the end is near

last real day of break. sure, i have this weekend, but i always have the weekends, so this is the last "school day" off. sad. been relaxing break. and i did get some things accomplished - yes, the great kitchen faucet nightmare has finally ended. replaced the supply line yesterday and so far, no leaks. also got my porch swing up. not as comfortable as i might have hoped, but it looks great, so that's half the battle, right? finished laundry, got the downstairs mostly cleaned up. now if i could just do the same for the upstairs....

last night reminded me again of why i don't drink much. seriously, i am the most depressing drunk ever. alcohol does not release the fun-loving me from captivity like it does so many others. no, i tend to curl up into a fetal position and ponder the world, leaving those around me to wonder what is wrong. nothing, other than i can't hold my liquor. or something like that. felt like a bit of a wet blanket and an uber-wallflower last night at mary's. i stayed around because i was going to sing "never tear us apart," but by the time they called my name, one, i didn't hear it and two, i was in no state of mind to sing. *sigh* this melancholy introvert thing can get old really quickly....

leaving for kent....hmmm. not sure exactly. we have rehearsal tonight at 7:30, but just book scenes, so hopefully it will go quickly. going to call steve, see what he thinks. if he doesn't mind a quick flyby tonight, i think i would prefer to do that. otherwise i'll be getting up at 5:00 AM to get up to kent in time. that appeals to me not at all. am looking foward to reconnection - will get to see almost everyone, though i haven't heard from jen at all. may try one more call, but she's an elusive friend.

having lunch, i think, with kevin. need to call him, figure out what we're doing. planned on making plans at morning prayers but alas, i lost the fight with my pillow (not that there was much of a struggle). and not wanting to procrastinate any more, i just called and we're doing lunch at andy's mediterranean. mmmmmm. excellent idea. you're all jealous, i know.

disappointed that i didn't ride at all this week. guess there's still time this afternoon, but it's a wee bit on the chilly side today. not a major problem (and probably better for me anyway so i don't have to sweat profusely), but does put a damper on the motivation. of course, if i don't do that, i have no plans for the afternoon and i would prefer not to spend it napping, which has been a pattern this week. i love me my naps, but would prefer to, oh, i don't know, actually do something.

confession: i want to see friends with money. i know, i know, it will destroy my elitist cred. but oh my the eye candy. joan, catherine, jennifer and frances? geesh. i'll be in heaven for 88 minutes.

dontcha love it when i'm shallow?

which is pretty much all the time.

guess i ought to shower or some such. maybe straighten up my office a bit. get stuff together for my trip. one final hurrah before it's back to school for five weeks. we won't talk about the stack of essays that lie unmolested in the corner.....
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Tunes: martin sexton - candy

the difference a year makes

how can something i didn't even own a year ago completely screw up my afternoon when i think i've lost it? yesterday afternoon was completely disheartening - went to get my hair cut (well, thinned since i need to leave it long for chess - but i certainly don't need the fro look) and realized my phone wasn't in my pocket. looked around aveda - no luck. then around the outside of my car. nada. inside. zip. asked in a couple of the surrounding stores. no one had turned in a phone. so i drove home. looked in my office. my bedroom. my entertainment room. nothing. nothing. nothing. so despondent, i couldn't get up the energy to do anything. so i took a nap, while thoughts of what in the world do you do when your phone disappears scurried about my head. do i call verizon? do i keep calling it in hopes that the person that has it will pick it up? and how do i do that without a landline? grrrr. so after a restless nap, i awoke to nature's call. walked into the bathroom. and there, lying in my tissue box was my phone. i'm sure i had an excellent reason for taking it out of my pocket and laying it there. and i just had to laugh.

yes yes, i know, i need professional help.

day six of my kitchen faucet fiasco. looks to be leaking from the line, not from the faucet, which is strange because i didn't touch the line where it is leaking. going to lowes this morning to see if they can help. need to get a new line and hopefully some advice on how to stop the leak. really don't want to call a plumber, though at this point it might be best to just get it fixed, no matter the cost (though i can't imagine it would actually be worth it once i get the bill - i've heard about plumber's rates - cheaper just to get a prostitute....).

did get my porch swing together and hanging, though i have to pick up a drill bit at lowes while i'm there to put on the final piece. looks good on the porch. now i just need to find some other seating, otherwise it will just be me sitting alone on my porch, which seems a bit sad.

kevin asked yesterday if chess was something he could bring izaac to. hmmm. don't think it qualifies as PG-13, mostly because we drop the f-bomb a bit much. and then there's bangkok, which might be a bit much for impressionable minds. hmmm. maybe i ought to just give him the script, let him figure it out for himself. not sure i would actually call it R rated, but there certainly are moments. it is a rock musical after all, not rodgers and hammerstein....

ok, need to go. think i'm going to do breakfast at ihop, then run to lowes and hopefully wrap up my kitchen problems and my porch swing in time to get out to salvation army and hopefully ride my bike before rehearsal tonight. bleah - going to work on "book" scenes friday, which means me. so much for leaving friday night for kent. going to be an early morning saturday....
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Tunes: new order - true faith

chess rehearsal - act I

i do a lot of sitting round in this act. eighteen days until we open. not much time to go.

day one of my week off went well - fought myself out of bed for morning prayers. called moen, got info on my faucet - they're sending me the missing parts, tough i think i've simply not attached the water line right. will try again tomorrow, or tonight if i get inspired. mailed a long overdue package. drove down to the aronoff, picked up some chess tickets. to half price, where remarkably i bought nothing. then jalepenos. then sam's to pick up cds, cases, nx season 4. meijer for groceries. allison for tutoring. home briefly), then to bettas with gina. and now rehearsal. at least no one can say i was lazy today.

hopefully i'll be better at being lazy tomorrow.

one of my goals this week is to get my music in order. last night i used the itunes card i got for my birthday (thanks julie and shannon!) - new order - singles; suzanne vega - retrospective; and three def leppard tunes. 55 songs for $24.86. not bad. of course, they're in a format my mp3 player doesn't recognize. so i have to burn them to cd, then rip them to my palyer. to add to the fun, the last couple of cds i downloaded from emusic weren't recognized either. *sigh* the unmentioned trials of the digital music revolution.

been rereading life after god again. strange - i've easily read it over a dozen times, yet it's struck a nerve again. picked it up because allison mentioned not being able to feel like she used to. and i've been feeling that lately too - and that idea is all over LAG. every story. this quote's been running through my head all day - not in a melancholy, woe-is-me kind of way, but a this-is-just-the-way-things-go kind of way.

I am an affectionate man but I have much trouble showing it.

When I was younger I used to worry so much about being alone - of being unlovable or incapable of love. As the years went on, my worries changed. I worried that I had become incapable of having a relationship, of offering intimacy...

Being alone here now, all of my old fears are erupting, the fears I thought I had buried forever...
fear of loneliness; fear that being in and out of love too many times itself makes you harder to love; fear that I would never experience real love; fear that someone would fall in love with me, get extremely close, learn everything about me and then pull the plug; fear that love is only important up until a certain point after which everything is negotiable.

For so many years I lived a life of solitude and I thought life was fine. But I knew that unless I explored intimacy and shared intimacy with someone else then life would never progress beyond a certain point. I remember thinking that unless I knew what was going on inside someone else's head other than my own I was going to explode.

rereading has rekindled anew my desire (need?) to stage the adaptation i wrote, what, six/seven years ago? geesh. i wait too long, i won't be able to play scout. think i need to put a call out, see if i can pull a cast together. and a crew. and see if we could do it in st. e's. worry about when later.

finished running act i. am hoping they won't need me. want to walk to speedway on the way home for, of course, another frozen pepsi.

damn. not going to happen. the sacrifice for one's art.

at least i have my mp3 player with me. if only i had a book to read...
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Tunes: king's x - believe

i love a rainy night

really thurm? eddie rabbit?

lovely thunderstorm outside my windows at the moment. sounds like water is running freely through my house. here's hoping it just sounds that way.

didn't quite make it in time to blog on easter, but need to say: Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!

missed that in our service this morning (though i did get to share it with leslie).

just returned from the southgate house - rosie thomas played there tonight. her song "wedding day" has been a favorite of mine for the past several years, so i was excited to see she was playing. and it was free - can't beat that. her band had all of their stuff stolen in philadelphia friday night, so they had a makeshift set up, which for the size of the room and her material really was quite perfect. she didn't play long, maybe just over an hour, but was a great set. she has a carefree air about her and her banter between songs was quite amusing. the difference between her speaking voice and her singing voice is a bit shocking - not as drastic as jim neighbors, but not too far off. a great way to end easter weekend and ease into spring break.

i need to sit down, make a list of things i need to do this week. i had intended to post last night about my first successful home improvement (painting excluded, of course). installed a new kitchen faucet with a sprayer, something i'd been wanting to do. was so proud of myself - got the old one out, put the new one in and everything worked. unfortunately, i didn't do everything exactly right as there was water under the sink this morning. i believe i know what the problem is - they forgot to include a couple of washers i needed - but still a bit sad to see i wasn't quite the handyman i thought i was. oh well. easily fixed. i hope.

had planned to head into school tomorrow to help with the sets for seussical, but i have too much i have to get done around the house. plus, tutoring is tomorrow afternoon. and rehearsal tomorrow night. so sticking around here will be a better option. if the weather cooperates, i may try and set up the new porch swing i bought. hope i bought the right one.

easter felt a bit anti-climatic to me. couldn't focus during worship. so much changed over lent, i suppose i shouldn't be surprised to have felt this way. seems so long ago that i began the journey toward easter and my own experiment with silence. seems so long ago since we had to say goodbye to chad. much longer than 40 days.

i should not be so melancholy on so joyous a day.

i am so hungry, but i have no groceries. that's on the list for this week. wanted to stop by taco bell, but of course it was closed. grrrr. think i have some soup downstairs i could eat, but i really don't want to fix anything because, well, my kitchen faucet doesn't work....

to bed. prayers will be here in a matter of hours. and it's always beautiful to fall asleep to the rain. until tomorrow (well, later today).
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Tunes: rosie thomas - i run