i suck

no, really, i do. if as a teacher i am judged by how well my students are able to follow directions and do simple things like properly set up a research paper, then judging from the papers i've graded today, i suck. a lot. i'm sure i went over all of the errors i'm catching in their papers, and yet here i am, staring at a stack of papers where not one had earned an A grade. this makes me sad for a myriad of reasons. i need to find a better way to teach this because what i'm doing is not making enough of an impact on them.

and i find myself a bit angry at points, too. one of the papers is nothing but a collection of quotes from various websites cut and pasted into the proper research paper format with citations at the end of the paragraphs. this i KNOW i went over. but they don't get it. and i haven't helped them get it. and i don't think i can do anything now that will help them to get it, which means they will go on into their junior year still unable to write a simple research paper. maybe i'm expecting too much from them, but really, when they can't even get the basic format correct even though we went over it and over it in class, then the onus is on them, right?

whew. good to get that off my chest. here's hoping my other class's papers are better.

another education question: what do you do when a student wants you to fail them? it was recommended to me this week that if i fail a student, then i will be doing exactly what they want me to do, thus reinforcing their undesirable behavior and contributing to their anti-social behavior. so then what exactly are my options?

• i could simply make sure the student passes. this is ridiculous, of course, because while they won't get their desired result, they will still learn that they can do nothing and succeed. and i certainly don't want to start a precedent of passing students just because it would be good for their mental health. so i can clearly not choose this option.
• i could stand over the student and hound them and hound them until they complete all of their missing assignments. however, since one of the issues is the student engages in attention-getting behavior, then i would be falling once again into their trap by giving them the extra attention they want. plus, while it would be nice to give such attention to all of my students, i cannot do this for all the students that need it. so i can clearly not choose this option either.
• i could continue to give the student no credit for missing assignment and let them suffer the consequences of their inaction, even if it means they succeed in failing my class like they want. unfortunately, this will not sit well with either the parents or the administration. and i get the feeling i will be held responsible if the student fails because i didn't do enough to help them to pass, even though i'm willing to work with the student and to take work late (for reduced credit, of course). truly, i have a dizzying intellect.
• i could sit down with the student, let them know i know what they are trying to do and try and figure out why they want to fail my class and show them why that would be an unwise choice and encourage them to actually do the work required. but then again, i fall into giving extra attention, which as we know, we're trying to avoid encouraging. you'd like to think i'm done, wouldn't you?
• i could simply sit at a borrowed computer and type up possible actions, hoping somehow it will all become clear, when deep down i have the suspicion this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't things that i'm just going to have to live with. of course, by typing this here, i run the risk of having someone read this and report to either the parents or the administration that i'm writing about a student, which could lead to me being disciplined for being unprofessional. inconceivable, you say? i don't think it means what you think it means.

well, that was fun. and now it's time to call it a day. Æ

Tunes: kate bush - rubberband girl

not surprising

just took the gilmore guide to pop culture quiz and scored a perfect eight out of eight. i have no idea how i knew the name of gwen stefani and gavin rossdale's baby, but i did. i'm sure it's taking up the space needed for something important that i now will never remember.

my brain scares me sometimes.
Æ

Tunes: the grays - the very best years

only a moment

need to be heading out the door in about 15 minutes for the 2nd annual mason student film festival. had meant to stay at school so i didn't have to make two trips, but forgot my festival clothes until i was getting ready to exit onto 71 this morning (at which point, i must admit, i let fly with my favorite vulgar phrase - i won't repeat it here, but i stole it from the movie heathers). so now i get to fight traffic to get there. not ideal, but you do what you have to. plus, it gave me a little time at home to unwind before tonight. staying all day at school blows.

of course, i have to be back up in mason tomorrow and sunday - auditorium duty again. desperately needed, mostly because i have so much grading and am too easily distracted unless i'm forced to stay in one place. i'll be watching over MCP, who are doing some play which i can't remember. it's load in, so there shouldn't be too many distractions, which will help with the grading.

had been toying with going to see jake speed and the freddies on VD, but found out, while the concert is free, you have to make reservations for dinner - only $24.95 per person. think i'll wait until he plays somewhere free....nothing planned much for now. while some friends feel i put too much emphasis on this hallmark holiday, thus giving it "power," most of my "celebrating" is tongue in cheek. and i do think our society has killed true romance in the name of freedom of expression. what passes for romance these days is a shabby copy of the real thing - actually, a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy to the point where it's lost any resemblance to the real thing. and we've become so used to this shabby copy that we don't know how to react to something truly romantic and might even become disgusted by it.

ah, no time for this now. maybe i'll play with that idea more later.

enjoy your friday night. here's hoping we have an audience for our films....
Æ

Tunes: the velvet underground - foggy notion

free day

sitting at betta's, waiting for a pepperoni/sausage/extra cheese calzone. just sounded good today. been a decent day so far - went to prayers, shoveled my driveway, sidewalk and stairs, slept a bit more. am on my way to the library to pickup the maltese falcon for tomorrow's film club and then to the esquire to see little children. figure if i do all this now then i can grade tonight. here's hoping i'm not fooling myself.

revisited Life After God again a bit this morning. i'm feeling a strong desire again to do this, sooner than later. i put it off much longer and i'll be too old to play scout - probably too old now, but it's my adaptation and i want to play him. the trickiest part will be the casting, especially stacey and dana. the other characters, i know people that could play them. but i don't know too many malibu barbie blondes. or porn stars. i would love to keep this within the vc community, but not sure that will prove possible, or even wise. i only get one shot at this, so i want it to be great. need to do more thinking on this.

lent's right around the corner and i've begun asking God where He'd like me to go this year. and i sense Him leading me toward a complete fast this year. i did this seven years ago, though that was a juice fast. this time it would be nothing but water, maybe some broth if things get too tough. last time focused on where God would take me next and eventually led me to kent state and to teaching high school. i'm feeling a similar desire now, to know what lies ahead. i'm not in the wilderness like before, but i have a sense of an approaching horizon and i want to be sure i'm ready for whatever is coming.

movie starts in an hour. better be going. Æ

**************************************
ah, the best laid plans.....

made it to the library, got stuck in the drive thru lane, so was a bit frustrated pulling out and didn't bother to look at the video, assuming they had given me the correct one. they hadn't. they had pulled the 1931 version instead of the 1941 version. not what i wanted. of course, i found this out after the movie, so decided to return it and pick up the correct one. so i headed toward downtown only to discover they didn't have it there. but they did have a copy at st. bernard - the place i had just left. so i had to backtrack and pretty did a big circle around the city to get there before they closed at 6:00. made it, but just barely. should have looked at it when i got it, but getting my car through the snow was a higher priority.

little children was an excellent film and surprisingly (and darkly) amusing at points. great performances all around. the story was well-covered ground - the soullessness of suburban life, infidelity as a way of breaking the monotony, our need to condemn. nothing new, but still done well. jackie earle haley performance was beyond creepy yet with enough humanity to make us feel for him. not a best picture film but one worth seeing for the distorted mirror it holds up to our own lives and insecurities.

tried to indulge in some consumer therapy using my christmas gift card, but i can't seem to buy music anymore. seems ridiculous to spend $10.00+ for cds anymore. i blame emusic - all i keep thinking is i can get more music for less money there. plus, i'm not excited about anything i've read about or heard lately. should have just bought the jake speed cd and a couple of greatest hits and been done with it. but couldn't pull the trigger.

need to go grade now. and figure out how i'm going to get my classes through everything before the end of the trimester. can't believe how little time is actually left. this is not good..... Æ


Tunes: the smiths - there is a light that never goes out

a prayer

A poem written by Archpriest Grigori Petrov (Gregory Petrov) shortly

before his death in a Siberian prison camp in 1942.

---------------

What is my praise before Thee?

I have not heard the cherubim singing,
that is the lot of souls sublime,
but I know how nature praises thee.

In winter I have thought about the whole earth
praying quietly to Thee in the
silence of the moon,
wrapped around in a mantle of white,
sparkling with diamonds of snow.

I have seen how the rising sun rejoiced in Thee,
and choirs of birds sang forth glory.

I have heard how secretly the forest noises Thee abroad,
how the winds sing,
the waters gurgle,
how the choirs of stars preach of Thee
in serried motion through unending space.

Tunes: roxy music - more than this

snow day part deux

twice in one week. so much for my prediction that we'd have no snow days this year (though technically monday was a "calamity day" - you know, like earthquakes, hurricanes, frigid weather....and contrary to rumors being spread, it had nothing with the superintendent's daughter wanting a snow day, though logan can be quite persuasive). need to make sure i'm more dilligent tomorrow than i was on monday - can't let another opportunity to get on top of my grading mountain go to waste. and this time, i really can't get anywhere, other than where i can walk (like morning prayers). seriously, you'd think i live in a city from the deep south the way cincy behaves in inclement weather. sad.

reminded again tonight of why i don't drink alcohol, other than i'm cheap. we met at the novotni's tonight for house church and they had some mike's hard lemonade left over from the superbowl festivities. so i had one after the meal. and it's like someone wrapped me in a blanket of melancholy. i know, it's a depressant and all that, but seriously, i'm exceptionally susceptible. thought about drinking one of my left over white russians to celebrate having a snow day, but really not wanting to be sad if i have to grade student papers - will probably be sad enough anyway.

ben and sarah had a discussion stemming from the events of this weekend, raising the important theological question, "does God watch the superbowl?" here was my response:

as for the philosophical question raised, i'd assume, since God's eye is on the sparrow, it is also on the Colts and the Bears. so i think we can be sure He watches the game, not so much to find out how it turns out (he is omniscient, after all), but because He watches everything, no matter how large or how small. perhaps the better question is, "Does God care about the Super Bowl?" as a human event, God has a curiosity to what we're doing. but i don't think He cares about the game itself much, just the people in it. it's important to Our Father mostly because it's important to (some of) us. i like to think He's sadly amused by how much time and effort and money is spent in this distraction and wishes we could find some other way to enjoy His creation, but then maybe i'm just bitter because of the inordinate amount of money thrown at this event when there are much better ways to spend it.

so like earthly fathers become interested in their children's activities, i think God is interested in the super bowl, but left to his own devices, He'd probably find something better to do. of course, it probably helps that He's not limited by time and space so He's able to do multiple things at once, unlike us.

there was a character with the first name thurman in tonight's veronica mars (some sleazy cfo for a television ministry). always weird to hear my name used in pop culture - last time i remember it happening was in bad santa. and i think there's some x-files episode with a thurman in it. last name is a little more common (like the marlee matlin's interpreter on the west wing). hopefully it doesn't catch on - i kind of like my name being a bit unique.

enough for tonight. i'll stop by tomorrow, most likely when i need a break from the research papers. or when i'm trying to avoid them.

Tunes: bob marley - no woman no cry

i can't stop giggling

so there i am, lying in bed, reading my buechner, thinking i should go take a couple of aspirin before trying to fall asleep, when my phone rings. i look at the caller id. and my first thought is, "no way...." i answer "good morning" (don't ask me why, other than i was in bed) and the next thing i know my good friend andy is telling me school has been cancelled for tomorrow. after a stunned silence, i started laughing and accused andy of pulling my leg. nope. it's real. guess it's snowing up in mason and they made the call and well, here i am, ecstatic that i don't have to get up in the morning. glorious. seriously, this is even better than when i was a student. i'm giddy.

spent part of the evening at the brownhouse. decided to eschew the typical super bowl rigmarole and joined a group in watching born into brothels, the documentary about children in india born in the red light district. heartbreaking and uplifting, i highly recommend it if you haven't seen it. we discussed some of the issues raised and how, through contacts we have, we might be able to do something for people there as well as how we might do something here. hard to sit around and complain about your life when you see how the majority of the world lives. all i can think is i'm so blessed, i'm so blessed, i'm so blessed.

not the first time i was reminded of that this weekend. got to meet up with mike, andrea, laurie, jessy, mel, maralyn and m & a's friend fiona at bon vie at easton on my way up to mvnwhatever. hadn't seen most of them since the spleen show last fall and hadn't seen laurie since....i have no idea. almost didn't recognize her daughter jordan who was there. just being in their presence was refreshing. need to do it more often and for longer. could have spent all day with them, but alas, none of our schedules allowed it. need to have a party sometime soon....

the trip to the alma mater was far better than i anticipated, mostly because i hadn't been expecting much. but the one acts didn't suck and it's great fun hanging around with wayland and brent and lisa. we crashed the cast party and had a good time doing the stupid games we always play at the cast party with the next generation. and for the first time in a while, i i found myself actually missing mvnwhatever. there's still part of me that wants dan's job - the stupid, naive part of me, but still. i have grand ideas of what the program should be up there, but little belief i'd 1) ever get hired; 2) be allowed to make the changes necessary; 3) get paid a livable wage.

as for why my social life is over....i upgraded my cable service to include both a digital phone and a dvr. 'twas a deal i couldn't pass up - free month of cable/roadrunner/phone, then i can cancel the phone (which i'm going to do because i have no need for a land line) and my bill will actually be cheaper than it was before and i get to keep the dvr for 11 more months. how could i not take advantage? i've already programmed everything i watch in. now i just have to figure out how to tape shows off my dvr for my cableless friends. i have a couple of options, but need to figure it out.

ok, think i'm going to grab some sleep so i can get up in time to do morning prayers. need to spend time grading tomorrow - at least it will be too cold to go anywhere. so glad i'm a teacher right now....
Æ

Tunes: sonic youth - the diamond sea