yesterday morning, after morning prayers, kevin, steve and i decided, instead of heading out to do some hiking, to head down to mt. adams and the holy cross immaculata church to participate in the annual good friday tradition of climbing the steep stairs to the parish. not quite the communion with nature i was hoping for, but i had always wanted to participate in this ritual so i was up for it.
steve came prepared with several rosary and a pamphlet of how to say the rosary, which came in quite handy for us non-catholics. we exited on martin avenue and found stairs leading up toward the top of mt. adams. we opted for the 356 step route - no pansy climb for us. we were surprised to be the only ones there, but figured most other pilgrims had chosen the shorter climb. neophytes to the whole experience, we were unsure of what exactly to do. we rotated between repeating out loud hail marys and glory bes with a sprinkling of our fathers every now and then as we climbed one step at a time. as others joined us on the stairs, i began to worry we weren't doing it right, that our pseudo-catholicism would be evident to real catholics. but those fears soon faded away as i got into the spirit of our journey.
and then we reached the top of the stairs. and there was not a church in sight. we walked down the street, thinking the stairs must pick up somewhere down the road a bit. but as we closed on the next intersection, it became obvious that we had not in fact been climbing the parish steps, but some random set of stairs set in the side of the hill. realizing our mistake, and fearing the wrath of the poor pilgirms who had followed in our mistaken footsteps, we ducked around a corner and ran into a resident who walked us up to the church. from there we could see where we were meant to walk up, stairs filled with penitent pilgrims drawing step by step closer to the church. would have been quite the throng to be a part of had we actually started in the right place.
of course, none of this stopped us from participating in the donuts and coffee at the top (well, not steve and kevin anyway - i was still fasting). we sat and talked about the experience and had a laugh over our miscalculations - and hoped those who had joined behind us weren't upset enough to come and find us in the parish hall. we discussed a bit the metaphorical significance of our journey, how the good catholics climbed one set of stairs while we confused protestants climbed another and yet we both arrived at the same destination. not sure it holds up under scrutiny, but something interesting to think about.
getting ready to head over to st. e's to walk through via crucis once more before heading out to dinner...somewhere. still haven't made up my mind yet what i want. last day i'll have to wait. been good discipline but am looking forward to being able to eat when i'm hungry again. not sure about the other lenten sacrifices i made; i know i'll eat chocolate again, but not sure about the fries or the carbonated beverages. i'm sure it's healthier not eating them, but not sure i care enough to continue to give them up. but glad to know i can go without them if necessary. i just hope it's never necessary.
pomegranates cd release show is tonight at the gypsy hut. says 10:00 on the website, but not sure if that's when the doors open or if it's when the show will start. should have time to figure all that out before i head out. still need to do a little cleaning before the 'rents arrive tomorrow, but nothing too stressful.
got my tax return info back today. looks like i should be able to pay off a couple of credit cards and still have some left over. will have to see how best to spend it. a new bed frame maybe? we'll see.
happy holy saturday. sunday's comin'...
Æ
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Now playing: Johnny Cash - Just As I Am
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
good friday
haunting. that's the sense i have of st. elizabeth's during via crucis - not in a ghostly, horror film kind of way, but in the lingering sense of presence here. it's impossible to leave here the same as you came in if you came with an openness to experience God. from the fading smell of sandalwood to the occasional rising scream to the echoes of the hammered nails, everything draws you in. even the building itself, with its fallen beauty, mirrors the pain and beauty of holy week.
one theme resonated last night as i walked from station to station - how even in the midst of suffering, Christ had compassion for those around him. trying to keep the disciples awake. allowing judas to embrace Him. healing the soldier's ear. keeping silent when accused. encouraging the women on the way. the thief on the cross. mary and john. the whole human race. i know how hard it is for me to even think about others when i'm struggling with my own pain. but if we truly seek to walk where Christ has walked, then we must look through our own tear-blurred eyes and see the pain on the faces around us. we must reach out with our mangled hands to help those who have lost their grip. we must walk on broken feet to those that have fallen and cannot stand. we must open out our broken hearts to those whose hearts are breaking.
Christ's incarnation allowed Him to experience as we experience, to identify with our suffering so He could help us in our pain. and sometimes it is those moments of greatest pain that allow us to connect with others. i am reminded of the lost dogs song "blessing in disguise:"
not only do our darkest moments turn out to be significant later on, but our darkness can become light to someone else.
one of the stations had a confessional, where you could call a number and leave your confession. these are recorded and then played back for people as they sat in the confessional. a powerful reminder we all are struggling, that what may appear to be indifference and selfishness may be because we are all dealing with our own crises, our own personal pain. the poem below by denver butson paints a vivid picture of this difficulty:
Æ
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Now playing: Aaron Copland - Appalachain Spring - Fast
via FoxyTunes
one theme resonated last night as i walked from station to station - how even in the midst of suffering, Christ had compassion for those around him. trying to keep the disciples awake. allowing judas to embrace Him. healing the soldier's ear. keeping silent when accused. encouraging the women on the way. the thief on the cross. mary and john. the whole human race. i know how hard it is for me to even think about others when i'm struggling with my own pain. but if we truly seek to walk where Christ has walked, then we must look through our own tear-blurred eyes and see the pain on the faces around us. we must reach out with our mangled hands to help those who have lost their grip. we must walk on broken feet to those that have fallen and cannot stand. we must open out our broken hearts to those whose hearts are breaking.
Christ's incarnation allowed Him to experience as we experience, to identify with our suffering so He could help us in our pain. and sometimes it is those moments of greatest pain that allow us to connect with others. i am reminded of the lost dogs song "blessing in disguise:"
How often do we spot the angels?
Or feel the unseen hand?
Most times are tough, the going rough
Like there never was a master plan
Those steadfast doors won't open
And you pray...but you don't understand
Hold fast the hope that's in you
Don't always trust your eyes
Sometimes it takes a long time to see it as
A Blessing in Disguise
We live upon this dark surface
And God, He moves upon the deep
What is concealed will be revealed
There is no promise He won't keep
Still, we're confused by the shadows
We're awake, but we're half asleep
Sometimes the dark can move our hearts
To long for the light of the Son
And our ways don't become His ways
Until we are undone
And after you've been broken
You may not realize
That you are grace to the broken hearted
And a blessing in...
A blessing in...
You are a Blessing in Disguise
not only do our darkest moments turn out to be significant later on, but our darkness can become light to someone else.
one of the stations had a confessional, where you could call a number and leave your confession. these are recorded and then played back for people as they sat in the confessional. a powerful reminder we all are struggling, that what may appear to be indifference and selfishness may be because we are all dealing with our own crises, our own personal pain. the poem below by denver butson paints a vivid picture of this difficulty:
Tuesday 9:00 AMsimon of cyrene, minding his own business during the passover, was asked to carry Christ's cross for Him. we are to do the same for those around us. Father, give us strength.A man standing at the bus stop
reading the newspaper is on fire
Flames are peeking out
from beneath his collar and cuffs
His shoes have begun to meltThe woman next to him
wants to mention it to him
that he is burning
but she is drowning
Water is everywhere
in her mouth and ears
in her eyes
A stream of water runs
steadily from her blouseAnother woman stands at the bus stop
freezing to death
She tries to stand near the man
who is on fire
to try to melt the icicles
that have formed on her eyelashes
and on her nostrils
to stop her teeth long enough
from chattering to say something
to the woman who is drowning
but the woman who is freezing to death
has trouble moving
with blocks of ice on her feetIt takes the three some time
to board the bus
what with the flames
and water and ice
But when they finally climb the stairs
and take their seats
the driver doesn't even notice
that none of them has paid
because he is tortured
by visions and is wondering
if the man who got off at the last stop
was really being mauled to death
by wild dogs.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Aaron Copland - Appalachain Spring - Fast
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, March 20, 2008
a beginning
so finally i made it, and for the first time ever perhaps, i have nothing hanging over my head as i enter into spring break. no major grading projects, nothing pressing. so i can actually enjoy the entirety of my spring break instead of moments here and there. sure, i have some decisions to make on national boards and finishing my phase ii, but even those sit comfortably in the background, waiting for me to find myself refreshed so i can deal with them anew.
i'm currently sitting in the speckled bird, across from st. e's, enjoying some apple pie and a strawberry steamer. finally made it over to walk through via crucis. still processing most of it. will definitely go through at least once more, maybe multiple times. need to remember my journal to jot down thoughts as i go through. will be there tomorrow night for a couple of hours at the end of the night as a docent. looking forward to being in that holy space on good friday.
supposed to hike with steve and kevin tomorrow after morning prayers. hopefully steve is feeling better and that kevin is feeling up for it. i need some nature therapy; need to find solace in the beauty of the world around me. been toying with asking kevin if i could steal down to the land and spend a couple days camping there this coming week. i'm free after tuesday, so could try and take a trip somewhere, but i think it would be wiser to conserve my funds for now. there's something to be said for just lying around a bit and relaxing. and sleeping in. though there are definitely plenty of activities around the house i could work on, like figuring out why the water softener doesn't seem to be working or trying to get my garage door to work again or stalking the dog that keeps coming into my yard to leave me unwanted gifts. actually saw her today and of course she doesn't have a collar. tempted to call animal services and have them take care of her. does that sound heartless? perhaps. but then it's not your yard being filled with feces.
got a call from brent today - turns out he has a detached retina and is confined to bed rest for two weeks. ouch. means we'll have to delay our visit to jeremy's grave until he is able to join us. hard to believe it's been a year already.
i'm the only one here at the bird right now, other than the baristas. fairly peaceful. ironically, i came here because i was feeling a bit isolated spending all that time in my house.
ok, probably should wrap it up, head back to my house to watch a little tv before heading off to bed. be so nice not to have to wake up tomorrow at 5AM. here's hoping i don't end up staying up until 3 and missing my chance to sleep longer than normal. night.
Æ
Now playing: Elvis Costello - When I Was Cruel
via FoxyTunes
i'm currently sitting in the speckled bird, across from st. e's, enjoying some apple pie and a strawberry steamer. finally made it over to walk through via crucis. still processing most of it. will definitely go through at least once more, maybe multiple times. need to remember my journal to jot down thoughts as i go through. will be there tomorrow night for a couple of hours at the end of the night as a docent. looking forward to being in that holy space on good friday.
supposed to hike with steve and kevin tomorrow after morning prayers. hopefully steve is feeling better and that kevin is feeling up for it. i need some nature therapy; need to find solace in the beauty of the world around me. been toying with asking kevin if i could steal down to the land and spend a couple days camping there this coming week. i'm free after tuesday, so could try and take a trip somewhere, but i think it would be wiser to conserve my funds for now. there's something to be said for just lying around a bit and relaxing. and sleeping in. though there are definitely plenty of activities around the house i could work on, like figuring out why the water softener doesn't seem to be working or trying to get my garage door to work again or stalking the dog that keeps coming into my yard to leave me unwanted gifts. actually saw her today and of course she doesn't have a collar. tempted to call animal services and have them take care of her. does that sound heartless? perhaps. but then it's not your yard being filled with feces.
got a call from brent today - turns out he has a detached retina and is confined to bed rest for two weeks. ouch. means we'll have to delay our visit to jeremy's grave until he is able to join us. hard to believe it's been a year already.
i'm the only one here at the bird right now, other than the baristas. fairly peaceful. ironically, i came here because i was feeling a bit isolated spending all that time in my house.
ok, probably should wrap it up, head back to my house to watch a little tv before heading off to bed. be so nice not to have to wake up tomorrow at 5AM. here's hoping i don't end up staying up until 3 and missing my chance to sleep longer than normal. night.
Æ
Now playing: Elvis Costello - When I Was Cruel
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
one day more
short bells. pep assembly. then nearly ten days off. glorious. and nothing to grade for once. i only wish we'd been able to get through act iii before break. ah well.
my friend angela wrote this for @U2. hard to believe it was two years ago.
anyone know where i could pick up some gopher wood? and just how big is a cubit anyway?
the piano has arrived. here's a pic from its old place of residence:
needs some work, but good to have it in the house. will definitely be using it over the next couple weeks to practice for the musical. ran through act i today. boy, was it rough. need to get those songs in my head. and in the interest of full disclosure, if you're thinking of coming to see the musical to see me, probably best to save your money. i'm not on stage very much. the musical is going to be amazing, but i definitely have a supporting role. think end of the credits, right before the stunt men type of role.
am hoping once everything is over tomorrow that i will be able to get the chance to walk through via crucis. thought about going the last couple of nights, but didn't. i'm a docent friday night, but want to go through on my own. so tonight might be it, unless i sneak in friday or saturday during the day. might not be a bad idea - see it both at night and during the day.
still need to find someplace to go for easter meal. mom and dad are coming down and i need to take them somewhere. no idea what will be open. can't remember if easter is a day restaurants shut down or not.
bed. night.
Æ
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Now playing: Big Star - Back of a Car
via FoxyTunes
my friend angela wrote this for @U2. hard to believe it was two years ago.
anyone know where i could pick up some gopher wood? and just how big is a cubit anyway?
the piano has arrived. here's a pic from its old place of residence:
needs some work, but good to have it in the house. will definitely be using it over the next couple weeks to practice for the musical. ran through act i today. boy, was it rough. need to get those songs in my head. and in the interest of full disclosure, if you're thinking of coming to see the musical to see me, probably best to save your money. i'm not on stage very much. the musical is going to be amazing, but i definitely have a supporting role. think end of the credits, right before the stunt men type of role.am hoping once everything is over tomorrow that i will be able to get the chance to walk through via crucis. thought about going the last couple of nights, but didn't. i'm a docent friday night, but want to go through on my own. so tonight might be it, unless i sneak in friday or saturday during the day. might not be a bad idea - see it both at night and during the day.
still need to find someplace to go for easter meal. mom and dad are coming down and i need to take them somewhere. no idea what will be open. can't remember if easter is a day restaurants shut down or not.
bed. night.
Æ
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Now playing: Big Star - Back of a Car
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
on the night he was betrayed
i say the above words every sunday as i wrap up the liturgy, before i invite everyone to come forward to take of the body and blood of our Lord. this past sunday, i was reminded why it is so significant. the lectionary reading was from matthew and spoke of the first time Jesus invited His disciples to take of the Lord's Supper. but before that, he tells them he knows one of them will betray Him that evening....
i know there are communities who feel that the Eucharist is a holy moment reserved for only those of their community, who have proved themselves faithful, who take this sacrament seriously. but how can you deny that Christ Himself offered His body and blood to His betrayer? could it not be, just like it was in the garden, that He knew the path that lie ahead, but still had hope that the cup would be removed, that Judas would offer up his heart instead of a kiss? is that not the hope we all live in as we step forward to take these elements that point us to Christ's sacrifice we celebrate this week?
Æ
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Now playing: U2 - Luminous Times (Hold On To Love)
via FoxyTunes
When it was evening, he took his place with the twelve; and while they were eating, he said, "Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me." And they became greatly distressed and began to say to him one after another, "Surely not I, Lord?" He answered, "The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born." Judas, who betrayed him, said, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" He replied, "You have said so."
While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will never again drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."
"Drink from it, all of you..." all of you. including the one who sold Him out for 30 pieces of silver. including the one who would deny Him three times before the cock crowed. including all who scattered when their Lord was lifted up.
i know there are communities who feel that the Eucharist is a holy moment reserved for only those of their community, who have proved themselves faithful, who take this sacrament seriously. but how can you deny that Christ Himself offered His body and blood to His betrayer? could it not be, just like it was in the garden, that He knew the path that lie ahead, but still had hope that the cup would be removed, that Judas would offer up his heart instead of a kiss? is that not the hope we all live in as we step forward to take these elements that point us to Christ's sacrifice we celebrate this week?
Æ
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Now playing: U2 - Luminous Times (Hold On To Love)
via FoxyTunes
Monday, March 17, 2008
the prayer of st. patrick (excerpts)
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
good stuff this st. patrick's day. wish i had had this prayer with me at many points today. more exhausting then i anticipated for reasons unforeseen. i have much to think about, to pray about, to try to make sense of. might talk more of it later if i can.
i realize there hasn't been much of mine own since saturday. hopefully tomorrow i'll have more time to share more. must to bed now. good night.
Æ
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Now playing: U2 - So Cruel
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, March 16, 2008
via crucis: immersion
http://www.viacrucisimmersion.com/
Via Crucis :: Immersion is the stations of the cross remixed. It is an experiential worship event merging art, media, and music that brings us into the story. A journey into the heart of God and the story’s reality in us. It is an immersion into the suffering of Jesus and a discovery of our own brokenness.
St. Elizabeth's 1759 Mills Ave. Norwood OH 45212
i recommend everyone come to this. amazing tonight. isaac from pomegranates wrote a 14 movement piece that walked us through the 14 stations. described as "violently beautiful," it surely lived up to that. words are inadequate to describe the experience. it runs all week and is the type of thing you can drop in and spend as much or as little time as you want. during this most holy of weeks, see if you can steal a couple of moments to join us.
more tomorrow. must to bed so i'm well rested for teaching and academic team banquet and dance rehearsal and...wow, i'm already exhausted by tomorrow and it hasn't even started.
Æ
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Now playing: Resurrection Band - My Jesus Is All (Live)
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, March 15, 2008
an early celebration
i've been accused before of not putting enough emotion into my postings - that i give a good blow by blow of the day, but never really delve any deeper into the events. so let me show you why that's a bad idea for me....
today started with a hangover from the night before. not from alcohol, but from a wave of melancholy that hit me last night. the most likely culprit? bowling. no, i'm not kidding. i know i'm not a great bowler. i'm probably below average. yet every time i go bowling, i go expecting to do well. sometimes it works. not last night. i was bad. only broke 100 once and that in the final game. i couldn't seem to find a groove. my first ball was too heavy, my second had holes that were too small, blah blah blah. now intellectually i knew it wasn't a big deal - even though it's a league, the teams involved were in it to have fun more than to practice for the PBA. but the longer the night went on, the worse i felt because i sucked. a lot. and i started to feel bad, even though no one else really thought anything about it. it's my own perfectionism. i tried to put on a good face but was completely unsuccessful. which made everyone else uncomfortable because they could see i wasn't having the best of times. which made me feel worse because not only was i sucking at bowling, i was sucking all the joy out of the evening.
usually when i'm feeling like this, it's best if i just get away from people until it passes. but it wasn't a possibility last night. and then - and here's where my need for deep psychological analysis comes in - i began to generalize and believe since i couldn't bowl and couldn't have a good time then obviously i couldn't do anything right. i was a horrible human being, i was a horrible christian, i was a horrible friend and a horrible teacher and ... you name it, i couldn't do it. i got home after the evening ended drunk on my low self-esteem. which led to the hangover this morning.
when the alarm went off, announcing it was time to go to the national board orientation, i felt even worse than i did when i went to bed. i took a lukewarm shower (did i mention my hot water heater is giving me fits?), threw on some clothes and went to meet kristin at the starbucks parking lot, where i discovered the jeans i had thrown on looked like i had been gardening in them. great. then i sat through the orientation and the more the leader talked, the more i became convinced not only was i not good enough to become board certified, i wasn't even good enough to continue teaching. everyone else was there for the right reason - to become a better teacher, to challenge themselves, to help their students. me, i was there for the money. the state of ohio gives a stipend to board certified teachers which mason city school matches, which means more money in my pocket at the end of the day. by the end i had stopped paying attention, assuming i obviously been fooling myself to think i could or should be board certified. kristin and rachel were excited, but i barely could look at myself and think about facing my students on monday, much less going through the process to get certified.
i scribbled this on my paper: lamest. teacher. ever.
can you see the problem? something as small as having a bad night bowling had spiraled into me believing i should abandon my profession and find something i was more suited for, like asking people if they would like fries with that. completely illogical and unreasonable and it doesn't matter because it's how i felt and it wouldn't matter what people said, i would only see everything through the negative lens. it was so bad, i toyed with calling brent and telling him sorry, i couldn't join him to visit bethany up in columbus today because i knew i would be poor, poor company in my current state.
boy am i glad i didn't do that.
after getting a late start because the meeting ran the whole 2 1/2 hours (kurt had led us to believe it would only take an hour or so), and because i had to run home and change jeans, i finally made it to the grove city steak and shake and met brent. since his car was full of stuff, we took mine and drove to bethany's house which is literally out in the middle of nowhere. with all the urban sprawl around grove city, i guess you have to go that far to feel like you're living in the country. anyway, after a brief bout of doubt that we were actually going the right way, we found ourselves at the house. so we walked to the door and bethany and andy met us at the door. we said our hellos and then walked into the kitchen, where my friends steve and angela were standing. and my first thought was, "wow, i didn't know steve and angela knew bethany and andy." and my second thought was, "i guess brent must have invited them down to join us for the afternoon." and then everyone stopped and looked at me and said....
surprise!
boy was it. turns out the whole visiting bethany thing was a cover for a surprise party in honor of my birthday. worked really, really well since even after they said surprise, i had no idea what was going on. but it sank in eventually, especially when they pulled out the gift bags and the sherbet punch. there were only a handful of us - brent and me, andy and bethany and their three kids, steve and angela and nikki from school and her boyfriend jay - but it quickly made me forget the negativity of the past 20 hours and reminded me i am incredibly blessed. after an afternoon of punch and cookies and appetizers and soup and salad and sandwiches (sorry, no lent today!) and cranium and laughter and cake and ice cream and wii and scene it, the worst was over. i felt human again.
i wish i knew what caused these bouts of extreme melancholy, where i can't see beyond the darkness of my own inner navel gazing. i wish i knew how to break out of them without having to rely on surprise birthday parties and unexpected emails from friends. like i said, it's not a brain thing - it's a feeling thing. and those are so much harder to deal with sometimes.
ok, way past my bedtime. via crucis starts tomorrow and i need to be well rested. here's to a truly holy holy week.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Stryper - Passion (one of my birthday presents, thanks to the balls)
via FoxyTunes
today started with a hangover from the night before. not from alcohol, but from a wave of melancholy that hit me last night. the most likely culprit? bowling. no, i'm not kidding. i know i'm not a great bowler. i'm probably below average. yet every time i go bowling, i go expecting to do well. sometimes it works. not last night. i was bad. only broke 100 once and that in the final game. i couldn't seem to find a groove. my first ball was too heavy, my second had holes that were too small, blah blah blah. now intellectually i knew it wasn't a big deal - even though it's a league, the teams involved were in it to have fun more than to practice for the PBA. but the longer the night went on, the worse i felt because i sucked. a lot. and i started to feel bad, even though no one else really thought anything about it. it's my own perfectionism. i tried to put on a good face but was completely unsuccessful. which made everyone else uncomfortable because they could see i wasn't having the best of times. which made me feel worse because not only was i sucking at bowling, i was sucking all the joy out of the evening.
usually when i'm feeling like this, it's best if i just get away from people until it passes. but it wasn't a possibility last night. and then - and here's where my need for deep psychological analysis comes in - i began to generalize and believe since i couldn't bowl and couldn't have a good time then obviously i couldn't do anything right. i was a horrible human being, i was a horrible christian, i was a horrible friend and a horrible teacher and ... you name it, i couldn't do it. i got home after the evening ended drunk on my low self-esteem. which led to the hangover this morning.
when the alarm went off, announcing it was time to go to the national board orientation, i felt even worse than i did when i went to bed. i took a lukewarm shower (did i mention my hot water heater is giving me fits?), threw on some clothes and went to meet kristin at the starbucks parking lot, where i discovered the jeans i had thrown on looked like i had been gardening in them. great. then i sat through the orientation and the more the leader talked, the more i became convinced not only was i not good enough to become board certified, i wasn't even good enough to continue teaching. everyone else was there for the right reason - to become a better teacher, to challenge themselves, to help their students. me, i was there for the money. the state of ohio gives a stipend to board certified teachers which mason city school matches, which means more money in my pocket at the end of the day. by the end i had stopped paying attention, assuming i obviously been fooling myself to think i could or should be board certified. kristin and rachel were excited, but i barely could look at myself and think about facing my students on monday, much less going through the process to get certified.
i scribbled this on my paper: lamest. teacher. ever.
can you see the problem? something as small as having a bad night bowling had spiraled into me believing i should abandon my profession and find something i was more suited for, like asking people if they would like fries with that. completely illogical and unreasonable and it doesn't matter because it's how i felt and it wouldn't matter what people said, i would only see everything through the negative lens. it was so bad, i toyed with calling brent and telling him sorry, i couldn't join him to visit bethany up in columbus today because i knew i would be poor, poor company in my current state.
boy am i glad i didn't do that.
after getting a late start because the meeting ran the whole 2 1/2 hours (kurt had led us to believe it would only take an hour or so), and because i had to run home and change jeans, i finally made it to the grove city steak and shake and met brent. since his car was full of stuff, we took mine and drove to bethany's house which is literally out in the middle of nowhere. with all the urban sprawl around grove city, i guess you have to go that far to feel like you're living in the country. anyway, after a brief bout of doubt that we were actually going the right way, we found ourselves at the house. so we walked to the door and bethany and andy met us at the door. we said our hellos and then walked into the kitchen, where my friends steve and angela were standing. and my first thought was, "wow, i didn't know steve and angela knew bethany and andy." and my second thought was, "i guess brent must have invited them down to join us for the afternoon." and then everyone stopped and looked at me and said....
surprise!
boy was it. turns out the whole visiting bethany thing was a cover for a surprise party in honor of my birthday. worked really, really well since even after they said surprise, i had no idea what was going on. but it sank in eventually, especially when they pulled out the gift bags and the sherbet punch. there were only a handful of us - brent and me, andy and bethany and their three kids, steve and angela and nikki from school and her boyfriend jay - but it quickly made me forget the negativity of the past 20 hours and reminded me i am incredibly blessed. after an afternoon of punch and cookies and appetizers and soup and salad and sandwiches (sorry, no lent today!) and cranium and laughter and cake and ice cream and wii and scene it, the worst was over. i felt human again.
i wish i knew what caused these bouts of extreme melancholy, where i can't see beyond the darkness of my own inner navel gazing. i wish i knew how to break out of them without having to rely on surprise birthday parties and unexpected emails from friends. like i said, it's not a brain thing - it's a feeling thing. and those are so much harder to deal with sometimes.
ok, way past my bedtime. via crucis starts tomorrow and i need to be well rested. here's to a truly holy holy week.
Æ
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Now playing: Stryper - Passion (one of my birthday presents, thanks to the balls)
via FoxyTunes
Friday, March 14, 2008
take the skinheads bowling
well, not the skinheads. just me. and gina. and a league one of her coworkers is in. haven't bowled for a while now. we'll see if i'm having an on night or an off night.
thought i better step in here before i leave in 20 minutes so that my reader cannot point out the error of my way and recommend i throw in the towel on this whole lent thing since i failed yet again (i'm pretty sure they were joking...pretty sure).
something to think about: hilary clinton points to her experience making her a more viable candidate than barack obama. she usually points to her time in the white house as first lady giving her the edge. but i don't understand how this makes her more experienced. just because you're the spouse of a brain surgeon and have been in the hospital and watched as surgery was being performed doesn't mean the next time i need to have a tumor removed i'm going to turn to you. being in the general vicinity doesn't make you more qualified.
i'm just sayin'.
the OGT madness is over for another year - don't have to think about it for another five months or so. there was a palpable sense of relief in the air today, though i have to say, i'm going to miss having that extra two and a half hours at the beginning of each day to get stuff done. but at least next week is a short week - three "normal" days and one pep assembly day. not sure i'll make it through act iii of the scottish play, but we'll give it our best shot.
i have recently thrown my hat in with the St. Elizabeth's Arts Foundation that launched recently. i told them of my interest in theatre and so am getting to do a little dreaming and a little planning about what that might look like in the context of the foundation. today i got an email asking if i would be interested in meeting with some local high school students and getting their feel for what they would like to see happen. are you kidding? of course i'm interested. it's one of those areas that i feel i haven't quite achieved yet - one of the reasons i got into teaching high school is because i hoped to find opportunity to work with teens and drama. so maybe this will be the outlet i've been looking for. we'll see.
time to get my bowling gear on (i guess it's college night in the league, so i'm going to pull out my golden flashes stuff). here's hoping i can move my arm tomorrow...
Æ
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Now playing: The Raveonettes - Blitzed
via FoxyTunes
thought i better step in here before i leave in 20 minutes so that my reader cannot point out the error of my way and recommend i throw in the towel on this whole lent thing since i failed yet again (i'm pretty sure they were joking...pretty sure).
something to think about: hilary clinton points to her experience making her a more viable candidate than barack obama. she usually points to her time in the white house as first lady giving her the edge. but i don't understand how this makes her more experienced. just because you're the spouse of a brain surgeon and have been in the hospital and watched as surgery was being performed doesn't mean the next time i need to have a tumor removed i'm going to turn to you. being in the general vicinity doesn't make you more qualified.
i'm just sayin'.
the OGT madness is over for another year - don't have to think about it for another five months or so. there was a palpable sense of relief in the air today, though i have to say, i'm going to miss having that extra two and a half hours at the beginning of each day to get stuff done. but at least next week is a short week - three "normal" days and one pep assembly day. not sure i'll make it through act iii of the scottish play, but we'll give it our best shot.
i have recently thrown my hat in with the St. Elizabeth's Arts Foundation that launched recently. i told them of my interest in theatre and so am getting to do a little dreaming and a little planning about what that might look like in the context of the foundation. today i got an email asking if i would be interested in meeting with some local high school students and getting their feel for what they would like to see happen. are you kidding? of course i'm interested. it's one of those areas that i feel i haven't quite achieved yet - one of the reasons i got into teaching high school is because i hoped to find opportunity to work with teens and drama. so maybe this will be the outlet i've been looking for. we'll see.
time to get my bowling gear on (i guess it's college night in the league, so i'm going to pull out my golden flashes stuff). here's hoping i can move my arm tomorrow...
Æ
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Now playing: The Raveonettes - Blitzed
via FoxyTunes
Thursday, March 13, 2008
losing momentum
this always seems to happen - the closer i get to easter, the easier it is to let slide those commitments i've made for lent. i had the time yesterday to blog, and yet i found other occupations to steal away my time so that by the time i got home after midnight last night, i had neither the energy or focus to do a decent blog entry. so another day. but really, two in the span of 40+ days isn't too bad.
reasons to always double check your schedule: i knew last night was going to be rough for B&B rehearsal because rehearsal started at 7:30 and i could eat at 7:40. so i packed a lunch and hoped to sneak a sandwich and some doritos during a break. unfortunately, we didn't take a break because, contrary to my belief, it wasn't just a music rehearsal - it was a dance rehearsal for "be our guest" as well. so not ready for that in my khakis and sandals. luckily in "be our guest" i am not in the infamous kick line, which means my main objective is to not fall down. mission accomplished last night. but instead of getting out a little before 10:00 as we had before, we went right up to the end, which put me a little late for my post-rehearsal activity...
...seeing pomegranates perform. had been a while. they're the "artist in residence" at the southgate house this month, which means they perform every wednesday with a guest artist of their choosing. we had thought that meant they would go on second, but when we arrived late because of my boneheadedness, they had already started. still got to see plenty of songs, but would have preferred seeing the whole show. their sound was great last night - always better when isaac's guitar is in the front of the mix. lots of good energy and the new bassist seemed much more confident. i'm going to try and go to their cd release on the 22nd - gina let me borrow her copy, but i need to pick up my own copy. plus there'll be cake.
one more day of the OGT. have to say, proctoring has definitely allowed me to get organized. my files are finally in some semblance of order and i recycled two years worth of tests and exams i'd been keeping in case some student questioned their grade (which i've never had happen, but better safe than sorry). if i'm feeling it tomorrow, i may organize my closet, which is the last piece that needs to be done. classes tomorrow will be a bit of a joke - not only will my sophomore's be checked out now that it's all over, my last bell won't be there again because of the celebration for the sophomores after lunch. so i put together an activity to get us started on act ii. we'll see how it goes.
no piano yet, though i think we finally worked out a time for it to happen. barring something unforeseen, it should be in the grotto next tuesday. need to find someone to meet them probably, since they'll come while i'm teaching. hopefully someone in the community will be able to help a brother out. need to put out an email, see if anyone is available.
ok, time to wind down a bit by catching up on the daily show/colbert report. not sure i'll sleep much tonight - i forgot that just because tea isn't carbonated doesn't mean it doesn't have caffeine. ah well, not like i need to be too focused tomorrow anyway. bye.
(ok, the song for now playing is one of my favorites. i love this version by galaxie 500, even more than the new order version. always makes me smile when it comes on).
----------------
Now playing: Galaxie 500 - Ceremony
via FoxyTunes
reasons to always double check your schedule: i knew last night was going to be rough for B&B rehearsal because rehearsal started at 7:30 and i could eat at 7:40. so i packed a lunch and hoped to sneak a sandwich and some doritos during a break. unfortunately, we didn't take a break because, contrary to my belief, it wasn't just a music rehearsal - it was a dance rehearsal for "be our guest" as well. so not ready for that in my khakis and sandals. luckily in "be our guest" i am not in the infamous kick line, which means my main objective is to not fall down. mission accomplished last night. but instead of getting out a little before 10:00 as we had before, we went right up to the end, which put me a little late for my post-rehearsal activity...
...seeing pomegranates perform. had been a while. they're the "artist in residence" at the southgate house this month, which means they perform every wednesday with a guest artist of their choosing. we had thought that meant they would go on second, but when we arrived late because of my boneheadedness, they had already started. still got to see plenty of songs, but would have preferred seeing the whole show. their sound was great last night - always better when isaac's guitar is in the front of the mix. lots of good energy and the new bassist seemed much more confident. i'm going to try and go to their cd release on the 22nd - gina let me borrow her copy, but i need to pick up my own copy. plus there'll be cake.
one more day of the OGT. have to say, proctoring has definitely allowed me to get organized. my files are finally in some semblance of order and i recycled two years worth of tests and exams i'd been keeping in case some student questioned their grade (which i've never had happen, but better safe than sorry). if i'm feeling it tomorrow, i may organize my closet, which is the last piece that needs to be done. classes tomorrow will be a bit of a joke - not only will my sophomore's be checked out now that it's all over, my last bell won't be there again because of the celebration for the sophomores after lunch. so i put together an activity to get us started on act ii. we'll see how it goes.
no piano yet, though i think we finally worked out a time for it to happen. barring something unforeseen, it should be in the grotto next tuesday. need to find someone to meet them probably, since they'll come while i'm teaching. hopefully someone in the community will be able to help a brother out. need to put out an email, see if anyone is available.
ok, time to wind down a bit by catching up on the daily show/colbert report. not sure i'll sleep much tonight - i forgot that just because tea isn't carbonated doesn't mean it doesn't have caffeine. ah well, not like i need to be too focused tomorrow anyway. bye.
(ok, the song for now playing is one of my favorites. i love this version by galaxie 500, even more than the new order version. always makes me smile when it comes on).
----------------
Now playing: Galaxie 500 - Ceremony
via FoxyTunes
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
multitasking
thoughts may be even more scattered than normal - am trying to rip some of my cds while i type this up. so please forgive minor spelling mistakes, as i'm sure you already do.
technology at school has failed me - i am unable recently to update edline, the communication website we use at mason, because of some security glitch. when i try to update, i get a dialog box that no matter which button i press, causes the entire browser to shut down. and then today my yahoo! mail would not load properly so i was unable to reply to email. tech knows about it but it's amazing how dependent i've become on this technology that even ten years ago didn't exist. was thinking about this last week when the stapler on the copy machine wasn't working and i had to (gasp!) staple by hand. i'm by no means a luddite, but sometimes i wonder if we aren't too dependent on technology to survive.
he says as he rips cds to his portable drive....
i need to stop paying attention to the elections. was watching keith olbermann (thanks to brian for getting me addicted) and they reported ferraro's comments that obama would not be where he is now if he wasn't black. *sigh* is there truth to that? possibly. i am sure there are other senators who would be more qualified to be president but who don't have the personality or charisma to do so. and there is that "historic" quality to the campaign. but to claim that is the primary reason he is currently beating clinton in the campaign is short sighted at best and racist at worst. and to make it worse, clinton has made little attempt to distance herself from the remarks. it's almost like she's happy to let someone else do the dirty work she cannot soil her hands with. again, it's tactics like this that make it impossible for me to imagine voting for her. if i wanted tactics like that, i'd be a republican.
sorry. that was uncalled for.
true, but uncalled for.
productivity continues: i mapped out the trimester. turns out i don't have enough time to show either into the wild or to kill a mockingbird to my classes. may have to see if i can at the very least show clips, though i prefer to show whole piece if possible. of course, this leaves me with a bit of a dilemma as far as into the wild goes. i finally watched it this past weekend and they did a decent job of translating the overall story to the screen, but not most of the controversy. chris comes out the hero instead of a conflicted young man. the dilemma for me is i cannot show it as is to my students. too many f-bombs, too much gratuitous nudity (which isn't in the book, at least the nudity. the f-bomb only twice). as i watched, i could see where i could make cuts that would make it school appropriate. but then aren't i engaging in the same kind of censorship i get incensed about from companies that make "clean" versions of dvds? would it be violating my own feelings on art and censorship? so maybe it's best that i cannot show the whole thing anyway - at least with clips i can pick and choose what to show. of course, i think the students might be able to follow the story better if they saw the whole thing. guess we'll have to see how it goes.
time to head to bed. been nice to have a couple of hours at the beginning of the day to not teach. and my class has a couple of students who take a while to finish the tests, so we haven't had any problems with discipline since they just have to sit there when they finish and count the holes in the ceiling or read a non-textbook or sleep. be over halfway done tomorrow. it's the writing test, the one i'm most nervous about. i pray the effort we put into helping them become better writers becomes evident tomorrow - and that no one finishes in 30 minutes as seems to happen every year. grrr.
----------------
Now playing: XTC - I'm The Man Who Murdered Love
via FoxyTunes
technology at school has failed me - i am unable recently to update edline, the communication website we use at mason, because of some security glitch. when i try to update, i get a dialog box that no matter which button i press, causes the entire browser to shut down. and then today my yahoo! mail would not load properly so i was unable to reply to email. tech knows about it but it's amazing how dependent i've become on this technology that even ten years ago didn't exist. was thinking about this last week when the stapler on the copy machine wasn't working and i had to (gasp!) staple by hand. i'm by no means a luddite, but sometimes i wonder if we aren't too dependent on technology to survive.
he says as he rips cds to his portable drive....
i need to stop paying attention to the elections. was watching keith olbermann (thanks to brian for getting me addicted) and they reported ferraro's comments that obama would not be where he is now if he wasn't black. *sigh* is there truth to that? possibly. i am sure there are other senators who would be more qualified to be president but who don't have the personality or charisma to do so. and there is that "historic" quality to the campaign. but to claim that is the primary reason he is currently beating clinton in the campaign is short sighted at best and racist at worst. and to make it worse, clinton has made little attempt to distance herself from the remarks. it's almost like she's happy to let someone else do the dirty work she cannot soil her hands with. again, it's tactics like this that make it impossible for me to imagine voting for her. if i wanted tactics like that, i'd be a republican.
sorry. that was uncalled for.
true, but uncalled for.
productivity continues: i mapped out the trimester. turns out i don't have enough time to show either into the wild or to kill a mockingbird to my classes. may have to see if i can at the very least show clips, though i prefer to show whole piece if possible. of course, this leaves me with a bit of a dilemma as far as into the wild goes. i finally watched it this past weekend and they did a decent job of translating the overall story to the screen, but not most of the controversy. chris comes out the hero instead of a conflicted young man. the dilemma for me is i cannot show it as is to my students. too many f-bombs, too much gratuitous nudity (which isn't in the book, at least the nudity. the f-bomb only twice). as i watched, i could see where i could make cuts that would make it school appropriate. but then aren't i engaging in the same kind of censorship i get incensed about from companies that make "clean" versions of dvds? would it be violating my own feelings on art and censorship? so maybe it's best that i cannot show the whole thing anyway - at least with clips i can pick and choose what to show. of course, i think the students might be able to follow the story better if they saw the whole thing. guess we'll have to see how it goes.
time to head to bed. been nice to have a couple of hours at the beginning of the day to not teach. and my class has a couple of students who take a while to finish the tests, so we haven't had any problems with discipline since they just have to sit there when they finish and count the holes in the ceiling or read a non-textbook or sleep. be over halfway done tomorrow. it's the writing test, the one i'm most nervous about. i pray the effort we put into helping them become better writers becomes evident tomorrow - and that no one finishes in 30 minutes as seems to happen every year. grrr.
----------------
Now playing: XTC - I'm The Man Who Murdered Love
via FoxyTunes
Monday, March 10, 2008
and the nesting continues
must be spring. i organized my desk at school, finished all my grading, paid my norwood taxes from last year (finally - still not sure what happened there), i went and bought salt for my water softener and a filter for my heater and, miracle of miracles, i even picked up some groceries. don't want to think about it too much, just in case by figuring it out i stop doing it.
part of the reason i did some grocery shopping is today began the long two weeks before lent - because of the time change (damn you ben franklin, though the argument could be made that it's whoever decided to move it up to the second weekend of march instead of the first of april that's causing me this frustration), i now will not eat until nearly 8 PM each night. it's amazing how much that extra hour makes such a difference. so i bought some breakfasty food and hopefully will allow myself enough time to grab something to eat. probably not a bad habit to get into anyway.
i might have figured out what is wrong with my garage door opener, though the answer is actually raises more problems than just the garage door. i think water may be flooding underneath my porch, causing the roof of my garage to bow in. it looks pregnant with the possibility of breaking through. i can picture in my head the ceiling caving in on my poor car. i'd assume i would be covered either under homeowners or auto, but who knows. no idea what i would need to do to get it fixed, either. or if it can be fixed. all i know is it would cost more than i have right now.
light rehearsal week - only wednesday. and it's a vocal rehearsal, which should be fun. need to start working on memorizing my parts instead of just knowing them. the music director made cds of the piano accompaniment for everyone, complete with the song list burned into the top of the cd. fancy. i just need to start using it. probably ought to listen on the way to and from school. that's at least 45 minutes a day working on it.
ran into my friend julie while shopping at meijer tonight. completely unexpected, especially since she lives on the other side of 75. we haven't been good at keeping in touch lately. lives get busy - you know how it is. good to catch up with her again. we were looking at trying to get together to celebrate st. patrick's day next week, but, of course, i have rehearsal. did i mention the busy-ness?
time to sleep. must make sure i'm well rested to proctor day two of the OGT. this one's math - i don't care so much about this one. i didn't take the chance to look at the reading test, though the students hated it. no surprise there. one student said they would do better if the reading was interesting. well, duh. the point is, can you comprehend when the information doesn't interest you? plus, i already teach all the interesting stuff, so they have to use the second tier stuff. that's my story and i'm sticking to it. night.
Æ
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Now playing: Pixies - Caribou
via FoxyTunes
part of the reason i did some grocery shopping is today began the long two weeks before lent - because of the time change (damn you ben franklin, though the argument could be made that it's whoever decided to move it up to the second weekend of march instead of the first of april that's causing me this frustration), i now will not eat until nearly 8 PM each night. it's amazing how much that extra hour makes such a difference. so i bought some breakfasty food and hopefully will allow myself enough time to grab something to eat. probably not a bad habit to get into anyway.
i might have figured out what is wrong with my garage door opener, though the answer is actually raises more problems than just the garage door. i think water may be flooding underneath my porch, causing the roof of my garage to bow in. it looks pregnant with the possibility of breaking through. i can picture in my head the ceiling caving in on my poor car. i'd assume i would be covered either under homeowners or auto, but who knows. no idea what i would need to do to get it fixed, either. or if it can be fixed. all i know is it would cost more than i have right now.
light rehearsal week - only wednesday. and it's a vocal rehearsal, which should be fun. need to start working on memorizing my parts instead of just knowing them. the music director made cds of the piano accompaniment for everyone, complete with the song list burned into the top of the cd. fancy. i just need to start using it. probably ought to listen on the way to and from school. that's at least 45 minutes a day working on it.
ran into my friend julie while shopping at meijer tonight. completely unexpected, especially since she lives on the other side of 75. we haven't been good at keeping in touch lately. lives get busy - you know how it is. good to catch up with her again. we were looking at trying to get together to celebrate st. patrick's day next week, but, of course, i have rehearsal. did i mention the busy-ness?
time to sleep. must make sure i'm well rested to proctor day two of the OGT. this one's math - i don't care so much about this one. i didn't take the chance to look at the reading test, though the students hated it. no surprise there. one student said they would do better if the reading was interesting. well, duh. the point is, can you comprehend when the information doesn't interest you? plus, i already teach all the interesting stuff, so they have to use the second tier stuff. that's my story and i'm sticking to it. night.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Pixies - Caribou
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, March 09, 2008
do these aches mean i'm old?
had planned to get up early this morning to shovel my driveway so i could drive to the church to drop off the clothes i had gathered and participate in our work day. plus i had to make sure communion was set up for those that wanted to partake. unfortunately, when my alarm went off at 8:00, my body refused to get out of bed, still living under the delusion that it was 7:00 on sunday morning and why on earth would you be getting up now ya frickin' idiot...yeah, my body's a bit grumpy early in the morning. so an hour later i pulled myself out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt and some boots and my ipod and headed outside. took me 45 minutes to clear the driveway enough that i could get out. would have been a little easier if i had, oh, i don't know, maybe cleared all the leaves from my driveway before the white death came. all i know is tomorrow when i wake up, i am sure my body will be even less happy than it was this morning. oh my aching shoulders and back.
i am old old old old old.
hold on, need to get some iced tea. think i might be a bit dehydrated...
oh, much better now.
been trying to work out in my head why yesterday was SO much more productive than my saturdays usually are. i did more yesterday than i have the previous eight or nine saturdays combined. ok, perhaps i exaggerate a bit. but still, quite the impressive list of activities. maybe it's because i had no where else i could go. but usually that means i would find myself lounging in my comfy chair, unable to move from my prone position. wish i could figure it out so i could be that productive every saturday. gina suggested maybe i'm nesting. now there's a frightening thought.
talked to mom and dad on friday. looks like they won't be able to come see me in B&B because they will be in DC those two weekends. just bad timing. thought it was odd i hadn't heard from them about tickets. was good to chat with mom - she was quite chatty. funny - i joined gina and the havens for dinner and it turns out we had all talked to our mothers. it's like the snow came and their maternal instincts kicked in (though gina had to call her mother).
did i mention how sore i am? oh the aches and pains.
phase two of my great music organization is underway. i went through my cd collection and pulled cds i had not ripped the first time or had deleted when i started to run out of room. i've got quite the stack waiting now. need to figure out the best way to do this - itunes for windows is excruciatingly slow at ripping cds, so i've been using my creative mediasource software to do it. i think i can rip it right to my itunes library on my portable HD, which itunes should automatically organize. we'll see how that works.
my gosh, even i'm bored hearing about this.
suppose i should begin moving toward bed now - have to get to school early enough to OGT-proof my room - hide any posters that might help students, make sure there is no way i could be accused of giving my students any unfair advantage since it means my job. heck, i could probably lose my job for even mentioning the OGT on my blog. i better stop before i'm pulled before the state tribunal...
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Radiohead - Go To Sleep (Little Man Being Erased)
via FoxyTunes
i am old old old old old.
hold on, need to get some iced tea. think i might be a bit dehydrated...
oh, much better now.
been trying to work out in my head why yesterday was SO much more productive than my saturdays usually are. i did more yesterday than i have the previous eight or nine saturdays combined. ok, perhaps i exaggerate a bit. but still, quite the impressive list of activities. maybe it's because i had no where else i could go. but usually that means i would find myself lounging in my comfy chair, unable to move from my prone position. wish i could figure it out so i could be that productive every saturday. gina suggested maybe i'm nesting. now there's a frightening thought.
talked to mom and dad on friday. looks like they won't be able to come see me in B&B because they will be in DC those two weekends. just bad timing. thought it was odd i hadn't heard from them about tickets. was good to chat with mom - she was quite chatty. funny - i joined gina and the havens for dinner and it turns out we had all talked to our mothers. it's like the snow came and their maternal instincts kicked in (though gina had to call her mother).
did i mention how sore i am? oh the aches and pains.
phase two of my great music organization is underway. i went through my cd collection and pulled cds i had not ripped the first time or had deleted when i started to run out of room. i've got quite the stack waiting now. need to figure out the best way to do this - itunes for windows is excruciatingly slow at ripping cds, so i've been using my creative mediasource software to do it. i think i can rip it right to my itunes library on my portable HD, which itunes should automatically organize. we'll see how that works.
my gosh, even i'm bored hearing about this.
suppose i should begin moving toward bed now - have to get to school early enough to OGT-proof my room - hide any posters that might help students, make sure there is no way i could be accused of giving my students any unfair advantage since it means my job. heck, i could probably lose my job for even mentioning the OGT on my blog. i better stop before i'm pulled before the state tribunal...
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Radiohead - Go To Sleep (Little Man Being Erased)
via FoxyTunes
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Daylight Loser
in honor of tonight. hope everyone remembered....
Æ
Daylight Loser
by: Jake Speed
I had plans to win the war,
cure cancer work in the Peace Corps
clean up the river get cats outta trees
help an old lady cross the street
I was gonna donate a lot of cash
try to make it all the way through an episode of MASH
Help Pete Rose get reinstated
But I’m an hour late ‘cause of Daylight Savings
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Bifocals, I can see it
But Daylight Savings, bad idea
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Just think of all that could’ve been
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
My To Do list said “write a novel”
Run for Mayor, win America’s Next Top Model
I had it all planned from 7 to 8
‘cause of Daylight Savings, I woke up late
run a marathon, go parachuting
cry on a Barbara Walters interview and
be in a movie with Kevin Bacon
I got denied by Daylight Savings
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
A penny saved is a penny earned
An hour lost, Ben, you’re a jerk
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
I could’ve been the next John Glenn
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Never got a chance to be a doper
Then clean up and go on Oprah
Daylight Savings totally blew it
Would’ve been a great VH1 Behind the Music
I could’ve been the next Bob Dylan
Or Bob Dylan could’ve been the next me
I’m not even quite sure what that means
I’m writing this song on an hour less sleep
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
He gave us Electricity
Now give us back the hour, please
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
didn’t get time to give this song an end
Ben Franklin screwed me…
----------------
Now playing: Jake Speed - Ben Franklin Screwed Me Over Again
via FoxyTunes
Æ
Daylight Loser
by: Jake Speed
I had plans to win the war,
cure cancer work in the Peace Corps
clean up the river get cats outta trees
help an old lady cross the street
I was gonna donate a lot of cash
try to make it all the way through an episode of MASH
Help Pete Rose get reinstated
But I’m an hour late ‘cause of Daylight Savings
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Bifocals, I can see it
But Daylight Savings, bad idea
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Just think of all that could’ve been
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
My To Do list said “write a novel”
Run for Mayor, win America’s Next Top Model
I had it all planned from 7 to 8
‘cause of Daylight Savings, I woke up late
run a marathon, go parachuting
cry on a Barbara Walters interview and
be in a movie with Kevin Bacon
I got denied by Daylight Savings
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
A penny saved is a penny earned
An hour lost, Ben, you’re a jerk
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
I could’ve been the next John Glenn
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
Never got a chance to be a doper
Then clean up and go on Oprah
Daylight Savings totally blew it
Would’ve been a great VH1 Behind the Music
I could’ve been the next Bob Dylan
Or Bob Dylan could’ve been the next me
I’m not even quite sure what that means
I’m writing this song on an hour less sleep
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
He gave us Electricity
Now give us back the hour, please
Ben Franklin screwed me over again
didn’t get time to give this song an end
Ben Franklin screwed me…
----------------
Now playing: Jake Speed - Ben Franklin Screwed Me Over Again
via FoxyTunes
this is why i don't plan ahead
my friday and saturday were packed - friday night movies with the guys, saturday morning meeting for national boards, saturday lunch doing the art walk, saturday night watching MST3K shorts. an excellent time by any standards. and now, because of the weather, only the MST3K remains and i'm still expecting a phone call any time now telling me it has been canceled as well. this is what i get for making plans.
the good news is it's given me lots of time to get stuff done around the house that has gone wanting lately - laundry, for instance. i also cleaned out my closets and dressers for clothes to donate to the salvation army tomorrow. couple bags worth of clothes, one bag of things that needed to be trashed. also finished off laughing gas by wodehouse. fun tale and clever. i also began slam by hornsby. enjoying it immensely. i think several of my students would enjoy reading it. in fact, i'm borrowing it from one of my students. should be a quick read. and after nearly three months, i finally took down my christmas tree. seemed a good time to do it with the blizzard-like conditions outside.
so quite a productive morning. now i have to decide how to spend the rest of my day until MST3K, if it happens. and figure out what i'm going to bring to said gathering. here's hoping the snow lets up enough so i can get out of my garage (which has been giving me fits. if anyone knows how to fix a door opener...). i might do some more work on my music collection - i have finally transferred all my mp3s from my computer to my portable hard drive and then onto my ipod. now i need to go through my cd collection and begin adding those cds i haven't ripped yet. feels a little obsessive (a little thurman?) but there is some satisfaction in having everything ordered and organized.
i'm enjoying the snow immensely. it's deep enough to have covered everything and it's currently drifting down in a magical way, stealing my attention and reminding me of my childhood. usually by this time i would be disappointed with snow like this - being a season guy, in my head it's time for spring, not the last blast of winter. but i shouldn't be surprised - snow like this comes often in march and even april. and it's quite peaceful, something i've been needing after the chaos of the last couple of weeks.
monday starts the OGT, which means a bizarre week. i'm hoping to use my time proctoring the test to get my desk in order (it's bad even for me right now) and make sure everything is planned out for the trimester. also need to figure out when to slowly back out so christina can take over. probably the best bet is to let her do her own thing once we start into the wild. we'll see what we come up with.
time to get clothes out of the dryer and put another load in. might come back if i can't think of anything else to do...
Æ
----------------
Now playing: The National - Slow Show
via FoxyTunes
the good news is it's given me lots of time to get stuff done around the house that has gone wanting lately - laundry, for instance. i also cleaned out my closets and dressers for clothes to donate to the salvation army tomorrow. couple bags worth of clothes, one bag of things that needed to be trashed. also finished off laughing gas by wodehouse. fun tale and clever. i also began slam by hornsby. enjoying it immensely. i think several of my students would enjoy reading it. in fact, i'm borrowing it from one of my students. should be a quick read. and after nearly three months, i finally took down my christmas tree. seemed a good time to do it with the blizzard-like conditions outside.
so quite a productive morning. now i have to decide how to spend the rest of my day until MST3K, if it happens. and figure out what i'm going to bring to said gathering. here's hoping the snow lets up enough so i can get out of my garage (which has been giving me fits. if anyone knows how to fix a door opener...). i might do some more work on my music collection - i have finally transferred all my mp3s from my computer to my portable hard drive and then onto my ipod. now i need to go through my cd collection and begin adding those cds i haven't ripped yet. feels a little obsessive (a little thurman?) but there is some satisfaction in having everything ordered and organized.
i'm enjoying the snow immensely. it's deep enough to have covered everything and it's currently drifting down in a magical way, stealing my attention and reminding me of my childhood. usually by this time i would be disappointed with snow like this - being a season guy, in my head it's time for spring, not the last blast of winter. but i shouldn't be surprised - snow like this comes often in march and even april. and it's quite peaceful, something i've been needing after the chaos of the last couple of weeks.
monday starts the OGT, which means a bizarre week. i'm hoping to use my time proctoring the test to get my desk in order (it's bad even for me right now) and make sure everything is planned out for the trimester. also need to figure out when to slowly back out so christina can take over. probably the best bet is to let her do her own thing once we start into the wild. we'll see what we come up with.
time to get clothes out of the dryer and put another load in. might come back if i can't think of anything else to do...
Æ
----------------
Now playing: The National - Slow Show
via FoxyTunes
Friday, March 07, 2008
the white death
i know. i didn't post last night. so i'll try to make up for it by posting twice today. or something.
well, the white death is upon us again. we're getting out after lunch (around 1 PM), just in time to hit all the traffic and crawl through bad cincy drivers for an hour or two. joy. plus, the man movie night has been canceled. for a second time. yesterday they canceled it because of the threat of weather until kurt and i called them nancies and suggested maybe we should watch films like beaches or terms of endearment or a walk to remember or the notebook. so they said we would play it by ear. and since the white death is now upon us, they have canceled it again. so i guess i'll have to find something else to occupy my time tonight.
i broke down and talked to dennis wednesday night about "be our guest." turns out we're waiting to hear if we'll have the costumes we want before assigning roles. but if all goes well, i will be....
a corkscrew.
(insert your own joke here)
i cannot wait to see what that costume looks like. and am wondering what it will be like to dance in it. couldn't find anything with a quick google search. we'll see.
i feel like my lent has been be lacking. i surely haven't put enough time into the positive side of lent (other than the writing almost every day). i haven't been seeking to follow isaiah 58 as i should. i'm not going to beat myself over it - enough guilt already in my life - but with only a couple weeks left in this time, i'm feeling perhaps i didn't listen enough to God before starting this journey. or maybe it's become merely a ritual. hard to battle against that i suppose but still disheartening.
bell rang. time for not eating lunch. two more hours to go and it keeps getting worse outside. my prediction: i won't get home until after 4:00 today. fearful bunch of nancy drivers.
Æ
now playing: Old 97's - Victoria
well, the white death is upon us again. we're getting out after lunch (around 1 PM), just in time to hit all the traffic and crawl through bad cincy drivers for an hour or two. joy. plus, the man movie night has been canceled. for a second time. yesterday they canceled it because of the threat of weather until kurt and i called them nancies and suggested maybe we should watch films like beaches or terms of endearment or a walk to remember or the notebook. so they said we would play it by ear. and since the white death is now upon us, they have canceled it again. so i guess i'll have to find something else to occupy my time tonight.
i broke down and talked to dennis wednesday night about "be our guest." turns out we're waiting to hear if we'll have the costumes we want before assigning roles. but if all goes well, i will be....
a corkscrew.
(insert your own joke here)
i cannot wait to see what that costume looks like. and am wondering what it will be like to dance in it. couldn't find anything with a quick google search. we'll see.
i feel like my lent has been be lacking. i surely haven't put enough time into the positive side of lent (other than the writing almost every day). i haven't been seeking to follow isaiah 58 as i should. i'm not going to beat myself over it - enough guilt already in my life - but with only a couple weeks left in this time, i'm feeling perhaps i didn't listen enough to God before starting this journey. or maybe it's become merely a ritual. hard to battle against that i suppose but still disheartening.
bell rang. time for not eating lunch. two more hours to go and it keeps getting worse outside. my prediction: i won't get home until after 4:00 today. fearful bunch of nancy drivers.
Æ
now playing: Old 97's - Victoria
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
6:39 AM
this is what time i woke up this morning. i realized i cannot hear my alarm ring when it is in my coat pocket in another room.
*sigh*
walked into my classroom at 7:15, just as the bell rang for first bell. not bad considering it's usually a 20-25 minute drive with no traffic. i'll let you do the math. at least i woke up in time to make it, though.
and then i find out that ohio once again royally screws everything during an election. they have now given hillary every reason to continue to tear the democratic party apart with her negative campaigning and grandstanding. more power to her. even though she still trails in delegate count, she now feels the vote in ohio shows that everyone in the country wants her to be president. so like some demonic groundhog, ohio has said there will be three more long months of distortions and attacks from both sides so by the time the general election comes, all mccain will have to do is point to the negativity of the past six months and say, "see, i'm better than that." and so the democrats will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory once again.
my take: if hillary gets the nomination, i will "throw away" my vote and give it to nader. because really, both mccain and clinton will do little to fix what's wrong with our political system. not that i'm convinced obama could do any better, but at least he's pointed in that direction. the other two are the same old same old. of course, that might change if she takes obama as her vice president, but her campaign has left such a horrible taste in my mouth, it will be hard to vote for her. and no, it's not because i'm sexist, thankyouverymuch. it's not because she's female - it's because she's what i hate about politics.
you would think since i hate politics so much i would not talk about them, especially since most of the time i can't talk about them logically. but i get the feeling something else will fly in my craw and i'll be back. i promise, though, not to let it take over the blog. that i know i can do.
grades are done. wasn't too bad. now off to get all my ducks in a row for this trimester (funny aside: i tried to use this phrase last week and said "get all my eggs in a row." guess it's better than "all my ducks in one basket." God bless you malapropisms).
Now playing: Slaid Cleaves - Key Chain
*sigh*
walked into my classroom at 7:15, just as the bell rang for first bell. not bad considering it's usually a 20-25 minute drive with no traffic. i'll let you do the math. at least i woke up in time to make it, though.
and then i find out that ohio once again royally screws everything during an election. they have now given hillary every reason to continue to tear the democratic party apart with her negative campaigning and grandstanding. more power to her. even though she still trails in delegate count, she now feels the vote in ohio shows that everyone in the country wants her to be president. so like some demonic groundhog, ohio has said there will be three more long months of distortions and attacks from both sides so by the time the general election comes, all mccain will have to do is point to the negativity of the past six months and say, "see, i'm better than that." and so the democrats will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory once again.
my take: if hillary gets the nomination, i will "throw away" my vote and give it to nader. because really, both mccain and clinton will do little to fix what's wrong with our political system. not that i'm convinced obama could do any better, but at least he's pointed in that direction. the other two are the same old same old. of course, that might change if she takes obama as her vice president, but her campaign has left such a horrible taste in my mouth, it will be hard to vote for her. and no, it's not because i'm sexist, thankyouverymuch. it's not because she's female - it's because she's what i hate about politics.
you would think since i hate politics so much i would not talk about them, especially since most of the time i can't talk about them logically. but i get the feeling something else will fly in my craw and i'll be back. i promise, though, not to let it take over the blog. that i know i can do.
grades are done. wasn't too bad. now off to get all my ducks in a row for this trimester (funny aside: i tried to use this phrase last week and said "get all my eggs in a row." guess it's better than "all my ducks in one basket." God bless you malapropisms).
Now playing: Slaid Cleaves - Key Chain
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
drive-by posting
no time to post. must finish grades. but wanted to keep my lenten promise. so....
voted today. no wait. no problems. still feels like my vote is wasted because someone nullified my vote not long after i voted. but that's the way elections go, i suppose. won't know the results until well in the morning. i'll probably still be up, so i'll have to check and see how it turned out.
on the way to the polls, the wilco/billy bragg number "christ our president" came on my mp3 player. funny.
singing rehearsal tonight - "be our guest" and "human again." guess i know which songs will be stuck in my head the next couple of days.
life will be much better tomorrow at 7am when 2nd tri grades are posted. life will be just a little less hectic. and third tri doesn't look too bad grading-wise which is good.
enough time wasted. must get to grading.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Neko Case - That Teenage Feeling
via FoxyTunes
voted today. no wait. no problems. still feels like my vote is wasted because someone nullified my vote not long after i voted. but that's the way elections go, i suppose. won't know the results until well in the morning. i'll probably still be up, so i'll have to check and see how it turned out.
on the way to the polls, the wilco/billy bragg number "christ our president" came on my mp3 player. funny.
singing rehearsal tonight - "be our guest" and "human again." guess i know which songs will be stuck in my head the next couple of days.
life will be much better tomorrow at 7am when 2nd tri grades are posted. life will be just a little less hectic. and third tri doesn't look too bad grading-wise which is good.
enough time wasted. must get to grading.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: Neko Case - That Teenage Feeling
via FoxyTunes
Monday, March 03, 2008
third time's a charm
so yesterday we learned our third version of the choreography for gaston's number. seems the first two weren't exactly what dennis had in mind. much happier to be making the changes now instead of, say, the week before the show. muscles are a little sorer today than usual, possibly because of the kicks i have to do now. feeling much more comfortable with the dancing than at first - i'm pretty good with choreography, assuming i can see how it's done and don't have to try and translate fancy french words. and the more we work on it, the more confident i get, which can only help.
still don't know who i am beyond the baker - think i'm going to have to ask next rehearsal so i can figure out exactly when i am called. keep thinking i missed a communique somewhere along the line. time to put my trepidation aside and ask.
stayed after school today until 7 finishing up the exams. now i just have to finish up the senior research papers so i can post final grades by wednesday. throwing a wrench in the plans is voting and house church and rehearsal tomorrow. but if i can make it through tomorrow, i should finally have a little breathing space, what with OGT coming next week. hopefully i'll be able to catch up on some of the little things that have fallen between the cracks - like taking down my christmas tree, which still stands in my front window. sad, i know.
so i decided to take possession of a piano today. i had just been talking to rachel on friday about how i regretted not taking advantage of a free piano offered to me a year or so ago. so when this one came up on the district bulletin board, i jumped on it. did a little research and even at its most expensive, it should be less than $200 for the piano to be moved to my humble abode from mason. not a bad deal at all. will still have to get it tuned, but it seems a good way to spend some of my tax return. now if i could just learn to play it...
time to curl up and sleep.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: The Raveonettes - Blush
via FoxyTunes
still don't know who i am beyond the baker - think i'm going to have to ask next rehearsal so i can figure out exactly when i am called. keep thinking i missed a communique somewhere along the line. time to put my trepidation aside and ask.
stayed after school today until 7 finishing up the exams. now i just have to finish up the senior research papers so i can post final grades by wednesday. throwing a wrench in the plans is voting and house church and rehearsal tomorrow. but if i can make it through tomorrow, i should finally have a little breathing space, what with OGT coming next week. hopefully i'll be able to catch up on some of the little things that have fallen between the cracks - like taking down my christmas tree, which still stands in my front window. sad, i know.
so i decided to take possession of a piano today. i had just been talking to rachel on friday about how i regretted not taking advantage of a free piano offered to me a year or so ago. so when this one came up on the district bulletin board, i jumped on it. did a little research and even at its most expensive, it should be less than $200 for the piano to be moved to my humble abode from mason. not a bad deal at all. will still have to get it tuned, but it seems a good way to spend some of my tax return. now if i could just learn to play it...
time to curl up and sleep.
Æ
----------------
Now playing: The Raveonettes - Blush
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Beauty and the Beast ticket info
Step into the enchanted world of Broadway's modern classic. Based on the Academy Award winning animated feature, the stage version includes all of the wonderful songs from the film, written by Alan Menken and the late Howard Ashman (the team responsible for Little Shop of Horrors), plus new songs written especially for the Broadway version by Mr. Menken and Tim Rice (Aladdin, Aida).
The show was 60% sold by the first rehearsal, so don't wait too long to order your tickets!
NOTE: if you order online or by phone, there will be an extra $2.50 service charge AND a $2.75 handling fee (this is out of our control). You can avoid these fees by going to the box office at the Aronoff or by making arrangements for someone to order them for you. If you're looking at the seating charts, look at the one for the Jarson-Kaplan Theater.
Show Dates
May 9 @
May 10 @
May 11 @
May 14 @
May 15 @
May 16 @
May 17 @
Ticket Prices
$21.50 & $20.50*
*20.50 for 1st and 2nd side balconies AND for groups of 10 or more for each performance
Tickets can be purchased in person, by phone, or online
In Person: At the CAA Ticket Office -
By Phone: Call (513) 621-ARTS (2787)
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