perfect

have been coughing uncontrollably since last night. hard to sleep when your lung is trying to escape through your esophagus.

welcome to monday. only two more left in my school year. that's a thought to scatter away any shadows.

been sorting through metaphors, trying to explain this overwhelming sense of peace and contentment i have from doing the show. but nothing seems to fit. frustrating when words fail me. i stand back stage before the lights go down and the orchestra starts and this rush washes over me and i feel at home. like i belong. this is real, this moment, these hours on the stage. everything else fades away. i'm reminded of the quote by dana on sportsnight: "I live from eleven to midnight and the rush is so huge, I don't come down 'till three o'clock in the morning." that's exactly what i feel.

i think if this was the only place i felt this way, i would be in need of serious therapy (not that i'm not anyway, but i'm just saying....). and i would definitely have to be doing this for a living. and it's one of those things that pushed me here from youth ministry. as secular and selfish as it may sound, my passion for theatre was withering away, dwindling to nothing. and i couldn't let that happen because it's not just a part of me - it is me. without it, i'm someone else.

and the scary thing is, next week at this time it will all be over. and i wonder how soon until i lose touch with these people who have grown to mean so much to me. was talking to rhonda tonight and mentioned i feel like i'm at the end of "the breakfast club," that come next monday, we'll leave the little group we formed over the past three months and we'll fall back into our "real" lives, walking through the halls like our saturday school never happened. doesn't have to be that way, but it's certainly the way of least resistance. will take effort to make it otherwise.

God give me strength to make it otherwise.

off to grab some cough syrup and some green tea so i can kick this what i hope is not bronchitis thing i have. . .
Æ

Tunes: new order - state of the nation