deceive, inveigle, obfuscate

seriously, what happened to july? i turned around and *poof* it was gone, with nothing to show for it. hmmmm. i know i did stuff. rehearsal mostly. and sweating. lots of sweating. and over the last couple of days, i've spent too much time playing this. my high score is 1171.4

no use trying to catch up. be painful for all involved. so we press on.

i suppose i should come clean. i've rediscovered something over the past couple of weeks, a part of who i am as a person i've kept suppressed for close to 17 years. i buried it because i was ashamed. i buried it because it didn't fit with the image on wanted to portray. i buried it because i hate mockery. but last tuesday, the grave was officially shaken open and out came my secret:

hello. my name is thurman. and i'm a metalhead wannabe.

now i can't lay claim to being an actual metalhead - my taste in metal skews farther toward the hairband side than the speedmetal side (think: more def leppard, less slayer). and i've never really run with the right crowd for it - blame it on my nazarene upbringing and the fact that most metal lyrics leave much to be desired. sorry, just never been a big fan of the apocalypse and rarely feel the need to curse God. i tried the hair in high school (oy, are those pictures i wish would disappear), but it was the 80s and everyone's hair was big.

but man, do i love a good riff and a screaming guitar solo.

been spending the last week listening to all the metal in my collection, which, despite my lengthy denial, is still pretty hefty (over 600 songs). never really gave it up completely - i mean, my obsession with king's x has kept me at least superficially connected. and i can't help but smile every time i hear boston or def leppard or guns and roses reminding me of glorious summer nights back in high school. this is as much a part of me as my more "mature" choices in music, and, because of their role in shaping who i have ultimately become, maybe even more.

i actually began a post about how i became a metalhead wannabe, but scrapped it because i couldn't figure out where to go next. maybe i'll work on it again.

90 degrees at the moment, which means it will be another sweat-filled rehearsal. i pity my fellow actors. last night was rough - heat muddled my brain and i had trouble with lines i've never struggled with before. will be better tonight. a bit scary to think we go up on friday. but it looks to be a great show. oh, and if i happened to send you an e-mail, be aware that the matinees on sunday are at 6:00PM, not 4:00PM. silly me.

and while i'm making large scale announcements, did i loan my almost famous: the bootleg cut to anyone out there? mine has turned up missing and i can't for the life of me remember who i loaned it to. i don't need it back, i just want to know where it is.

spoke briefly with aaron yesterday - i had been a bit in limbo over what was happening as far as our birthing process. a couple of the churches look to begin tonight. and i wasn't sure the one i was to lead even existed any more. but i'm feeling better about it now and am looking forward to seeing where God leads us. still a bit trepidatious, but i don't believe that's terribly unusual in situations like this. a little anxiousness and pain is involved in any birth - only there's no drugs for this one (unless slurpees count...).

ok, time to relax and clear my head for tonight. here's hoping august is more post-filled than july was.
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Tunes: king's x - we are finding who we are