:00pm. maybe not the best way to spend a saturday, but that's 15 hours of extra money on my paycheck - well worth the sacrifice. and it's at the high school, which means i'll be able to watch dvds in the comfort of jack's office. maybe i should make a trip to the library tomorrow, pick up some stuff to watch.

gone. faretheewell.
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Tunes: big star - what's going ahn?

from a self-proclaimed night owl

seriously, this is exactly what morning is like for me (stupid little sunbeams)....



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Tunes: matthew sweet - spiral

currently avoiding gardening

it's out there. waiting. wanting once again to mock me. and i know i need to go back outside, need to put on the gloves and just get it done or at the very least gather the work from yesterday and throw it into the pile. and yet here i sit, finding every excuse not to return. not that i really mind the work - something incredibly cathartic about grabbing hold of something and yanking the life right out of it (which raises other questions, but we'll leave those for now). and, unlike teaching, i can see the fruits of my labor immediately, can see the progress made. and it's satisfying. and i don't have much more to do. and it's much cooler outside now than it will be in a couple of hours.

but oh do my hamstrings ache.

little frustrated, too, because i spent money at walmart for good pruning shears and they last exactly four weeds. ridiculous. going to see if they'll take them back, assuming, of course, that i can find the broken handle i threw in frustration. hopefully i'll be able to find it now that my glasses aren't smeared with perspiration.

have i ever mentioned how much i hate to sweat?

went out last night and saw nacho libre. was pretty much everything i expected. saw it with a crew from midsummer, which made it more enjoyable, methinks. so much of the movie going experience depends on other people, especially comedies - their reactions, how easily they give themselves over to the silliness. not one i had to see in the theater (and, because of showcases assinine "director's hall," i had to pay extra to sit in seats that made my back and thighs sweat), but fun nonetheless.

since i had such great success with last week's opinion poll, let's try another one. have grown my beard out for summer (yes, i realize it's counterintuitive. like i ever claimed to be logical). but i'm not sure i'm happy with it. so what do you, my faithful readers think? beard or no beard?

that's me, always asking the significant questions...

enough procrastinating. might as well get this done while it's still a bit cool outside.
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Tunes: king's x - freedom

the heart of the matter

been thinking about my last post and the issues raised and it's become abundantly clear i'm missing the point. this isn't about my desires and the apparent conflict between them. this is all about my uneasy relationship with expectations and guilt. this is an ongoing battle, one i've fought for far too long, one i can't seem to overcome.

so why do i feel so guilty all the time? part of it is my perfectionistic tendencies - the desire to always do what is expected and to do it perfectly. intellectually, i know this is impossible. yet i still react emotionally in many situations, especially when my emotional energy is at low ebb. i remember feeling like i never quite measured up, that no matter what i did, i would always fall just a bit short of what was expected - whether those expectations came from outside myself or whether they were invented in my own head.

and i tend to set my own bar quite high.

case in point: last night i was talking to candice about some of this and i mentioned feeling selfish and she said she couldn't imagine me being selfish. i laughed and said she had no idea, but she said, "don't you think i would have pointed it out if i thought you were? as i know you'd do for me?" and i had no response. somehow i've confused having desires with being selfish. the unfortunate corollary to this is i've mistaken denial of these desires for following Christ, which is not what He had in mind. yes, we are exhorted to die to ourselves, but that doesn't mean we kill ourselves, constantly tearing ourselves down. we don't show love to others by hating ourselves.

and i know this, but i don't always let that knowledge affect how i deal with issues. and i have no doubt someday, i will again come here and spew here again. i pray for your patience. sometimes it helps just to get it out. sometimes it helps to have others remind me what truly is important and that my life isn't nearly as distorted as these lenses i wear make it appear.

thanks again to all those who responded, here or in another form. great to know i have friends, even though i don't deserve them.... :)
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Tunes: patty griffin - goodbye

no marrow sucking here

welcome to newton's first law in action - or more accurately, inaction. the momentum i had coursing through my body as the summer began has transmogrified into a disheartening lack of initiative. after morning prayers, i spent all day friday inside my house, accomplishing nothing, touching base with only a couple of friends, unmotivated, the very definition of a sluggard. and honestly, saturday holds little promise. i feared this would happen, my lack of concrete plans turning into an inability to make any plans. i pray this is simply an aberration, but at the moment it feels like anything but.

adding to my existential angst, my schedule for midsummer conflicts once again with house church, leading me to doubt whether it was wise to audition - or, more importantly, whether i am a fit leader for this house church. is it selfish for me to pursue my passion for theatre at the expense of my passion for the church? should i be denying myself, taking up my cross and following Him? is this something i'm meant to sacrifice? but then, as i experienced during my years in lansing, i'm sacrificing part of what makes me me. and i have a difficult time believing God wants me to become less than He created me to be. i refuse to fall into the trap that God's will only means doing those things we don't want to do.

and the voices of guilt come, shouting, "you're letting your church down! you're letting your friends down! you're letting God down!" and i find myself without an answer to them. it all sounds so shallow and self-serving: "but it's what I want to do. it brings ME joy and fulfillment." but if i only serve out of a sense of obligation, then that cannot please God, either. and leading a house church isn't a something i hate or despise - i only feel i'm not doing what a house church leader should do. complicating the matter, st. e's is in the process of birthing, of beginning one or two new house churches. we're looking at transitioning this summer - and i'll be off doing a play. what could be more selfish?

heh. i was hoping by writing out my dilemma it would help me make sense of it. but i only find myself more confused. and while i suppose i want feedback (why else would i post this in a public forum?), i fear the answers i might get, mostly because i assume what i desire - to do both - is impossible and that i'm going to have to choose one or the other. why must our desires conflict? and how do we choose when they do? and how have i not figured this out yet?

ok, time to go do....oh yeah, nothing.
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Tunes: the sundays - wild horses

how quickly the morning steals away

i had so little planned for today. and that is exactly what i have accomplished so far.

who would have guessed the simple matter of naming objects would cause so much discussion. most comments i've ever had. thank goodness it was on something of such eternal consequence. anyway, after pondering and getting a sense of her, my new computer's name evermore shall be:

veronica

now we can move on to the more important issue: am i truly bonkers?

have at it.

spent the morning reading nt wright - have heard much about him, but never really read anything by him. found this website and read several of the articles compiled there. good, challenging stuff. especially liked his focus on imagination and creativity - folds in well with some of my own thoughts lately (which i may someday share here, if i can ever get them to stay still long enough). if you've never read him, you should. his views on christianity, the church, the world are refreshing.

other than that, i've done little else. need to go mow my lawn, i suppose, though i kind of like its rough and tumble look. my neighbors may not agree.

does it frighten anyone else that the best sound system i now have in my house is the one attached to my computer? seriously, it is amazing. the sound is only up 10% and i worry about my neighbors complaining. and i now can play my mp3 player (rory) through my computer, which has been great.

table talk tonight for the rude mechanicals. i have a good idea of bottom, but am curious to see what else will come out of this process. then afterwards i will head down to the-grill-formerly-known-as-hamburger-mary's to catch up with some chess friends. maybe do a little karaoke. make a little love. get down tonight.

bsg or mow...bsg or mow...bsg or mow...ah the eternal questions of summer.

thanks to all who commented yesterday - was great to know there are people out there using my meanderings to break up the monotony of their day. every little bit helps.
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Tunes: elvis costello - veronica

the naming of things

i have what some have called an odd quirk (well, i have many of those, but i want to focus on just one for now). i tend to personify my inanimate objects by giving them names. it all started when i bought my trombone way back. i was at the height of my cyrano obsession, so it was an obvious choice - roxane. from then on, it only seemed natural to name these objects that hold meaning to me. and usually they are allusions to something literary or cinematic. my first car was heather (highlander), my second, guinevere (duh), my mazda, lorelei (gilmore girls); my electric bass, gretchen (king's x); my acoustic bass, daphne (greek mythology); my bike, celine (before sunrise); my tree, jarnsaxa (norse mythology).

those who notice such things will recognize all the names are female. those who like to psychoanalyze can discuss whether i have an unconscious need to possess women. or whether i use the naming as a way to surround myself with metaphorical women since i cannot seem to have a relationship of my own. or perhaps it is my attempt to particularize the feminine side of my personality, to find it in these objects i hold dear. yet again, it might be my way of sublimating my desire to have a daughter by making these beloved objects like offspring. trust me, i'm a therapists dream.

now since i bought my first computer back in 1996, they have always been known as karla, drawing from coupland's microserfs for inspiration. but now, ten years later, perhaps it's time to break from tradition and find a new name. my friend brent recommended scheherazade, which i like from a literary standpoint, but it doesn't really fit this beautiful piece of technology in front of me. i toyed with kaitlin, the female techie from coupland's latest jpod. but it feels a bit like i'm cheating. i'm quite drawn to titania for obvious reasons; plus, it fits the sleek look of the computer.

so, anyone have thoughts? ideas? comment if you would like.
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Tunes: green day - holiday

i don't know whether to be disturbed or amused

waiting....

my new computer is scheduled to arrive sometime between 10:30 and 200 today. and as i am paranoid, methinks i'm going to sit outside on my porch and wait - don't want to have to depend on a doorbell. paranoia is a wonderful thing.

no swimming today - didn't get to bed until almost 2:00 and it seemed unwise to get up and swim at 6:00. of course, i was awake - stupid brain/body will not let me sleep. i'm going to have to do something about this - if i continue in this pattern, my summer will be painfully instead of joyfully long. did make it to prayers, though no one was there at 7:00. sandie showed up, as did kendra, but the prayer books were gone and we couldn't find them anywhere in the church or the brownhouse or the convent. so we improvised and used the eastertide books. obviously we didn't get the message that prayers had moved or changed for the week. was a good time, though and i'm grateful i went. excellent, focusing way to start the day.

toyed with apologizing for the emotional ketchup burst last night about weddings. but then what's the point? if you're reading this, hopefully you get that i occasionally wander the melancholy streets of life. and if you don't, well, know that i occasionally wander the melancholy streets of life. and always keep this in mind: things in thurmanworld are never as bad as they may appear here on my blog. really. i have an amazing life, peppered periodically with random moments of melancholia. you get used to it.

ok, off to read some more of greenblatt's book outside on the porch. here's hoping my new computer arrives sooner than later....
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Tunes: stars - your ex-lover is dead

twenty-seven hours

this is the amount of time i spent in a motor vehicle this weekend. just in case you were wondering. 'twas quite the whirlwind weekend - up at 6:00am, out the door by 7:00, in lansing by 11:15 (yes, i *ahem* made good time), el azteco by 11:30, to josh and emily's for the afternoon, the wedding at 5:30, then on the road to upstate ny by 10:00pm. two hours to the border, six hours through canada, one hour to the beach. five hours at the races, then back on the road. stopped in toronto for a spur-of-the-moment dinner with kat. back to lansing by 10:30pm. slept, then back on the road again this morning by 8:00. home by 12:45.

yes, i am that crazy.

the weekend was wonderful - good to spend some time with gary. fun, too, to catch up with some folks i had lost touch with - josh and emily, jacob, the hirns. the wedding itself was unremarkable - the usual rituals, no crazy moments, no horrible homilies. yet i found my mind wandering a bit, found myself wishing, strangely enough, that i could be in gary's shoes, watching my own daughter get married. this is a sign i'm getting old, isn't it - now, instead of thinking about my own wedding, i wonder what it would be like to stand at my daughter's wedding. and i caught myself despairing that i won't ever see that day.

ah. i don't want to talk about that.

i was giddy most of the weekend - still quite excited about playing bottom. i had meant to bring my bill with me, but forgot it at home. no matter as i'm sure there are plenty of cuts and no use doing anything until i see them. i know i have a lot of work ahead of me and a lot of responsibility but, if all goes well, i know it will be worth it. first read through is tomorrow night. can't wait to meet the rest of the cast. i know rhonda's playing puck, but beyond that, i've got nothing. guess i'll find out tomorrow.

well, my new computer arrived this morning. unfortunately, i wasn't here, so they just left a note on my door. *sigh* so i'll wait until tomorrow to get it all set up. even more to be excited about. at least i'll be able to keep myself busy. am hoping to get up tomorrow morning, swim, pray, then wait around. the note said it should be delivered between 10:30 and 2:00 - here's hoping it's earlier than later. i did get the pc essentials suite i ordered, so i can get karla set up for the big transfer. probably will have to delete some stuff to get the program to load - i am completely filled. of course, at the moment i'm not tired at all, so i may do some of that once i'm done here. really, i hope i get this sleep thing figured out before summer is over....

seems to me i have lots of things to share, but none seem to be accessible to my brain at the moment. i blame lack of sleep. hopefully i'll be more on track tomorrow.
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Tunes: suzanne vega - caramel

newsflash!

"I have had a most rare vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to say what dream it was: man is but an ass, if he go about to expound this dream."

let the ass jokes begin - i shall be playing nick bottom in shakespeare in sharonville's production of midsummer night's dream.

clear your calendars, first two weeks of august.

more when i return from my roadtrip.
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next stop: lansing

so should be in bed. not that it's really going to matter since i probably won't sleep more than four hours anyway. i'm not sure why i'm not sleeping, i only know i'm not. which means my trip to lansing could be quite the long one tomorrow....

just returned from seeing X3. bleah. the director just didn't get it. the writers were hacks. the performances were phone in. not quite highlander 2 realm, but there were moments it came awfully close. convinces me of the power of a good director - when the director gets it, it makes all the difference in the world. ah well, at least i have the first two.

had my "date" tonight with jessica. why in quotes? not sure - really was simply dinner at dewey's as she had previous plans. how'd it go, you ask? 'twas much like sunday's meeting - pleasant enough, but a bit strained. honestly, i just don't think she's interested. and this isn't my usual, why-would-anyone-like-me crap. there's nothing there. gina mentioned perhaps she is interested, but is too shy. possibly. unfortunately, i basically need a big neon sign and a smack upside the head for me to "get it," so i'm not too hopeful.

actually at the moment i'm bordering on hopelessness. but it will pass.

callbacks for midsummer are tomorrow, which means i should find out what part i got tomorrow or sunday. again, trying not to get my hopes up too high and i'll have a good time regardless of the part i get. but the dream is to do bottom, which i know i could nail. but it's out of my hands at this point.

as mr. petty sings in the background....

did i mention i should be going to bed and/or packing for tomorrow? but no, here i am, filling cyberspace with my meaningless meandering musing. yes, i like my alliteration.

there's something important inside of me wanting to come out, but it can't seem to do it right now. i know i can't only have these shallow thoughts to share. i can't. but it's all that seems to be coming up at the moment.

seriously, i need to go. i have to be on the road before 7:00 so i can get to lansing in time to enjoy me some el azteco before the wedding. so looking forward to those chips and salsa and those enchiladas. hmmmmm. been too long.

oh yeah, and seeing gary again. and whomever else might show up. haven't really given it much thought, but i at least hope to see josh and emily again. nto sure what other spectres from youth groups past might appear. fun.

ok, just checked the shipping status of my new computer and it looks like it left lexington at 12:26 am. see, this is what i was afraid of. it'll probably show up on my doorstep while i am gone in lansing. i gave gina a key and asked her to drive by, just in case it does get here. would be nice to have it waiting for me when i get back, but would also be nice to not have it stolen from my porch while i'm gone. i think i'm safe - my guess is it shows up on monday, which is still earlier than i thought it would arrive.

sorry, i'm starting to geek out a bit.

yeah, yeah, i know, i'm going to go pack now. i'll update when i get back from michigan/ny state.
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Tunes: josh ritter - thin blue flame

working for a living

well, for some extra spending cash, anyway. yep, at the auditorium again, this time babysitting acting up!'s production of honk jr. haven't had the courage to watch any of it - too occupied writing e-mails and reading greenblatt's will in the world which was kindly left on my doorstep last night by lori. nothing like a little shakespeare to suck me in. quite entertaining.

so this weekend just got a bit more interesting - gary, whose daughter's wedding i am driving to in lansing, wrote and wondered if i might be able to join him for a nine-hour road trip to help his other daughter keep her ranking as the point leader in jet-ski racing. yeah, i know. anyway, looks like we would leave after the wedding saturday night and return sunday night or monday. and as i have...wait, let me check...nothing going on, i told him it would be great. might even curb my craving for a road trip, at least for a bit. good thing my priceline bid failed for the hotel room - if we're leaving saturday night, no need to get a room.

been avoiding any deep thinking lately, so i have no great insights to share with you, my faithful readers. i could wax eloquently about the whole gay marriage amendment, but really, what would be the point? haven't heard back from ryan about the whole emergent church, so no go there. plus, i'm not sure i could articulate what i think at this moment anyway. i do wonder sometimes if once school is out if my IQ suddenly drops several points. i call it going into conservation mode. others call it laziness. history will prove who's right.

the great swimming experiment is going well - been able to pull myself out of bed every morning this week and get a few laps in. had to adjust my schedule a bit since they moved morning prayers to 7:30 (which explains why no one was there monday and tuesday when i showed up at 7:00). not sure the wisdom in getting up at 6:00am and i'm not sure how long i'll be able to do it, but for now it's a good way to start the morning - a quick swim, prayers, breakfast.

sorry to inflict on you the tedium of my vacation-life.

tomorrow i'll be doing a bit of domestic work - cleaning up around the house. since it's official that i'm getting a new computer, i need to make sure my space is ready to go for its eventual arrival. will at least keep me busy for part of the day and keep me from wasting away in front of the tv watching BSG seasons 1-2 (yes ellescriba i watched the miniseries last night. we'll have to talk).

wow. i've bored my fingers into slumberland. time to go. sorry.
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Tunes: death cab for cutie - marching bands of manhattan

anatomy of a set up

first, the preliminaries - i almost didn't go. drove the four hours back from weirton sunday morning and made good enough time that i figured i'd take a short nap. mistake. didn't sleep much and it just made me grouchy. not the best of moods if you're going to meet someone. add to that major wardrobe crisis mere minutes before leaving, and i was a bundle full of fun on the way to the wedding. horrible frame of mind. had i not promised, i would have just stayed home. but i went, met bea at starbucks, drove to meg's then to the wedding.

the wedding itself was lovely - simple, straightforward and very, very crowded. beth knows everyone. there were TEN bridesmaids and TEN groomsmen. just a bit of overkill, but who am i to judge. oh right, someone who's been to far too many of these things. anway, i spent much of the service scanning the crowd looking for jessica. now i didn't know much about her - artist and relatively young. beyond that, nothing. beth was just a bit vague in descriptions. didn't see anyone who matched my preconceptions. so when we finally were dismissed (you know, there's no good way to do this - especially if you're stuck at the back waiting waiting waiting), beth leaned over and said she was in the back on the left in a blue dress. so i looked on my way out. didn't see anyone matching that description. not good.

so we head over to the reception (they had rented out ault park - beth's parents are not poor) and i had pretty much given up hope. i was in a bad mood, i didn't know who jessica was, beth was busy doing bridey stuff, so i was ready to write the afternoon off. then we went to talk to annie, who i had forgotten had actually me the mysterious jessica at a bridal shower. and it was through her i actually was introduced.

first impressions: not at all what i expected. much quieter and subdued - more the contemplative artist than the wild and crazy artist. she was wearing a bluish dress, which is why i didn't find her earlier - i was looking for solid blue, this was more of a patterned dress. we joked early on about beth's pushiness and then she joined us at the table we had commandeered when we arrived.

(aside: i got to spend the day with three beautiful women - meg, bea, kelley. i must have looked like quite the stud sitting at a table, the only guy among all the lovely women. sure, they're all taken, but 'twas fun nonetheless)

we talked, chatted, asked questions - all those things you do during a set up, trying to separate the preconceptions from the truth. and as we talked i came to a startling conclusion...

she's me. in many ways.

not sure how i feel about that. we're both strong introverts, evidenced by the lengthy gaps in conversation at times. we both have elitist tendencies (hers certainly can't be as annoying as mine, but i did get the sense). we both are uncomfortable in large groups and hate talking on the phone. and while it was great meeting someone who understood a lot of my quirks, there's part of me if it might not be too much of a familiar thing. but i'm withholding judgment for now, until we can get together again under less contrived circumstances (though aren't all "dates" contrived?).

so no, it wasn't the miserable experience i feared it might be on my drive there. was quite a pleasant experience. and while there were no fireworks or bolts of lightning, it was a fine way to spend an afternoon/early evening. and we'll see what comes next.
Æ

Tunes: over the rhine - my love is a fever (acoustic)

U2 - get set for summer