WARNING!

Reading this blog has made people want to kill themselves, so if you are easily depressed, perhaps you should find something more uplifting to do, like watch a Holocaust documentary or read a Cormac McCarthy novel.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

free music!!!!!! well, mostly free....

looking for some romantic music to play in the background at your next dinner party? need some music to get you going in the morning? ever felt the need to get your groove on but didn't know what to play? then have i got a deal for you.

as i'm quite proud of the music mixes i put together for sarah and brad's wedding, i wanted to share them with you, my loyal readers. you'll get two mp3 cds filled with 136 total songs:

at last - the quieter collection. designed to be played in the background during the reception dinner. a mix of jazz standards and more indie-leaning love songs.

dance monkey dance - my attempt at playing DJ. a little swing. a little 70s funk. a little 80s new wave. and not a chicken or line dance in sight.

but of course, there's a catch. you'll have to trust my mad mixing skillz - a song list will be included with the discs, but you won't know the songs until you get the package in the mail. so don't bother asking for a list. consider it part of the adventure.

so how do you get to have your very own personal copies to enjoy for years and decades to come? well, it's going to require you to do something nearly unheard of here in the 21st century: you have to write me some snail mail. yes, that's right, you're going to have to sit down with a piece of paper and handwrite me a letter. no, you're not imagining things - i said handwrite. step away from the computer screen, find that pen in the couch and write me a letter. what you write on is up to you; the only requirement is that it's at least one full page. a small price to pay for over seven hours of music.

once i receive your handwritten letter, i'll be sending you the discs. i'll provide the jewel cases and a cover and song list. you just provide some words.

my address is at the bottom of this message. hope to hear from some of you soon....
Æ

thurman allen ii
1739 courtland avenue
norwood, ohio 45212

tunes: josh ritter - kathleen

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

emotionally wonky

this is the phrase i used with kat last night and it seems an appropriate description for how i've been feeling the past couple of days. could be chalked up to the fact that neighbors have decided to loudly voice their displeasure with one another between 1:45-2:00am the past two nights. could be i haven't been eating well since, well, since i stopped fasting with jeremy's funeral. could be the wick's aflame at both ends, with some extra burning thrown in the middle for good measure. could be it's just part and parcel of who i am.

so what makes me wonky? mostly comes in bursts, 15-20 minutes at the most. quite intense and a bit disconcerting to say the least. like hot flashes, only an emotional response instead of a physical one. what emotions, you may ask? loneliness most often. euphoria occasionally. sadness once in a while, with some general amusement sprinkled in. and no, i'm not on medication and no, i don't think i should be. i've been down that road and it's not one that works for me (though i'm sure some would argue differently).

so please forgive me if you've had contact with me the last couple of days and i've been rude/distant/odd. nothing personal, i swear.

anyway, we're in final full week of rehearsals for midsummer. moved into the theater last night and were completely off book - no prompting. wasn't too bad - just a couple of rough spots. at least i know where i have to woodshed before tomorrow night. the speeches i have - it's when i have to do dialogue (well, as close to dialogue as puck gets) that things get....wonky (it's my new word). being in the space helped a lot. and in case you needed more incentive to come and see me, i'll be doing a doowop number in the middle. yes, it's as scary as it sounds. serious show choir flashbacks. scarier still that it came back so quickly....

good check tonight at house church - we're starting to talk about spiritual disciplines and how they help us move from intellectual "knowledge" of God to a more mystical and experiential knowledge. and in the course of the conversation, gina pointed out a quote from nouwen:

In the spiritual life, the word "discipline" means "the effort to create some space in which God can act." Discipline means to prevent everything in your life from being filled up. Discipline means that somewhere you're not occupied, and certainly not preoccupied. In the spiritual life, discipline means to create that space in which something can happen that you hadn't planned or counted on.
ouch. here i am talking about spiritual disciplines and i've filled my life so full with school and the play and other stuff. need to work on that.

and i should probably start with getting more sleep. i hear the rain beginning to fall outside - hopefully that will keep my neighbor's arguments inside tonight.
Æ

tunes: aztec camera - do i love you?

Sunday, April 22, 2007

back to your regularly scheduled blog posts

a stunning sunday afternoon outside and here i am in this dank little hole just off the auditorium at the middle school. with the musical this weekend, we were short handed, so i stepped in to help out. otherwise, i probably would have begged off. extra cash = good. missing out on a beautiful earth day = bad.

thought i might get an early jump on my research papers, but find myself not in the mood. so i simply graded the handouts i'd had the students finish in my absence and updated their grades. SOOOO many of them are failing, mostly because they haven't done their research papers. i expect to get a couple of panicked phone calls from parents this week wondering why their student has a 4.02%.

yes, that is an actual grade.

so yesterday, after nearly five months of trying, i finally got to sit down with my friend amy (bender) willmann from high school. we met up near the dayton mall at a place called rusty buckets. spent about three hours filling each other in on the past 18 years or so. eerie the way many of our stories paralleled one another. i actually drove up as her and her husband bruce were walking in and we immediately recognized each other, even with eighteen years of changes. physically we may look different, but our spirits, our essences are the same and were instantly recognizable. surprisingly, we talked very little about our time in high school - most of the time was spent with what God has done since then. kind of nice not to have to rehash old memories, if that makes sense. i'm looking forward to staying in touch and not letting another 18 years slip through the cracks. amy's spirit is infectious and definitely someone i want in my life.

this weekend was the prayer vigil for the restoration of st. e's. i "volunteered" for the 4-5AM slot, which wouldn't have been bad had i gone to bed before 2AM (i got caught up in a project). but the space was beautiful, as always, and my time was too. when angie walked in i thought she had come in early, only to look at my phone to see an hour had already passed by. God reminded me of the significance of st. e's to norwood and the importance of our stewardship. and it was good just to spend that much time in prayer. made me wish we could logistically, somehow, keep her doors open all the time. i know that's probably impossible, but how great it was to be able to enter into that space and be alone with God. i couldn't make it to the closing, but from some of the artifacts left behind, it looks like God did a lot of talking this weekend. here's hoping we can turn that into action.

i feel like i'm at the beginning of a marathon sprint to the end of the school year, only i'm already exhausted. i knew getting into the play that it would squeeze my time even more than normal, but didn't realize the toll it would actually take. i haven't cleaned my house in forever. i haven't bought groceries in even longer than that. someone this week asked me when i take time for myself and all i could think was when i'm in the car driving to work or driving to rehearsal. hard to carve out a sabbath when you keep yourself this busy. i believe it will all be worth it when it's over, but right now i feel like bilbo - too little butter spread over too much toast. going to have to be careful.

had my tests this week, trying to figure out the strange pain i've been having. x-ray was clear - my heart and lungs are in excellent shape. the upper GI found a minor hiatal hernia, but nothing that would have caused the pain i felt. the ultrasound did find a shadow in my gall bladder, which is what i suspected. my doctor wasn't sure if was actually stones, but said it was near the opening and could be responsible for my symptoms. i'm supposed to call a surgeon for a consultation, but i get the feeling it's going to be more me watching what i eat more than anything else. at least i can put my mind at ease that it's nothing more serious.

oh, and in preparation for midsummer, i am beardless once again. just in case you were curious.

time to go check how many more dancers are left. they thought they might get out early, but i get the feeling that was just wishful thinking on their (and my) part. but at least i won't be here until 11:30 again. here's hoping my week goes well.
Æ

tunes: daniel amos - theo's logic