the stairs less traveled

yesterday morning, after morning prayers, kevin, steve and i decided, instead of heading out to do some hiking, to head down to mt. adams and the holy cross immaculata church to participate in the annual good friday tradition of climbing the steep stairs to the parish. not quite the communion with nature i was hoping for, but i had always wanted to participate in this ritual so i was up for it.

steve came prepared with several rosary and a pamphlet of how to say the rosary, which came in quite handy for us non-catholics. we exited on martin avenue and found stairs leading up toward the top of mt. adams. we opted for the 356 step route - no pansy climb for us. we were surprised to be the only ones there, but figured most other pilgrims had chosen the shorter climb. neophytes to the whole experience, we were unsure of what exactly to do. we rotated between repeating out loud hail marys and glory bes with a sprinkling of our fathers every now and then as we climbed one step at a time. as others joined us on the stairs, i began to worry we weren't doing it right, that our pseudo-catholicism would be evident to real catholics. but those fears soon faded away as i got into the spirit of our journey.

and then we reached the top of the stairs. and there was not a church in sight. we walked down the street, thinking the stairs must pick up somewhere down the road a bit. but as we closed on the next intersection, it became obvious that we had not in fact been climbing the parish steps, but some random set of stairs set in the side of the hill. realizing our mistake, and fearing the wrath of the poor pilgirms who had followed in our mistaken footsteps, we ducked around a corner and ran into a resident who walked us up to the church. from there we could see where we were meant to walk up, stairs filled with penitent pilgrims drawing step by step closer to the church. would have been quite the throng to be a part of had we actually started in the right place.

of course, none of this stopped us from participating in the donuts and coffee at the top (well, not steve and kevin anyway - i was still fasting). we sat and talked about the experience and had a laugh over our miscalculations - and hoped those who had joined behind us weren't upset enough to come and find us in the parish hall. we discussed a bit the metaphorical significance of our journey, how the good catholics climbed one set of stairs while we confused protestants climbed another and yet we both arrived at the same destination. not sure it holds up under scrutiny, but something interesting to think about.

getting ready to head over to st. e's to walk through via crucis once more before heading out to dinner...somewhere. still haven't made up my mind yet what i want. last day i'll have to wait. been good discipline but am looking forward to being able to eat when i'm hungry again. not sure about the other lenten sacrifices i made; i know i'll eat chocolate again, but not sure about the fries or the carbonated beverages. i'm sure it's healthier not eating them, but not sure i care enough to continue to give them up. but glad to know i can go without them if necessary. i just hope it's never necessary.

pomegranates cd release show is tonight at the gypsy hut. says 10:00 on the website, but not sure if that's when the doors open or if it's when the show will start. should have time to figure all that out before i head out. still need to do a little cleaning before the 'rents arrive tomorrow, but nothing too stressful.

got my tax return info back today. looks like i should be able to pay off a couple of credit cards and still have some left over. will have to see how best to spend it. a new bed frame maybe? we'll see.

happy holy saturday. sunday's comin'...
Æ

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Now playing: Johnny Cash - Just As I Am
via FoxyTunes

good friday

haunting. that's the sense i have of st. elizabeth's during via crucis - not in a ghostly, horror film kind of way, but in the lingering sense of presence here. it's impossible to leave here the same as you came in if you came with an openness to experience God. from the fading smell of sandalwood to the occasional rising scream to the echoes of the hammered nails, everything draws you in. even the building itself, with its fallen beauty, mirrors the pain and beauty of holy week.

one theme resonated last night as i walked from station to station - how even in the midst of suffering, Christ had compassion for those around him. trying to keep the disciples awake. allowing judas to embrace Him. healing the soldier's ear. keeping silent when accused. encouraging the women on the way. the thief on the cross. mary and john. the whole human race. i know how hard it is for me to even think about others when i'm struggling with my own pain. but if we truly seek to walk where Christ has walked, then we must look through our own tear-blurred eyes and see the pain on the faces around us. we must reach out with our mangled hands to help those who have lost their grip. we must walk on broken feet to those that have fallen and cannot stand. we must open out our broken hearts to those whose hearts are breaking.

Christ's incarnation allowed Him to experience as we experience, to identify with our suffering so He could help us in our pain. and sometimes it is those moments of greatest pain that allow us to connect with others. i am reminded of the lost dogs song "blessing in disguise:"

How often do we spot the angels?
Or feel the unseen hand?
Most times are tough, the going rough
Like there never was a master plan
Those steadfast doors won't open
And you pray...but you don't understand

Hold fast the hope that's in you
Don't always trust your eyes
Sometimes it takes a long time to see it as
A Blessing in Disguise

We live upon this dark surface
And God, He moves upon the deep
What is concealed will be revealed
There is no promise He won't keep
Still, we're confused by the shadows
We're awake, but we're half asleep

Sometimes the dark can move our hearts
To long for the light of the Son
And our ways don't become His ways
Until we are undone

And after you've been broken
You may not realize
That you are grace to the broken hearted
And a blessing in...
A blessing in...
You are a Blessing in Disguise

not only do our darkest moments turn out to be significant later on, but our darkness can become light to someone else.

one of the stations had a confessional, where you could call a number and leave your confession. these are recorded and then played back for people as they sat in the confessional. a powerful reminder we all are struggling, that what may appear to be indifference and selfishness may be because we are all dealing with our own crises, our own personal pain. the poem below by denver butson paints a vivid picture of this difficulty:

Tuesday 9:00 AM

A man standing at the bus stop
reading the newspaper is on fire
Flames are peeking out
from beneath his collar and cuffs
His shoes have begun to melt

The woman next to him
wants to mention it to him
that he is burning
but she is drowning
Water is everywhere
in her mouth and ears
in her eyes
A stream of water runs
steadily from her blouse

Another woman stands at the bus stop
freezing to death
She tries to stand near the man
who is on fire
to try to melt the icicles
that have formed on her eyelashes
and on her nostrils
to stop her teeth long enough
from chattering to say something
to the woman who is drowning
but the woman who is freezing to death
has trouble moving
with blocks of ice on her feet

It takes the three some time
to board the bus
what with the flames
and water and ice
But when they finally climb the stairs
and take their seats
the driver doesn't even notice
that none of them has paid
because he is tortured
by visions and is wondering
if the man who got off at the last stop
was really being mauled to death
by wild dogs.

simon of cyrene, minding his own business during the passover, was asked to carry Christ's cross for Him. we are to do the same for those around us. Father, give us strength.
Æ

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Now playing: Aaron Copland - Appalachain Spring - Fast
via FoxyTunes

a beginning

so finally i made it, and for the first time ever perhaps, i have nothing hanging over my head as i enter into spring break. no major grading projects, nothing pressing. so i can actually enjoy the entirety of my spring break instead of moments here and there. sure, i have some decisions to make on national boards and finishing my phase ii, but even those sit comfortably in the background, waiting for me to find myself refreshed so i can deal with them anew.

i'm currently sitting in the speckled bird, across from st. e's, enjoying some apple pie and a strawberry steamer. finally made it over to walk through via crucis. still processing most of it. will definitely go through at least once more, maybe multiple times. need to remember my journal to jot down thoughts as i go through. will be there tomorrow night for a couple of hours at the end of the night as a docent. looking forward to being in that holy space on good friday.

supposed to hike with steve and kevin tomorrow after morning prayers. hopefully steve is feeling better and that kevin is feeling up for it. i need some nature therapy; need to find solace in the beauty of the world around me. been toying with asking kevin if i could steal down to the land and spend a couple days camping there this coming week. i'm free after tuesday, so could try and take a trip somewhere, but i think it would be wiser to conserve my funds for now. there's something to be said for just lying around a bit and relaxing. and sleeping in. though there are definitely plenty of activities around the house i could work on, like figuring out why the water softener doesn't seem to be working or trying to get my garage door to work again or stalking the dog that keeps coming into my yard to leave me unwanted gifts. actually saw her today and of course she doesn't have a collar. tempted to call animal services and have them take care of her. does that sound heartless? perhaps. but then it's not your yard being filled with feces.

got a call from brent today - turns out he has a detached retina and is confined to bed rest for two weeks. ouch. means we'll have to delay our visit to jeremy's grave until he is able to join us. hard to believe it's been a year already.

i'm the only one here at the bird right now, other than the baristas. fairly peaceful. ironically, i came here because i was feeling a bit isolated spending all that time in my house.

ok, probably should wrap it up, head back to my house to watch a little tv before heading off to bed. be so nice not to have to wake up tomorrow at 5AM. here's hoping i don't end up staying up until 3 and missing my chance to sleep longer than normal. night.
Æ

Now playing: Elvis Costello - When I Was Cruel
via FoxyTunes

one day more

short bells. pep assembly. then nearly ten days off. glorious. and nothing to grade for once. i only wish we'd been able to get through act iii before break. ah well.

my friend angela wrote this for @U2. hard to believe it was two years ago.

anyone know where i could pick up some gopher wood? and just how big is a cubit anyway?

the piano has arrived. here's a pic from its old place of residence:

needs some work, but good to have it in the house. will definitely be using it over the next couple weeks to practice for the musical. ran through act i today. boy, was it rough. need to get those songs in my head. and in the interest of full disclosure, if you're thinking of coming to see the musical to see me, probably best to save your money. i'm not on stage very much. the musical is going to be amazing, but i definitely have a supporting role. think end of the credits, right before the stunt men type of role.

am hoping once everything is over tomorrow that i will be able to get the chance to walk through via crucis. thought about going the last couple of nights, but didn't. i'm a docent friday night, but want to go through on my own. so tonight might be it, unless i sneak in friday or saturday during the day. might not be a bad idea - see it both at night and during the day.

still need to find someplace to go for easter meal. mom and dad are coming down and i need to take them somewhere. no idea what will be open. can't remember if easter is a day restaurants shut down or not.

bed. night.
Æ

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Now playing: Big Star - Back of a Car
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on the night he was betrayed

i say the above words every sunday as i wrap up the liturgy, before i invite everyone to come forward to take of the body and blood of our Lord. this past sunday, i was reminded why it is so significant. the lectionary reading was from matthew and spoke of the first time Jesus invited His disciples to take of the Lord's Supper. but before that, he tells them he knows one of them will betray Him that evening....

When it was evening, he took his place with the twelve; and while they were eating, he said, "Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me." And they became greatly distressed and began to say to him one after another, "Surely not I, Lord?" He answered, "The one who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born." Judas, who betrayed him, said, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" He replied, "You have said so."

While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat; this is my body." Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will never again drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."

"Drink from it, all of you..." all of you. including the one who sold Him out for 30 pieces of silver. including the one who would deny Him three times before the cock crowed. including all who scattered when their Lord was lifted up.

i know there are communities who feel that the Eucharist is a holy moment reserved for only those of their community, who have proved themselves faithful, who take this sacrament seriously. but how can you deny that Christ Himself offered His body and blood to His betrayer? could it not be, just like it was in the garden, that He knew the path that lie ahead, but still had hope that the cup would be removed, that Judas would offer up his heart instead of a kiss? is that not the hope we all live in as we step forward to take these elements that point us to Christ's sacrifice we celebrate this week?
Æ

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Now playing: U2 - Luminous Times (Hold On To Love)
via FoxyTunes

the prayer of st. patrick (excerpts)

I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.

Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

good stuff this st. patrick's day. wish i had had this prayer with me at many points today. more exhausting then i anticipated for reasons unforeseen. i have much to think about, to pray about, to try to make sense of. might talk more of it later if i can.

i realize there hasn't been much of mine own since saturday. hopefully tomorrow i'll have more time to share more. must to bed now. good night.

Æ

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Now playing: U2 - So Cruel
via FoxyTunes

via crucis: immersion

http://www.viacrucisimmersion.com/

Via Crucis :: Immersion is the stations of the cross remixed. It is an experiential worship event merging art, media, and music that brings us into the story. A journey into the heart of God and the story’s reality in us. It is an immersion into the suffering of Jesus and a discovery of our own brokenness.

17 -22 march 2008 11am -11pm daily

St. Elizabeth's 1759 Mills Ave. Norwood OH 45212

i recommend everyone come to this. amazing tonight. isaac from pomegranates wrote a 14 movement piece that walked us through the 14 stations. described as "violently beautiful," it surely lived up to that. words are inadequate to describe the experience. it runs all week and is the type of thing you can drop in and spend as much or as little time as you want. during this most holy of weeks, see if you can steal a couple of moments to join us.

more tomorrow. must to bed so i'm well rested for teaching and academic team banquet and dance rehearsal and...wow, i'm already exhausted by tomorrow and it hasn't even started.
Æ

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Now playing: Resurrection Band - My Jesus Is All (Live)
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