knowing when to keep your mouth shut

i started a post early this morning in the middle of a funk that stayed with me most of the day. it was a scathing rant about christians who had hijacked my faith so that now when others hear the words Christ they think intolerant and judgmental, not love and sacrifice.

then i realized i was being intolerant and judgmental and deleted the whole thing.

and really, my frustration isn't with people out there. it's with my own inability to communicate who i think i am.

yes, i continue to be driven crazy by online dating.

today was one of those askew days, where nothing seemed to line up right and every little thing made me horribly emotional. not the best of times for an english department meeting, but not like i have any control over this. not sure i got far enough today to warrant not doing anything for the rest of the weekend, so i'll probably do some work from home so tuesday i only have to worry about the details. here's hoping.

excellent dinner with chris bean. been trying to get together since he moved to the cincy area and finally found some time tonight. we shared our recent journeys - in many ways, he's where i was a few years back. got to share one of my favorite restaurants (lemon grass), and showed him around st. e's and the neighborhood. he's going to try and come down one tuesday and check things out. i think he'd fit right in here, but i don't want to push him or anything... :)

geesh. i just did an emoticon in my blog. it has been a bad day.

picked up some gear from joyce for this weekend. doing the whole gratisfest and camping, which i've been wanting to do. hopefully the rain won't spoil things. not sure what to do during the day - i mean, i know there's artsy things going on and hopefully good people to talk to, but i'm still a bit on the apprehensive side. seems like a great way to end the summer, though.

lorelai is still at kevin's. going to need to turn the rental car in tomorrow - what was originally a two day job has pushed into a whole week. and while state farm is covering part of the rental, five days is about the limit of what i can afford at the moment. hopefully she'll be done tomorrow - i miss her, mostly because the rental doesn't have cruise and it's hard driving the speed limit without it ;)

there's another one. i think it's time to stop now.
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Tunes: new order - blue monday

Dark and Stormy Night Contest

This year's 10 winners of the Bulwer-Lytton contest, AKA "Dark and Stormy Night Contest" (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University, wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel):
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10. "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber, he would never hear the end of it."

9. "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens.

8. "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

7. "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: 'Andre, creep... Andre, creep... Andre, creep.'"

6. "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5. "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

4. "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

3. "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2. "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."

AND THE WINNER IS...

1. "The sun ooze horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, 'You lied!"

retail therapy

i hate shopping. i have so little shopping energy - to paraphrase mitch hedberg, if my shopping energy were like a pie chart about what people would do if they found a million dollars, it would be the donate it to charity slice. i'm usually good for about 20 minutes, maybe half an hour, then i find myself anxiously wanting to get out. and i have the annoying habit of going someplace to buy something, picking it up, walking around a bit, and then convincing myself i don't really need this, even if i've really wanted it. this even applies to my media obsession, though my shopping time may be a bit extended. so if i decide i want something - usually because it's on sale or it's one of my passions - it has to be a surgical strike: in and out before i can talk myself out of it.

that's what i did yesterday.

first purchase - ty tabor's new cd, rock garden. i pretty much get anything related to KX the day it comes out, whether i can afford it or not. as far as vices go, it's not too bad. really enjoying the cd so far - listened to it yesterday as i got stuff ready for school. much more rockin' than his other solo stuff. and it fits nicely into my recent metal renaissance.

second purchase - best buy is running a sale this week: selected tv dvd sets for $19.99. and one of them was veronica mars, first season. been wanting that for a while and had been scanning the internet for the best price. also in the sale was a series i've wanted for a while, but could never really justify the $35-$39 for it - newsradio. so i picked up seasons 1-3 (only two sets). and then i got out of there before i got swept away and picked up stuff i've wanted but now is not the time (like the new "everything's duckie" version of pretty in pink and the new some kind of wonderful).

frivolous? sure. but sometimes you need a bit of frivolity in your life. and unlike other vices - like alcohol, drugs, food,clothes - this is stuff i can enjoy for years to come. or at least until they change formats on me.

yesterday was fairly productive - got my edline page set up, my seating charts together, my syllabus updated, film club stuff ready for the activities fair. printed out my calendars and put on the district dates (interims, teacher work days, holidays), but not much beyond that. need to look at last year's calendar, start plotting out the trimester. always helps me to have the big picture done so i can then focus on the day to day. of course, need a couple of departmental things, mostly when we're going to have the students take the practice OGT. there's four days out of my schedule. and then days of grading. grrr.

the activities fair had the distinct sense of high school lunch - sitting down and wondering if anyone would join you. i got a few sign ups, as well as a snotty comment or two about my displayed movies from parents, but overall it felt like a lot of sitting around. did get to "watch" almost famous: the bootleg cut, which filled up the time well. think i'll take fellowship tonight to watch - at least it should last as long as the fair. best part - dinner was provided by moe's. hopefully the same happens tonight. love me some burritos.

headed to heaven this afternoon and i'm not yet sure what's going to happen. i think it's time for a change as far as hair styles go. i realized i've basically had the same style - brushed back with the bangs then brought forward - for most of my life. not sure i'll be brave enough to try, but hopefully i will.

so i've maxed out on my initial matches for eHarmony, which means if i want to go farther i have to subscribe. there's a 7 day trial period, which i want to take advantage of, and since i'll be in the middle of nowhere all weekend, i figured it would be better to wait until i had seven days where i could take advantage of the service. still not sure what level of commitment to make - the year long one is the most cost-efficient, but that's a lot of money, even broken up into three payments. i'll figure it out. of course the pessimist in me is taking pot shots, saying the one truly intriguing match won't be interested or will be snatched up by someone else before i actually subscribe. i really need to tell him to, to quote tony soprano, shut the f*ck up.

ok, enough. gone.
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Tunes: asia - the heat goes on

this amuses me

so after prayers this morning, kevin said the insurance adjuster had been by and nearly doubled the original estimate. nice. said they were probably hoping i would take the money and forget about it. which maybe i should have done, but the dent just bothers me. makes me sad whenever i see it. so i'm willing to pay the money to get her looking good again. don't like the idea of having to extend my rental car days, but good to know my car will be taken care of.

ahhh! there's a man in my backyard with a chainsaw! help! help!

oh wait. it's just the tree guys. never mind.

they're wandering around, looking at my tree with a "what the heck are we going to do?" look on their faces. job will probably take a good part of the day, which means i'll be gone by the time their finished.

what am i doing, you ask? i'm making my first trip to my classroom today, to get some things ready for tonight's activities fair. and to start getting my room in some sense of order. will probably do that the next couple of days and then thursday as well, so i don't have to do anything on labor day. that's the goal, anyway. we'll see. hopefully the fair tonight will be fairly low stress - i plan on simply doing what i did last year, showing a film on my mom's portable dvd player, having some dvds about for visuals, a flyer for students/parents to take. hopefully the time will pass quickly. just need to pick the right film - last year it was raiders of the lost ark. not sure what to watch this year. needs to be family-friendly, and yet attractive to students. we'll see.

thanks for the comments on my "profile." i'm realizing it may not paint the truest picture of me ("morally superior republican?!"), but 'twill do for now. now i just need to figure out how to swing the payment part. just need to think of it as an investment in my future, right? i hate that money has to play a part, but i have to be realistic. and women don't like men who are financially irresponsible, right?

of course they don't like tightwads either. but really, that's not what's going on here....
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Tunes: russell allen/jorn lande - another battle

it's about time

finally forced my way through my "block" and typed up my "ad" for the online service and finished my profile. of course, i don' t have the $26-$45 to subscribe and reap the benefits of my ad at the moment, but one step at a time.

i realize it's a bit on the pretentious side, but then that's probably a pretty accurate description of me at times. i worked a bit on a more casual version, but it went absolutely no where. and really, i'm not really giving information, but getting attention. hopefully this will do that.

thoughts/criticisms welcome
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Who am I? A passionate man of deep faith; a true romantic; an intellectual with a poet's heart; an endearing geek; lover of beauty, of nature, of literature, of music, of theatre, of art, of teaching, of writing, of pop culture, of all that makes life Life; an introvert stepping from the shadows to seek what he desires - a woman to love who will love him in return.

Whom should I love? Why, she who places Christ above all; serious enough to discuss the deep questions of life, but childlike enough to enjoy life; as comfortable hiking through the forest soaking up nature as curled up on the couch watching a film; a well-ordered woman not afraid of spontaneity or being embarrassed; a fellow traveler on this journey who will walk beside me, hand in hand, as we discover together this big old goofy world God has given us.

Tunes: patty griffin - fly

and so it begins

alarm rattled me awake about 13 minutes ago. and i try to retrain my body to wake up at the ungodly hour of 5:00am. seriously. why must the world be run by morning people? so jealous of my friend candice - her school isn't starting until 9:00am this year. here's hoping it makes her school improve so other places will begin doing so - places like mason.

i'm not going to hold my breath.

rain thunders outside and the lightning jumps up and i get the feeling this is going to be a theme for this week. judging from the three thunderclouds at the top of my browser, i may have to change some of my plans for the week. i'm taking lorelai in to get her fixed up. had thought to try and go without a car, ride my bike where i needed to go, but if it's going to be raining like this, i may have to bite the bullet and rent whatever they can give me for a measly $16 a day. guess i'll see what my options are. i wonder if the rain will keep the arborist from coming out tomorrow. can't imagine they'd do much work in the rain. ah well, as long as it gets done sometime. and i guess this trumps my hopes to hit KI this week too.

i gave the homily at our weekly gathering yesterday. it is exhausting for me. took me most of the afternoon to gather some sense of normalcy and i felt out of it for most of the night. i was even ready to go to bed at 10:30 last night. i probably make too much of it, but "preaching" has never been one of my favorite things. the responsibility overwhelms me. i'm bringing THE WORD OF GOD. little intimidating. and i know He's in control of all that and i'm just His instrument, but it still scares me. i know they recorded it - if they post it, i'll provide the link if you want to hear.

finally transferred all my computer's mp3s to rory. now i have less than one gig left (of the forty it holds). which means i'm going to have to start weeding through what's there as i add music. not good. will probably begin by taking out my musical soundtracks. would like to rerip some of the songs - the emusic stuff ripped at a higher bit rate than i usually use, so they take up more room. i hope there's an easier way to do it than burning them to cd and reripping them. will see.

ok, time to go kill more time before morning prayers. going to miss going to them starting next week. but glad i had the chance to participate over the summer.
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Tunes: triumph - cool down