Maproom

Spent the day setting up and participating in our monthly experiential worship called Maproom. Our theme this month was "A Lenten Hobo Honeymoon," focusing on Lent not as a time for sackcloth and ashes but as a time to fall in love with Jesus all over again. As I walked through the stations, I jotted down some thoughts. I'll try not to edit, but I may chicken out at some points. Some things I'm just not ready to share yet.

Walk through with me...

Hobo = HOmeward BOund. A pilgrim.

Station #1 What will you carry with you?

I wanted hope - God gave me compassion. My want came out of my personal need - God gave me what He wanted me to show to others. My heart turned inward, God wanted it turned outward. How can I show compassion to others? How can I let God show compassion to me?

Station #2 Prepare your heart for the journey

Is my heart a sponge, a rock, or dry sand? Can I answer all three? I want my heart to be a sponge, absorbing more of God. But it feels more like a rock, weighed down with the burdens of life and my own expectations of what life should be like. Lately I seem unable to absorb God - I am surrounded by Him, but nothing seems to seep in any more. Like a too full sponge. Perhaps I need to squeeze out some of God I have, share it with others so I can be filled again. Or maybe God, like He did with Pharaoh, has hardened my heart.

Father, transform this stone into a sponge once again. Help me to soak up more of you, more of this love and life you've given me, not so I can be full, but so I can share it with others.

Station #3 Praying for Haiti

I cannot imagine the devastation of their lives. So much loss. So much never to be repaired. I know of the tragedy, yet have done as much as I can to ignore it. I've donated money, given so others can help. But is that money spent so I don't have to think about it? Pray about it? I'm reminded of the Haitians I was blessed to work with back in high school youth group. They used to shout "Bene Swale Tarnell." (forgive my spelling) Praise the Lord. Such joy, even in the face of hardships having given up everything to come to our country. I pray, Father, you'll help those who have lost to find that joy, even in this tragedy.

Station #4 Lenten Tattoos

A reminder of the impermanence of this life. To dust we shall return. We are marked as God's to do with as He will. I do not fear death. But I do find I fear life. I was reminded this week that people with pets live longer lives and all I could think was, yet another reason not to have a pet. I've grown weary of searching for what this world can offer me. I need to look for what God is offering me.

Station #5 Fill a Bag

Paul speaks of learning the secret of being content in any and every situation. I wish he had taken the time to share that secret. Maybe it's this: only when we give away do we feel content. Only when we hold so lightly to this world can we find contentment in God.

Station #6 Honeymoon Adventure with Jesus

I like the idea of Lent being a time to fall in love with Jesus. I think it's the idea of a honeymoon that bothers me, mostly for selfish reasons, because I can't stop thinking what if this is the only honeymoon I ever have? I makes my heart hurt a bit to think about it.

What would it take for me to fall more in love with Jesus? More time with Him? More time remembering how He has blessed me? I feel like I need a second honeymoon more than a first. We're almost too familiar with one anohter, like a couple that's been together for so long they can finish one another's thoughts, anticipate on eanother's actions. How could I get away and remember what it was like to love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength?

Station #7 Stuff in Your Backpack

What's weighing me down on my journey? Fear. Lack of trust taht God is leading me somewhere worth going. Worry that I'll miss everything He wants for me to see because I'm too busy looking for what I want to see. It makes the journey much harder. Much less enjoyable. And yet I try to shoulder on through. The will never give me more than I can bear, right? But what about those bricks I put n my own backpack? What if I've given myself more than I can bear?

Station #8 The Mirror

This is the one station I truly dread. Before heading to the desert, Jesus heard the words, "This is my beloved. I am pleased with you. God wants to say the same to me. But I don't believe Him. I'm supposed to look in the mirror and say, "I am God's beloved. God loves Thurman. God is pleased with Thurman." But dare I do it if I don't believe it? The words don't come easy; neither does the belief. Won't I be lying if my heart isn't in it? My head may know, but my heart doesn't believe. This makes me feel ashamed, that I cannot trust this to be true.

Station #9 The Desert

I am no longer in the wilderness I was ten years ago. God brought me through that. But now I seem to be in a complacent place. I have no great battles in my life. I have no great temptations. My life stretches before me uninterrupted, unremarkable. What hope, then, remains for me?

Digging my toes into the sand I'm reminded of times of great joy, moments filled with hope for what lies ahead. The waves crashing on the shore, messengers from a time to come, telling me to hold on, everything is going to be all right. I need to dig my toes into the sand again. I need to listen for the hope washing up on my shore.

Station #10 Praying for Hobos

I offered up a prayer for those lost in loneliness, who feel disconnected from those around them. I am constantly reminded of Coupland's words, who said loneliness is the one thing we don't talk about. To confess to it is admitting a fault deep within oneself. People will avert their eyes from you lest they too catch this loneliness. May those who are lonely find eyes that meet theirs, that help them connect to a world that seems to ignore them. Give them love. The love they seek. The love they need.

Æ