Biodynamic Gardening Guide: Definition, Key Principles, Best Practices, Benefits, Tools and Preparations

Biodynamic gardening offers a profound approach to cultivating the earth, resonating with ancient wisdom and modern ecological consciousness. It transcends conventional organic practices by fostering a holistic understanding of the garden as a living organism, intertwined with the rhythms of nature and the cosmos. Embracing this philosophy nurtures vibrant, nutrient-rich produce while promoting a deeper connection to the natural world.

Key Principles of Biodynamic Gardening

1. Understanding the Farm as a Living Organism:

• Biodynamics views the farm or garden as an interconnected entity, where soil, plants, animals, and cosmic forces collaborate in a delicate dance of life.
• Nurturing this interconnectedness is paramount, ensuring a synergistic balance that promotes vitality and resilience.

2. Strengthening the Soil:

• Biodynamic preparations, meticulously crafted from natural substances, act as catalysts for soil health.
• These preparations invigorate microbial life, enhance fertility, and promote a thriving soil ecosystem—the foundation for robust plant growth.

3. Aligning with Cosmic Rhythms:

• Biodynamics recognizes the profound influence of celestial rhythms on plant growth.
• Planting, cultivating, and harvesting in harmony with lunar cycles, planetary alignments, and seasonal transitions optimizes plant vitality and yields.

4. Embracing Biodiversity:

• Biodynamic gardens embrace diversity, fostering a tapestry of plant species, insect life, and beneficial organisms.
• This biodiversity fosters resilience, thwarts pests, and creates a harmonious ecosystem where each element contributes to the garden's overall health.

Essential Practices for Biodynamic Gardening Success

1. Composting: The Heart of Soil Fertility

• Biodynamic composting is a meticulous art, transforming organic matter into a nutrient-rich elixir for the soil.
• Specific preparations, such as BD500 and BD502, enhance compost vitality, accelerating decomposition and enriching the soil's microbial life.

2. Planting by the Moon and Stars:

• Biodynamic planting calendars guide gardeners to align sowing and harvesting with auspicious cosmic rhythms.
• This practice is believed to optimize plant growth, nutrient uptake, and flavor development.

3. Fostering Biodiversity:

• Intercropping, companion planting, and cultivating a diversity of species create a vibrant ecosystem that benefits all inhabitants.
• Beneficial insects thrive, pests are kept in check, and the garden becomes a resilient, self-sustaining microcosm.

4. Honoring Animals and Their Role:

• Biodynamic farms often integrate livestock, recognizing their crucial role in nutrient cycling, soil fertility, and overall farm health.
• Animals contribute manure for compost, grazing for weed control, and their unique energy to the farm's ecosystem.

The Rewards of Biodynamic Gardening

1. Nutrient-Rich, Flavorful Produce:

• Biodynamic practices yield produce that is not only free of chemicals but also brimming with vitality and flavor.
• The heightened nutrient density and vibrant energy of biodynamically grown food are often palpable to those who consume it.

2. Deeper Connection to Nature:

• Biodynamic gardening cultivates a profound sense of connection to the natural world, fostering respect for the delicate balance of life forces that sustain us.
• This intimate relationship with nature enriches both the gardener and the garden, fostering a sense of stewardship and gratitude.

3. A Path to Regeneration:

• Biodynamic principles offer a roadmap for healing the Earth and restoring vitality to our food systems.
• By nourishing the soil, honoring biodiversity, and embracing cosmic rhythms, we can participate in a movement that nurtures life and promotes a thriving planet for generations to come.

Delving Deeper into the Cosmos: Advanced Biodynamic Techniques

We've established the core principles and practices of biodynamic gardening, but the journey doesn't end there. For those seeking to truly connect with the cosmic rhythms and unlock the full potential of their gardens, several advanced techniques await exploration.

Honing Your Sensitivity to Cosmic Forces

1. Observing the Subtle: Planetary Influences

Each planet in our solar system exerts a unique influence on plant growth. For example:

• Mars: Associated with vitality and action, Mars days are ideal for seeding fast-growing plants like lettuce and radishes.
• Venus: Ruling over love and beauty, Venus days favor planting flowering ornamentals and nurturing delicate fruits.
• Saturn: Known for structure and boundaries, Saturn days are well-suited for tasks like transplanting seedlings and pruning woody plants.

By keeping a keen eye on planetary movements and aligning your gardening activities accordingly, you can tap into these subtle cosmic forces and potentially enhance your yields and harvest quality.

2. Harnessing the Moon's Cycles: The Biodynamic Sowing Calendar

The moon's waxing and waning phases have long been recognized as potent influences on plant growth. Biodynamic sowing calendars, meticulously crafted to correspond with these lunar cycles, offer detailed guidance for optimal planting times.

• Root Days: During the waning moon, focus on planting root vegetables like carrots, potatoes, and beets. The downward pull of the moon's gravity is believed to encourage vigorous root development.
• Leaf Days: Under the waxing moon, prioritize leafy greens like lettuce, spinach, and kale. The moon's upward pull is thought to stimulate lush foliage growth.
• Flower Days: The days surrounding the full moon are auspicious for sowing flowering plants, fruit trees, and herbs. The moon's heightened energy is believed to promote vibrant blooms and bountiful harvests.

3. Rhythms of the Zodiac: A Deeper Dive

For the truly dedicated biodynamic gardener, delving into the specific influences of the zodiacal constellations can add another layer of complexity and potential benefit. Each constellation is associated with different plant parts and qualities, offering further guidance for aligning your gardening activities with cosmic rhythms.

For instance, planting tomatoes under the sign of Leo (associated with fire and fruit) or sowing leafy greens under Libra (linked to air and balance) might be seen as particularly auspicious choices. However, mastering this level of astrological integration requires dedication and ongoing study.

Tools and Preparations for the Advanced Biodynamic Gardener

1. The Seven Preparations: Catalysts for Life

Biodynamic preparations are potent natural concoctions crafted from specific plant and animal materials. These preparations, numbered BD500 through BD507, each address different aspects of soil health and plant vitality.

• BD500 (Horn manure): Enhances soil fertility and humus formation.
• BD501 (Horn silica): Strengthens plant stems and resistance to disease.
• BD502 (Cow manure): Stimulates composting and microbial activity.
• BD503 (Chamomile): Promotes flower formation and fruit quality.
• BD504 (Nettle): Enhances leaf growth and chlorophyll production.
• BD505 (Oak bark): Strengthens root systems and resistance to pests.
• BD506 (Dandelion): Balances soil moisture and nutrient uptake.

Mastering the application and timing of these preparations takes time and experience, but their potential to invigorate your garden and elevate your biodynamic practice is significant.

2. The Dowsing Rod: Intuition Meets Practicality

The dowsing rod, a simple Y-shaped tool, can be used to intuitively locate underground water sources, ley lines (energetic lines in the Earth), and even compost piles with optimal activity. While its scientific validity is debated, many biodynamic gardeners swear by the dowsing rod as a valuable tool for connecting with the subtle energies of the land.

Conclusion: A Lifelong Journey with Biodynamic Gardening

Biodynamic gardening is not merely a set of techniques; it's a lifelong journey of observation, experimentation, and deepening connection with the natural world. As you delve deeper into its principles and practices, you'll witness firsthand the vibrant life force coursing through your garden, responding to your care and resonating with the rhythms of the cosmos.

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Titans Stage Miraculous Comeback to Stun Dolphins on Monday Night Football

In one of the most incredible comebacks of the NFL season, the Tennessee Titans stunned the Miami Dolphins 28-27 on Monday Night Football. With less than three minutes remaining in the game and trailing by 14 points, the Titans unleashed a furious rally that culminated in a game-winning touchdown with just seconds left on the clock.

The victory was a monumental one for the Titans, who improved to 5-8 on the season and kept their playoff hopes alive. It also dealt a major blow to the Dolphins, who had been riding high atop the AFC East and were considered one of the favorites to reach the Super Bowl.

Dolphins Dominate Early

The Dolphins seemed poised to cruise to victory early on. Quarterback Tua Tagovailoa was sharp, completing 20 of his 25 passes for 267 yards and two touchdowns. Running back Jeff Wilson Jr. also had a strong performance, rushing for 112 yards and a touchdown.

The Titans, on the other hand, struggled offensively for much of the game. Rookie quarterback Will Levis looked shaky at times, completing only 15 of his 30 passes for 187 yards. The Titans also committed several costly penalties, which helped the Dolphins maintain momentum.

Titans Mount Improbable Comeback

With the Dolphins leading 27-13 late in the fourth quarter, it appeared that the Titans were headed for defeat. However, Levis led the Titans on a pair of remarkable touchdown drives in the final minutes of the game.

The first scoring drive was capped off by a 15-yard touchdown pass from Levis to wide receiver Treylon Burks with 1:50 remaining. On the ensuing two-point conversion attempt, Levis found tight end Austin Hooper for the score, cutting the Dolphins' lead to 27-21.

Following a Miami punt, Levis and the Titans offense went back to work. Levis completed passes of 19 and 15 yards to move the ball into Dolphins territory. With just seconds remaining on the clock, Levis delivered a strike to wide receiver Nick Westbrook-Ikhine in the end zone for the game-winning touchdown.

Levis Shines in the Spotlight

Levis, who was making just his third career start, was the hero of the game for the Titans. He finished with 327 passing yards and two touchdowns, displaying a poise and clutchness that belied his rookie status.

"I'm just so proud of our guys," Levis said after the game. "We never gave up, even when things looked bleak. We just kept fighting, and it paid off in the end."

Dolphins Left to Rue Missed Opportunities

The Dolphins were left to rue their missed opportunities after the game. They had several chances to put the game away in the fourth quarter, but they were unable to capitalize.

"We just made too many mistakes," Dolphins coach Mike McDaniel said. "We had a chance to win this game, but we didn't take advantage of it. We need to learn from our mistakes and move on."

What's Next for Both Teams?

The Titans will look to build on their momentum when they host the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday. The Dolphins, meanwhile, will try to get back on track when they travel to face the Buffalo Bills.

Historic Comeback

The Titans' comeback was one of the most memorable in recent NFL history. It was the first time since 2003 that a team had overcome a 14-point deficit in the final three minutes of a game and won in regulation.

The victory also proved that the Titans are a team that can never be counted out. Despite their up-and-down season, they remain in the thick of the AFC playoff race.

Conclusion

The Titans' thrilling comeback victory over the Dolphins was a testament to the power of perseverance and never giving up. It was a game that will be remembered for years to come, and it served as a reminder that anything is possible in the NFL.

Key Statistics:

• Titans: 327 passing yards, 2 touchdowns
• Dolphins: 267 passing yards, 2 touchdowns, 112 rushing yards, 1 touchdown
• Titans: 5-8 record
• Dolphins: 9-5 record

Additional Notes:

• The Titans were without star running back Derrick Henry for the second straight game.
• The Dolphins were also without several key players, including wide receiver Jaylen Waddle and safety Jevon Holland.
• The game was played at Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida.
• The attendance was 75,417.

 

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Electroculture Antenna: A Guide to Everything You Need to Know

Electroculture is a fascinating and growing field of agriculture that uses electric fields to stimulate plant growth. One of the key components of an electroculture system is the electroculture antenna. In this article, we will discuss everything you need to know about electroculture antennas, including what they are, how they work, and how to build your own.

References:

• https://groups.google.com/g/mozilla.dev.platform/c/gcvKyDCLARQ
• https://groups.google.com/a/chromium.org/g/chromium-reviews/c/MIVh0X4jq50
• https://groups.google.com/g/comp.os.vms/c/Li7yVL
• https://groups.google.com/g/microsoft.public.project/c/qfZ9TW9z464

What is an electroculture antenna?

An electroculture antenna is a device that is used to create an electric field in the air. This electric field can then be used to stimulate the growth of plants. Electroculture antennas can be made from a variety of materials, including copper wire, aluminum foil, and even cardboard.

How do electroculture antennas work?

When an electric current is passed through an electroculture antenna, it creates an electric field around the antenna. This electric field can then be used to stimulate the growth of plants in a number of ways.

• Increased cell division: The electric field can cause plant cells to divide more rapidly, which can lead to faster growth.
• Improved nutrient uptake: The electric field can also help plants to absorb nutrients from the soil more efficiently.
• Increased chlorophyll production: Chlorophyll is the pigment that gives plants their green color. The electric field can help plants to produce more chlorophyll, which can lead to increased photosynthesis and growth.
• Enhanced disease resistance: The electric field can help plants to resist diseases by activating their immune systems.

How to build your own electroculture antenna

There are many different ways to build an electroculture antenna. One simple method is to use copper wire to create a spiral coil. The coil should be about 1 foot in diameter and 6 inches tall. The coil can then be mounted on a wooden stake and placed in the ground near your plants.

Benefits of using electroculture antennas

There are many benefits to using electroculture antennas. Some of the most common benefits include:

• Increased yields: Studies have shown that electroculture antennas can increase yields by up to 30%.
• Improved crop quality: Electroculture antennas can help to improve the quality of crops by making them more resistant to pests and diseases.
• Reduced need for pesticides: Electroculture antennas can help to reduce the need for pesticides by making plants more resistant to pests.
• More sustainable agriculture: Electroculture is a more sustainable form of agriculture than traditional methods because it does not rely on the use of chemicals.

Here are some additional tips for using electroculture antennas:

• The best time to use electroculture antennas is during the growing season.
• The antennas should be placed near the plants, but not so close that they touch the leaves.
• The antennas should be turned on for at least 8 hours per day.
• It is important to experiment with different antenna designs and configurations to find what works best for your specific plants and growing conditions.

Conclusion

Electroculture antennas are a simple and effective way to improve the growth of your plants. If you are looking for a way to increase your yields and improve the quality of your crops, then electroculture may be a good option for you.

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Diet & Fitness Books of the Bible

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/1hughes.html

DIET & FITNESS BOOKS OF THE BIBLE.

BY LAURENCE HUGHES

- - - -

Cross Training

Pontius Pilates

Low-Impact Ecclesiastes

Antiochcidents

Psweatin' to the Psalms

The All-You-Can-Eat Loaves-and-Fishes Diet

The AbsSolution

Power Walking on Water

Good Fat, Bad Fat, Jehoshaphat

The Flat Belly of the Whale Diet

Fit for Life Everlasting

Pillar-of-Salt-Free Cooking

YOU on a Diet of Worms

Take and Eat This, Not That

The Resurrection Regimen: Three Days to a Transmogrified You

standing on the precipice of what remains of my life

So obviously the great Lenten experiment was a bust. Ran out of energy/gumption/anything significant to write about at the end. But the attempt was there and at least I wrote something, which is more than I had been doing before Lent.

A fellow traveler posted something that rang true for me. I, too, haven't really "felt" much this Lenten season. No ecstatic highs. No epiphanies. No overwhelming sense of God's presence. And as faithful readers can attest, I had more than my share of lows this season - lower than I've been in quite a while. I don't believe the two are related (Lent and my bouts with depression), though I do wonder if my writing did at least bring some of what I experienced to the fore. Still not sure that was a good thing - still feeling the effects of it. Was a complete ass this afternoon during our staff social. Lack of sleep is definitely not helping much, either. Too awake when it's time to go to bed last couple of nights - was up until 1AM both nights, back up at 5AM. Not nearly enough sleep. Here's hoping I can get some over break. Sleep, that is.

'Twas a good weekend (I know, it was forever ago, right?). Good to see everyone and to remember Jeremy. Not that that doesn't happen normally, but you know how it is. Still hard to believe he's gone. Still hard to believe that the grass hasn't grown in front of his grave yet. :) While we were standing around, sharing memories and scaring off other visitors, I began to look around at the other headstones around Jeremy's. Names, dates, each one a story. I wonder about Walter and Raymond and their shared headstone and the 21-year difference in their ages. How did they find each other? What was their story? Or Earnest and Linda, who got married when when he was 42 and she was 25. Standing there I couldn't help but find hope in those stories I don't know, that maybe life isn't completely over once tomorrow comes.

Other unknown stories - a man with two young children came to a newly dug grave - not even a headstone yet. They didn't stay long, but I couldn't help wondering if they were their to visit their wife and mom. It just felt like that. Reminded me everyone deals with pain - too often we get caught up in our own stories and forget to look around and see we're all dealing with loss, we're all clinging to those closest to us to help us get through. There's a poem I often read to my classes that sums it up pretty well:

Tuesday 9:00 AM

Denver Butson

A man standing at the bus stop
reading the newspaper is on fire
Flames are peeking out
from beneath his collar and cuffs
His shoes have begun to melt

The woman next to him
wants to mention it to him
that he is burning
but she is drowning
Water is everywhere
in her mouth and ears
in her eyes
A stream of water runs
steadily from her blouse

Another woman stands at the bus stop
freezing to death
She tries to stand near the man
who is on fire
to try to melt the icicles
that have formed on her eyelashes
and on her nostrils
to stop her teeth long enough
from chattering to say something
to the woman who is drowning
but the woman who is freezing to death
has trouble moving
with blocks of ice on her feet

It takes the three some time
to board the bus
what with the flames
and water and ice
But when they finally climb the stairs
and take their seats
the driver doesn't even notice
that none of them has paid
because he is tortured
by visions and is wondering
if the man who got off at the last stop
was really being mauled to death
by wild dogs.

One of my favorites.

Part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and stay up all night watching movies, trying to squeeze as much celebration as I can into tomorrow. I mean, it's not like I have to do anything once school ends, right? Although if I stay up all night tonight, I'll collapse in the middle of the Poms show tomorrow before I can get to Dewey's for my free pint glass and Graeters for my free scoop of ice cream (strawberry chip is back tomorrow!). I don't know. Of course, I'll probably be up anyway so I might as well do something. The question is, what should I watch? 40-Year-Old Virgin is a little too on the nose. Maybe a little High Fidelity. Watched that ten years ago when I turned 30. Though it might depress me just how little my life has actually changed since then...

Think I'll save talking about Sunday's Maproom until later. Our Journey to the Cross was a rough one for me. And it all started with this simple question: If you knew this was the last week of your life, how would you spend it? I'll share my thoughts for...well, probably Friday because I'll be too busy celebrating tomorrow to come here and type. Or maybe I won't be. We'll see.

See, after 11:00 and I'm not tired in the least. Not a good sign. One more hour until my birth-day (though technically I wasn't born until after 10:00 PM, so I don't turn 40 for another 23 hours). Goodbye 30s. Here's hoping my 40s are better than I can imagine right now...

Æ

write...now

Bad sign: not here because I have anything to share. Only here out of obligation and wanted to knock this out before spending the evening in my comfy chair catching up on TV and, if the spirit moves, watching some basketball.

You've been warned.

Final full day of classes today before spring break. Not that we're there yet - still four more days to go. But next week is whack: Black History Month speaker on Monday means I only see half my students and have 4+ hours (7:15 - 11:43) before I teach my first class (to clarify, Mason is aware Black History Month is in February, but we had a snow day when the speaker was originally planned and I have such an open time because I have first bell plan, which is when the speaker is planned); Tuesday is a "make-up" day for the speaker on Monday, which means I don't get a plan bell but do get to teach extended-remix classes for my first two bells to make up for not seeing them on Monday; Wednesday, which I nearly took as a personal day since I can't take off my birthday because it falls the day before a break, is our usual shortened primetime day; and Thursday, the day before break, we have a shortened schedule for an afternoon pep assembly (which, unfortunately, was not planned to celebrate my birthday. Oh well). All that is far more information than anyone needs about my coming week, but I thought I'd let you in on the craziness. Turns out doing a unit focused mostly on students being self-directed was a brilliant move on my part. Can't imagine trying to teach a "typical" lesson next week.

Because I am wonderfully blessed with four hours on Monday, I left all my grading at school and will tackle it on Monday. If I'm feeling up to it, I might try to grade the wiki discussions on Sunday night, but we'll see how I feel after the weekend.

This weekend is Jeremy's wake up in Mansfield/Bucyrus. Looking forward to seeing friends and remembering Jeremy (or is that Jerry?). Not looking forward to the 6+ hours in the car. Still hard to believe most days that he's gone. Just feels like he's moved away and I don't get to see him as often as I used to. Of course, going to the grave site kind of brings it all home. I do enjoy the fact that every time I've gone to the site, it's been mostly filled with laughter, which is what I think Jeremy would have wanted. Not sure how that goes over with the other visitors, but then, that fits Jeremy, too.

Lethargy is settling in - too much Jalapenos, not enough sleep. Time to excuse myself from my office and get comfortable in my comfy chair. On the playlist tonight: FlashForward (yes, I'm still watching), Important Things with Demitri Martin, Spartacus and, if I'm up to it, the first disc of the first season of The Wire. Never seen it. Afraid I might acquire a new addiction - just in time for spring break.

Not sure I'll get here tomorrow - leaving at 9AM and won't return sometime after midnight. We'll see how wired I am from the drive. In the mean time, do me a favor: find a friend you haven't talked to in a while and send them a message telling them how much they mean to you. Life's too short and people connect too rarely to let friendships die. Æ

tie-errrrd

I am so going to get sick. Three hours dance rehearsal, sweating like a stuck pig, only to walk out into the nearly freezing rain. Hot cold, hot cold. Bleah. And I can already feel a lack of sleep coming on. Too wired to sleep, too tired to do much else. Lovely.

You know, I spend far too much time talking about myself on this blog, never taking a moment to ask you, my reader, how you're doing. So how are you? Life been treating you well? Seems like a lot of people's worlds came to an end this week - lots of skies falling, lots of praying for Jesus to return, lots of websearches on moving to other countries. Trust me, I've been there. For about eight years. You eventually get used to it.

My friend Brad, who teaches down in Florida, sent me a vision of my eventual future this week. Seems the powers that be, in an attempt to "improve" schools, have decided the problem lies with the teachers. Our schools would be successful if it wasn't for those selfish, lazy, overpaid know-it-alls clogging up the works. So they're in the process of passing a bill to solve the problem. The magic bullet? More testing, of course, paid for by the taxpayers and the school districts to fill the bottomless coffers of the test designers. There's a special interest group no one ever talks about but which wields incredible power in government. Below are some of the provisions, along with the commentary I sent along with it in italics.

The Florida Senate is right now working on a bill - SB 6 - that will seriously affect educators in the state of Florida. Here's what it will do if passed:

1. Takes 5% of all operating funds from each school district (estimated to be in the $900-$950 million dollar range) to be used to develop the tests which will be used to measure student learning gains and then to pay any performance pay benefits required by the bill. In essence, all teachers are paying for the cost of the test development and performance awards which may become due under this bill.

Yes, once again, testing companies have sold lawmakers a bill of goods, claiming they are the only way for true education reform. Because how do we know students are learning unless they can fill in bubbles and pass a test? To steal money from school districts to develop these tests is downright criminal. But you know, corporations now have more rights than citizens. Shows where our priorities are.

2. Places all new teachers on annual contracts for the duration of their teaching careers and the contracts may be non-renewed for any reason or no reason without recourse.

I know why they want this - too much "dead weight" according to them. But why can't they take care of the problem without punishing all teachers? Nothing like working with no job security and nothing to protect teachers from being wrongfully dismissed or pushed out (which happens more often than you think).

3. Requires 50% of performance appraisals to be based on student learning gains based upon end of course tests which don't yet exist.

Unfortunately, this is the next wave of reform and I'm convinced the majority of the country will move to these end of course tests in the next five years. Mason has already started giving them. They claim it's to track students' progress, but we all know eventually it will be tied to our reviews. They also claim it will only be used to reward good teaching (think bonus), but I doubt it stays that way. The good news is, judging from our experience, the tests are way simple, which is usually how standardized tests work - they shoot for the lowest common denominator, which, judging from the test, is pretty low. Which is probably good because they'll have a lowest common denominator work force to teach to the test.

4. Removes local decision-making by elected school boards or through collective bargaining on matters which relate to wages, hours andterms and conditions of employment.

Yes, by all means, let's take this out of local hands, who might actually have an understanding of their district's population and its needs, and give it to ...who? State officials? Some new bureaucracy? Brilliant.

5. Prohibits recognition of years of service or advanced degrees in determining teacher salaries.

I...have no idea what to say. How would this help? What problem would this solve? How is experience and education a bad thing, especially in education? Oh right, we want to base teacher salaries on how their students do. So are we going to do that for all professions? If a doctor's patients don't stay healthy, will we dock their pay? If a politicians constituency continues to break the law, could we demand they return their paychecks? Just checking.

6. Permits non-renewal of a teaching certificate if a teacher cannot demonstrate student learning gains in 4 of the preceding 5 years.

Again, we're back to tests being the "magic cure" for all of education's ills. Gotta hand it to the testing companies - they learned well from their teachers how to manipulate the system through propaganda. This is the problem when decisions like this are made by politicians who have only tangential connection to education and not by educators themselves. Frustrating. Wish they'd listen to educators, those actually, you know, teaching. I don't have solutions to all the problems, but I know bad solutions when I see them.

Look, I realize schools aren't perfect and there are teachers who need to find their true passion in life instead of drawing a paycheck and screwing up students. But denigrating the entire profession because of a few bad apples is demeaning and ultimately going to harm the ones reformers claim they want to help the most: the students.

OK, that took much longer than I anticipated. Hopefully I didn't put you to sleep. Unfortunately, it didn't put me to sleep, either. I think there might be a basketball game on or something. Maybe that will do it. Night.

Æ

what's done is done

No beating myself up over missing the last few days. I know, I know, you're thinking, "Wait. Is this some impostor pretending to be Thurman. 'Cause he feels guilty like Kevin Smith tweets." Don't let this aberration throw you.Trust me, it's me.

Been an interesting week. And by interesting, I don't mean "Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die." OK, maybe not interesting. Odd? Does that work? Of course, my life is pretty odd anyway, so that doesn't help much. Ah, I've lost my adjectives. Screw it.

Been swimming through a sea of nostalgia this week. About a year ago, I gave my friend Steve all my old vinyl albums to rip into mp3s. They were sitting in my basement doing no one any good, but I couldn't just part with them. So he said he would rip them for me when he got the chance. Well, between foreign exchange students and adopting a son, he's been a bit busy. But on Monday he messaged me and told me he'd found a site I might want to check out: http://flipsidemn.blogspot.com/ So I did. And I was immediately transported to a time when I wore sleeveless shirts and headbands with no sense of irony.

I know this may be hard to believe, but I have not always been the indie musical elitist you see before you now. Back in junior high, I had a whole other obsession: Christian Rock. That's right boys and girls, I used to tow the line, refusing to purchase any music that didn't come from a Christian bookstore or wasn't featured in Campus Life magazine. In my defense, I stayed clear of bands that might be heard on what passed for Christan radio at the time. No Amy Grant. No Michael W. Smith. No Russ Taff. No, I stayed to the fringes of Christian music, which is why when I got older and moved from vinyl and tapes to CDs, I lost a lot of that music. Not like there was a lot of money to be made selling CDs by the obscure artists I liked.

But now, through this site, I've reliving my junior high days (ok, and some high school). Barnabas. Daniel Band. Undercover. Mad at the World. Messiah Prophet. Flock 14. The adult part of me wants to pick it apart, cringe at the derivativenes, mock the trite lyrics and bad theology. But the junior high me has been living it up all week. So strange to hear music I haven't heard for over 20 years. Scares me how many of the lyrics I still know by heart. I can't wait to get the batch my friend Steve has downloaded for me. Reminds me of a more innocent time, a time when the world wasn't quite so complicated and faith was as easy as yelling "God Rules!" at a concert.

Sometimes I wish it was still that easy.

The other event causing nostalgia overdosing this week is the loss of my favorite radio station - WOXY. I discovered WOXY about the time I realized listening to secular music wasn't going to send me to hell. Back then it was an over the air station from Oxford that barely reached Dayton. I was lucky if I got to listen to a whole song without static breaking in, especially if I was in my car. Even today, when I hear some of those songs I first experienced through WOXY, I half expect a burst of static to drown out the chorus. The music they played not only shaped my musical tastes during college, but in many ways sharpened my critical ear and broadened my horizons. I wouldn't be the person I am today without WOXY.

Now there's hope it will rise again - it's done so before, transforming into an internet only station. But until then, I will mourn the passing of such an important part of my life.

I have nothing else I want to share, so I think I'm going to try and go to bed early tonight, though last time I did that, I woke up in the middle of the night. I think my days of sleeping for more than six hours at a time are in the past. Guess the only thing left is to get my AARP card and start eating at Golden Corral at 4:30 in the afternoon.

Only one more week in my 30s. *sigh*

Æ

not nearly long enough

There's the blank space here, waiting for me to type in, but as I stare at it, I can't think of anything important enough to share from my day today. Woke up late (well, for me, anyway). Watched some TV/DVR/Netflix stream. Went to Jalapenos. Used up my month's worth of shopping energy looking for a new TV. Took a nap. Helped celebrate Mac's birthday. Came home. Stared at the blank space until I started typing just a minute or so ago.

Really. Not much there.

I could talk about the miserableness of shopping - the overbearing sales assistants who try to convince you if you don't buy this TV right now you will regret it for the rest of your life because this amazing sale ends tonight and prices like this won't be seen again ever (at least, not until their next sale). But I'd rather not relive the experience.

Mac's last minute birthday celebration was great - went to McCormick and Schmicks and ate seafood for the first time probably this millennium. Had salmon which I liked. Didn't convert me to a seafood lover, but was very tasty. Tried some wine, too, which I still don't like. And since this was good wine, I think that confirms the fact that I'll probably never like wine. We were there about four hours - lots of great conversation and food.

Of course, I kept being asked what I was doing to celebrate my not dying for another year in a couple of weeks. I've got nothing planned. I think I'm in denial - if I don't celebrate it, it won't be real. Not sure why this birthday is screwing me up so bad - not like I had this problem when I turned 30.

Well, nothing I want to talk about here.

So glad I didn't do a bracket this year. Much more fun to root for all the underdogs. And to all my friends who picked Kansas: you should have known once everyone picked them that they'd lose. They only win when no one expects them to. You know how this works.

No where near 30 minutes but I'm calling it a night. Might go watch Withnail and I for the first time (thank you Netflix). Could use some good British humor (or is that humour?). And probably should figure out if I need to be at tomorrow's rehearsal or not. You would think I could figure that out. You'd be wrong. Night.

Æ

if you're wondering how my day went, this post won't help

I'm beginning to think this Lenten experiment was a bad idea. I didn't write last night because I had a crisis a faith. Not about my actual faith, but about writing. I thought adding this discipline to my Lenten remembrance would help me focus, would add something to this usual season of subtraction. But what I'm adding to the world isn't always a positive thing. Too often I focus on the dark side of life and I can't imagine anyone feels better or closer to God after reading my ramblings the past couple of posts.

Part of the problem is the inherent narcissism involved in writing, and especially in blogging. I constantly talk about the fact that I write for myself and no one else. What could be more selfish than that? And in this kind of blog, where I talk mostly about my life, the selfishness is increased tenfold. Is it any wonder my experience this Lent has been less than fulfilling. It's like I purposefully sabotaged it by choosing an activity that goes against the self-sacrificing spirit of the season.

Of course the flip side is that perhaps my writing has given me the opportunity to bring to the surface some thoughts and feelings that would normally stay hidden. Maybe my writing is a purging of the poisons inside of me so I can be healthier and can fill the vacuum left behind with better things. The problem is the process is quite unpleasant. It's been emotionally draining and has forced me to question who I am and where I'm going and in some cases where I've been.

Making it worse, I'm doing it in a public sphere as opposed to somewhere private like therapy or a private journal. I'm spewing all this nastiness on my friends who were probably only expecting a quick overview of what my day was like (of course, if they know me, they had to know that's not the way I tend to write). Initially I thought sharing these ideas might help others who felt this way. But I'm not sure all this ugliness is actually doing that. If it's making me more miserable and not helping others, maybe I'd be better off not doing it?

I don't know.

I'd hate to give up now, with only a couple of weeks left, but can't help thinking we'd all be better off if I did.

But for now we'll plow on. Thanks to all those who responded to my last posts. It's strange - I sound much more depressed in my writing than I actually feel. Hopefully that's some consolation to those who feared I might be going off the deep end. Contentment seems to be the issue - I'm not content with the way I am and perhaps I need to be. But as another blogger friend pointed out, once we become content, we stop trying to change, stop trying to make tomorrow better than the day before. At least that's the tendency. And perhaps that's one of my fears: that if I accept I will never get married, I will no longer put myself in situations where I could meet someone. I know, I know - it's when you stop looking that love finds you. Sorry, that may work for some people but it's never worked for me. Not that actively searching has done wonders either...It's not an either/or thing. Contentment and hope aren't mutually exclusive. At least I hope not. But how do we feel content when we're always hoping for something else out of our lives?

Been reading Klosterman's latest, Eating the Dinosaur. His essay on voyeurism, "Through the Glass, Blindly," touches on part of what I've been feeling/experiencing:

What are the things that make adults depressed? The master list is too comprehensive to quantify (plane crashes, unemployment, killer bees, impotence, Stringer Bell's murder, gambling, addictions, crib death, the music of Bon Iver, et al.). But whenever people talk about their personal bouts of depression in the abstract, there are two obstructions I hear more than any other: The possibility that one's life is not important, and the mundane predictability of day-to-day existence. Talk to a depressed person (particularly one who's nearing midlife), and one (or both) of these problems will inevitably be described. Since the end of World War II, every generation of American children has been endlessly conditioned to believe that their lives are supposed to be great - a meaningful life is not just possible, but required. Part of the reason forward-thinking media networks like Twitter succeed is because people want to believe that every immaterial thing they do is pertinent by default; it's interesting because it happened to them, which translates as interesting to all. At the same time, we concede that a compelling life is supposed to be spontaneous and unpredictable - any artistic depiction of someone who does the same thing every day portrays that character as tragically imprisoned (January Jones on Mad Men, Ron Livingston in Office Space, the lyrics to "Eleanor Rigby," all novels set in affluent suburbs, pretty much every project Sam Mendes has ever conceived, etc.). If you know exactly what's going to happen tomorrow, the voltage of that experience is immediately mitigated. Yet most lives are the same, 95 percent of the time. And most lives aren't extrinsically meaningful, unless you're delusionally self-absorbed or authentically Born Again. So here's where we find the creeping melancholy of modernity: The one thing all people are supposed to inherently deserve - a daily subsistence that's both meaningful and unpredictable - tends to be an incredibly rare commodity.

The two obstructions he points out - an unimportant life and a mundane predictability - are what I've been struggling with. And look, it's happening just before my 40th birthday. Great. I'm a cliché. But at least I'm not alone - can't be if I'm a cliché, right?

And I've run out of ideas and the fact that I slept not at all last night isn't helping. So I guess I'll keep writing for now. I only ask that you, my faithful readers, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. In some cases, with an entire saltlick's worth. 'Til tomorrow. Æ

no, I haven't been drinking...

One of the benefits of being single is you are not beholden to anyone else's traditions. If I decide I want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day by eating pie and drinking White Russians, then there's no one to tell me I'm doing it wrong (not that I'm actually doing this. Nope. Not at all). And no one to remember I've done it in case next year I want to do something else. Oh I know, some would quibble and say then they're not traditions, but then they don't live here and, well, I don't care. So cheers and pass the pie.

Sorry about last night. As I've mentioned before, there are some nights where it's a bad idea for me to type out the thoughts I have in my head, where being honest and open will do more harm than good, both for me and for anyone unfortunate enough to read my ramblings. When I got home from rehearsal last night, I was not in a good place. So rather than subject people to my thoughts, I broke my Lenten promise (again!) and took the night off. I think everyone is better off for it.

But now, with some distance between myself and those thoughts, I think it might help me sort out what I was feeling by typing it up. I was driving home, listening to my iPod on shuffle, when "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds came on the radio. I love this song and had been thinking of it this past week, basically along the lines of I should listen to more Ben Folds. So with the wind whipping through the sunroof, the song played and I realized I couldn't imagine ever singing the song to anyone. Or having anyone sing the song to me. This wasn't a simple failure of imagination. It was the sense that I didn't believe in the possibility of love ever occurring in my life again.

As you might imagine, it made me a little sad. Crushed, actually. This isn't totally new - I've had thoughts like that float through the transom of my mind before. But last night was one of the first time when it felt real, like this was a living, breathing possibility, enough that now, 24 hours later, I'm still having difficulty convincing myself it's not true. I mean, looking at my age, my lifestyle, my past relationships, it's hard to argue that the odds aren't against me. It's not like I'm suddenly going to become good at dating or not have the worst timing in the history of the world.

I wonder if maybe I need to run with this feeling. Maybe if I realize no hope remains, I'll be able to focus my energy on those things I am able to accomplish instead of wishing for something I'm in all likelihood never going to have. It's like the old Steve Taylor song: "Since I Gave Up Hope I Feel a Lot Better." Yes, I realize he was singing against that idea, but maybe there's some truth to it in this instance.

I don't share this so people will try and tell me it's not true. Or feel sorry for me. Or tell me to quit my whining. Or even tell me I'm probably right. It's been on my mind and that's why I share. Unfortunately, it hasn't done what I'd hoped, which is to help me understand it. But it has helped me to clarify some of the things I need to think about, pray about.

Over half way through OGT Week. Hasn't been horrible, which is probably all I can ask for. I'm glad my lesson plans worked so well - lots of self-directed time for the students, which with the wacky schedule works great. I did make one mistake, however: I allowed my fourth bell to choose which movie they'd like to watch (before you go casting stones, know that I have my fourth bell twice as long as my other bells and I refuse to give them busy work or get ahead of my other classes). They chose Hotrod. It's like almost every other SNL-related movie I've ever seen. Might have been funny as a five minute sketch, but not as an 87 minutes movie. Luckily, it will be over after about 20 minutes tomorrow, which means we can watch something else. From now on, I'm only letting them choose movies from my collection - that way at least I'll know I'll like them.

Speaking of movies, I watched Gone Baby Gone this afternoon. Liked it more than I anticipated. Who knew Ben Affleck could direct? Lots of good performances and a story that left you torn on how you wanted it to end. Need to return it tomorrow if I hope to get another movie by the weekend, but might try and watch the commentary if I can.

Time for sleep. Here's hoping I don't wake myself up over and over again like I did last night. You know it's bad when your moaning wakes you up. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

standardized hell, day one

So today was the first day of the Ohio Graduation Test, Ohio's version of high stakes testing where everyone must pass to graduate and we make the test so easy that you'd almost have to try not to pass. Yes, I understand, I'm blessed to be in a district that does well and that's why it seems easy, but any assessment where you need less than 50% to pass is not a terribly accurate tool. I'm just sayin'. Not that I have to worry about that at all this year since I'm spending my time with the freshmen. It's not horrible and it could be much worse, but let's be honest, if they could drive themselves to school, they would be allowed to join the juniors and seniors with late arrival. So while we try to make the time meaningful, the truth lingers in the backs of our minds and it's hard to throw yourself into the activities with abandon when you feel they're meaningless. And of course, if the students aren't involved, it's all the teacher's fault for not being more energized and excited.

See? This is what this week does to me. It makes my jackass side more pronounced. Sorry.

Took a Sabbath from writing yesterday, partially because I was sick and exhausted and partially because I really didn't have anything to share. Didn't do a whole lot, which was both good and bad. And by the time I was ready to do something, my body shut down and I could barely keep my eyes open. Of course, when it was time to go to bed, I couldn't fall asleep and ended up being up well after midnight with the alarm set to go off at 5:30 - 4:30 the old time. Joy. Maybe that's why I'm so grumpy today.

Two good rehearsals again for Wedding Singer. I know I've said this before, but it's simply a fun show and one I don't mind rehearsing for. I'm still fighting those initial rehearsal jitters - I always tend to feel like an outsider, especially with this show when everyone is so much younger than me. I know I just need to relax and not be so uptight about how I appear, but I still feel a bit awkward. Of course, the case could be made that this isn't limited only to rehearsals and doing shows but is how I wander through life most of the time.

Yeah, I don't want to go down that road tonight.

Saturday night, after blogging, I watched Every Little Step, the documentary about the revival of A Chorus Line. It took you from the first day with over 3,000 hopefuls to the final cast. I loved it, but I'm not sure what non-theater people would think of it. It resonated for me because I've been in similar situations (not quite that large, but still) and I know those feelings and my heart went out to those auditioners and I died a little every time someone got cut. I suppose it's similar for those who play sports and see movies about what they go through. If you have any ties to theater at all, I highly recommend it. Netflix is streaming it, which is how I saw it.

My computer is acting like it's 1995 and I'm on dialup yet again. Everything is taking three times as long and occasionally everything freezes and stops for a while. I feel like I want to put on some Gin Blossoms and watch the X-Files.

Less than 20 days left in Lent, which means Easter will be here before you know it. My Lent has been a bit lackluster. The extra silent time in the car has been good but not transformational. The blogging has been good, but too often I feel like I'm not digging nearly deep enough or writing well enough or saying anything of importance. And I'm definitely not experiencing a Lenten honeymoon. More like God and I are going out to dinner and tolerating one another's presence. Which is totally my fault.

You know those days when you can't think of any reason why anyone would want to spend any time around you because you're so miserable? Yeah, I'm having one of those days.

Bwahahahaha, "Casualty of Love" from the show just came on my iTunes. Perfect.

And on that note, I hope to go get some sleep. Here's hoping day two goes better...Æ

ArtWalk

We'll begin with some thoughts I had wandering through the Starburst exhibit (right side) at CAM today. Then we'll see where it goes from there.

Looking at pictures behind glass, it's impossible not to see yourself reflected in them, both literally and metaphorically. The pictures shift and change depending on where you stand, your silhouette strangely making visible what lies there. You have to focus, concentrate, lest your eyes stare at the reflection and not the image beneath the glass.

These Eggleston photos again make me wonder about the stories behind them. Why are those two men standing together? What is the boy in the chair thinking? What happens beyond the doors of that unnamed building? Why is that man standing naked in a room graffitied with God? The critics hailed these photos as boring. But aren't all photos that way when you have no connection to the story behind/beneath them? Even the mighty Adams could be dismissed as someone else's artsy vacation photos.

divolas: These images move me more than the abstract Kasten's next to them. The collision of the decaying beach house with the eternal beauty of the ocean and sky behind it. The garish colors of delapidation make the softer colors of the sunset more poignant somehow. Or maybe that's me writing my story into what I see. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I'd say it was expected.

The scripture today is John 9, the story of the man born blind. Yet another scripture where people are looking to blame and Jesus focuses on something greater. I wonder how the blind man made it to the pool of Siloam to wash. Did someone take him? Did he know the way to go? And what must it have been like, to see for the first time. Like being reborn where everything you've known is changed. I've heard stories of those who received their sight being overwhelmed by all they were now able to see. Sometimes this world is overwhelming to those who are used to seeing. I can't imagine it all being new. And then to have those around you doubting your identity and peppering you with questions. I think I would have run off and locked myself in my room for a while, until I could deal with this new world around me.

Perhaps that's why I like photographs so much - they take that which I've gotten used to and make it new. Almost like seeing for the first time.

Looking at all these pictures from the 70s, I wonder if our current time will have such a strong aesthetic. You can tell the time period simply from the photos - the design of the cars and building, the colors they used. Time and objects now seem so generic. Given a photo of 1995 and 2010, could anyone 30 years from now tell the difference? Or perhaps there is an aesthetic, only I'm too close to it now to see it. Perhaps I have to wait 30 years to see what this particular time period will be remembered for. Perhaps only then will I be able to appreciate what is all around me right now.

It was only Rob and I today, so plenty of time to sit and talk. We discussed the possibility of him and Lilly leaving and moving to CA. I'm excited for him and the opportunity to follow his passion, but am saddened too at the thought of them leaving. Guess that's true any time someone you care about moves away. And it could all happen relatively quickly - if Rob gets accepted, he'll need to be in CA by June. It does certainly seem that God has little by little been freeing them from their ties here in Cincinnati, so I guess I wouldn't be surprised to see them go. We talked about getting those involved in Thinplace together and talking about the eventuality which would be good. I know ArtWalk will continue as it's now become a vital part of my life. As for our journaling time, my guess is it will go on, though perhaps in an altered form. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but also don't want to get caught off guard.

Bleah. Just realized it's an hour later than it actually is due to that jerk Ben Franklin. At least now it happens away from my birthday. I'm going to miss actually driving to work while the sun was rising. Back to the darkness for my morning drive.

Went and saw Copout tonight. Was pretty much what I expected, which was not much. Willis definitely phoned his part in. And I still don't understand the appeal of Morgan, though he did have some funny bits. Not nearly as bad as Jersey Girl, but definitely not a fave of mine. I figure Smith simply wanted to work with Willis and took this project to do it. His life, he can do what he wants. But I felt it was mediocre at best.

Went to see the movie at the Regal in Mason and therefore ran into several students, both at the movies and Red Robin. All I could think as I talked to them was the line from Mean Girls: "Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs." I wonder if that's what they're thinking, too.

OK. I guess I should start to wind down. Another choreography rehearsal tomorrow. I definitely need to be well rested for it. At least I know what I'll be wearing this time. Until tomorrow.

Æ

no...of course I'm not home blogging on a Friday night...

OK. Yes I am.

Friday has finally arrived and I could think of nothing better to do than to stay home, catch up with my DVR and browse the interwebs. Such a glamorous life I lead. But not terribly unexpected after the craziness of the first week of a new trimester and the impending doom of OGT week. Throw in my first choreography rehearsal in two years and, well, you have one mostly exhausted Thurman.

Favorite line of the night: "Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain." Jeff Winger - Community Don't know why more people don't love this show.

Sorry. Brain is a bit scattered tonight so should be interesting to see where my fingers take us. Hopefully no where too embarrassing (though that might be more fun for everyone but me).

I want this t-shirt. No, really. One of my favorite lines ever. Non-geeks need not click on the link as you probably won't understand it.

From the greed and consumerism department: Got my Norwood taxes back from my friend Gary. So instead of owing the city a ton of money, they actually owe me a whole dollar (which they won't send to me, which I don't care). What's this mean? It means the quest for a new TV is officially on! Woohoo! Anyone want to go shopping with me? Or give me suggestions on what and where to look?

Curious collision: I recently downloaded Emmylou Harris's Heartaches & Highways and the new song on the collection is called...wait for it..."Connection." And it's playing right now. Unfortunately, I seem unable to find the lyrics and since I'm writing at the moment, I don't have the time to actually listen to them. But I find it amusing just the same.

A friend of mine emailed me about my thoughts on connection and said they didn't believe a connection could occur via social networking sites. I'm not sure I believe that completely. My friend claims you can't truly connect with someone unless you've met them face to face and looked into their eyes. But my experience speaks to a different reality. I have friends who I met online and felt connected to well before we actually came face to face in 3-D world. And I've felt connected to people I've never met before in person. Now you could argue those aren't true connections, that we're connected to the idea of the person and not the person themselves or to their online persona but not the actual person. But I'm sure that happens in face to face relationships, too. Again, it may depend upon your idea of connection and what that means.

Don't get me wrong - I think it's difficult to connect online because, well, it's much easier to lie, to show only specific parts of yourself but not the whole. But in some ways, it's also much easier to be open and honest - our anonymity gives us the freedom to put ourselves out there in ways we don't with people we know. Hmm, paradox much? I understand the pitfalls of feeling connected to people online, but I'm not ready to dismiss it completely. Or maybe it's an example of hope springing eternal, that somewhere out there (beneath the pale moonlight) are other souls I could connect to...and I don't have to actually be in their physical presence for that to take place.

ArtWalk tomorrow. Looking forward to hitting the other side of the photography exhibit for another trip down nostalgia lane and hanging out with people I haven't seen in far too long. Time for me to renew my membership, though part of me wonders if I should. I mean, I joined last year because they were starting to charge for parking, but now that I can get it validated by eating at the cafe (and when don't I do that?), it might be better to take it on a visit by visit basis. I'll probably still reup - I want to give the museum as much support as I can.

OK, time to go continue my night of DVR overdosing with some Caprica and The Soup. Then maybe I'll catch up on Spartacus. Ah, the glamorous life...Æ

we're going to party like it's 1985

Sore. Sore. Sore. Sore. Sore. As if I needed another reminder of times approaching footsteps. First choreography rehearsal tonight. Opening number. I'm going to be lucky to be standing once it's all said and done. Though, on the good side, I picked up the moves pretty quickly and I didn't drop my partner when I did the lifts. Here's hoping I can continue that on Sunday for the next choreo rehearsal..and that my muscles have recovered by then.

I'm a bit frightened by the moves we're doing - they're all the ones I avoided in high school in my attempt to be holy. The running man. The Roger Rabbit. The snake. Scary scary scary. I think there's even a little Thriller in there. And that's only the first number. Probably a good thing my grandmother doesn't know about my blog. She'd be appalled. I'm sure the good Reverend Phineas Bresee is rolling over in his grave. Of course, my friends are probably rolling in the aisles at the thought of me dancing those moves.

Speaking of which, if you're reading this, you should make plans to come see the show. Tickets are already on sale and some of the shows are selling out quickly. May 6-9, 13-16, 19-22. Footlighters. I'll try and post info as I get it. I promise, this is going to be a fun, fun show (and not just because you get to try and see me dance).

I'm not going to make it a full half hour tonight. Muscles too tired, head to spinny, need for sleep far too strong. Plus, I need to get up early and make sure I have my wiki all set up and ready to go for class. Starting our lit circles tomorrow. Everything went well splitting the classes into groups except for my 2nd bell. 21 guys. 7 girls. And most of the guys all chose the same book. We'll see if I can balance out the groups somehow, though when I asked some of them to take their second choice, they balked. I can't really blame them - what's the point of offering choice if they're not going to get the book they really want?

That pinging sound in my head must mean it's time for sleep. Sorry for the brief post. Hopefully my usual Teacher Friday Night doesn't wipe me out. Night!

Æ

somehow the vital connection is made

A bit odd coming here right after watching this week's House. The episode focused on a blogger who shared her entire life on her blog. It dealt with many of the questions I've raised about blogging - why do I do it, who is it for, how do I decide what I write about, etc. The character on the show attempted to share everything, without editing, to break down any walls of privacy in an attempt to connect with people. But is that what it takes to connect with people, complete transparency? Does it actually help people feel closer to you? Or is there a point at which sharing everything actually keeps you from connecting with people? I don't know. I know I don't share everything here (and everyone should be overjoyed that I do not). Many, many things that happen in our lives don't need to be shared with everyone. And maybe that's the key: it's not about simply sharing, but about with whom you share what you share. I shouldn't be about connecting with everyone; it should be about finding those people with whom you connect and then opening up yourself to them. But then how do you find those people unless you first open yourself up?

This is something I often struggle with - this idea of connection. I used to joke that I felt like a Duplo block in a Lego world - kind of the same, but not exactly. The show talked about how the internet was supposed to solve this problem - with so many people online, you had a much better chance of finding someone who thought like you than if you had to rely on the people in your general vicinity. Makes sense. But simply finding people like you is much different than actually connecting with people. With social networking sites, we're more "connected" than ever. We know more about our "friends" than we used to. But I don't see it making us any more connected. We have more information about people, but I'm not sure we actual "know" them any better.

I used to believe the more you knew about a person, the better able you would be to connect with them. And to an extent, without knowledge there's no way to truly connect. But there's more involved than just knowledge for true connection. I mean, I have many friends that I know a lot about, but the amount of knowledge doesn't necessarily transfer to being more connected. There's something else involved, right? Something that allows us to connect with people we barely know? Something that separates our acquaintances from our deep friends?

But what is that thing? Is it like the ever-elusive chemistry we talk about in dating relationships - impossible to define but we know when we have it? Again, I don't know. I don't understand why I connect with some people and not others or why at some points in my life I can't seem to connect with anyone. Trying harder doesn't help and may in fact hinder. Perhaps this is one of those areas of life I'm going to have to surrender to mystery and realize there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in my philosophy...

Anyway, it's obvious through this Lenten experiment that I do not have what it takes to be an actual writer, by which I mean, I lack the discipline necessary to do it well. I'm far too good at finding excuses not to write instead of making time to do it. Even when I try to get myself to write by attaching a spiritual aspect to it I can't quite do it. Would be much easier if I didn't keep my life so busy. I wear myself out, leaving little energy to do activities like writing. Watching TV is far less taxing than sitting down to gather my thoughts and when I'm exhausted, I tend to go for what is less taxing.

Of course, being exhausted doesn't seem to help me sleep any better at night. Insomnia has crept back into my life here at the beginning of the trimester, as it always seems to do. I'm sure if I was in therapy I'd be able to make the connection between the two. But right now, I'm too tired to think about it.

Things that make me wonder: my neighbors behind me currently have almost every light in their house on. This is not an unusual occurrence. And there are few times, even in the middle of the night, when I turn to look out my window and don't see at least one or two lights on. Just strange to me.

And that my friends is a sign I should stop typing. Probably won't get to blogging until late tomorrow - school, then film club (The Fisher King) then my first choreography rehearsal for The Wedding Singer. I'm exhausted and I haven't even started yet. Better get some sleep tonight (I hope, I hope, I hope). Æ

not enough hours in the day

11:22 and I have to get up in six hours so there will be very little writing here today. Thought about blowing it off all together but decided I should say something at least. Highlights of the last day or so?

• The Wedding Singer music is written for men with a much better range than me and less testosterone.
• Sleeping in will not work for me as I can't handle dealing with the traffic around the school every morning.
• My classes were quiet today - almost too quiet. Makes me nervous.
• I got a haircut but you can't tell.
• I need good ideas for good bar songs for my band to play.

OK, I'm slacking off and going to bed. Hopefully I won't run out of hours again tomorrow. Night. Æ

they're going to regret this in five years

Monday. Time for recovery from the weekend. Time for new starts. Time for me to try and do this blogging thing some other time than right before I'm going to bed.

Some leftover items from the weekend first. I went Saturday to see Burton's Alice in Wonderland. It was a Burton film - pretty to look at, but the story left me less than engaged. How less? I dozed off for a while somewhere in the middle and don't feel I missed too much. It's definitely pretty to look at and I didn't mind the grown-up Alice aspect, but it didn't wow me, which is what I was hoping for. Everything was adequate, which for a Burton film, was a bit underwhelming.

I also got the chance to catch Pomegranates for their vinyl release party - unlike last weekend when I got shut out of the Pop Empire show, there was plenty of space this time. Almost too much space. I was surprised at how few people there were. I also didn't see many of the regular crowd I've grown accustomed to seeing at the shows. The show was a bit bittersweet because it marked Josh's last gig with the band. No explanation on what happened, which I guess I understand, though it does fuel questions and rumors on why he's leaving. Was he asked to go? Did he decide to go? Did he find another band? Did they like the new guy better? I have no idea. Speaking of the new guy (who they didn't introduce at all, which also seemed strange), all I can say at this point is he's tall. Decent guitar player, didn't change the sound or feel of the band, which is probably what they're going for. He didn't play the song I was most curious about, "Coriander," because they saved that for Josh. Guess we'll find out at upcoming gigs. Talking with Isaac after the show, it sounds like they'll be plenty busy soon - SXSW this week then returning home and working on some new material. Yeah for new material.

Oh yeah, and I picked up their limited edition vinyl. Very pretty. And lyrics! Score!

Yesterday was the first read through for The Wedding Singer. A little nerve wracking, considering it was a new company (Footlighters) and pretty much a whole new group of people to work with (I only know the director and two of the cast members and they're both principals I'll probably not share many scenes with). And the cast is young. Way young. Other than the grandmother role, I think I'm the only one who actually remembers 1985. And I'm guessing some of them weren't even born then. But it looks to be a fun cast and a fun show. In fact, that's going to be the operative word for this show: fun. Much like the movie, it's not great theater or great depth, but the audience will walk out having had a great time. Tonight's our first singing rehearsal (nothing like jumping right from one show into another) so we'll see how it goes. As an ensemble member I've been assigned a couple of roles (the priest at Robbie's wedding, a bum who sings one of my favorite songs from the show). Can't wait to get started.

Added bonus: no Tuesday night rehearsals which means I don't have to figure out what to do with Entertaining Lucy. Excellent.

Went to Tracy and Kristy's Oscar party last night. Had a fantastic time hanging out with everyone and watching it on a HUGE screen with an amazing sound system. The show was pretty much what I expected - Steve and Alec were funny, NPH was incredible, Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. were hilarious. But the awards themselves left little drama. Warning: rant ahead. As for The Hurt Locker winning best picture...this only confirms my opinion that the Oscars are all about money and hype. I know many people loved The Hurt Locker and were glad to see Bigelow win over Cameron (which, I admit, did make me happy). But I'll say this now: if The Hurt Locker had been made by a man, it would not have been nominated for an Oscar and never would have won. It's like people were amazed an action picture was directed by a woman so they rewarded the oddity more than the film itself. Why this one more than any of the other action films she's done? I have no idea. Look, it's not a horrible movie (like Crash was), but I think five, ten years from now, people will look back and say, "Really? We said this was the best picture? Really?"

Same with Sandra Bullock's win. She's cute and fun and fine for the roles she typically plays. But best actress? I sat there watching the clips before they announced the winner and EVERY other actress did a better job in their movie than she did. If I'd been judging just by the clips, I would have been flabbergasted that she'd won. I did not see the movie (and don't plan on seeing the movie) but I didn't see anything in any of the clips that would have made me think, "Wow, she really put on the performance of a lifetime."

I may be done with Oscar. They rarely reward the performances or the films I think were truly outstanding and I end up feeling exhausted and disappointed every year. And despite promises, the show was as horrible as year's past (for the love of all that is holy, stop doing interpretive dances!) And I also feel completely out of touch with everyone. If they would only take my suggestion and award Oscars five years after the films release then I might find them actually worthy. It takes at least that long to realize which films have staying power and which ones were all about they hype. Of course, you could say that about any awards given - books, music, etc.

I think I'm expecting too much of my awards shows.

Lots of good comments on my post pornstache look. I'd originally intended to grow the beard right back, but maybe I'll go about barefaced for a while. The only problem is I have to get a new driver's license this month and it might be weird to be be without facial hair for that since I have some kind of facial hair the majority of the time. We'll see how I feel after a week or so.

Today was teacher work day and I feel remarkably prepared for tomorrow's onslaught of new students, which of course makes me nervous I'm forgetting something. But at least I'll have first bell plan to make sure every thing is in order. I may even experiment with getting up later, say 6:00 AM instead of 5:00 AM. I didn't do that first tri because I knew I'd have to break the habit once 2nd tri started. But I have no such worries now. I even got a decent lunch, so I teach two bells, have lunch and then teach two more bells. Couldn't ask for a better schedule (well, I could ask for 4th bell plan, but that's not going to happen). Here's to the final trimester - I hope it all goes well.

OK, time to grab some dinner before heading down for rehearsal. Very excited to get started.

Æ

mea culpa

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two days since my last entry. I've been too busy and I humbly repent. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy.

You would think if I've been too busy to blog I'd have plenty to write about. But busy-ness does not equal interesting. But we'll give it my best shot.

2nd trimester is nearly over - teacher work day tomorrow than a whole new batch of students on Tuesday. I get four days with them before the week-long extravaganza that is the Ohio Graduation Test. Joy. So I'll only see them every other day and they'll be OGT zombies so the odds of learning anything are slim to none. Then I get a full week with them and then the week before spring break we have our rescheduled black history month speaker on Monday, altered schedule Tuesday, primetime Wednesday and pep assembly on Thursday with Good Friday starting our spring break. So yeah, planning should be interesting. I have some of it ready - in fact, I'm much farther along than I normally am at this point. Had almost all my exams graded before lunch on Friday - only a handful of IEP tests that haven't been returned by their support educators to mark up on Monday. Don't think I'll have any students scrambling on Monday to turn in late work - as usual, most students grades didn't change with the final, either up or down.

Lots of endings this week - end of the trimester, end of Beyond Therapy, end of my facial hair (sorry, I couldn't keep the porn 'stache any longer). But some beginnings too - heading down to Newport this afternoon for my first meet and greet with the cast from The Wedding Singer. I'm excited and a bit nervous - pretty sure I'm the oldest person in the cast. Probably only one who was actually alive during the 80s. This is the first musical I've ever done where I know nothing about the show going in - everything else I've at least had a vague idea. Not this time. Should make life interesting. At the very least today, I'll find out how much of my schedule is swallowed up by rehearsals. Hopefully not too much or at least nothing that will cause drastic changes in my current calendar.

Strike is this morning, so can't make it to the monthly gathering at St. E's. And no Thinplace tonight. Sometimes it feels like I gave up church for Lent. Took a little time this morning to read the Lectionary passages. We've got Moses and the burning bush, a warning lest we be struck down like the Israelites and Jesus saying, basically, not everything happens for a reason and we've got a year to bear fruit or else we'll be cut down. So glad I don't have to preach today. I may have to go searching for sermons today - would love to see what different people focused on. Makes me think of the Otherness of God - His holiness compared to us and how wholly different He is than us. Much easier when we feel we have a grasp on who He is, can understand why He does and allows some things to happen. It makes sense if people are punished for sins - we may not like it, but we get it. But for bad things, like the killing of the Galileans or the accident with the tower, to happen to people no different than us for no apparent reason - it makes no sense. There's always the hope that once we're not stuck in the middle of this thing called Life, we'll have perspective and be able to make sense of it all. But maybe not. Maybe we'll never make sense of it. Maybe we'll reach a point where we simply don't care anymore because it's not important.

Like I said, glad I'm not preaching today.

Abrupt change of topic: got my taxes back from my friend Gary yesterday. Was very excited when I saw my federal and state returns - more than enough to get a decent flat-screen TV if I so desire (and I do, oh I do). But then I looked at my city tax and it said I owed nearly half of my federal return. At first I was furious - leave it to Norwood to find a way to screw me. But as I looked at it closer, it seemed there had been some confusion - the form filled out was for Northwood, Ohio not Norwood. So what I'm hoping is the total was off and I'll only end up owing Norwood my usual amount, which is still annoying, but better than almost five times my usual amount.

OK, time to get ready to head down for strike. A little more prep time today with the shaving of the 'stache. Going to be awfully breezy. Been a while since I've been barefaced though I don't anticipate it lasting too long. Maybe not even a week. Faretheewell. Æ