02:30 AM

I too pass from the night;

I stay awhile away O night, but I return to you again and

love you;

Why should I be afraid to trust myself to you?

I am not afraid . . . . I have been well brought forward

by you;

I love the rich running day, but I do not desert her in whom

I lay so long;

I know not how I came of you, and I know not where I go

with you . . . . but I know I came well and shall go well.

I will stop only a time with the night . . . . and rise betimes.
WW

i sleep not tonight, i know not the reason, only my mind will not rest
and so here i am, wondering what may spill from my too-awake brain

a little trepidatious am i

been pouring over my lines for the last 45 minutes, using this granted time to try and get these words woven into my brain, which so far has been teflon-like in its inability to allow anything to stick. as if i needed further proof that i am getting old (getting, thurm? more like been there, living that). not panicking yet - further repetition at rehearsals will help. still frustrating. i've become that actor. grrrrr.

i've not been here for a while, for good reason, which i will not share because i don't desire to. and since this is my space (not myspace) and i can do what i please, i will. please.

clear?

did i mention it's 2:30AM?

rory is caught in a wonderful music current this evening - almost every song is a great one. when the love is goob by the bodeans is streaming now. earlier it included ceremony by galaxie 500, somebody by depeche mode, hummer by smashing pumpkins, matrimony by whiskeytown. quite the range of emotions.

been all over that range lately.

bad news of the day - the extra work i did at the auditorium a few weeks back did not hit my paycheck this week like i needed it to, which means i'm going to have to do some creative budgeting to not go into the red again, like i did this past paycheck. times like this i wish i were paid twice a month instead of every two weeks. every now and then the bills fall between the cracks and i come up just a bit short.

of course, these monetary worries aren't keeping me from trying to find a flight to vancouver in november for the cleverly named "Van in a Van" excursion with the campers. best flight so far is $450 round trip. no idea if that's a good price or not. i've had friends tell me both yay and nay. we'll wait a bit, check my options. will have to take all my personal days for the year to make it work out, but i think it's something i have to do - no regrets, right? and what else would i be using the personal days for?

went to kent this weekend. one simple observation - always a bad idea to see a former infatuation in a bikini.

moving on.

making a quickie trip to columbus this weekend to eat at the thurman cafe and see clerks ii. yes, i'm giving mr. smith a chance to prove that jersey girl was a horrible aberration and that he has not indeed lost his mojo. spent much of last week catching up with mr. smith at his blog and his website. reminded me of why i liked him so much in the past - the boy is quite the story teller. and has quite the way with words if you can get through all the profanity (though i would argue his profanity is part and parcel of his way with words. just won't argue that right now).

ok, 3:00AM is fast approaching and if i have any hopes of actually pulling myself out of bed for morning prayers, i should go give it another shot. but i honestly feel no more tired than when i walked in here. and i may actually feel even warmer - have i mentioned how much i hate the heat?

night.
Æ

Tunes: terry scott taylor - mr. flutter (quite appropriate given my financial woes...)