from david sedaris's "Put a Lid on It." this make me smile every time.
ME: Did you get your tree yet?
KEN: I'm a Jew, I don't decorate Christmas trees.
ME: So you're going to go with a wreath instead?
KEN: I just told you, I'm a Jew.
ME: Oh, I get it. You're looking for a cheap wreath.
KEN: I'm not looking for a wreath at all. Leave me alone, will you.
ME: You're probably just tense because you haven't finished your Christmas shopping.
KEN: I don't Christmas shop.
ME: What are you telling me? That you make all of your presents?
KEN: I don't give Christmas presents period. Goddamit, I told you, I'm a Jew.
ME: Well, don't you at least need to buy something for your parents?
KEN: They're Jews too, idiot. That's what makes me one. It's hereditary. Do you understand?
ME: Sure.
KEN: Say the words "I understand."
ME: I understand. So where are you going to hang your stocking?
Æ
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