shadows

The day began in darkness as the buzzing above my head reminded me I wanted to make it to the 7:00 AM Good Friday service at Redeemer over in Hyde Park (or is it Oakley, I never can tell the difference). Showered, headed out, got there, only to find no one there and a sign proclaiming Good Friday services at noon and 7 PM. So much for the internet. So I drove and fueled up, went home and packed up and hit the road about 5 1/2 hours before my initial time. Might as well get to the hotel early to take full advantage of all the money I'm spending to sleep.

The trip itself was fairly uneventful - signs of spring abounded, but the day itself was a perpetual grey with smatterings of sunlight and sprinkles intermixed. I passed the time listening to music - the birthday mix Brian made for me (it rocked), the mix I made for others (not bad, if I do say so myself...and I do), and the new stuff I downloaded right before I left (including a brilliant musical called [Title of Show]. Hilarious, clever and highly recommended).

I made good time and great gas mileage and arrived in Mechanicsburg just before 6 PM. Generic Ramada Inn, but the place is mostly empty (yet the pool is always packed - go figure). My first goal was to find the St. Luke's Episcopal, which I had scoped out online and was having a Tenebrae service at 7 PM. Perfect. I checked email and FB (praise God for free wi-fi - and my new laptop) and headed to the heart of Mechanicsburg.

St. Luke's is your typical small Episcopal church - I was easily one of the youngest ones there. No one sat in my pew, which isn't surprising. But I quieted myself and focused on why I was there. Tenebrae is Latin for shadows and for the uninitiated, this service focuses on seven shadows associated with Good Friday, a candle representing each one and as each scripture is read, a candle is extinguished, the shadows growing darker and deeper until only the Christ candle remains. It then is removed and the congregation leaves in silence to contemplate the meaning of the death and betrayals celebrated through the scriptures and song. For my money, a far more moving service than your typical Easter cantata, especially since it forces you to actually deal with Christ's death instead of rushing to the resurrection.

Unfortunately, while they had the pieces, they missed the experience. The candles were extinguished, but the sanctuary lights were left on. The tables were covered with black, but the windows were not. The Christ candle never left but was only stashed behind the altar until the final song was sung and was brought back out. The reason? "The lit candle is then returned in the hope of spreading the light of the Gospel story through the disciples." Unfortunately, in the story, that doesn't happen for a few days. And instead of everyone leaving in silence, we wandered out, chatting about the weekend's plans.

Yet, I was still struck by the darkness of these shadows...Betrayal. Desertion. An Unshared Vigil. Accusation. Crucifixion. Death. The Tomb...and the echoes I find in my own life. Abandoning my trust in Him and turning to those things I can control. Staying silent when others mock my faith. Finding my own needs more important than waiting upon Him. Slapping Christ in the face and asking Him to tell me what comes next. Proclaiming Jesus King but taking marching orders from others. Standing at a distance, watching the work of the Kingdom. Wrapping Christ in spices to hide the hard truths about Him. These shadows remind me why we cannot simply jump ahead to Sunday - because for the time being, we live in the already/not yet. We cannot simply leave the lights on and disperse these shadows. We must find a way to live in them until the Light comes to take them away.

I also found myself fascinated by the ridiculousness of parts of this story. Judas saying, "Surely it is not I, Rabbi?" knowing full well it was. The disciples saying they would die with him and then bolting at the first sign of danger. Judas kissing (kissing!) Jesus to betray Him. An ear cut off. A follower, who for some reason was wearing only a linen sheet, running away naked. Such random moments. Why include these? Why didn't some later editor realize the silliness of much of this and take it out, tighten up the story, help the flow? Why not leave them in the shadows where they belong?

Oh right. Because that's where we live.
Æ