christmas hilarity

from david sedaris's "Put a Lid on It." this make me smile every time.

ME: Did you get your tree yet?
KEN: I'm a Jew, I don't decorate Christmas trees.
ME: So you're going to go with a wreath instead?
KEN: I just told you, I'm a Jew.
ME: Oh, I get it. You're looking for a cheap wreath.
KEN: I'm not looking for a wreath at all. Leave me alone, will you.
ME: You're probably just tense because you haven't finished your Christmas shopping.
KEN: I don't Christmas shop.
ME: What are you telling me? That you make all of your presents?
KEN: I don't give Christmas presents period. Goddamit, I told you, I'm a Jew.
ME: Well, don't you at least need to buy something for your parents?
KEN: They're Jews too, idiot. That's what makes me one. It's hereditary. Do you understand?
ME: Sure.
KEN: Say the words "I understand."
ME: I understand. So where are you going to hang your stocking?
Æ

eighteen years in a nutshell

through a strange collision of circumstances, i finally tracked down a friend of mine from high school i had wondered about for years. seems we've wound up in similar places (teaching, vineyard church). so we exchanged quick summaries of our past eighteen years and i thought i'd share mine....

(yes, i know i haven't been blogging and this is lame space filler. but i'm not quite ready to come back yet).

*********************************************
yes, ran off to mount vernon, spent four years making some great friends and doing lots of drama, some music, plenty of ministry and, oh yeah, getting my degree. graduated with a bachelor's in christian education, with minors in communications and psychology, all ready to take on the world as a youth pastor. but during my senior year, God made it clear i wasn't quite finished yet, so....

...off i went to kansas city to my denomination's seminary (nazarene theological seminary) and spent three years getting my masters of religious education and youth ministry certificate. more great friends, more drama, amazing barbeque, more ministry, leading to my first "real" job as a youth pastor....

....in lansing, michigan. technically i was "part time," which meant i worked full-time but only got paid part time wages and no benefits. good, small church with big dreams. most of my teens were unchurched, which i have to say i preferred to the complacent churched kids i ran across much of the time. church was a bit concerned about their rough edges, but as Christ pointed out, we're there for the sick, not the well. spent three and a half years up there, doing what God had called me to back when i was fifteen years old. then one november...

... i went to a youth worker's convention out in denver, colorado. while i was there, i found myself frustrated with the consumerism and flashiness of what was going on around me. i no longer felt these were "my people" and i ended up spending the majority of the time in the prayer room they had set up in one of the out of the way convention rooms. while i prayed, God began making it clear - i was no longer supposed to be in full-time, paid youth ministry. needless to say, it was a bit disconcerting to be told i had to stop doing what i'd spent 13 years preparing to do. but after much prayer and fasting, i knew what i had to do....

....so i resigned my position with absolutely no idea what i would be doing next. i moved back to dayton and lived with my parents for about three months while i prayed and listened to where God might lead next. took a couple of trips, followed a couple of rabbit trails of possibility (MFA, doctorate) and then i sat down and looked at what my passions were. teenagers. drama. literature. writing. and suddenly it became clear - i should become a teacher. so, since seven years of higher education wasn't enough, i jumped back in, this time at kent state, where i spent a year finishing prerequisites to enter their masters of arts in teaching program, a one year, intensive study designed for those going into education after spending time in the "real world." graduated from there a licensened teacher, exhausted, but ready to jump into teaching. not much came the summer after i graduated until i got a call from....

....mason high school, down near cincinnati. i didn't know much about it when they called, but when i started doing research, i found it was one of the top schools in the state. huge, too - 2500 students when i started just over three years ago. over 2800 now. i teach sophomore english, which means i basically prepare the students for the OGT. but i love teaching literature and love the opportunity to connect with the students. i'm involved in the drama program (not directing, but helping backstage) and advise the school's film club (which i started - yes, i am quite aware of the irony given my nazarene, no movies allowed background). but moving to cincy didn't just give me a new job...

....it gave me a new church. in a move i never could have imagined ten years ago, i left the nazarene church and am now involved in an amazing community in norwood, ohio. it, like yours, is part of the vineyard church, though it's unlike most other vineyards i've been to. we're a community of house churches that meet mostly in norwood and northside. many of the families (myself included) have moved into the neighborhood to be a part of the community and to be a presence here. we're an odd mix of vineyard style worship combined with episcopal-type liturgy. i lead a house church here in norwood - we meet in my house every tuesday night for a meal, worship, teaching, prayer, communion. it's an amazing context to serve in.
Æ

Tunes: woxy holiday mixer (http://woxy.lala.com/holiday.php)

a parable

All Jimmy ever wanted was to play baseball. He dreamed about it day and night. He read every book he could get his hands on. He watched games for hours and hours. He bought all the proper equipment. And he practiced and practiced, then practiced some more. As Jimmy grew older, he looked for an opportunity to play. At first he was picky, wanting to be on only the best teams. But after a few chances, he found most of the best teams were already full and didn’t need him. So he began looking around, willing to play anywhere. But it always seemed he’d play for a while and then find himself on the bench, rarely asked to participate. He tried to make the best of it, happy just to be part of a team, but it wasn’t enough to just to watch the games. So finally Jimmy went to his coach.

“Coach, why don’t I ever get to play?”

His coach looked uncomfortable for a moment, then said,

“Jimmy, the truth is, you’re not very good.”

Tears clouded Jimmy’s eyes. “But I’ve practiced so hard and done everything I am supposed to. Coach, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Sometimes Jimmy…that’s just not enough.”

come on get happy

Hello world here's a song that we're singing
Come on get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringing
We'll make you happy

Travelin' along there's a song that we're singin'
Come on get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy

We had a dream we'd go travelin' together
And spread a little lovin', then we keep moving on
Something always happens whenever we're together
We get a happy feeling when we're singing a song

Trav'lin' along, here's a song that we're singing
Come on get happy
A whole lotta lovin' is what we'll be bringing
We'll make you happy
Come on get happy

down in the depths

sitting in what passes for an office here at the middle school while the wahoos practice their version of cole: a tribute to cole porter, or something like that. me, i'm listening to the cure and wishing i wasn't quite so enamored with easy money.

the black bag of discontent sits to my left, wondering when i will peel back the velcro and actually do something constructive. but i think it will be no time soon.

election day and i elected to earn money rather than cast a vote for people i despise and issues i ignore. that, and it seems i'm not actually registered to vote anywhere, though i swear i did that when i moved to norwood. what do i know. obviously not enough.

mind is wallowing in the shallows this evening, mirroring my mood. i shouldn't be writing feeling like that, yet here i am.

if only the tv here had cable. then at least i could distract myself with lorelai and veronica. will have to wait until tomorrow, though i'll probably not be tired when i get home, so who knows.

short paragraphs tonight.

really wish they wouldn't leave the door open to the auditorium so i didn't have to listen to what's going on out there. denial is always best.

writing group tomorrow. no idea what i'm going to share. no thoughts on projects. only know i need to write something more than these scattered thoughts taking up cyber-space.

told you i shouldn't be here.

been up and down so often the last couple of days i'm afraid i'm going to end up getting the bends.

seriously, how hard is it to shut the damn door? not everyone enjoys listening to the mangling of cole porter.

testy, testy. don't take out your own issues on others twit.

are you still here? reading this? masochist.

"Only this one is straining away, straining away all the time to make something of itself." and the strain's so bad that every nineteen hours i sometimes lie in my bed and ponder how short i fell of my goal today. and wonder how much more straining lies ahead.

have i mentioned how much i love "our town?" one of my favorites. so much truth there.

have i mentioned how good i am at some things?

have i mentioned how manic/depressive i can be?

caution: this all only makes sense if you are in my head. which is not a place to enter lightly.

not much left of the week. primetime tomorrow. shortened bells on thursday for a social studies test. reg'lar day on friday, then i head up to columbus/mount vernon for the weekend. going to see spleen friday night. might meet up with susie if t'works out. then the drama hullabaloo, followed with my first serious playing with roxane (my trombone) in half a decade? could it be that long? geesh.

must...r...s...v...p....

picking up tickets tomorrow for the otr christmas show. looks like it will be me and everyone from the columbus area, no locals. but then it's easier for them to get tickets.

i have no idea where this is going but i feel it should end.
Æ

Tunes: whiskeytown - midway park

writing

thursday a group of english teachers from mason took the day to look at how we teach writing at mason and what we could do to improve. we focused on preparing our students for the OGT and discussed how we could do that, not by teaching to the test but by helping our students become better writers. many good insights and suggestions came from the day, but most importantly, we came away with with a renewed passion for writing and igniting that passion in our students.

personally, i realized one of my major flaws as a writing teacher is i have never really struggled with writing. expressing myself with the written word has rarely been an issue, so i have a difficult time helping my students with some of their issues because i haven't dealt with them. when asked what i do to write well, i look and shake my head: i don't know, i just write. one of the discussions we had thursday was why more of our students weren't in the accelerated and advanced levels of the OGT. casey voiced my first thought: because they aren't. i do believe some students are more gifted verbally than others. we were chastised for selling our students short. that hurt, probably because it was true. i get weary of repeating myself over and over and seeing the same errors over and over and i begin to think i've taken them as far as they can go. i know i can teach them to be proficient - but how much will i be able to take them to the upper levels if they don't already have some innate skill?

i'm still working on that one, trying not to let my prejudices influence my teaching.

an unexpected side effect of our conversation was a suggestion we possibly drop one of our required texts so we could spend more time with writing. one of the problems with the trimester schedule is the time crunch of squeezing everything into 12 weeks. and i certainly would like to spend more time with writing. but jettisoning literature to help with writing seems counterintuitive. i believe one of the reasons students don't write well is because they don't read enough. you have to be familiar with great writing before you can write your own. i'm sure we could work smaller pieces into our writing instruction, but reading shorter texts requires a different set of skills than longer, complex works. but that's based on feelings, not facts.

i wonder if it would be possible to divide the sophomore year into two halves - focus on writing the first trimester and literature the second. ideally, you teach writing in the context of studying literature, but perhaps our unique schedule requires we try something else. it wouldn't be a complete divide, obviously, but maybe something to look into.

the workshop accomplished its purpose - it got us thinking about writing and it got me excited about teaching writing again. here's hoping my students catch the fire, too.
Æ

Tunes: matthew sweet - i almost forgot

the humpty hump

as i was driving the 20+ miles to mason today, it hit me that my plans to show In Search of Shakespeare to my class tomorrow were severely hampered by the fact that the dvd was still at the norwood library and the fact that i didn't have it as i drove meant i would be driving back later tonight to drop it off.

i love it when a plan comes completely apart at the seams.

head's been phull of phlegm all day. boxes of kleenex gone. didn't help my overall mood any. that and i had to explain to my students why so many of them failed the practice OGT writing. mostly because they were too lazy to write more than a handful of sentences.

ah, i don't want to talk about that.

so i get to sleep in tomorrow, which is great - heading to a writing seminar at miami u for the day. hopefully it will be a good time and not mind-numbingly boring. could do with something to inspire me to help my students become better writers - much of my passion for that has been scraped away by their apathy toward it. i wish i could spend my time in class on writing instead of the OGT. and yes, i know, the OGT tests writing, but it's a different type of writing.

i said i didn't want to talk about that....

listening to "changes come" from changes come live by OTR. why oh why didn't paul moak join the band? by the way, if anyone out there is interested in going to the christmas show on dec. 16, let me know. i'm buying tickets next week and so far only three people have said they're going out of the bizillion i invited.

ok, currently trying to talk to four people simultaneously on AOL IM. multitasking not my strong point. blogging, chatting, listening to music (ok, that last one's lame).

i have nothing of significance to share. good night.
Ɔ

Tunes: sinead o'connor - the last day of our acquaintance

betrayal

my body betrayed me this weekend. i had it all worked out - a trip up to columbus, a lunch with susie, another dinner at the thurman cafe, then home on this super-sized day (you did remember to set your clocks back right?). and then my body decided to get lazy and not stop the lovely bronchitis virus from coming back in to set up residence in my body again. started exactly the same way - swallowing burning gravel for a day, followed by a slow migration to my lungs and a sense my head was going to explode. lovely. i hoped it would go away, but i should have known i would not be so lucky. ah well, there's always the future....

another day off school - hated to do it, but i was in no shape to teach. and it did give me a chance to catch up on my reading - i finished my U2 by U2 book. fun and entertaining read, though i would have preferred a little less about bono's humanitarian efforts. i admire what he's done, but i'm more interested in the band. of course now i find myself with nothing to read. never a good thing. need to get the new lemony snicket, but haven't found the time. plus, i'll want to read it right away and those pesky OGT practice writing tests are waiting.

saw The Prestige tonight. good movie, though the pacing was a bit slow for my taste. and i figured out part of the plot a bit early, which kind of spoiled some of the movie because i couldn't figure out if i was supposed to know yet or if i was supposed to still be in the dark. excellent performances by all involved, though the more i see of scarlett johansson, the less impressed i am (and i mean that in an acting sense, not in a more flesh sense). she's not a bad actress, but there's not a lot of variety there. yet. but she's still young. i'd recommend seeing it. makes me want to read the book, though, see how the author paced it. and when he let the audience behind the curtain.

ever had an idea that seemed good at the time, but then once it became an actuality, you realized you'd made a mistake? did that at school. for department meetings we split into different groups to focus on different issues and i suggested we have one group dedicated to improving our own writing, and then using what we learned to help our students become better writers. sounded like a good idea, but now i realize i have to actually produce something. i'm hoping the deadline will light a spark under me, but i worry i'll show up on the day of and have nothing, or only have stuff i worked on ages ago. and what kind of stuff should i bring? i'm most comfortable with poetry, but perhaps i should push myself and do a short story? work on a novel? a play? see what i've gotten myself into?

interesting times on blogs i read. for an encouraging tale, check out mike and andrea's blog about andrea's battle with Key-Mo, as she calls it. so strong, so positive. i love them lots. then for another difficult battle, check out chris's blog. what is our responsibility to any particular "church?" do we stay to help make it more Godlike? or do we seek out a church we feel is already moving in that direction? he has excellent thoughts - follow the comments, though, to get a taste of the dilemma.

been having my own thoughts about church lately, but the hour is growing late (relatively, since we get the extra hour tonight, but still feeling a bit out of it), so they'll have to wait for another time. and yes, i know, i shouldn't mention it if i'm not going to talk about it. but i gotta give you a reason to come back for another read, right?

off to take advantage of the extra hour of sleep, assuming i can actually fall asleep. afraid the drugs i'm on will keep me up late again. night.
Æ

Tunes: neil young - cinnamon girl

it's gone, gone, gone

whoa-oh whoa-oh whoa

after weeks of waiting, i finally got into heaven and, disgusted with the current state of the dead skin follicles on top of my head, i decided to give up ever having cool, long hair. so i had ashley take the scissors and lighten the load. snip snip snip and now my hair is much shorter and, for the first time in my adult life, brushed forward, not backward into what is known as "the caesar." et tu brute. i like it, though i worry about being able to recreate the look tomorrow morning after my morning shower. but at least the mullet/helmet head/afro is gone now.

we moved house church tonight to the novotnis to help them meet some citybeat deadlines. no skin off my elbow - saves me from having to do a quickie scouring of the place. we can do breakfast another night. plus, i'm guessing we'll get out a bit earlier than last week (10:30), which means my evening won't be quite so late. i love the conversation, but oy the 5:00AM alarm.

update: lunch with susie was wonderful. we went to the blue gibbon and our waiter was...wacky is the only way to describe him. terribly amusing, though bordering on obnoxious at times. but the food was tasty (though it's still weird to me to have lettuce with asian food) and the conversation fun. we hit graeters afterwards for some palate cleaning apple cider sorbet and more conversation. and then i showed her my tree (not like that, ya sick perverts) and we said our goodbyes. a successful second date.

i think.

see, here's where the wheels come off. i lack the experience and/or skills to do whatever i'm supposed to to move from where we are to where i'd like to be. part of that is not knowing if she would like to move to where i'd like to be, but mostly it's being unclear what to do next. do i say something? do something? let it develop naturally? 'cause i've tried the last one before and i always seem to end up stuck in "the friend zone." and while i like the friend zone, for once i'd like that to not be the default setting.

ok, need to spend a couple more minutes looking for the software i got with my new computer so i can effectively clean karla to donate to the havens. i know it's somewhere in this office. of course, i couldn't find it when i searched for it the other night. keeping my fingers crossed....
Æ

Tunes: garbage - temptation waits

for the love of money

friday night. partying as usual, which means not at all. not for lack of opportunity but by choice. offered the chance to work the auditorium tonight and since i can't say no to easy money, here i sit. they should end around 9:15, which, if all goes well, means i should be home in time to catch the late showing of BSG. will try to watch it here, but tough with oliver! in the background. plus, i need to tape it to share.

so...i have another date tomorrow with susie. she's in town again for a wedding. of course, we haven't actually spoken, just exchanged emails and messages. but the plan is to do lunch somewhere asian - either lemon grass or the blue gibbon. will decide when i talk to her tomorrow morning. no safety net this time, just the two of us. i'm trying not to think about it, lest i psyche myself out. it's only lunch, after all.

the problem with working for easy money is little projects fall through the cracks - getting karla cleaned and ready to for her move to the havens, sending songs for the 25th anniversary tear down "tape," keeping in touch with friends. oh yeah, and grading, which is always my excuse for taking the job (besides the money). did get a batch done, but i need to get the OGT practice test finished so we can go over them next week. *sigh* it never ends. should have been a PE teacher.

i'm going to have to watch BSG again. too many distractions here.

so i discovered something today - there is no room C211 at mason high school. for our staff training time (primetime), we're meeting in PLC (professional learning cohorts) to look at specific issues. a good idea, if you can find a topic you're interested in. which i've had little success doing. initially i was signed up for the large school climate group, but it wasn't a good fit. then i was going to work with andy and colin on school financing, mostly because it was andy and colin. but now that andy's gone, the thought of looking at financial stuff makes my brain want to crawl from my ears. not a pleasant thought. so today i decided to join up with the gender group. at least i tried to. on the list of groups, they were marked to meet in C211. so when we split into groups i went there. it doesn't exist. i walked around the hallway for a while, convinced i was just missing it. it's a design thing - instead of a classroom, it's two computer labs - C209 and C210. lovely. so then i went to page one of the people in the group, to find out where they were. i was told they couldn't do that during primetime. then on my way back to my room, i stopped into the scheduling office and kim took things into her own hand and paged them. so i made it to the meeting, just in time to wrap things up. group looks like it should be interesting.

ok, oliver's over. time to start encouraging the group to leave.
Æ

Tunes: elvis costello - episode of blonde

slave to the grind

well, here i am again, babysitting the auditorium while oliver! rehearses in the background. got the call during fourth bell (around noon), about 3 1/2 hours before i was to report to work. but the siren song of easy money was too much to ignore. so here i sit - getting some grading done and watching last night's daily show (saving me from watching the tape when i get home).

seriously, i'm not this shallow.

ok, yes i am.

for house church last night, we went to the esquire to watch Jesus camp. a disturbing film. raised lots of questions about faith and how we pass it on to the next generation. actually brought back a lot of flashbacks to the camps i was both part of and helped to plan. not nearly as over-the-top, but the elements were there - the music to get the kids fired up, the message designed to play on the emotions, the manipulative opportunity for response.

wow, i sound just a bit jaded.

at the same time, i believe God can use those kind of service to truly change people's lives, to draw them closer to Him. and it drives....me....crazy. because God should only work in thurman-ordained ways - in other words, in correct ways. He shouldn't allow people to manipulate, He shouldn't use these places because, well, they don't fit my image of who He is. and yet He does.

She's speaking like a gibbering foreigner
Got a cripple in her clutches
Seems to float like a gaudy angel on strings
Over wheel chairs and crutches
I came to check it out, have a laugh or two
But I'm caught up in the fury and wonderI
watch the leg of the fat lady next to me
Grow several inches longer
There are rumors about the bank account,
Affairs and double dealings
But faith sneaks up like a mischievous child,
And you find yourself believing
I could be deceived, but I believe
That I just got a healing from
Evangeline
(does a miracle occur somehow in spite of her?)
terry scott taylor

don't get me wrong - much of what i saw in the film was disturbing and disgusting and sad. but i can't get away from the the passion i saw there and while it may have been misdirected, it made me question if i'm passionate enough about my own faith. i claim to be keeping my faith from becoming over-emotional, but maybe i'm simply hiding behind ...what? laziness? fear? if my faith has truly made a difference in my life, wouldn't i want everyone to experience it?


of course, that doesn't mean i'm going to force it on people. or start laying hands on a cardboard cutout of bush.


methinks i just heard a timpani sound, which shouldn't be because the pit band isn't supposed to be using ours until they get an insurance waiver. perhaps i should go check that out.


too much already. guess i'll have to write later about my further adventures in dating....
Æ

Tunes: havalina rail co. - green skies

ingredients for a (nearly) perfect weekend

it started rather inauspiciously with history's unpeppiest pep rally. it wasn't for lack of trying, but the logistics of walking 2800+ students from the high school to the middle school for a pep assembly designed to be outside seriously put a crimp in any spirit that might be raised. then came the news that my good friend andy was going to be taking a month break, to rest up and heal from his surgery from the summer. while he'll be missed, i'm glad he's taking it easy.

then things started to look up. after school, i went to friday's again for appetizers and great conversation. of course, this put me a bit behind, as i was supposed to pick up steve and sam for our journey to the landing place at 6:00 and i didn't get home in time to make that work. but we finally made it on the road just before 7:00. steve worked on his piece for city beat the whole way up, so it was pretty quiet in the car. we eventually made it to 64 king, only to discover no one was home. but we finally made our way in and i waited for mike to call. my first trip to LP - definitely the same spirit as VC. good to visit with some of the gang there. plus, it was only a short drive to mike's from there. before i left, i made sure sam and steve had my number, in case they ran into problems with the ride to cincy.

my visit with mike was good - good to catch up, watch sylvie hop around the room. we were both pretty wiped, he moreso than i for obvious reasons. andrea's first chemo treatment went as well as could be expected (you can read her account here). always good to visit mike, though kept wishing there was more i could do or say. but really, what is there? i crashed in their upstairs and woke up and headed up to mount vernon to visit with steve and angela before we met brent for lunch and then headed to the drama meeting (brent and i anyway - steve has little desire to be involved). 'twas an excellent visit and quite profitable - steve had burned me an mp3 disc of old christian music (petra, altar boys and the uber-frightening wow gold) as well as the massive dvd collection of top 40 songs from 1975-2001 - i don't know where they came from, but it's like an instant music collection, though i'm certainly not interested in the majority of them). fun.

the drama celebration looks like it's going to be quite a great time. now if we can just get people to show up. unfortunately, i was the cause of brent losing the chance to have one of his infamous top ten lists on a t-shirt. still not sure how it happened, but we were discussing the shirts and dan was suggesting we design them so we could sell them to the cast from this year's play, which i thought was a lame idea, so to steer him away, i suggested maybe we could just put a list of all the productions from the past 20 years on the back. and *poof* there goes brent's contribution. i felt bad, but it was too late. steve and i might make some "renegade" shirts for the three of us, just to help ease the blow.

then after the meeting we headed down to the thurman cafe for dinner. on the way, my phone rang - it was sam and steve. they had made it as far as london and decided to call it quits. i told them i would call when we were done. the cafe was great, as usual, though they still didn't have any xxl shirts, which makes me sad. still need two more to have a whole week's worth. so i said my goodbyes to brent, steve and angela and then headed across 70 to london to pick up the weary travelers. not only were they tired, but they had also gorged themselves on pizza and ale, so they were a bit rough. but we made it home without too much trouble. and i watched BSG and then headed to bed, for i knew what awaited me on sunday...

woke up this morning early - sent off an overdue email to the gang from kent, then jumped in the shower and got ready for church. susie was going to meet me there, so i made sure i was there in plenty of time. good thing, because she got a bit lost and arrived early. i recognized her from the picture on the westerville naz website - not sure if she knew what i looked like or not. so we talked before service - i filled her in on some of the history of st. e's and tried to explain why, if service started at 10:00, there were only half a dozen people there at 9:59. welcome to vc time. chris and deb were going to join us, but as service started, they were nowhere to be seen. then i ended up doing announcements last minute. but eventually we settled down and kevin began his message (with a clip from fight club - woohoo!) and chris and deb wandered in a bit late (turns out chris tried some new way to norwood and it didn't go so well). afterwards, the four of us headed to jalepenos for lunch. was a great time - good food, good conversation, a great first meeting. no details, sorry. but she'll be back this coming weekend, and i'm hoping we'll get to hang out again.

then i was supposed to be at the auditorium to work by 4:00, so i grabbed a quick nap and grabbed my mountain of grading and headed to mason. when i got there, everything was dark, so i called jack. turned out they changed their schedule and came in early and left at 3:00. and they forgot to call me. was ok - i used the extra time to get some grading done (though would have been nice to be paid, too). plus andy was there getting things together, so it was good to see him before he took his break.

then gina and i visited the blue gibbon, a chinese place down on tennessee. good food. gina's excited because it's clean and they do lunch specials on saturday - two things she's been looking for since she left mount vernon and the beloved hunan garden. i thought the food was good, but nothing spectacular - i like lemon grass a bit better food wise. but definitely a good place and one i'll be happy to return to. my fortune: "Lovers come and go, but friends are always there." take that as you will.

to top it all off, both the bengals and the ravens lost and the steelers demolished the chiefs. was great to finally see them play like they should. but of course, wkrc decided to switch in the fourth quarter to the jets/miami game, which seriously hacked me off. i hope it was a network decision, because otherwise it just appears petty and small (of course, we are talking about a bengals affiliate here). angered me enough that i wrote an email to wkrc to complain. i finally get a game to watch, and i miss the ending.

but overall, a great weekend, with the good far outweighing the bad. and how perfect that it comes on one of my "perfect wedding" weekends. alas, this is the last one until 2017, which means i'm going to have to make alternate plans. *sigh* ah well.

time to hit the mountain of grading. here's hoping i whittle it down - need to have them back to the students by tuesday so they can see their errors before they turn in their next essay on friday. it's like the frakking hydra - kill off one pile and another pile rears its ugly head.
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Tunes: russell allen/jorn landre - come alive†

question four

i don't feel much like updating on my life, so here's question four from the book of questions. feel free to play along.

If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience would you do it? If not, why not?

wasn't this an episode of angel? anyway, i wouldn't do it. i'm all for seizing the day, enjoying the moment, etc., but what's the point if you're not going to remember? if i don't know i've experienced perfect happiness, how can it be happiness? since college, i've been a firm believer in the idea that experiences are neutral - they only become good or bad depending on our reactions to them. so if i have no memory of my reaction, then the experience ceases to exist, for me, anyway.

i suppose if my perfect happiness helped someone else experience perfect happiness, and they could remember, it might be worth it to help someone else. but if i didn't remember, would that spoil their own happiness? if shared experiences are forgotten, is something lost? say you went on an incredible vacation with friends, but when you returned, no one remembered what had happened and worse, couldn't share the memory with you or anyone else. would that vacation still be as special as it was?

i remember in my days as a night auditor watching brides and grooms come into the hotel completely trashed. and i felt sorry for them, because what a tragedy not to remember such an important day in your life. it's the danger of living too much in the moment - you risk the consequences of having the experience ruined.

from coupland's Life After God:

Finally, I will remember the night in its entirety, but the experience will be strangely tiring. The two of us will sit on the warm concrete steps quietly....The two of us will be in a bit of shock, me more than Julie, over the nature of memories - of how they're all stored in the brain somewhere, but how they can get lost of simply misfiled or God only knows what. Had Julie not sat there and coached me through the memories of that night, I would have gone to the grave without ever having remembered what was in fact a magical night in my life. And so what would have been the point of having lived that night at all?

so for me, while the experience is important, our memories give the experience meaning. and without those memories, the experience loses significance.

how about you?
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friday night! woohoo!

Question three from The Book of Questions:
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i'd probably regret not getting to tell my family and friends i love them one more time, but i'm confident they know that already. would just be good to say it one more time.

a couple of my friendships have faded over the past five years and i suppose i'd like to find out why. i lost touch with stacy, strangely enough, when i lived only minutes away from her house. i visited a couple of times when i first moved to kent, but then we never talked and i got busy and i assumed she did too. but now it's been over four years with no contact. a similar thing happened with jennifer - we were in contact for so long and then suddenly *poof* no more. i guess i hesitate to say anything to either of them because i'm sure they have their reasons and i don't want to tread where i'm not wanted. i can take a hint. and i'm also a little afraid of what i might find out if i ask why they haven't kept in touch. i can't think of anything i might have done to offend them, but then i can be fairly clueless at times.

maybe i should keep on trying - the only time you fail is the last time you try, right? i just don't want to seem like a stalker. but both of them were close friends and i do miss them.

which raises the question, when and how does a friendship end? i know there are people in my own past who i was once close to but haven't contacted in a while - matt, robin, jason, paul, mike. are those friendships over? i'd like to think we could pick up where we left off. so why haven't i? and why haven't they?

thus ends the question/answer part of our evening....

long weekend ahead. i'll be here at the school until after 10:30 tonight with the acting out...er...acting up children's theatre. another six hours to add to this weeks time card- nearly twenty-five total. be great when that paycheck hits.

candice is going to be in cincy tomorrow and we're hoping to hook up for lunch. then back here to mason for another fun-filled evening with the sanitized verison of grease. praise God for headphones. i'd like to go see the departed this weekend if i can find the time. probably should see the original first (infernal affairs), but i doubt that will happen.

i splurged a bit yesterday and bought the new U2 by U2 coffee table book. quite the tome - i'm looking forward to leisurely perusing it and reading their account of their remarkable career. loved what i've read so far - for rock stars, they're all quite articulate. definite must have if you're a U2 fan, but i'm not sure it'll make you like them if you don't already. you'll probably just write them off as megalomaniacal and not nearly as cool or important as (insert your favorite band here).

at least the show started at 7:00 and not 8:00, which means i'll get home a little earlier. finished up my grading, so now i can focus on those stupid essays i've been carrying around forever. must finish them this weekend, which is certainly doable.

enough for now. looking forward to getting home and watching the season premiere of bsg. here's hoping i'm not lost because i missed the end of last season.
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Tunes: daniel amos - on the line

slacker

how can it be that at the beginning of the week i thought the weekend would never come and now that it's here, i have no idea what happened to the week. i turned around and *poof* it was gone.

pleasantly busy - worked the auditorium monday night, covering for everyone so they could go to jack's mom's visitation. tuesday we painted emily ogle's room a lovely shade of pepto bismol pink for house church (she chose it, not us). last night, sarah martin called and invited me to pay-what-you-can night at footlighter's for seussical, so i skipped buying groceries for another night and went down. show was good, though the characters needed to be bigger and the lighting sucked. sarah was, as always, a high point. i even got invited up on stage at the beginning of act two - i thought sarah has set me up, but found out later it had just been coincidence. an evening well spent. good to see sarah and patrick again. and good to see some more theatre, especially at the price.

spent time in class today talking about america's preoccupation with sex and how it shapes how we view someone like chris mccandless who chose to be celibate. always enlightening to hear my student's opinions. my third bell was quite vocal - we ended up running out of time and having to continue the discussion tomorrow. my fifth bell heard me mention sex and i pretty much lost them to adolescent humor. why must my fifth bell always be the most challenging?

so there's a discussion on the dadl-ot, basically calling for the destruction of public schools, that we need to tear it down and start from scratch. i understand why they believe it, but it's also gets my hackles up to hear them say things like "Also public school do a lousy job of teaching how to think, they prefer teaching what to think" and "They dont teach critical thinking anymore. They teach all the other feel good crap. They dont have the foundation on fundamentals." nothing like generalizations to make your point. look, i know there are serious problems in the way we do education in this country and we ought to be looking at other options and possibilities, but i'm pretty sure dismantling they system will create far more chaos. but then i have a vested interest in seeing schools continue. just saddens me that the perception is so different from what i've experienced as a teacher. granted, mason's a bit unique, but i refuse to believe public education is irredeemable.

i'll put my soap box away now.

new bsg tomorrow night. was going to tape the episodes i missed from last year, but rachel has 2.5, so i think i'll just tape the premiere and watch it when i catch up.

my eharmony adventure continues....some new matches, trying to get to open communication with one that looks very promising. spent quite a bit of time answering her second questions - wanted to make sure i got them just right. now we wait to see how she answers mine. replied to susie and invited her to dinner next weekend - i'll be up in the columbus area for a mvnwhatever drama meeting, so thought that might be a good chance to actually meet. we'll see what she thinks.

ok, time to try to go to sleep. still haven't been able to drop off before midnight at all this week. but at least i'm not waking up at 3-4 AM anymore. maybe i'll get on a normal sleep schedule sometime before i take the big sleep. keeping my fingers crossed.
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Tunes: podunk - boomerang

'twas the day before october

the best month of the year

jarnsaxa still looks pretty green, though hints of color dance around the edges. and the air has a bit of a bite now when the wind blows. i so love autumn.

so this weekend marks my first year anniversary in the grotto. i still love it here, though much of what i had envisioned for the house hasn't reached fruition quite yet. simple things like art on the walls, flowers in the front, curtains on the window still wait for me to find the time and funds. but it's certainly home. and i look forward to what comes in this second year of home ownership. here's hoping everything doesn't fall apart now that my home owner's warranty has run out.

the white cat that likes to hang out in my back yard just got into a fight with a random neighborhood cat, chasing him at full speed across my back yard. guess he feels this is his territory. still don't know if he belongs to anyone, but he keeps showing up and as long as he's not using my yard for his own personal litter box, i'm happy to let him stay and chase all the squirrels and strays he wants.

still don't know when i need to be at the auditorium yet. figure i'll call steve if i haven't heard anything by 9:00 - that will give me enough time to get showered up, grab my grading and get up to the school if i have to be there at 10:00. would like to have known earlier, but with jack's mom dying, it's understandable. need to check with allen about arrangements, see if anyone is going to the viewing (or if they're even having one).

i decided to stay after school and finish grading the vocab quizzes so i could focus on other grading today (and i kept dozing off, which is not good) when bea came in and asked if i wanted to go get ice cream. of course, i said. then beth and annie called - they were at the brazenhead, but were leaving to hit tgifridays and told us to meet them there. so we did. had a great conversation about our roles as christian teachers in the school - how much are we allowed to say, how much should we say, should we be afraid of the consequences if we step over the line, etc. one of the teachers at the school got into a bit of hot water because a student accused him of proselytizing in class. the teacher's crime? they invited the student to a church activity. not forced them to, not go or you'll lose your grade. just a simple invitation. when did that become proselytizing? you can throw all the "he's an authority figure" nonsense at me, i don't care. i can't believe i'm going to say this, since i've mostly heard it from right-wing nutjobs, but we are promised freedom OF religion, not FROM religion. and i refuse to live in fear that if i mention my faith, the powers that be will come and smite me. we also talked a bit about how we, as english teachers, have it a bit easier, since those kind of conversations come up when we're talking about literature. little harder to make connections when you're teaching math, science, history, etc. and not have it seem like you have an agenda. of course, we then discussed that all teachers have an agenda of some sort. unfortunately, we had to cut things short, but definitely a great time hanging out and talking about stuff. should do that more often.

ok, time to go call steve, see what's happening. hopefully he knows. otherwise i'll probably just end up showing up at 10:00 just in case and if they're not there, i'll just use the time to grade. or go to half price books and lunch - depends on how i feel.
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Tunes: gary hoey - linus and lucy

the drama continues

so i get an email from brent today - he had a vcr malfunction and was unable to tape gilmore girls. in desperation, i send out an email to the district bulletin board asking if anyone had taped it. this resulted in much mocking.

• "Thurman, I meant to TIVO it, but I realized that I was a man and changed my mind."

• "I have to at least laugh a little. No mocking just laughing."

• "Brave was the man what first et an oyster." -Jonathan Swift"

That guy's got nuthin' on you, Thurman."

hilarious. glad my sense of self isn't wrapped up in my choice of tv watching (though why i should feel guilty about watching one of the best written shows on tv is beyond me).

while no one at school could help a brother out, i was able to touch base with my friend karen who had taped the episode and she'll be mailing it out to me tomorrow. hopefully it will arrive before tuesday night so i can watch it. i'll keep my fingers crossed.

rough night last night. something i ate didn't agree with me and i was up at 2AM giving my regards to mr. porcelain.

this is probably something i shouldn't share in public.

observation: people get downright giddy when they are setting you up. you can see it on their faces. which makes sense, since they want to see their friends happy and if one friend can make another friend happy, wouldn't that be great? but i gotta tell you, it makes me a bit trepidatious (this is my issue, and i own it. this is not a chastisement of what is a normal reaction). 'cause now, if things don't work out, i'm not only disappointing the girl, but her friends as well. such as what happened this summer. i know this is my over-active guilt gland, but it does throw me a bit. it doesn't stop me from trying, but, well, i worry.

first film club screening was today - the original 1977 version of star wars - you know, the one before george "fixed" everything. nice to see han shoot first. one girl there had never seen star wars, which was lots of fun. after the meeting, some of the group were going to jimmy johns and invited me along. and since i had no plans, i went. good time. fun hanging with students in a non-school situation. would like to do that more often.

friday tomorrow. all day gig at the auditorium on saturday, which is great 'cause i sure could use the extra cash. sunday is church. and somewhere in there i hope to get lots of essays graded. here's hoping saturday provides me ample time to do so.

night.
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Tunes: byron boyers - the scotsman

guess i wasn't the only one

isn't it funny how when you blow up over stupid things, they turn out to really be stupid things in the end. or maybe that's what makes them stupid things in the first place. anyway, i called time warner cable (thanks to alison who suggested it), to see how much more it would cost me to upgrade to digital cable so i could get the CW. turns out they had lots of complaints and so they added it to the basic level on channel two. this makes me extremely happy, though i keep thinking of the quote from the wedding singer:

"Gee, you know that information... really would've been more useful to me *yesterday.*"

yes, i did just quote from an adam sandler movie. there goes my elitist cred.

but at least i get to watch gilmore and veronica in real time. or at least tape them to watch them after house church.

went outside today for class - figured if we're reading a book called into the wild, might be nice to go outside into the woods behind the school. went well, though lawn mowers almost made me lose students fifth bell (they couldn't hear the whistle to come back). curious moment: during second bell, three of my students didn't come back when i blew the whistle. was trying to figure out what to do when one of the other students told me they'd seen them helping an older gentleman whose dog had tried to run away and had caused him to fall, cutting his forehead. was glad my students did the right thing to help him instead of saying, "sorry, have to get back to class."

just wanted to share my good news. nothing of significance to share. thunderstorms blowing in. need to go close the windows. leaving now.
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Tunes: of montreal - requiem for o.m.m.

I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!

proof that cincinnati has a long way to go before it becomes a real metropolitan area: no station in the area picked up the new CW network, which means i can no longer watch two of my favorite shows, gilmore girls and veronica mars. this makes me infinitely sad. which is probably infinitely sad that i care so much about tv shows, but i had so looked forward to spending my tuesday nights with lorelai, rory, vernoica and mac. ah well. at least brent said he would tape them for me, so i'll see them eventually. just not as soon as i would like.

back to school - yesterday was rough, but feeling much better now. guess the antibiotics may have finally worked. had to stop taking the gualfinex at night, since it was keeping me up. not like i need any help screwing up my sleep schedule. was better enough yesterday that i mowed my lawn using my new push mower - will take a little longer and a little more effort, but was kind of fun, especially when the neighborhood kids kept coming over and asking me what it was. i tried to show them how much fun it was, but no one took up my offer to try it. tom sawyer i am not.

house church was great tonight - long, rambling discussions about the bible, faith, etc. then a discussion of some of the logistics, which went a long way to helping it feel like a real church (whatever that means) rather than just some friends getting together (not that there's anything wrong with that). God's working and i can't wait to see what happens.

ok, need to try and fall asleep sometime before midnight for the first time in a week. the update on the search will have to wait (and you're all crushed, i know). night.
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Tunes: the blues brothers - sink the bismarck

so much for a good night's sleep

medicine has conspired once again to keep me up, now three hours after i tried to go to bed early. frustrating to lie in bed, listening to the crickets, unable to enter morpheus's realm. not even reading helped - an hour later and i'm still not tired. don't think i'll be taking the sudafedish stuff tomorrow night - here's hoping it keeps me awake during the day tomorrow.

weekend was pretty much a carbon copy of the week - a lot of lying around, watching dvds, trying not to move. most constructive thing i did was a load of laundry, unable to even get up the gumption to go grocery shopping (which i'll have to do soon). all that inactivity has gotten the best of me - i'm actually looking forward to school tomorrow. at least i was before i realized i'll probably get only three hours of sleep tonight.

i almost posted a couple of times this weekend in the throes of emotional upheaval, but luckily saner heads prevailed and i kept my ramblings to myself. simple reminder that i'm not nearly evolved as i'd like to think and i've got miles to go before i reach true maturity. though at least i recognized my own selfishness as it was occurring instead of realizing it after it was too late. and at least i was alone and could keep my infection to myself.

i'm beginning to think walt disney may have been the wisest prophet of our time...got an email from susie, the friend chris is trying to set me up with. seems she was talking about the eharmony parody i did to someone at her church, who in turn told her daughter. turns out her daughter used to live here in cincy and only recently moved back. she recognized my name from the story and figured out there probably weren't two red-headed teachers named thurman running around. so the daughter turns out to be courtney, bea's friend that i met a few times. and to further shrink the circumference of the world, bea happened to be in columbus on friday night and the two of them called susie to relay the story. seriously, i need to find a larger planet.

i hate insomnia. and no, hate is not too strong a word.

ok, time to give it the old college try again. obviously typing hasn't done me a lick of good. not sure why i always think it will.
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kick a guy when he's down

*sigh* truth be told, i'm not feeling much better than i have all week. i'm fine as long as i'm lying down, but as soon as i stand and move around, whatever's taken residence in my lungs starts throwing furniture around the room and i start coughing. the pain in my lungs is mostly gone, but my head still aches and i feel just a bit on the woozy side most of the time. so no school for me again tomorrow. which, i guess, makes the administration a bit wary, since ian called and asked me to bring in a doctor's note. best i can do is the receipt from urgent care, since i'm between doctors. hopefully that's ok - if not, guess i'll...i have no idea. like being sick wasn't bad enough.

medicine's made me all wonky - tired, but unable to fall asleep. it's whatever that sudafedish stuff is. i'm not sure the medicine is working - the phlegm's reduced, but the other stuff lingers. i suppose it takes a bit of time to work, much longer than i wish. not like i like being out of my classroom, since it mostly means i'm going to be buried in grading for a while (yeah, so what else is new). but no use being miserable at school, especially if this illness is something that's going around (which i read in some email i looked at today on my school account).

so how does one spend their days when they have bronchitis? sleep as much as possible, eat some breakfast so there's something in your stomach besides the four pills you take in the morning, check school email and personal, lie in bed for a while finishing off take the canolli by sarah vowell, wander to the comfy chair to finish off newsradio, doze off through lunch, drink lots of fluids, finish watching ZooTV, begin watching my name is earl, get a quick burst of nesting energy and sweep up your entertainment room, watch more earl, get some dinner, take more pills, watch more earl, drink more fluids, call for a sub, call andy to make sure all is well tomorrow, miss call from ian asking for a note, hope to fall asleep to veronica mars, realize it's not going to happen, so you wander in, answer some email and update your blog. fun, no?

not sure what's being celebrated in norwood tonight, but someone has fireworks and has been setting them off periodically for some unbeknownst reason. the upcoming autumnal equinox, perhaps? never heard of blowing things up to celebrate the sun's crossing the equator and ushering in fall, but i wasn' t here last year at this time, so what do i know?

feeling a wee bit melancholy at the moment - as with most stuff this week, i'm blaming the drugs. no reason to be emotional - not that that has stopped me before. 'tis that time of the year. maybe i should blow some stuff up - might make me feel better. right now, i'd settle for this stupid bronchitis to be gone.

all right, enough. going to go lie down, hope sleep comes to take me away. and that the medicine doesn't screw up my dreams, too.
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Tunes: new order - crystal

hooray bronchitis!

home again - woke up realizing the otc drugs i've been taking haven't done much to make me feel better. so i called ian, got me a sub and went back to sleep for a couple of hours. woke up and decided i needed to go get looked at, but since i am inbetween doctors, i meandered on over to urgent care (which is much closer than i thought), armed with a book, a magazine and my mp3 player (in case there was a wait). wasn't too bad, though i'm always amazed at the amount of time waiting vs the amount of time spent with the doctor. diagnosis: bronchitis. so now i don't feel so bad about calling off - for some reason i usually feel guilty, like if i'm conscious, i should be going to work, fulfilling my obligations. so now i'm on three medications (guaifenex, naproxen and biaxin for the curious) which hopefully will take care of this. be nice to feel somewhat normal again.

beautiful day outside. this is my weather - mid to upper 50s, cool breeze. ah autumn. wish i was in a better place to actually enjoy it. the strange thing is i have this great desire right now to clean, which happens just about never. so do i try to do some cleaning, knowing i really should be taking it easy, or do i go with what i'm feeling and get busy. if i wait long enough, the feeling will probably go away. but who knows when it might return.

again, i'm blaming the medication for my weirdness.

pulled the trigger (i have no idea why i keep using this cliche - i don't even like guns) and signed up for three months of eharmony. now i just have to go through and pick up the communication. i've reached open with one person, the rest we're still doing the "get to know me through ridiculous questions" dance. trying to decide if i need to narrow my choices down and how best to do that. as my friend kat warned, i don't need to become a serial dater at this point in my life.

the joys of expensive gas: one unexpected side effect from the oil companies raping us this summer with their raised gas prices for no reason (don't try to explain market forces to me - it's all politics, baby) is i was able to pick up U2s new DVD - ZooTV Live in Sydney - for free! yep, cashed in my speedyrewards points for a $25.00 gift card to circuit city, which was selling the dvd for only $15.99 (compared to $29.99 at best buy). plus, i have almost $8.00 leftover to use toward something else. score! the dvd makes me nostalgic for my first U2 concert - zootv outdoor broadcast in kansas city. while not exactly like being there, the flashbacks were pretty intense. and the included swag was cool, too. so thanks to all those money-grubbing politicians and oil executives for helping me get my dvd free. least you could do, ya bastards.

no house church last night - felt it was best not to infect everyone. i mean, i'm all for sharing our lives, just not our diseases. we'll pick up next week. looking forward to getting to know everyone a bit better, though at the moment, i'm missing some of the folks from st. e's. don't get to see them as much now that school has started and i've been sick. again with the growing pains.

ok, need to go hydrate. i hope everyone i know feels better than i do. and if you've been near me lately, sorry if i've infected you (he says, having no idea if bronchitis is contagious or not). later.
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Tunes: podunk - a little more

an extra day of rest

and phlegm. and coughing. and no sleep. lovely.

no school for me today, though that doesn't mean i didn't do anything school-related. had to get stuff ready for the sub, update my edline page, answer some emails. but all of that was done before 6:45AM - again with the no sleeping. so glad i have access to the network from home, otherwise this living 25 minutes away would really suck, especially if i had to drive in to get stuff together. hopefully all went well with my classes. not sure about tomorrow - will depend mostly on how my sleep is tonight. the sudafed has jacked up my sleep schedule.

time to put up or shut up: so the communication weekend is over and if i want to continue what i've started, i'm going to have to fork over the $110+ for three months. an investment. plus, i'm having a little fun doing this - i'm much better at the writing than i am at the awkward first date phase. and this way i get to know a little about them without worrying about being "on." and i must be well suited for this, considering the number of matches i've received. here's hoping it doesn't go to my head....

i'm a bit concerned about house church tomorrow. this isn't like the brownhouse, which tracy keeps clear of cold-causing agents. and with being sick, i fear for uly and for the rest of my guests. i'd see about holding it somewhere else, but wouldn't know where. and i haven't talked to anyone, so really no solid plans for dinner. these are the details slipping through the cracks at the moment. call them growing pains.

avoiding the steelers game at the moment, waiting for studio 60 to come on. taping the game, will watch studio 60, though i probably should try to go to bed instead. but not feeling the least bit tired at the moment. not good.

out of ideas. words fail me. bye.
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Tunes: U2 - don't take your guns to town

i love being sick

4:00 AM and here i sit, at my computer, unable to sleep because of a sore throat and a body refusing to fall asleep. this happened last time i went to KI, too, the not sleeping. maybe if i get too much adrenaline in a given day, my body gets overtired and can't sleep. all i know is i can't seem to get my brain to turn off and my body seems much to alert for 4:00 AM. i did mention it's 4:00 AM, right?

doesn't help that i woke up at 1:00 AM to nature's call, only to feel a spider crawling on me. and then it wouldn't let go. kept jumping from one part of my body to another. i'm getting creeped out just typing about it. i can only imagine what it might have done had i not gotten up. *shudder*

KI with shannon was great, as always. park was a bit more crowded than usual for dividend day - no walking straight onto rides. but we rode everything we wanted to and the best ones (delirium, backward racer, vortex and, of course, the beast) twice. saw several students, per usual, who always look at me strangely, knowing i don't work at P&G and wondering what i'm doing there. got a decent bag of goodies, too, though they were sorely lacking in male items this year.

the search continues: eharmony is indeed free this weekend, so i've been taking advantage by going through my matches and making some contact. it being my first time and feeling quantity is probably better than quality at this point, i've established communication with 27 potential matches. so far i've gotten through the first two or three steps with eight of them. the rest aren't around this weekend or aren't interested. not feeling a spark from any of them yet, but then still don't have a lot of info about them at this point. shannon did suggest i only sign up for three months and then let it lapse, because they offer special deals to resign up - she's currently on a month to month basis for 12.95 a month. much better than the buy a year's worth for 20.95. will probably sign up this week, just so i can take full advantage of the site (read: see some pictures)

it's like i've swallowed semi-molten gravel, which has lodged itself in my throat. oi the pain.

ok, i'm going to go read and hopefully fall back asleep. think i'll be getting bread for communion and seeing if someone can cover for me - no one likes an officiant whose nose is dripping into the cup (how' s that for an image?). please, sleep, come.
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Tunes: suzanne vega - calypso

my own personal hell

so to try and drum up some school spirit, someone in the school decided to have a "black out" night in the stands for tonight's football game against lima. they ordered black t-shirts students could buy and wear to the game. so far so good. then they started to sell them and one of the administrators took a close look at it and immediately told them to stop selling them. the front was supposed to say "WHOSE HOUSE" with the back declaring "OUR HOUSE." unfortunately, this is not what the printers printed. no, instead they say, "WHO'S HOUSE" on the front. yes, we be a school of excellents. so they stopped and i thought all was well.

i was wrong.

today, as i walk the hall's, i see these shirts everywhere. some of them are the original ones, which just makes my head want to explode. but the "corrected" ones aren't much better. the printer fixed them by adding "in the" between the "WHO'S" and the "HOUSE." never mind that this makes the back a total non sequitur. the worst part is students are like, "so what's the big deal?" *sigh* i have failed them as a teacher.

my suggestion was we should put a picture of hugh laurie on the back with the slogan "HUGH'S HOUSE." but i'm not sure anyone would get it.

at least it's friday.

i'm sticking around a bit after school - some of the poor band kids can't get home and back in time for the game, so they'll be coming up to my room to watch the blues brothers until they have to go. i'll get (supposedly) some pizza out of the deal. and it's been a while since i've seen BB. plus i'm still a band geek at heart, so it will be nice to hang out with some of my tribe.

my continuing eharmony saga: updated my "about me" page again - far more humorous now and more me than the "romantic me." pretty happy with it. brent called me yesterday, said eharmony was free this weekend, but i found no mention of it anywhere. hopefully it's true, so i can respond to a couple of matches who have requested communication (they won't let me do anything until i pay, stupid money-grubbing freaks).

ok, i probably should do something school related, though today's pretty simple - vocab quiz and a trip to the media center to work on their essays. and other than grading the spelling portion of the quiz, no grading this weekend. woohoo! and i get to go to KI and get some cleaning supplies. score!

now if i can just make it through the day without strangling some poor child with their "WHO'S HOUSE" tshirt....
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Tunes: harry connick jr. - blue light red light (someone's there)

ignis fatuus

i feel the need to write, but have nothing to share. and silly me left my book of questions at school, so i can't even fall back on that. so how about the dream i had last night....

as with most of my dreams, it's not terribly coherent, though there were some vivid scenes, one in particular. somehow, i acquired a motorcycle (which should tip you off immediately that it was a dream) and was having kevin do some work on it. not sure why kevin, but he seemed to know what he was doing so i was ok with it. not being familiar with motorcycles i can't give any details, other than to mention it reminded me of evel knievel's red, white and blue motorcycle. anyway, i was waiting for the cycle to get finished when who should walk in but a friend of mine i haven't seen in years. we hug each other hello and begin catching up with what's been going on and the whole time there's this electricity in the air which, though i don't have a lot of experience with this, led me to believe she was flirting with me. we moved to what appeared to be a corner booth from some restaurant (don't ask me what it was doing in a body shop, even if it is my subconscious) and while we sat there, she pulled a large straw from somewhere, placed it in her mouth and said, "want to see a cool trick?" of course i said yes. i held the other end of the straw and she began moving toward me, the straw presumably moving down her throat. at that point i stuck the straw in my mouth and we reenacted the spaghetti scene from lady and the tramp, ending in a kiss neither of us turned away from (the straw mysteriously disappeared at that point).

of course, it's at that moment that kevin returns to tell me my motorcycle is done. so i walk back with him to the office to take care of matters and when i returned, she was waiting for me. and i slipped my hands around her waist and whispered sweet nothings into her ear and we split apart, me toward my bike and her toward her car with the understanding that we'd hook up later. so i was getting the bike ready, loading some stuff on it, when i saw her drive off in her car and i knew she wasn't going to meet me, that she was gone. and at that point i remembered she had a boyfriend and was shocked we had done what we had done.

and then my alarm went off.

i toyed with trying to go back to sleep, to see if i chased her or not, but figured that would be unwise. plus, i could probably guess the answer.

and i shared this why? because there's nothing to watch on tv? sad.
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Tunes: lemonheads - into your arms

for the curious insomniacs and the monumentally bored....

http://vineyardcentral.blogspot.com/

click on the link to hear my talk for VC's weekly gathering.
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no sex on friday nights

this is perhaps the truest thing taught to me at kent state. friday = no energy = curl up in your comfy chair and turn into a vegetable, preferably something of the rutabaga variety. i toyed briefly with heading to mount vernon this evening, crashing at steve's before the drama alumni meeting tomorrow. i nixed this idea because, one, i hadn't asked steve if it was ok and two, i had an encroaching pile of laundry needing to be dealt with. which is what i'm doing now as i type this.

ah, the glamorous life.

first week of school (well, the first three-day weekend, since we've only been in session for three days) went well. classes are decent, though i'm already sensing where my troublemakers are and which classes could get a bit chaotic. will deal with that when i put together their permanent assigned seats next week. quite the eventful week, what with the flat tire and the getting the wheel fixed and getting a new tire and open house last night and test today and a stack full of essays to grade sometime this weekend and the trip to mvnwhatever this weekend. and the grand desire to sleep away the weekend.

for those keeping track, no, i have yet to pull the trigger on the whole eharmony thing. figured this week would be a bad time to start. and i know it makes me sound cheap, but the whole paying thing has me conflicted. i'll get over it - no pay no gain, right? and i'm wanting to overhaul my profile (again). not enough humor there - far too serious. was warned to watch out for humor but i'm realizing it will help paint a truer picture of me. i think. at least it may weed out some of the uberchristians i've been drawing. have i told you lately that i hate this?

can you tell the week has taken its toll? my thoughts are kittens scattered about, refusing to be wrangled.

steelers won. this makes me happy, though it brought out the smack talkers at school today. not sure how you can talk smack when your team hasn't even played yet, but oh well. i guess when your team has sucked as long as the (insert your favorite ohio nfl team here) you take your shots where you can get them.

nothing deep inside of me tonight, at least nothing rising to the surface.

off to watch more newsradio - brilliant, brilliant show. so glad i splurged - the laughs do me good.
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Tunes: grant lee buffalo - arousing thunder

this is the way the school year starts

thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump

now: twenty minutes before the first day of school starts and i'm sitting at a bp station off pfeiffer with lorelai jacked up and me waiting for someone to help me get the wheel off. and yes, i know how to change a flat, but the wheel is wedged on, undoubtedly by the same curb that bent it in the first place. wish i had realized it was so bad before trying fix a flat. or paying for air. it's the little things that will drive a man mad.

hopefully they'll get here in time for me to make my first class. thankfully we have homeroom first thing and i have first bell plan, so i should make it. of course, i'd planned on arriving early and making sure everything was set up. should have stayed longer yesterday. so much for instilling a sense of order to my classroom. so much for looking professional. so much frustration for this early in the morning.

but honestly, i'm not really freaking out. i mean, there's nothing i can do about it now other than wait. and i'll get there eventually, just not the way i'd envisioned.

house church went well last night - just the novotnis and me, but we had an excellent conversation about expectations, what we wanted/needed from the group. we'll probably end up calling it tuesday house church, mostly because we like the initials (though tilden already exists i suppose....)

ah, the truck is here. more later.
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Tunes: the sheds - unbaited hooks

this is ridiculous

please note the time of this post and realize that my alarm is going off at 5:30 this morning.

why does my body hate me so?

or is my brain the hater here?

welcome to autumn - for once the weather checked the calendar and as we shifted from august to september, the temperature dropped and everything took on the flavor of fall. excellent. made the camping for gratis fest a bit tricky, but over all an amazing weekend. a full report will have to wait for another time as i don't want to write until i'm sure i can do it justice. and the (hopefully) minutes before i fall asleep are not it.

found an email from a parent in my school account, forwarded from one of the counselors. he doesn't feel tuesdays with morrie to be an appropriate book for his daughter to read. and the reason broke my heart - her mom died this summer. i cannot imagine dealing with that at sixteen. i cannot imagine dealing with it at any age. so i'm racking my brain for an alternate read for her, but all i can think is that maybe she should read the book. i understand the father's concern and i'm not going to force her to read it given the circumstances. but rereading it tonight i could see it helping her deal with her loss, figure out some of the questions raised with these recent events. as much as the book is looked down in some circles, the lessons and the story contained inside are inspirational. and while it may not be "great literature" (whatever that means), it does raise the important questions of life, the ones we should focus on, the ones we in education sometimes do all we can to avoid. sure, it's a bit schmaltzy at times. but then so is life. and as i grow (older? wiser?), i think i want to err on the side of schmaltz.

dang it all. this isn't putting me to sleep. figures.

great dinner with the novotnis, ferrells, oster/ogles, gina and various random vc people. intelligent conversation, tasty grilled meats and a golden sunset perfectly ending the evening and the summer. steve and i talked about bit about house church and what we'd like to see and i'm curious to see what God does. they're not long for this particular space, their hearts searching for God's next adventure in their lives. and me, i'm sending down deep roots, desiring this place to be a part of my life for a long time. tensions. but good ones, methinks.

ok, i need to go at least pretend like i'm sleeping. then maybe the real thing will sneak up on me. tomorrow's work day is going to be a l-o-n-g one with no sleep....
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Tunes: big star - life is white

knowing when to keep your mouth shut

i started a post early this morning in the middle of a funk that stayed with me most of the day. it was a scathing rant about christians who had hijacked my faith so that now when others hear the words Christ they think intolerant and judgmental, not love and sacrifice.

then i realized i was being intolerant and judgmental and deleted the whole thing.

and really, my frustration isn't with people out there. it's with my own inability to communicate who i think i am.

yes, i continue to be driven crazy by online dating.

today was one of those askew days, where nothing seemed to line up right and every little thing made me horribly emotional. not the best of times for an english department meeting, but not like i have any control over this. not sure i got far enough today to warrant not doing anything for the rest of the weekend, so i'll probably do some work from home so tuesday i only have to worry about the details. here's hoping.

excellent dinner with chris bean. been trying to get together since he moved to the cincy area and finally found some time tonight. we shared our recent journeys - in many ways, he's where i was a few years back. got to share one of my favorite restaurants (lemon grass), and showed him around st. e's and the neighborhood. he's going to try and come down one tuesday and check things out. i think he'd fit right in here, but i don't want to push him or anything... :)

geesh. i just did an emoticon in my blog. it has been a bad day.

picked up some gear from joyce for this weekend. doing the whole gratisfest and camping, which i've been wanting to do. hopefully the rain won't spoil things. not sure what to do during the day - i mean, i know there's artsy things going on and hopefully good people to talk to, but i'm still a bit on the apprehensive side. seems like a great way to end the summer, though.

lorelai is still at kevin's. going to need to turn the rental car in tomorrow - what was originally a two day job has pushed into a whole week. and while state farm is covering part of the rental, five days is about the limit of what i can afford at the moment. hopefully she'll be done tomorrow - i miss her, mostly because the rental doesn't have cruise and it's hard driving the speed limit without it ;)

there's another one. i think it's time to stop now.
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Tunes: new order - blue monday

Dark and Stormy Night Contest

This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, AKA "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel):
________________________________________________________

10. "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

9. "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.

8. "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

7. "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre, creep... Andre, creep... Andre, creep.'"

6. "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5. "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

4. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

3. "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2. "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

AND THE WINNER IS...

1. "The sun ooze horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"

retail therapy

i hate shopping. i have so little shopping energy - to paraphrase mitch hedberg, if my shopping energy were like a pie chart about what people would do if they found a million dollars, it would be the donate it to charity slice. i'm usually good for about 20 minutes, maybe half an hour, then i find myself anxiously wanting to get out. and i have the annoying habit of going someplace to buy something, picking it up, walking around a bit, and then convincing myself i don't really need this, even if i've really wanted it. this even applies to my media obsession, though my shopping time may be a bit extended. so if i decide i want something - usually because it's on sale or it's one of my passions - it has to be a surgical strike: in and out before i can talk myself out of it.

that's what i did yesterday.

first purchase - ty tabor's new cd, rock garden. i pretty much get anything related to KX the day it comes out, whether i can afford it or not. as far as vices go, it's not too bad. really enjoying the cd so far - listened to it yesterday as i got stuff ready for school. much more rockin' than his other solo stuff. and it fits nicely into my recent metal renaissance.

second purchase - best buy is running a sale this week: selected tv dvd sets for $19.99. and one of them was veronica mars, first season. been wanting that for a while and had been scanning the internet for the best price. also in the sale was a series i've wanted for a while, but could never really justify the $35-$39 for it - newsradio. so i picked up seasons 1-3 (only two sets). and then i got out of there before i got swept away and picked up stuff i've wanted but now is not the time (like the new "everything's duckie" version of pretty in pink and the new some kind of wonderful).

frivolous? sure. but sometimes you need a bit of frivolity in your life. and unlike other vices - like alcohol, drugs, food,clothes - this is stuff i can enjoy for years to come. or at least until they change formats on me.

yesterday was fairly productive - got my edline page set up, my seating charts together, my syllabus updated, film club stuff ready for the activities fair. printed out my calendars and put on the district dates (interims, teacher work days, holidays), but not much beyond that. need to look at last year's calendar, start plotting out the trimester. always helps me to have the big picture done so i can then focus on the day to day. of course, need a couple of departmental things, mostly when we're going to have the students take the practice OGT. there's four days out of my schedule. and then days of grading. grrr.

the activities fair had the distinct sense of high school lunch - sitting down and wondering if anyone would join you. i got a few sign ups, as well as a snotty comment or two about my displayed movies from parents, but overall it felt like a lot of sitting around. did get to "watch" almost famous: the bootleg cut, which filled up the time well. think i'll take fellowship tonight to watch - at least it should last as long as the fair. best part - dinner was provided by moe's. hopefully the same happens tonight. love me some burritos.

headed to heaven this afternoon and i'm not yet sure what's going to happen. i think it's time for a change as far as hair styles go. i realized i've basically had the same style - brushed back with the bangs then brought forward - for most of my life. not sure i'll be brave enough to try, but hopefully i will.

so i've maxed out on my initial matches for eHarmony, which means if i want to go farther i have to subscribe. there's a 7 day trial period, which i want to take advantage of, and since i'll be in the middle of nowhere all weekend, i figured it would be better to wait until i had seven days where i could take advantage of the service. still not sure what level of commitment to make - the year long one is the most cost-efficient, but that's a lot of money, even broken up into three payments. i'll figure it out. of course the pessimist in me is taking pot shots, saying the one truly intriguing match won't be interested or will be snatched up by someone else before i actually subscribe. i really need to tell him to, to quote tony soprano, shut the f*ck up.

ok, enough. gone.
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Tunes: asia - the heat goes on

this amuses me

so after prayers this morning, kevin said the insurance adjuster had been by and nearly doubled the original estimate. nice. said they were probably hoping i would take the money and forget about it. which maybe i should have done, but the dent just bothers me. makes me sad whenever i see it. so i'm willing to pay the money to get her looking good again. don't like the idea of having to extend my rental car days, but good to know my car will be taken care of.

ahhh! there's a man in my backyard with a chainsaw! help! help!

oh wait. it's just the tree guys. never mind.

they're wandering around, looking at my tree with a "what the heck are we going to do?" look on their faces. job will probably take a good part of the day, which means i'll be gone by the time their finished.

what am i doing, you ask? i'm making my first trip to my classroom today, to get some things ready for tonight's activities fair. and to start getting my room in some sense of order. will probably do that the next couple of days and then thursday as well, so i don't have to do anything on labor day. that's the goal, anyway. we'll see. hopefully the fair tonight will be fairly low stress - i plan on simply doing what i did last year, showing a film on my mom's portable dvd player, having some dvds about for visuals, a flyer for students/parents to take. hopefully the time will pass quickly. just need to pick the right film - last year it was raiders of the lost ark. not sure what to watch this year. needs to be family-friendly, and yet attractive to students. we'll see.

thanks for the comments on my "profile." i'm realizing it may not paint the truest picture of me ("morally superior republican?!"), but 'twill do for now. now i just need to figure out how to swing the payment part. just need to think of it as an investment in my future, right? i hate that money has to play a part, but i have to be realistic. and women don't like men who are financially irresponsible, right?

of course they don't like tightwads either. but really, that's not what's going on here....
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Tunes: russell allen/jorn lande - another battle

it's about time

finally forced my way through my "block" and typed up my "ad" for the online service and finished my profile. of course, i don' t have the $26-$45 to subscribe and reap the benefits of my ad at the moment, but one step at a time.

i realize it's a bit on the pretentious side, but then that's probably a pretty accurate description of me at times. i worked a bit on a more casual version, but it went absolutely no where. and really, i'm not really giving information, but getting attention. hopefully this will do that.

thoughts/criticisms welcome
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Who am I? A passionate man of deep faith; a true romantic; an intellectual with a poet's heart; an endearing geek; lover of beauty, of nature, of literature, of music, of theatre, of art, of teaching, of writing, of pop culture, of all that makes life Life; an introvert stepping from the shadows to seek what he desires - a woman to love who will love him in return.

Whom should I love? Why, she who places Christ above all; serious enough to discuss the deep questions of life, but childlike enough to enjoy life; as comfortable hiking through the forest soaking up nature as curled up on the couch watching a film; a well-ordered woman not afraid of spontaneity or being embarrassed; a fellow traveler on this journey who will walk beside me, hand in hand, as we discover together this big old goofy world God has given us.

Tunes: patty griffin - fly

and so it begins

alarm rattled me awake about 13 minutes ago. and i try to retrain my body to wake up at the ungodly hour of 5:00am. seriously. why must the world be run by morning people? so jealous of my friend candice - her school isn't starting until 9:00am this year. here's hoping it makes her school improve so other places will begin doing so - places like mason.

i'm not going to hold my breath.

rain thunders outside and the lightning jumps up and i get the feeling this is going to be a theme for this week. judging from the three thunderclouds at the top of my browser, i may have to change some of my plans for the week. i'm taking lorelai in to get her fixed up. had thought to try and go without a car, ride my bike where i needed to go, but if it's going to be raining like this, i may have to bite the bullet and rent whatever they can give me for a measly $16 a day. guess i'll see what my options are. i wonder if the rain will keep the arborist from coming out tomorrow. can't imagine they'd do much work in the rain. ah well, as long as it gets done sometime. and i guess this trumps my hopes to hit KI this week too.

i gave the homily at our weekly gathering yesterday. it is exhausting for me. took me most of the afternoon to gather some sense of normalcy and i felt out of it for most of the night. i was even ready to go to bed at 10:30 last night. i probably make too much of it, but "preaching" has never been one of my favorite things. the responsibility overwhelms me. i'm bringing THE WORD OF GOD. little intimidating. and i know He's in control of all that and i'm just His instrument, but it still scares me. i know they recorded it - if they post it, i'll provide the link if you want to hear.

finally transferred all my computer's mp3s to rory. now i have less than one gig left (of the forty it holds). which means i'm going to have to start weeding through what's there as i add music. not good. will probably begin by taking out my musical soundtracks. would like to rerip some of the songs - the emusic stuff ripped at a higher bit rate than i usually use, so they take up more room. i hope there's an easier way to do it than burning them to cd and reripping them. will see.

ok, time to go kill more time before morning prayers. going to miss going to them starting next week. but glad i had the chance to participate over the summer.
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Tunes: triumph - cool down

gethsemani thoughts posted

typed up the thoughts i had on my retreat this week. posted them. all eighteen of them. sorry for the overload. starts on 21 Aug with post titled "the beginning." ends on the 24 Aug with post titled "final entry." they need not be read in order.

off to take a bike ride in honor of my accident. here's hoping history chooses not to repeat itself.
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Tunes: tremolo - we are the new black

twenty years ago today

home

exhausted. who knew a retreat could take so much out of you.

waking up at 3:15 didn't help. at least from a sleep standpoint.

LOTS to share. pages and pages of stuff. will sift through it later. here's hoping it's worth posting.

God is good. now if i can just get some sleep.

why is it i can never find my tape measure when i need it?

ah the eternal questions of existence...
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Tunes: mitch hedberg - houses