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It’s Hard to Be Red
by: Jake Speed
3/21/06
The tulips are up, the robin’s singing
The sun’s come back, it’s finally Spring and
I’m supposed to cheer or smile or dance or
Something like that but Spring to me means cancer
I’m red-headed, don’t you know that
My skin is whiter than a bucket of snow
If freckles connected, I’d be allright
But I guess that’s impossible, I already tried
I wish it were Winter again, and it’s hard to be a Red.
Spring Break time, you’re all on a cruise
While I’m inside with the sunburnt blues
Your golden brown tan soaks sun by the ocean
While I sit and soak in 80 proof sunscreen lotion
I’m red-headed don’t you see
I’m the one you made fun of as a kid, that’s me
Big Red, Carrot Top, Sunkist Melon
You can take your tan skin, and go to Hell and
you prolly won’t burn but I will
‘cause it’s hard to be a Red.
Woody Allen, Danny Bodaduce
Richie Cunningham and don’t forget Lucy
Queen Elizabeth, Bloody Mary Queen of Scots
Anne Boleyn had a redhead but Henry cut it off
General Custer, Napolean too
Both red-headed, both got screwed
Trotsky and Lenin: two Communist Reds
even Gorbechev had a red thing on his head
Art Garfunkel, not as talented as Simon
But I like him better ‘cause he’s red-headed, kind of
Jefferson and Grant, even Dwight Eisenhower
All White House men with Red Head Power
Willie Nelson and Bonnie Raitt
Both love singing their songs in the shade
Vincent Van Gogh may have cut off an ear
But he never cut off his dark orange beard
Mark Twain’s a great writer, there’s no mistaking
But put him in the sun and he’d burn like bacon
Little Orphan Annie sang a gem
The Sun won’t Come Out till Tomorrow, Amen!
I’m red-headed, don’t you get it
I’m the reason the whole country of Ireland was invented
It’s hard, I say, to live this way
When people only like you on St. Patrick’s Day
Yet with all these difficulties said, I’m glad to be a Red. At least I’m not bald. Thank god I’m not a blonde. I’m glad to be a red.
WARNING!
Reading this blog has made people want to kill themselves, so if you are easily depressed, perhaps you should find something more uplifting to do, like watch a Holocaust documentary or read a Cormac McCarthy novel.