preshow lethargy

feeling down about my performance, mostly because i don't feel i am doing enough with the character. last night after the show we went to claddagh and recapped the evening's performance. all the hilarious bits were mentioned - none of them were mine. here i get the opportunity to play one of shakespeare's most enjoyable and beloved characters and i blow it. but at least the show as a whole rocks, which is what it's all about, right? citybeat was here last night, so we'll see what kind of notice we receive. i fear my first real review might be ugly - or even worse, i might not be mentioned at all.

low self-esteem much?

good, relaxing and productive day. awoke far too early - 6:30 - especially since sleep stayed away until after 1:30. but at least i didn't have to get out of bed. and i didn't. stole away to jalepenos for cinco de mayo and successfully avoided a detour to half price books. enough to read already and not enough time. spent some time in my hammock (finally), but it was a bit chilly to be truly comfortable.

disturbing dream last night about shag carpet, friendship and mass suicide. i wrote it all down but haven't decided whether it is blogworthy or not. we'll see how i feel tomorrow. or possibly tonight if there's no revelry.

speaking of dreams, i was asked this week which on i'd most like to see come true and the first one that came to mind was...i want a daughter. but then i couldn't explain it. and it seems a bit weird. i'm not sure why a daughter and not a son or even more generically, children. i just know whenever i've thought of having children, they've always been girls. this needs more pondering, but not now. now i hve to go get my puck on. here's hoping for a more than adequate job...
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second act lull

show goes well. we've been anxious for an audience and this one has not disappointed. so good to hear laughter at our bits (no, not those bits). quite satisfying. our energy has been good and there have been no breaks or stumbled lines - at least none i've been aware of.

i know of two friends in the audience tonight - renee and mandy. i hope they are enjoying themselves. hopefully i'll get to talk to them once we have restored amends. some students are coming tomorrow, which should prove fun. we'll see if they like - or understand - the play.

there shall be reveling tonight, which i will happily be joining. no plans but the play tomorrow. may help the barr's move if i'm feeling up to it. if the weather's nice, i hope to finally relax in my hammock. for now it merely dangles from the trees, mocking me.

time to be a silent observer of the play with an play. good night unto you all...
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opening night

show just started and so i wait for my entrance, quite a way away still. strange not to be going on - i actually hate the waiting, i'd much rather get out on stage, be there from the opening lines. i feel stuck in-between - not quite thurman, not yet puck.

there be metaphors in these words....

need to sop and focus and make sure i transform. i have no rituals, though maybe i should. putting on my jacket usually is enough. though i'm already sweating. but then that would happen even if i was wearing only a speedo - which, thankfully for all those involved, i'm not.

off to break an apendage. more, perhaps, during my second act lull...
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i feel jesus in the clumsiness of young and awkward lovers

this is my favorite lyric right now.

sunday evening, 9:00, and i am ready to go to bed. may end up wandering there halfway through this message. up too late, up too early, too much activity this weekend. think i'm going to pay dearly for it tomorrow.

friday night i went to the over the rhine show at the 20th century with some friends from school. i almost didn't make it - fell asleep after school and had gina not called, i might have slept through the whole thing. glad i didn't. ellery opened - really can't say much about them. their singer was sick, so i don't know if that's how they sound all the time or not. but they didn't leave much of an impression, not enough to warrant picking up a cd anyway. as for otr, i really enjoyed the concert - karin was in full voice and i enjoyed all the new stuff they did, though they didn't do anything from before ohio, other than "latter days." i understand why, but still. have i mentioned how amazing their drummer mickey is? worth the price of admission just to watch him play - great energy, and he just looks like he's having so much fun up there.

had a moment of disconnect after the show. it was the first time two of my friends had seen over the rhine play and they were giving their impressions of the show. both of them thought they were amazing (no suprise there). but they had one complaint: not enough mention of God or Jesus. and i really had no response. not sure exactly what they were hoping/looking for, though one of them mentioned the need to give witness at every opportunity. and i know this probably makes me a heathen, but i don't see why they should say anything. they are not there to preach, they are not there to "save souls." they are there to do what God has blessed them with the talent to do - play and sing amazing music. i don't expect lawyers to give their testimony in their closing statements. i don't expect business men to stick Jesus in the middle of their powerpoint presentation. why would i expect musicians to talk about God or Jesus at a concert? they are already all over their music - no need to be repetitious.

sorry, just bothers me. and it's not the first time i've had that "concern" raised.

then last night gina and i headed down to the southgate house to the sheds cd release party, though mostly to see pomegranates, who were backing them up. such a fun show - i especially liked the seedy seeds. great little duo (well, trio if you count their ipod). must find out more about them. had my usual frustration with yakkers at the show. wish it didn't bother me so much, but for the love of all that is holy SHUT THE F*** UP!!! or go somewhere else. annoys me that i have to move to get away from them - and if i say anything, i'm the jackass.

again, sorry.

before the show started, jacob and joey from pomegranates came over to talk to gina and me. we'd both given some money to help them finish their ep, so they came over to say thanks. see, class. i swear, if these young gentlemen don't hit it big, there's no justice in this world (not that i actually think there is, but you know...).

only bad thing: show didn't end until 1:15am. yoi! but much much fun was had.

finally got my hammock up. and have already taken a nap in it. should be lovely, once i have time to actually use it.

it's play week. last week in the theater was....rough. i think the general note of the week was "suck less." we're getting there - just a couple rough spots, which i think we ironed out this afternoon. i had a little concern over my costume - they wanted me to wear my own suit, which is NOT at all who puck is. i talked to julie (our costumer and our hippolyta and one of the fairies - welcome to community theatre) and met her on saturday at the costume shop. i won't spoil the surprise for those of you coming to the show, but let's just say, my suit shall be staying in the closet. can't believe we open in five days. so much has happened since i fell in with this crew of patches, it feels like months have passed. and yet it seems like such a short time. i'll be sad to see it end.

ok, the lack of sleep and the mowing have taken their toll. off to bed.
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tunes: nina simone - i want a little sugar in my bowl