WARNING!

Reading this blog has made people want to kill themselves, so if you are easily depressed, perhaps you should find something more uplifting to do, like watch a Holocaust documentary or read a Cormac McCarthy novel.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

damn, it's hot

i have done n-o-t-h-i-n-g this week. zip. nada. sat around in my underwear trying to keep from melting into my comfy chair. and i've only been moderately successful at even doing that. been wanting to get outside, get on the bike, take a walk, but when i'm a sweaty mess from just walking out the door, i know this is unwise and mostly disgusting. so i sit and watch. finally got to watching the first season of bones, which brent loaned me. wasn't too impressed with the pilot, but i went ahead and gave it another chance. now i'm six episodes in and enjoying it. pretty much the x-files, minus the aliens and government conspiracy. might be adding it to my to record list, to fill the massive holes left by the loss of the girls and veronica.

also watched the first steelers game (again, thanks to brent). ok, preseason game. they looked good. sharp. ready. i know it's only preseason, but it looks like tomlin has them mentally tough and ready to play. ben looked good and comfortable. wilson looks ready to step up his game. and davis looks to be a good back up for fast willie parker. fun to watch the boys play again. here's for a good season. at least one better than the bengals.

ok, i'm only sitting here and i feel the perspiration building up on my forehead and extremities. bleah bleah bleah. why do i hate the one thing i seem to be able to do remarkably well?

my other watching option has been the matrix trilogy. now i never got to the third one, so put off by what happened in the second and what i heard others say about it. but aaron had the multidisc boxset and so i borrowed it from him and am going through the commentaries featuring the two philosophers. they claim you have to take the three as a whole to get the complete meaning. their excitement for it is making me actually look forward to seeing the others again. perhaps they'll shine a light on the murkiness i felt the first time i watched. who knows. color me intrigued.

been nice to have no agenda this week after a summer filled with them. little frustrating because that protestant work ethic kicks in and tries to make me feel guilty for doing nothing. and i there are things i'd like to get done - cleaning the basement, replying to correspondence - and things i should get done - preparing for the coming year. but if i'm anything, i'm lazy. and hot. and my insomnia has struck again - was up at 3:45am last night again. don't think it's something i ate and i'm not anxious or worried about anything. i don't know. i'm just going to blame the heat.

sometime i want to sit down and give some of my favorite moments from my trip to vegas. but now is not the time. but here's a pic to tide you over, taken by scott, the man whose birthday we were there to celebrate. unfortunately, the menu didn't list the size of the item you were ordering, so imagine my surprise and consternation when they brought me out half a cow. and imagine my distended stomach when i finished most of it. temptress, thy name is gluttony.


more later, when i'm cooler. which at this point may be sometime in december.
Æ
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tunes: Public Image Limited - Rise
via FoxyTunes

i don't know whether to be flattered or frightened

today i had three phone calls from a number i didn't recognize. i figured whoever it was would leave a message, but each time, nothing. on the third call, which came around 9:15 PM, i decided to pick it up. on the other end i heard a voice asking, "is this mr. allen, the most kickass english teacher ever?" of course i answered yes. turns out to be one of my students from last year. he said he and some others had wanted to "hang" with me (their words, not mine), so they googled my name and after a couple of wrong calls, ended up calling my dad, who decided to go ahead and give them my phone number.

either i'm far too easy to find online or my students are much smarter than i give them credit for. or maybe they just have waaaaaayy too much time on their hands.

i don't remember ever wanting any of my teacher's phone numbers in high school. so i'm flattered to be remembered. but the idea of students having my number makes me a bit...wary, i guess. an irrational fear, but in today's warped society, i could see it being a problem. i was chatting with a friend who asked if i was "comfortable" hanging with former students. guess i am, moreso than i would be with current students. i mean, i was trained to be able to relate to teens back in my seminary days, so it comes naturally. and it's not like some have intimated (read: administrators) that teachers who interact with students outside of school are looking for friends. truth is, i genuinely like teenagers. not in some creepy kind of way, but because i find them fun and fascinating.

which i guess probably just makes me seem creepy.

oh well. the students are supposed to call back once they figure out when everyone can get together and let me know when and where we can "hang." and this time i'll answer the first time i see the number.
Æ

ps you'll notice a new "now playing" format below. comes from the foxy tunes plugin for firefox. i highly recommend it.
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tunes: The La's - There She Goes
via FoxyTunes

Monday, August 06, 2007

from guacamole to sushi

Before my trip to Las Vegas, I told people who asked why I was going when I hated it so much the first time that I was following The Guacamole Rule™: every now and then I retry things I don’t like, just to be sure I still don’t like them. So from this perspective, my trip to Vegas was a complete success – I came back no longer loathing the city and having great memories of the five days there.

But I can’t say I’m in a hurry to go back any time soon.

Vegas is a place with no sense of history or even of the future. Vegas focuses on the now, the moment and the moment just around the corner. It is all that matters.

That’s not meant as a slam. OK, maybe just a little. I always hear people talking about living in the moment, blah blah blah and here I was, in a city that does nothing but live in the moment and it left me feeling empty. Not while I was enjoying myself, pogoing in the dueling piano bar or eating the world’s largest slab of meat or snapping photos of the faux Eiffel Tower behind the faux Arc de Triomphe or watching the spectacle of the Bellagio fountains. But in-between those moments (and there wasn’t much in-between with our breakneck schedule), when the spectacle faded and we waited for the next big moment, the stillness left me with a longing for something deeper. It’s probably why there are so many lights and sounds happening at once in Vegas, to keep that emptiness at bay.

I realize this is oxymoronic: “So basically you’re saying you had a great time except for when you weren’t having a great time.” I know. I did have a great time in those moments. But, to use a cliché, the whole is far less than the sum of its parts. My highlight of the entire trip was our “side trip” to the Grand Canyon (I’m not sure how side it can actually be when it takes you nearly five hours to get there). Standing there on the edge – well, as close to the edge as I could get without succumbing to vertigo – I experienced a moment I know will not fade any time soon. I felt all the moments of my life coming together, all those leading up to that Thursday afternoon and all those coming after. I experienced a contentment so often missing in my life. I knew this was where I was meant to be, the right time, the right place, breathing in the grandeur. All the great moments in Vegas cannot compare to the few hours spent at the Grand Canyon. It’s a stark contrast I can’t seem to escape. Vegas is transitory, man’s monument to instant gratification; the Grand Canyon is timeless, God’s monument to the power of time.

My first time in Vegas was too short, a smattering of hours on my first journey to the west coast. I lacked the opportunity to see anything but the mind-numbing glitz and the lost souls basking in its glow. My second trip was a touch too long. This time I saw beneath the glitz and the glow, only to discover it held little for me. I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. I don’t enjoy crowds. I don’t find great pleasure in staring at half-naked strangers. Not that there’s anything wrong with these things, they just aren’t who I am.

And I have to admit, the hypersexual nature of the strip bothered me. I know it’s the bread and butter of Vegas, what with the showgirls and sex ads and entertainment like Zumanity (Cirque’s “adult” show). But as a lonely bachelor with morals, I felt like I was trapped in that song by The Tubes. My eyes wandered and dragged my thoughts along for the ride. Most of the time I am able to ignore this aspect of my loneliness, the longing for physical contact. But in Vegas it was impossible to get away from and served to make me hyper-aware of just how long it’s been.

So while I no longer hate Vegas, it’s not something I see myself doing on a regular basis. My metaphor has morphed a bit – no longer do I see Vegas as guacamole. Now it’s more like sushi. I’ve only really had sushi once in my life, on my last trip to NYC while visiting my friend Jennifer (who hasn’t talked to me since…hmmm….). I enjoyed it while I was eating it, but I never crave sushi. And I know I only enjoyed the one time I had it because Jennifer took me and did all the ordering. I could never go on my own. Likewise, I don’t ever see myself going on my own to Vegas. Maybe in another decade I’ll try again, just to make sure I still don’t like it. Don’t they use guacamole in sushi sometimes?
Æ

tunes: king's x - everywhere i go