boy howdy

confession: i actually used the title of this entry in conversation this past weekend. it may take years of therapy to get over it.

confession, part ii: i've been avoiding posting here, hiding behind my old entries. partially because i haven't found my life terribly interesting lately. but more because i'm not sure how to share some of what is going on, or even if i should. but here i am and i'll do my best to make this at the very least coherent. i hope.

let's start with the easy stuff....my steelers are headed to the super bowl. in detroit. now, i grew up watching the steelers, brainwashed by my grandma todd early on. sure, at the beginning it was great - those were the days when they were winning super bowls. but then we hit the 80s and, well, things were pretty ugly. and it's from that time period that i get my lack of confidence in my team. i always expect the other shoe is going to drop, that we're going to give up the big play, blow it in some spectacular fashion. and the past decade hasn't helped me shake that feeling, with us losing 4 of 5 afc championships. but can i get a WOW for how this season has played out? i mean i actually watched the last two games live, something i haven't done in years. and they looked great. not good - great. knocked off the 1, 2, and 3 seeds in their own backyards. and they looked good doing it. now some may claim fandom is just the cry of a shallow heart in need of affirmation. perhaps. but the community that builds up around a team is no less real than the community you find in any number of situations - civic clubs, sports teams, even churches. it's a shared experience, something we find in common with others around us. will be a long two weeks until the big show. if they play like they have the last seven games or so, we'll finally win one for the thumb. should be fun.

so....last week was a rarity in the life of thurman. i actually went on a blind date. yep. so blind in fact that i forgot to find out what she looked like, so i was standing in joseph beth looking at every girl that passed by wondering if she was my "date" for the evening. luckily, we found each other pretty readily. lovely evening. good conversation. lots in common. no nightmare stories, which is good. i've never been good at talking about this stuff, so if you're looking for details this is not the place for them.

but the madness doesn't stop there. i actually called someone else, too. must be something in the water. that or i'm realizing my feasibility window is closing swiftly (or at least it feels that way). didn't work out like i had hoped but hey, at least i'm taking steps in the right direction. tiny, infinitesimal steps, but steps.

enough of that.

finally broke down and saw brokeback mountain on saturday. had thought to avoid it basically because the story didn't interest me at all. but felt i should see it before casting aspersions. so i did. let the casting begin. i'm sorry, but i don't see what the big deal is. and while i hate the claims of agenda and all that crap, the truth is, if this wasn't about two men, it would not be nominated for so much. or be getting so much attention. first the good - it's beautifully shot and well-acted. i've always liked ang lee's work, so this was no suprise. but the story....just hard to really connect. i never really bought the passion between jack and ennis - it felt more like, "heck, we're alone on this mountain, we're bored, let's sleep together" instead of some grand passion. and i thought the story covered far too much time and they didn't spend enough time with the two main characters to make us care about them. plus, i've always had a problem when i'm supposed to be sympathetic with characters who are being unfaithful (the english patient anyone?). hold overs from my nazarene upbringing, i'm sure. but i was far more sympathetic toward the lives they destroyed than with their "inability" to be together.

and for the life of me i can' t think of a single film from this past year that i would label best picture worthy. was it really that bad or am i just forgetting?

one last thought: was reading a blog this weekend and "eavesdropped" on a conversation posted there. the claim was made that individuals are no longer comfortable with who they are, which is why so many are caught up in blogging - they do it to find approval and acceptance. as they put it, no one can just live and let live. and while there may be a hint of truth in what they said - i do think that we put our lives on our blogs out of a desire for others to read - i'm not convinced that's a bad thing. and the idea of live and let live is too easily transformed into "live and let die." we are not islands doing our best to avoid one another. as cheesy as it sounds, we do need each other - even when the other is someone we've never met.

think i'd better go to bed early - still feeling a bit under the weather. no nasty symptoms at least, but man, i can't seem to find the energy i need. only four more days of WW stuff. biggest regret: why did i focus so much on the insignificant? where are the conversations? where are the connections with others? who cares what you ate, idiot. write about the important moments.

not that i do much better now....
Æ

mark heard - victims of the age†