waiting

waiting...just before seven on sunday evening. my steelers are currently either winning or losing to the over-hyped patriots. as is my wont, i'm waiting until it's over before i watch the game - much better for my heart. sometimes i check in and see how it's going before it actually ends but not tonight - i'm just going to sit here and type and wait until it's all done. i will either have a glorious evening of football ahead of me followed by getting my act together for the coming week or an evening of getting my act together for the coming week.

waiting...the gathering this morning was all about waiting, the major theme of this season. the already and not yet. the looking forward, the looking back, the wondering what lies ahead. we heard the words of isaiah echoed in the gospel this morning. "repent! for the kingdom of God is at hand!" this was the phrase that stood out to me during lectio divinia this morning. and i found myself wondering what happens if i get so used to waiting that, like john, when the kingdom of God does arrive, i begin to doubt if it's true? how do i know? Jesus's answer was to look around, see what is being done

The blind see,
The lame walk,
Lepers are cleansed,
The deaf hear,
The dead are raised,
The wretched of the earth
have God's salvation hospitality extended to them.
"Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves fortunate!"

here's hoping i don't bury my head in my waiting and miss the evidence.

waiting...no contact from CMT about beauty and the beast. the longer the time drags on, the further my hope of getting in. won't be too disappointed if i don't get cast - as always, i probably don't have time to commit to something like this. but i have such a great time doing them, i cannot help myself. i wondered this weekend as i drove all over ohio if i would accept a chorus part - you know, third fork from the left or whatever. and i probably would. fewer rehearsals. more of a chance to get to know people. all a moot point if i don't hear back. patience, thurman, patience.

waiting...so last night on the way to laurie's party with brent, steve and angela i heard a horribly loud noise. i thought i had run over some road debris and as it rattled around for what seemed like an eternity in my wheel well, i wondered how i hit it but brent and steve and angela, who were only a couple of car lengths in front of me, had missed it. but it soon stopped, so i kept driving - only to discover when i got to the party that one of my new tires was completely flat. upon further inspection, it turns out that the tire didn't go flat - there's a huge hole in my wheel. huge. and the back end of my car under the wheel well is completely shredded. speaking from my own ignorance, it looks like my wheel gave out and blew - either that or i did hit some debris and it tore up the wheel and the tire. the amazing thing is i was able to drive all the way to laurie's on the rim with little change in how my car drove. of course, it means i have to buy a new wheel for my car. i tempted to blame tire discounters and force them to take care of the damage, but i'm fairly confident they'll be able to shift the blame to me somehow. "we only deal with tires, not wheels. not our fault the wheel went bad. and since it wasn't technically road debris, the $15.00 per tire insurance you bought is completely worthless to you. that will be another $500 please."

no, really, i'm not a pessimist.

so i have another monday afternoon of waiting to look forward to - waiting on them to fix the wheel, waiting on getting the alignment done, waiting on them to tell me i'm screwed yet one more time just before christmas. yay.

this is a lot of waiting. here's hoping it's not like exercising and that God isn't building up my waiting muscles for some major waiting ahead. not sure i can handle it. time to go check and see if the steeler game is over. i hope the waiting was worth it...
Æ

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Now playing: Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings - Fish In The Dish
via FoxyTunes

i love me a two-hour delay

probably because they felt guilty about not giving us a delay on wednesday, mason city schools called early this morning, saying we didn't have to be at school until 9 today. glory! the only thing that would have made it better were if i had found out before i had showered and gotten dressed. but i'm not complaining - at least i wasn't already on my way to school.

and with a two-hour delay, i get to do one of my favourite things - go to morning prayers. something i desperately need. been an exhausting couple of days - i was in bed by 9:00 last night. haven't done that since...well, so long ago i cannot even remember. only one day this week was i home before 6 pm. waiting for new tires monday, academic team wednesday, film club thursday. and i'll probably go try and get an oil change and alignment this afternoon. we'll see.

i know you're sitting there reading, thinking, "tires? why did you need tires?" on saturday, on the way home from celebrating my mom's birthday (yay mom!), my left front tire decided it was tired (sorry, couldn't resist) and literally shed its skin and went bad. i sat on route 4 across from eastwood lake for a good two hours before help arrived. i called my mazda roadside support, who originally said i was covered, but then said i needed to give them $65 to have someone come help me get my tire off. i had jacked up lorelai and gotten the lugnuts off but the tire would not budge. turns out i need to buy a rubber mallet so i can crawl under the car and whack the tire until it comes off. gee, thanks for making it easy, mazda. what's the point of having a spare if you can't get the tire off? anyway, i finally got home after driving on the donut (bad, bad, i know) and figured i better just get all four tires replaced since winter was on its way and my tires were abysmal in the snow. so i went to tire discounters monday. who told me it would be a two hour wait for new tires and an alignment but only an hour for just the tires and i could get the alignment later. so i went with the latter option so i could get home at a decent hour. an hour and 45 minutes and $715 later, i had four new tires. just what everyone wants right before christmas. to make it worse, when i went back to try and get the alignment done, the wait was now 4 hours. no thanks.

speaking of christmas, i'm not there yet. my tree's not up and i haven't even begun shopping and laurie's christmas party is tomorrow and i have yet to get my exchange gift. this year i'm acutely aware of the overwhelming consumerism surrounding christmas and am just not feeling it. hopefully that will fade soon. i do love christmas and would hate to see it spoiled by my inner scrooge.

been reading coupland's latest, the gum thief. this is the longest it has ever taken me to finish one of his books. not sure if it's the book or if it's just my life right now, but i cannot seem to read more than a few pages at a time. probably a combination of both. i already know i'm going to have to reread it before making any judgments. the list has been pretty quiet about it, other than a slew of reviews from publications posted (well, except for anne's lovely review). cannot say it's blown me away, but i think that has more to do where i am right now than the book itself. it's why i'm a big proponent of rereading - we're never the same person we were when we read it the first time.

need to get going. didn't hear back from CMT about my audition, so no call backs for me. not surprised - i'm not really lead character material. could still make it as a fork or something i suppose. we'll see. my biggest asset is my ability to sing bass - most of your musical theatre boys are baritone/tenors. not me. i prefer to rumble. anyway. more waiting. we'll see what happens.

ok, to kroger, then to prayers, then to school. i wish every morning were like this. but no, we have to start at the ungodly and unhealthy time. not that i'm bitter or anything....
Æ

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Now playing: Over the Rhine - This Daring Light
via FoxyTunes

stumbling through

thursday. cannot wait for the weekend, though a new mountain of grading looms before me. OGT practice tests. jekyll and hyde essay tests. so much for my brief respite. but at least i have dinner with the owp crew and a pomegranates show to look forward to.

so mbc (the school broadcast news magazine) ran their story on teacher's who blog, which seems to be just me. they had this lovely site on the screen several times. and in a strange twist, they had me saying that i don't like to publicize my blog while the whole time there was my blog on the screen. they didn't give the exact address, thank goodness, but enough of my students are bright enough to find it by the title, which could definitely be seen. so much for all the cursing i do here.

kidding. kidding.

i'll still be cursing.

kidding. kidding.

academic team (or as i like to call it, fun with smart people) had its first scrimmage yesterday against little miami. a bit intimidating - we walked into the band room with our nine students while their 50+ students (!) sat around eating pizza. but we soon proved that size does not matter. our varsity team annihilated their varsity team in both rounds, 72-27 and 73-38. and our JV did well - the first round ended in a tie, which we lost in overtime. and they were close in the second round. a couple questions here and there and the outcome could have been very different. i'm still frustrated that we miss so many literature questions, but then so did the other teams.

hilarious moment: the team is composed mostly of guys, and they give out what they call "man points" when they answer "manly" questions - sports, certain literature, etc. and they take away man points when you answer something "unmanly" - opera, show biz gossip, etc. so i was a little worried when we got to the fine arts section of the match and the topic was the top 100 romantic films of all time. i had to convince them they would not lose man points for answering. we got jerry maguire, but missed the toss up, much to my relief - the answer was the bridges of madison county, which was a bad book and a worse movie. bleah.

called tonight for an audition slot for cmt's beauty and the beast. figured i needed something to steal away all my time this spring, right? not sure what i should sing for the audition - my usual is "stars" from les mis, but i get the feeling it might be overused. trying to think of some other options - perhaps something from carousel or south pacific? unfortunately, i don't have sheet music for those. will have to see what i can scrounge up before monday at 9:00.

been doing some reading on reformed theology lately in response to some discussions i've had. now i'm a born and bred wesley-arminian, so of course i'm going to be biased. but i have major problems with much of what i've read so far from calvin. just the five points make me cringe. and then to hear how they are often interpreted and applied.... i truly appreciate the emphasis on the sovereignty of God, something desperately needed in most churches. but it seems such a hopeless way of viewing God and humankind. and i have a major problem with the idea that some are created just to be punished. that is not love. that is not grace.

enough blathering for now. feeling worn out tonight and am just needing to sit back and relax a bit. here's hoping i can actually do that.
Æ

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Now playing: Phil Keaggy - I Always Do
via FoxyTunes

about time

so today i was interviewed by the school tv for a special they're running on teachers who blog. so i suppose i should, you know, actually do some of that.

new trimester has started and i'm back to teaching sophomores, with one final class of seniors. i feel bad for my sophomores who took their summer reading test last week and are now being subjected to four days of practice ohio graduation tests. they are going to hate me by the time the week is over. but there's no way around it. though i'm not sure it's going to get much better for them this trimester. i'll be interested to see how the class goes with the new way of doing things. i'm going to have to find some ways to keep them - and me - from burning out.

so much to catch up on...guess i should explain the last post. the one about the beautiful girl. you probably should begin looking for signs of the apocalypse because the rumours are true: i am actually dating someone. i know, i can't believe it either. completely unexpected. probably won't be too many details here - i've never been good at sharing this kind of stuff. but she really is quite amazing. lovely. intelligent. surprising. and, unfortunately, far, far away. God's got a great sense of humour. so much for my wanting to get away from long distance relationships. been hard being this far apart, but we're trying to make it work. i got to spend thanksgiving with her, which was wonderful. nothing like nearly twelve hours in car.

(funny moment: we got stuck for over an hour in an accident on I-70 - ok, that's not so funny - but i turned off the car so i didn't waste gas. only... i forgot to turn off my lights. so my battery died. luckily, i figured it out before traffic started to move again, so i asked the over-sized pickup next to me if he could give me a jump and got her restarted before lifeflight flew away)

advent starts this coming sunday. hard to believe it's already here. not sure if anything special is going on or not. i hope so. we started meeting in st. e's again during st. e's, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. really is one of my favourite times of the church year.

ok, so the new coupland book arrived at my house today - only, it needed proof of delivery, so i have to go and try to pick it up at the post office tomorrow. grrr. hopefully it was worth the wait - i ordered the special box set from amazon.ca. was a little worried with all the fluctuations with the loonie and the dollar, but i still think it ended up cheaper ordering it from there - 40.03 canadian as opposed to the 60 dollars at amazon. com. good week for it to arrive, while i'm giving the practice OGT. will give me something to keep me occupied. that and the student teacher i have right now.

ok, time for sleep. hopefully i'll be able to get back into the swing of things here now that my end of the trimester grading hell is over. later.

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Now playing: Elvis - Vertigo
via FoxyTunes

the song i can't get out of my head

i promise this isn't going to turn into a music blog. and i'll do a posting sometime if the end of the trimester doesn't turn my brain to mush (whose stupid idea was it to collect the research paper the weekend before the trimester ends. oh right, that's mine). in the meantime, go here to enjoy the song below (warning: it's terribly catchy - you'll probably sing it the rest of the day). it's one of my favourites and (cryptic alert!) explains a bit why i've been silent.

more later.
Æ


I'm in love with a Beautiful Girl,
Yes I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

And she's staring through a crack in the sky,
Yes she's staring through a crack in the sky.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

And she's in love with a wonderful guy,
Yes, she's in love with a wonderful guy,
Well I hope she's in love
with whom I think she's in love,
I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

I'm a charming and dangerous guy
Yes, I'm a charming and dangerous guy.
If you don't expect too much it's alright,
I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

And we're going through a hole in the sky,
Yeah, we're going through a hole in the sky.
We'll be up there for the longest while,
'cos I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

Yes, I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Yes, I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

Robyn Hitchcock

my new favorite song

click here to hear the song

It’s Hard to Be Red
by: Jake Speed
3/21/06

The tulips are up, the robin’s singing
The sun’s come back, it’s finally Spring and
I’m supposed to cheer or smile or dance or
Something like that but Spring to me means cancer

I’m red-headed, don’t you know that
My skin is whiter than a bucket of snow
If freckles connected, I’d be allright
But I guess that’s impossible, I already tried
I wish it were Winter again, and it’s hard to be a Red.

Spring Break time, you’re all on a cruise
While I’m inside with the sunburnt blues
Your golden brown tan soaks sun by the ocean
While I sit and soak in 80 proof sunscreen lotion

I’m red-headed don’t you see
I’m the one you made fun of as a kid, that’s me
Big Red, Carrot Top, Sunkist Melon
You can take your tan skin, and go to Hell and
you prolly won’t burn but I will
‘cause it’s hard to be a Red.

Woody Allen, Danny Bodaduce
Richie Cunningham and don’t forget Lucy
Queen Elizabeth, Bloody Mary Queen of Scots
Anne Boleyn had a redhead but Henry cut it off
General Custer, Napolean too
Both red-headed, both got screwed
Trotsky and Lenin: two Communist Reds
even Gorbechev had a red thing on his head
Art Garfunkel, not as talented as Simon
But I like him better ‘cause he’s red-headed, kind of
Jefferson and Grant, even Dwight Eisenhower
All White House men with Red Head Power
Willie Nelson and Bonnie Raitt
Both love singing their songs in the shade
Vincent Van Gogh may have cut off an ear
But he never cut off his dark orange beard
Mark Twain’s a great writer, there’s no mistaking
But put him in the sun and he’d burn like bacon
Little Orphan Annie sang a gem
The Sun won’t Come Out till Tomorrow, Amen!

I’m red-headed, don’t you get it
I’m the reason the whole country of Ireland was invented
It’s hard, I say, to live this way
When people only like you on St. Patrick’s Day
Yet with all these difficulties said, I’m glad to be a Red. At least I’m not bald. Thank god I’m not a blonde. I’m glad to be a red.

on the road

i decided to take my grading on the town tonight. currently sitting in the hyde park panera, taking advantage of their free wireless and happy with my choice of dinner - half a chipolte chicken sandwich and a bowl of vegetarian black bean soup. i may splurge and get something sweet before i leave. the main selling point for me - free refills of caffeine-free diet pepsi. helps keep me going while i grade. one thing i learned tonight - you don't sit outside of panera to take in the beautiful weather because that's where all the smokers congregate and all you'll get is lungs full of cancer. not that i'm bitter or anything.

speaking of grading, my students did not do well on my beowulf test. at all. maybe i should have gone with jenna's test and had them watch a buffy episode and compare it to the story of beowulf. will have to give it some more thought. not sure what i'm going to do - i've never curved a test before, but i'm thinking i might have to. or i might give them a second chance to do the essays, though the essays weren't the big problem. maybe allowing them to use their notes backfired - they figured it would be easy with notes, so they took no time to study. i don't know. still trying to get a handle on the class. truth is, i'm going to be making some changes next trimester. and i've already told tim i'd like to keep teaching brit lit next year if they need me. guess we'll have to see what happens.

i finally got around to contacting the pastoral council at VC and let them know about my desire to be ordained. as i typed up my journey so far, i realized this desire wasn't some lingering fragment of my past but a still burning call in my life. i'm not sure how that will play itself out, but i'm sensing a leading toward spiritual disciplines and i'm becoming more and more interested in spiritual direction, both as a discipline to practice and a way for me to minister. now i just wait to see what the PC says. it's exciting to see this long dormant passion beginning to be fanned into a flame once again.

don't want to spend too much time here - have to finish one more class of grading and get home in time for compline before i vegetate in front of the tv and watch my thursday night shows. but wanted to have fun typing this in public. i should try to do this at the cafe, but every time i think about it, they're closed. what i probably should do is get a router for my house so i can use my laptop anywhere around there. still not sure it's a necessity, though.

once more into the breech. here's hoping they're prettier than the other classes....
Æ

tunes: public enemy - prophets of rage

quite the spirit week

this week was a microcosm of everything great and terrible about teaching high school. it started horribly on monday morning with announcement for the staff to gather in the media center at 7:oo. this is never a good announcement. it usually means they have to pass along some tragic news so we're prepared to deal with students affected by it. this, unfortunately, was not an exception. our principal passed along that a body had been found in a pond over the weekend and that it was going to be identified as one of our students, anthony. i had anthony in my class a couple years ago - and i use the term "in class" lightly. anthony was far more interested in other past times than doing well in my english class. but he was fun to have around when he was there. great kid, horrible student. unfortunately, anthony preferred to escape from reality and ultimately it caused him to leave it. the odd thing is, in a school the size of mason (3,000 students), it made only a small ripple. his close friends were devastated, but the devastation didn't reach much to the others.

i went with bea to the funeral on wednesday night. so hard to watch students weep. this circle of friends had already lost one earlier this year. rick huff, our truant officer and ordained minister, led the service, and did a marvelous job of emphasizing the hope that can be found in tragedies like this. but his mom and stepdad took the opportunity to condemn his friends. i know it came out of a desire to spare their parents the pain they were feeling. but there has to be a better time to do that, a better way, than at the funeral.

anthony's death made the week a bit odd, the strange juxtaposition of death with the celebration of school spirit. i had a great time dressing up for the various days and seeing my students do the same. nice seeing some things don't change, no matter how the decades pass. it makes the classroom much more interesting and i think helps students to get more out of the reading we do. we had a good time acting out scenes from beowulf, though they're still a bit timid. at least most of them are. we'll see if they were actually able to learn anything next week when i give the test.

then there was the major drama of the week: seems a parent called the school and registered a complaint about the song "crank dat" by soulja boy, claiming it was too offensive for high school students to listen to at a school sponsored activity (here's the lyrics, if you want to see. good luck understanding them). so the administration, wanting to avoid a scene, decided not to play the song. and then all of the underworld broke loose. rumours flew, stating there was a long list of songs that were not going to be played, that the dj would only be playing wordless, techno versions of songs, that students could not get their money back. so the students decided to get fired up and went to the school board meeting to raise their complaints. while i'm all for student activism, they needed to think about how they were going about it. the school board has no say in this kind of thing and all it did was make the public aware of the songs that are being played at the dance, raising the possibility that there will be a list of banned songs next time there's a dance as soon as parents realize there are far worse songs than "crank dat."

dumbest moment: the student chosen to speak for the student body chose to end his rant with the following idea: why should one parent's complaint cause suffering for the rest of us. suffering? really, suffering? you really feel you're suffering because you cannot listen to a 4 minute song that you'll probably hate in six months? if you want to see suffering, maybe you should have gone to anthony's funeral. or turned on the news. or found a way not to look like an over-privileged, whiny teenager.

and of course the local media ate it up. my favorite moment comes from wkrc's coverage. they interviewed a couple of my students for the report. unfortunately, dan was dressed for spirit week and looks like, if you'll pardon the vernacular, a wigger, which only added to the hilarity for me. you also have a character dressed in red scuba gear dancing. we do so much right at mason - why is it always this kind of silliness that gets covered?

then today was the pep rally. i can't say i was looking forward to it - too many students, crazy logistics, abysmal sound. and usually the student body seems less interested in celebrating school spirit than simply getting out of class. but today was the peppiest rally i've been to at mason. andy and i had a good time getting the wave going and the drumline got all the students up and dancing about. we think they should hire the drumline to play for the dance and avoid all the controvery. it was fun seeing all the students having a great time. and they're so freaking polite - the administration got worried that the students might run over the drumline so they walked up to the students and asked them to go back to their seats - and they went! crazy!

was so exhausted by the end of the day i feared i wouldn't make it to the game and almost didn't. but got myself out of my comfy chair and drove back up to school. i met bea and we waded through the masses. as i passed the senior section they began chanting "thurman! thurman!" hilarious and flattering and embarrassing all at the same time. and, surprise surprise, the football team actually won (it's been a rough year for them). the only disappointment was the band. technically, they were excellent - sharp marching, precise playing, excellent formations. but you could barely hear them. and they had no passion. my high school band was half the size and twice as loud. but a great end to a great spirit week.

geesh. i need to post more often so i don't end up with these monstrous posts. not like i've had a ton of time this week, though. and i didn't even get to mention academic team and my first film club meeting of the year. see, i told you it was a packed week.

ok, time to try and sleep. or go and watch the hours of tv i have on my dvr. or both. night.
Æ

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Now playing: Eugene Edwards - The Next Time You Go
via FoxyTunes

now they tell me

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/10/05/appendix.purpose.ap/index.html

*WASHINGTON (AP) * -- Some scientists think they have figured out the
real job of the troublesome and seemingly useless appendix: It produces
and protects good germs for your gut.

That's the theory from surgeons and immunologists at Duke University
Medical School, published online in a scientific journal this week.

For generations the appendix has been dismissed as superfluous. Doctors
figured it had no function. Surgeons removed them routinely. People live
fine without them.

And when infected the appendix can turn deadly. It gets inflamed quickly
and some people die if it isn't removed in time. Two years ago, 321,000
Americans were hospitalized with appendicitis
<http://topics.cnn.com/topics/appendicitis>, according to the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention
<http://topics.cnn.com/topics/centers_for_disease_control_and_prevention>.

The function of the appendix seems related to the massive amount of
bacteria populating the human digestive system, according to the study
in the Journal of Theoretical Biology. There are more bacteria than
human cells in the typical body. Most are good and help digest food.

But sometimes the flora of bacteria in the intestines die or are purged.
Diseases such as cholera or amoebic dysentery would clear the gut of
useful bacteria. The appendix's job is to reboot the digestive system in
that case.

The appendix "acts as a good safe house for bacteria," said Duke surgery
professor Bill Parker, a study co-author. Its location _ just below the
normal one-way flow of food and germs in the large intestine in a sort
of gut cul-de-sac -- helps support the theory, he said.

Also, the worm-shaped organ outgrowth acts like a bacteria factory,
cultivating the good germs, Parker said.

That use is not needed in a modern industrialized society, Parker said.

If a person's gut flora dies, it can usually be repopulated easily with
germs they pick up from other people, he said. But before dense
populations in modern times and during epidemics of cholera that
affected a whole region, it wasn't as easy to grow back that bacteria
and the appendix came in handy.

In less developed countries, where the appendix may be still useful, the
rate of appendicitis is lower than in the U.S., other studies have
shown, Parker said.

He said the appendix may be another case of an overly hygienic society
triggering an overreaction by the body's immune system.

Even though the appendix seems to have a function, people should still
have them removed when they are inflamed because it could turn deadly,
Parker said. About 300 to 400 Americans die of appendicitis each year,
according to the CDC.

Five scientists not connected with the research said that the Duke
theory makes sense and raises interesting questions.

The idea "seems by far the most likely" explanation for the function of
the appendix, said Brandeis University biochemistry professor Douglas
Theobald. "It makes evolutionary sense."

The theory led Gary Huffnagle, a University of Michigan internal
medicine and microbiology professor, to wonder about the value of
another body part that is often yanked: "I'll bet eventually we'll find
the same sort of thing with the tonsils."

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Now playing: X - Breathless
via FoxyTunes

my sincerest apologies

for those of you who tuned in tonight to the premiere of Pushing Daisies and fell in love with its quirky characters, clever writing and a sense of originality not normally seen on television in this day of (un)reality tv and recycled ideas: i am so sorry. see, i haven't liked a show on first viewing this much in a long, long time. and, if history proves to hold true, it means this marvelous show won't make it past this season. my so-called life, sportsnight, cupid - shows that were well acted, well written and canceled (and all on ABC - maybe it stands for Already Been Canceled) because the american viewing public couldn't be bothered, or were too busy watching idiots ask for lifelines for questions they should have covered in third grade or voting gloryhounds off distant islands.

don't get me wrong - i am going to enjoy every minute ABC deigns to let this show remain on the air. and i already know, if it makes it far enough, i'll be buying the dvd to watch whenever i can. i almost watched the show again after it was over; it was that good. this is my kind of show - which of course is the kiss of death.

so please join me in enjoying what little time we have with this marvelous program. savor it like a rare wine, letting each sip linger as long as possible. soon it will be gone, but we can be blessed with the moments we have.
Æ

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Now playing: Augie March - One Crowded Hour
via FoxyTunes

i love primetime homeroom days

lunch/plan bell. planning's done. grading waits until later. so instead of mindlessly wandering the internets looking for news of a new show starring demetri martin, i figured i'd jot a few of my thoughts down. you know, those burning issues that have been struggling their way from the depths of my soul to be shared with a public waiting to devour them.

or something like that.

it's my favorite month and the weather is making me all nostalgic - sights, smells, days all have significance. like today. birthday for a girl i dated my first year of college - cindy rogers. why do i remember these things and yet cannot remember the name of lori's child (it's ryan, btw - ryan roth. he's destined to play shortstop for someone)? obviously memories are tied into personal experiences. but what is it about this month that sparks so many memories? does more happen in this month or am i more aware of what does happen? or do i look for more because it's my favorite month and am looking for reasons to back up what i feel?

i have no answers. maybe i'll find them by taking a walk in the woods. at the very least, i'll make some more memories.

i think i need to stop watching tv news programs - even the funny ones. i find myself growing increasingly frustrated with our current political situation. when i hear of politicians putting off dealing with the war until the re-election cycle begins next year, i wonder if we wouldn't be better off scrapping the whole government and starting over. i'm growing to hate both parties and can think of no one i would vote for to lead our country. all the candidates make me want to hide and i feel that i'm going to be stuck once again voting, not for the best candidate, but for the lesser of two evils. and i'm losing hope that the situation will ever change. almost makes me wish i believed the framers of the constitution meant "the right to bear arms" means the right to own assault rifles, so i could take up arms against a government that is less inclined to look at what is best for the country and more inclined on how it will affect the money overflowing into their coffers.

bleah. makes me want to vomit.

something happy...house made me laugh again last night. i'm enjoying his search for a new team. will be interesting to see how long they drag this on. i have moments where i wish i could be as acerbic as he is. but i tend to like people too much to be that rude. maybe something to aspire to.

bell's going to ring. time to see what my students know about the anglo-saxons. should take about 37 seconds....
Æ

tunes: the pogues - thousands are sailing

i'm going - anyone with me?

Studio 35, Columbus Ohio


The Buffy Musical Extravaganza

i'll be there saturday, oct. 27.
Æ

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Now playing: Sinead O'Connor - I Am Stretched On Your Grave
via FoxyTunes

to quote the brooding prince of denmark

words. words. words.

a couple of friends have questioned my use of a certain expletive in the piece i wrote from the perspective of my appendix. i probably could have given some explanation before posting it but decided to let it stand as it was, especially since i had given the context in my previous post. i spent the beginning of the summer, when i wasn't taking the OWP, watching seasons five and six of The Sopranos, which is why my appendix ended up in the mob. i took the prompt as an opportunity to practice writing in a voice that wasn't my own, so i tried to have my appendix speak like a mobster. and it wasn't like my appendix was even using it in a derogatory way - he's impressed with the work the heart is doing. he didn't call the heart a "m-f" but said he was pumping away like one. big difference.

i do my best to not use "potty" language in my ordinary interaction with people and agree, nine times out of ten there are better ways to express yourself than the lazy use of expletives. but for this piece, for this character, i thought it worked. obviously, it's ruffled a few feathers. so to those of you shocked by what you read and expecting better of me: shut the fuck up.

(and in case there's any doubt: i'm trying to be funny, people. do not take this personally. and don't make me explain why it's funny).

spent most of the school day yesterday wondering if i would have to go to the doctor's office or the hospital - had been experiencing some pain in my abdomen, so called the doctor in the morning to find out if i needed to have it checked out. guess it was nothing because i didn't get a call until i was on the way home from school telling me just to keep an eye on it. so, given a clean bill of health, i went out last night with the carpool gang from OWP to The Pub over in rookwood. we had a great time catching up and promised to do it again soon, which is fine by me. haven't laughed like that in a great while. and i discovered i LOVE their goat cheese dip. who knew?

thursday night was parent/teacher conferences and unlike many of my other friends, i had a pretty light load - only four conferences. so i was wandering around and wandered into lori's room to discover her husband and child were there (i would use the child's name, but right now, i've completely forgotten it. tyler? taylor? i know, i know, i'm a horrible friend). the little one looked at me strangely when i said hey and then went back to playing with the keyboard, pounding away and ignoring me. i chatted with them for a while and then went back to get some stuff done in my room. lori found me later and said that after i left, her child looked around and said, "thurman gone." pretty impressive for a child just over a year and a half, especially since this was the first time he'd ever met me. made me smile.

heading out in a 20 minutes to see 3:10 to Yuma. not sure what to expect. heard some good stuff about it, but i'm a little trepidatious as it's a western and i tend to not like them. but the cast looks good so here's hoping. more later, perhaps.
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Now playing: The Ramones - Beat On The Brat
via FoxyTunes

no sleep for thurman

11:30. am i tired? not at all. wide. a. wake. ridiculous.

just finished watching reaper, the new show on the cw. not bad - good enough to get me to watch it a few more times. also dvr'd house, which was terribly amusing - could not stop laughing over the kidnapping of the guitar. think i may be on my way to renting the other seasons on dvd to catch up. didn't watch bones because, well, i need to find out if i need to watch season two first.

this is a sickness, isn't it? too bad i don't know a doctor like house who could figure out what was wrong with me.

thunderstorms earlier tonight - poor becky, steve and uly got caught on the way to house church. but then, just before i walked to compline, there was a break in the stormclouds and the nearly full moon drifted between. first full moon of autumn tomorrow. looks like we'll have rain most of the day, but maybe we'll see sister moon smiling for us, if only briefly.

i keep hoping this is it, the final day of unbearable heat, but i'm not quite ready to let go completely and fall into, well, fall. did that a couple weeks ago and look what happened.

i just need to move to the arctic circle.

been bitten by the consumption bug - bought new eyeglasses this weekend. oh my sweet unsuspecting wallet. $300+, which i've since discovered is about average for that kind of purchase. has it been that long since i bought new ones that i don't remember that kind of expenditure? probably, since i haven't had new glasses since, oh, 2000. so much has happened since then. and not so much, too.

you'd think after such an unexpected expense i'd be a bit more frugal with my finances. yet how do i find myself spending my time? researching the new ipod classics, specifically the 160 gb version. see, poor rory is nearly out of space. and i keep buying new music. already wiped my musical collection to make more room, but eventually even that will be gone. and now that the prices have dropped, i'm tempted to join the ipod masses. not going to do anything right now, but it's definitely in the back of my head.

so much for my desire to live more simply...

this is not helping my insomnia. i just find myself more and more awake. maybe i'll try reading some more of adverbs by handler, see if that does the trick. at least i'll be in a prone position as opposed to sitting, staring at a screen. here's hoping i don't see 1AM roll around.
Æ
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Now playing: Dramarama - Anything, Anything
via FoxyTunes

vestigial

Psst. Over here.

No, the other side.

Hey. Howya doin’?

I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. My name is…well, why dontcha just call me VA for now. Don’t worry ‘bout not knowin’ me – I usually try and keep a low profile ‘round here. No use stirring up trouble if I don’t have to, know what I mean?

What’s that? What do I do around here? Now that is an excellent question. Been asking myself that one for years. I mean, all these friends of mine, they know. Heart’s up there pumpin’ like a motherfucker. Lungs, they’re bringing in, distributing to the rest of us. Small intestine, he’s takin’ care of the garbage. But me? I’m just kinda here. I get these funny looks sometimes from the others, like I don’t belong ‘round here. Doesn’t help being a bit wormy looking. And I gotta tell ya, it wears on ya after a while. Not like I can argue with ‘em, though. Truth is, I am a bit useless. It’s hard not knowing your purpose in a place like this. And I have to say it makes me more than a little nervous. I mean, what happens when the boss upstairs decides I’m not worth the potential hassle down the road? I highly doubt he’ll keep me around for nostalgia’s sake.

Like last week, I was talkin’ to the ears and they said they heard one of the other families had problems with theirs. Ended up shutting down the entire operation for a couple weeks to…take care of the problem. The worst part? The family didn’t miss a beat. It’s like no one notices he’s not there.

So yeah, I tend to stay out of the way. No use drawing undue attention to myself. Some things are best unseen and unheard is my motto. I figure I have a better chance of survivin’ that way. ‘Cause otherwise, someone might realize I’m not pulling my weight around here and…well…take me out.
Æ

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Now playing: Peter Gabriel - Digging In The Dirt
via FoxyTunes

must be something in the air

spent the last couple of hours catching up on blogs and figured i should at least post something here to let those who possibly wonder about such things that i am indeed still around. this may be the longest spell of blankness since i started my bloglife. and i have no excuses. no good ones, anyway.

for those that hadn't heard, my appendix and i had an arugment: i really didn't think much about it and it wanted to kill me. so right after labor day, on my doctor's recommendation, i drove myself to the Christ hospital and after being poked and prodded by a female doctor and a male nurse (and having them try FOUR times to get an IV in my arms - they said i had tough skin...oh the irony), i went in for an emergency laproscopic appendectomy. all went well and i was out of the hospital in 30 hours and back home, where i then spent two weeks in my comfy chair watching the second season of The Office, reading three books (two Ffordes, one Handler) and sleeping. a lot. so much that returning this week to school was rough because my already screwed up sleep schedule got even more out of whack. but all is well and as far as major surgeries go, this one went smoothly. i even got pictures, which i toyed with posting but it's really not pretty.

funny - this summer for OWP, one of our prompts was to write from the perspective of a body part and i chose the appendix, making him like a member of the mob afraid that the Godfather would find out he served no purpose and have him "taken out." aren't i clever? guess my appendix didn't think so.

funny, part deux: so tonight i ran into hollywood video.

no, i mean literally.

yes, once again, my misnamed parking brake failed me and lorelai meandered across another parking lot, this time running into the newly remodeled column in front of hollywood video, leaving a good sized dent in the facade and knocking my front license plate off. waited for the police to arrive, but the store didn't want a report filed, just my insurance info and driver's license info. could have been much worse - could have hit another car (again), could have hit the drop box (which i'm not exactly sure how it missed it the first time), could have gone through the doors, or hit someone. not an ideal way to spend part of a friday evening, but better than spending it watching balls of fury.

no use trying to catch you up on the past 6 1/2 weeks, but here's some highlights.

school has started and i really love teaching seniors - i think it will be tough going back to sophomores next trimester. maybe i'll get lucky next year and get to teach seniors all year.

in addition to advising film club, i'm also co-coaching academic team. hyperintelligent students who excel at trivia - these are my people.

gratis fest was fun yet again - beautiful weather, great times. some of my students were there saturday to see pomegranates. i actually got up and was dancing at the front with them, so they either think i'm the biggest geek or the coolest teacher. here's hoping for the latter.

two more friends found me via the internets. seems to have been the summer for that. fun.

and that's all i can think of right now.

ok, time to try and fall asleep again. if it's like the rest of the week, i still have a couple hours to go. at least i have the latest thursday next novel to pass the time. more sooner than later, i hope.
Æ

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Now playing: My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
via FoxyTunes

damn, it's hot

i have done n-o-t-h-i-n-g this week. zip. nada. sat around in my underwear trying to keep from melting into my comfy chair. and i've only been moderately successful at even doing that. been wanting to get outside, get on the bike, take a walk, but when i'm a sweaty mess from just walking out the door, i know this is unwise and mostly disgusting. so i sit and watch. finally got to watching the first season of bones, which brent loaned me. wasn't too impressed with the pilot, but i went ahead and gave it another chance. now i'm six episodes in and enjoying it. pretty much the x-files, minus the aliens and government conspiracy. might be adding it to my to record list, to fill the massive holes left by the loss of the girls and veronica.

also watched the first steelers game (again, thanks to brent). ok, preseason game. they looked good. sharp. ready. i know it's only preseason, but it looks like tomlin has them mentally tough and ready to play. ben looked good and comfortable. wilson looks ready to step up his game. and davis looks to be a good back up for fast willie parker. fun to watch the boys play again. here's for a good season. at least one better than the bengals.

ok, i'm only sitting here and i feel the perspiration building up on my forehead and extremities. bleah bleah bleah. why do i hate the one thing i seem to be able to do remarkably well?

my other watching option has been the matrix trilogy. now i never got to the third one, so put off by what happened in the second and what i heard others say about it. but aaron had the multidisc boxset and so i borrowed it from him and am going through the commentaries featuring the two philosophers. they claim you have to take the three as a whole to get the complete meaning. their excitement for it is making me actually look forward to seeing the others again. perhaps they'll shine a light on the murkiness i felt the first time i watched. who knows. color me intrigued.

been nice to have no agenda this week after a summer filled with them. little frustrating because that protestant work ethic kicks in and tries to make me feel guilty for doing nothing. and i there are things i'd like to get done - cleaning the basement, replying to correspondence - and things i should get done - preparing for the coming year. but if i'm anything, i'm lazy. and hot. and my insomnia has struck again - was up at 3:45am last night again. don't think it's something i ate and i'm not anxious or worried about anything. i don't know. i'm just going to blame the heat.

sometime i want to sit down and give some of my favorite moments from my trip to vegas. but now is not the time. but here's a pic to tide you over, taken by scott, the man whose birthday we were there to celebrate. unfortunately, the menu didn't list the size of the item you were ordering, so imagine my surprise and consternation when they brought me out half a cow. and imagine my distended stomach when i finished most of it. temptress, thy name is gluttony.


more later, when i'm cooler. which at this point may be sometime in december.
Æ
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tunes: Public Image Limited - Rise
via FoxyTunes

i don't know whether to be flattered or frightened

today i had three phone calls from a number i didn't recognize. i figured whoever it was would leave a message, but each time, nothing. on the third call, which came around 9:15 PM, i decided to pick it up. on the other end i heard a voice asking, "is this mr. allen, the most kickass english teacher ever?" of course i answered yes. turns out to be one of my students from last year. he said he and some others had wanted to "hang" with me (their words, not mine), so they googled my name and after a couple of wrong calls, ended up calling my dad, who decided to go ahead and give them my phone number.

either i'm far too easy to find online or my students are much smarter than i give them credit for. or maybe they just have waaaaaayy too much time on their hands.

i don't remember ever wanting any of my teacher's phone numbers in high school. so i'm flattered to be remembered. but the idea of students having my number makes me a bit...wary, i guess. an irrational fear, but in today's warped society, i could see it being a problem. i was chatting with a friend who asked if i was "comfortable" hanging with former students. guess i am, moreso than i would be with current students. i mean, i was trained to be able to relate to teens back in my seminary days, so it comes naturally. and it's not like some have intimated (read: administrators) that teachers who interact with students outside of school are looking for friends. truth is, i genuinely like teenagers. not in some creepy kind of way, but because i find them fun and fascinating.

which i guess probably just makes me seem creepy.

oh well. the students are supposed to call back once they figure out when everyone can get together and let me know when and where we can "hang." and this time i'll answer the first time i see the number.
Æ

ps you'll notice a new "now playing" format below. comes from the foxy tunes plugin for firefox. i highly recommend it.
Æ



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tunes: The La's - There She Goes
via FoxyTunes

from guacamole to sushi

Before my trip to Las Vegas, I told people who asked why I was going when I hated it so much the first time that I was following The Guacamole Rule™: every now and then I retry things I don’t like, just to be sure I still don’t like them. So from this perspective, my trip to Vegas was a complete success – I came back no longer loathing the city and having great memories of the five days there.

But I can’t say I’m in a hurry to go back any time soon.

Vegas is a place with no sense of history or even of the future. Vegas focuses on the now, the moment and the moment just around the corner. It is all that matters.

That’s not meant as a slam. OK, maybe just a little. I always hear people talking about living in the moment, blah blah blah and here I was, in a city that does nothing but live in the moment and it left me feeling empty. Not while I was enjoying myself, pogoing in the dueling piano bar or eating the world’s largest slab of meat or snapping photos of the faux Eiffel Tower behind the faux Arc de Triomphe or watching the spectacle of the Bellagio fountains. But in-between those moments (and there wasn’t much in-between with our breakneck schedule), when the spectacle faded and we waited for the next big moment, the stillness left me with a longing for something deeper. It’s probably why there are so many lights and sounds happening at once in Vegas, to keep that emptiness at bay.

I realize this is oxymoronic: “So basically you’re saying you had a great time except for when you weren’t having a great time.” I know. I did have a great time in those moments. But, to use a cliché, the whole is far less than the sum of its parts. My highlight of the entire trip was our “side trip” to the Grand Canyon (I’m not sure how side it can actually be when it takes you nearly five hours to get there). Standing there on the edge – well, as close to the edge as I could get without succumbing to vertigo – I experienced a moment I know will not fade any time soon. I felt all the moments of my life coming together, all those leading up to that Thursday afternoon and all those coming after. I experienced a contentment so often missing in my life. I knew this was where I was meant to be, the right time, the right place, breathing in the grandeur. All the great moments in Vegas cannot compare to the few hours spent at the Grand Canyon. It’s a stark contrast I can’t seem to escape. Vegas is transitory, man’s monument to instant gratification; the Grand Canyon is timeless, God’s monument to the power of time.

My first time in Vegas was too short, a smattering of hours on my first journey to the west coast. I lacked the opportunity to see anything but the mind-numbing glitz and the lost souls basking in its glow. My second trip was a touch too long. This time I saw beneath the glitz and the glow, only to discover it held little for me. I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. I don’t enjoy crowds. I don’t find great pleasure in staring at half-naked strangers. Not that there’s anything wrong with these things, they just aren’t who I am.

And I have to admit, the hypersexual nature of the strip bothered me. I know it’s the bread and butter of Vegas, what with the showgirls and sex ads and entertainment like Zumanity (Cirque’s “adult” show). But as a lonely bachelor with morals, I felt like I was trapped in that song by The Tubes. My eyes wandered and dragged my thoughts along for the ride. Most of the time I am able to ignore this aspect of my loneliness, the longing for physical contact. But in Vegas it was impossible to get away from and served to make me hyper-aware of just how long it’s been.

So while I no longer hate Vegas, it’s not something I see myself doing on a regular basis. My metaphor has morphed a bit – no longer do I see Vegas as guacamole. Now it’s more like sushi. I’ve only really had sushi once in my life, on my last trip to NYC while visiting my friend Jennifer (who hasn’t talked to me since…hmmm….). I enjoyed it while I was eating it, but I never crave sushi. And I know I only enjoyed the one time I had it because Jennifer took me and did all the ordering. I could never go on my own. Likewise, I don’t ever see myself going on my own to Vegas. Maybe in another decade I’ll try again, just to make sure I still don’t like it. Don’t they use guacamole in sushi sometimes?
Æ

tunes: king's x - everywhere i go

it's morphin' time!

greetings, friends. been a while. been away, visiting places like chicago and vegas and the grand canyon. those tales will have to wait until i have a chance to process them. suffice it to say, my second trip to vegas was infinitely better than my first, as was my second trip to see the canyon, especially since i got to see it this time.

as you may have noticed, there have been a couple of changes to my blog. for a lot of blogdom, blogging is a way to get their ideas and insights out to the masses, to show what they know and to spark conversations and debate about what they have to say.

this is not me.

i'm only interested in having a place to process what i'm thinking and feeling. as my class this summer reminded me, writing is the primary way i make sense of my life. unfortunately, it can be like watching sausages being made. so why do it in a public forum? because it's motivation for me to write. knowing people are out there wanting to read what i have to say makes me more likely to do so. you, my faithful readers, are like my accountability partners - not holding me accountable for what i write, but that i write at all.

so i summed up my attitude for my blog at the top of the page. and i took off the comments feature, since i'm not that interested in feedback and most of the people who read this know how to get in touch with me anyway. so if something i say really gets you fired up, by all means, email me.

i suppose this ranting and raving could seem a bit stupid and self-indulgent, but then it is a blog so that shouldn't surprise anyone. neither should the fact that things here sometimes get a bit melancholy. but understand that what you get here is not all of my life; much of the time, it's those parts i need to figure out. and i don't usually need to figure out the happy parts.

enough explanation. thanks for your time and indulgence. and thanks for reading. it really does help.
Æ

tunes: boston - amanda

things that make me smile: the hyperlinked version

• I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle
  

• The Aloha Burger at Applebees
  

• Reconnecting with long lost friends
  

• The Road House commentary with Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier
  

• Selling bad CDs back to cool record shops
  

• Road trips to visit friends
  

• Morning Prayers at St. E's
  

• WOXY Vintage
  

• A little bit of heaven this afternoon
  

• PAYDAY!

Tunes: the call - i don't wanna

this makes me happy

WARNING: possible spoilers, i suppose. but go see this. NOW!

some things that make me smile

Calvin and Hobbes.
80s metal ballads.
Fireflies.
My students.
Road trips.
Clever use of language.
Karin Berquist's voice.
Making a sad friend laugh.
Neighborhood children playing in my yard.
"Great! Now I have guilt!"
Personal snailmail.
Napping in my hammock.
Conversations with friends.
Jesus's disciples.
The Onion.
The word kumquat.
The absurdity of life.
Æ

an unforeseen side effect

so here i am, in the midst of taking a summer class on writing, learning how to "trust the gush" and to find my own voice as i learn how to help my students find their voice and then when i come here to write, i find i'm all written out. it's like the barista who spends her day serving coffee and has no desire to drink any when she gets home.

this should explain my silence.

so how was the first week? good and bad i suppose. started painfully - had no desire to be there and felt not only was i a bad teacher but a bad writer as well. but i soon lost the dark cloud and the rest of the week turned out ok. we have to turn in 8-10 pages of writing, plus a 2-3 page reflection on those pages, plus a 90-minute presentation, plus a 25 page portfolio of our writing. pretty similar to what i did at kent, really. hopefully this time i'll remember to do the reflection on each piece. wanted to focus on writing that doesn't come naturally, namely short story, but found myself falling back into my comfort zones of poetry and journaling. ah well.

here's an incomplete piece for your perusal - came out of a prompt based on gendler's book of qualities:

Insecurity stares up at the giants surrounding him, knowing he is horribly outmatched. His insignificant strides bring him only a little closer to the finish line while in the distance, Confidence and Satisfaction do their victory dance. He falls in the footsteps of those who have gone before, straining to climb out of the indentation. Insecurity hears the rumbling behind him and stops, letting others pass him by. Hope calls from up ahead, encouraging him to continue on but he cannot hear, his head swirling with past failures and insufficiencies. He lies down, wraps his arms around Fear, sprawled in the dust of Success.

this is one of those pieces where i like the idea, but not sure there's much i could do with it - it's too much like what gendler does and i'm not sure how to transform it into something purely my own.

not much else to share from this week. did find out several of us live in the norwood/oakley/hyde park area, so at least i'm only driving to miami once a week. nothing like being in a car full of women for two hours a day to lift your spirits - or drive you absolutely crazy. hilarious conversations about everything - one of the better parts of the course so far.

sam and elizabeth's wedding was lovely - perfectly matched their personalities. i almost didn't make it - wasn't feeling social - but forced myself to go. and my spirit lifted as things went on. good to see the community celebrating. and they're such a perfect couple.

ok, i need to go find some dinner. had thought i might be watching some soccer today, but plans fell through. probably for the best since i needed a nap of some sort. i'm craving bacon. that's weird....
Æ

tunes: damien jurado - ohio

toxicity

i've had a crappy week, which sucks because it should be a week of rejoicing now that summer has arrived. but i've not been around, i've been wandering the hinterlands with no clue on how i got here or where it might lead. all i know is it's not a journey worth sharing at the moment. i'll be back when i find my bearings - no use inflicting myself on the world at large.
Æ

tunes: kacy crowley - kind of perfect

ps enjoy this picture, though (thanks alexa!)

i cannot believe it's not over yet

sitting here on a beautiful summer evening, wishing i could leisurely sit back, watch the tony awards and not have to worry about having to get to sleep so i can get up at 5 am to head to school to give exams. but i cannot. and i know those of you who work in "the real world" have absolutely no empathy for me and i probably wouldn't either in your positions. doesn't mean i still won't complain about it.

i've discovered i can only take the tony awards in small doses. it's just too much for me. i love theatre and love the performances, but after a while it exhausts me. kept switching the channel. and now it's on in the background and i'll occasionally step in to catch one of the performances. but that's about all right now. might be different if i were part of that culture more often, but i haven't seen most of the shows and most of the speeches are horribly artsy-fartsy and over the top. maybe this is why i never pursued theatre professionally.

or maybe i'm just grumpy tonight.

it has made me think i might want to try my hand at play writing again. maybe i'll use owp for that. of course, i'll need some idea first. what that would be, i have no idea.

went to graduation today - walked from my house down the hill to the cintas center. first time i've ever been able to make it; usually it's over memorial day weekend and i've been busy. think i'm going to have to try and do it more often. great to see students i had way back my first year as freshmen graduating. the ceremony was well-organized and efficient - we made it through all 580 graduates and the surrounding hoopla in less than two hours. best part - after everything was over, the teachers lined the corridors leading to the staging area and got to say goodbye to the students. lots of hugs, lots of handshakes, lots of students i'll be sad not not see again (and some not so sad). fun to see students faces light up when they saw you, even if our paths hadn't crossed for three years.

so maybe this teaching thing isn't so bad, even if we're still in school in the middle of june.

the goal is to finish the journals tomorrow during the exam so i can spend tuesday afternoon grading the exams so i can pack everything up on wednesday morning. definitely doable as long as i'm diligent. and i should be.

ok, back to leisurely watching the tony's and waiting for my laundry to finish. here's hoping the week flies by...
Æ

too lazy to think of something witty

i have this dream that some day i will be able to sleep in again and not wake up with the sun. i dream of rolling over and seeing my clock in double digits. i dream of waking up refreshed and ready for the new day instead of stiff and sore and grumpy.

i also dream of women wearing jester costumes, but that's a whole other issue.

unfortunately it looks like a beautiful day, one i'll be spending the majority of locked in a dark little room at the high school. it's the choices we make, the trade offs, so i'm not complaining actually, just realizing everything has a sacrifice, one i will appreciate down the road when i'm flying to vegas or when paying bills isn't so painful. but most of today i'll be wishing i was on my bike (confession time: i proofread this before posting and i had actually written "on my back." that could have been awkward). i also forgot to check the southgate house schedule before i agreed to work today and forgot karin and linford and jake and the allstars are playing tonight. so unless the dance group finished early (which almost never happens), i'll miss k & l, but could make it down for jake and the allstars. we'll see how i'm feeling. i might be braindead from reading my student's journals.

thursday was an excellent night of partying. beth's shindig was relaxed and an excellent way to begin looking forward to summer. sometimes i wish i could get together with other teachers and not talk shop, but it seems nigh on impossible. other topics were covered, of course, including plans for summer, but it's hard to shut off that part of your brain, especially when at this time of the year when it's consuming so much of your time. but at least i seem to be a bit better off than some - at least i didn't collect any major assignments this week.

then mary's/UG was a good time, seeing lots of friends i haven't seen in many months. good to catch up with allison and rob and everyone else. was a bit weird(er) for me this time. been to mary's several times before for maryoke and am comfortable being one of the few straight men there. however, this time the tv screens were playing what appeared to either be softcore gay porn or some new reality tv show called "the next abercrombie and fitch model." little uncomfortable for this flaming heterosexual. great to hear allison belt out "hearbreaker" again. i didn't sing alone, but joined the group for "seasons of love." even got a souvenir for the evening - matt finally finished the chess dvds, so now i can watch. can't wait.

decided i need to start writing down writing ideas for the upcoming owp. had a couple last night while walking to get an icee late last night. not sure anything will come from them, but probably best not to start with a completely blank slate when i get there. here's hoping this time this summer will wake up my muse, who has been strangely silent lately.

need to be up in mason by 12:00 and need to arrive early enough to load up at least two classes worth of journals to carry downstairs. at least i'm not stranded in the dank hole at the middle school. bleah. now i just have to make my big decision for the day: moe's or jimmy john's for lunch. hmmmm....
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tunes: tori amos - smells like teen spirit

no more essays!

finally, the mockingbird essays are graded and ready to be added to the gradebook tomorrow morning. ended with four of the worst essays i've ever had turned in to me - one of which was plagiarized from this site. note to plagiarizers - if the idiot uploading the paper cannot even spell words in the title correctly, what makes you think it will be a decent paper? oh wait, i forgot - you're not thinking, which is why you're plagiarizing.

this is the second instance of plagiarism this week: earlier i had a miracle occur. two students from my first bell turned in papers that were almost exactly alike. when i confronted them, they claimed they had no idea how it had happened that they used the exact same quotes in their paper and just happened to both start their second paragraph with the exact same sentence. after some deep theological wrestling, they came to this conclusion: student A had helped a student in another class with his essay, who then in turn helped student B to write his. amazing. so now they're both writing new essays for me. i'm sure they'll get excellent grades on those...

yes, i'm a bit on the pissed side at the moment. it's an insult to my intelligence when students think i won't be able to tell they didn't write a paper. i mean, i'm sure some have slipped my attention, but they're not even trying to do it well.

here's an odd story: so monday i discovered the speakers on my computer no longer worked. no sound, no lights, nothing. i unplugged them. i checked the sound card. i turned it over and over. i contacted dell, who gave me a long troubleshooting diagnostic to run. nada. luckily, i still had three days left on my one-year warranty - looks like someone screwed up the built in obsolescence by about a week. so dell is sending me a new set of speakers. then, when i came up to check my email after finishing grading, my speakers suddenly started working. i did nothing different. one day they're working, the next they're not. weird. but am definitely happy they're working now. and this way i'll have a backup set for when these go out again. or i could hook them both up and have a REALLY loud computer sound system.

trying to decide what i should do now - feel like i should go get dinner, but it's awfully late and i'm not that hungry, though i know i probably will be later. thought about just taking a walk and hoping that would take the edge off, but it would probably just jump start my metabolism right before i go to bed, making me hungry and unable to fall asleep. ah, the major complications of my life.

tomorrow i have two parties to go to (which is why i had to finish my grading tonight) - one after school at beth's, celebrating the end of the school year with friends from school. and then after that, i'll be heading down to the establishment formerly known as hamburger mary's to catch up with allison, who's in town for just one night. could be a late night, but will definitely be worth it. not sure i'll participate in the maryoke portion of the evening - guess we'll see how i'm feeling - and if i've indulged in any adult beverages.

the end of school has taken any signs of depth right out of my writing. hopefully i'll get it back before owp starts in a week and a half. bleah. not terribly excited about it at this moment. hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

ok, my stomach has won. off to grab an ill-advised late night dinner. so much for my plans to wear a speedo this summer....
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tunes: american music club - another morning

soundtrack to the day

on the drive to school, my mp3 player played two of my all-time favorite songs: U2's "bad" and the cure's "pictures of you." and now "one tree hill" is playing. makes me feel like i'm eighteen again. i wonder what the rest of the day will be like.
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tunes: U2 - one tree hill

brief weekend recap

knocked up was excellent. similar to 4oYOV with its combination of bawdy humour and touching moments, but much more romcom. katherine heigl is lovely. seth rogen is hilarious. and paul rudd is genius. so that's two pregnancy movies in a week and i liked them both. go figure.

rode my bike for the first time in months - 20 miles from around newtown to just south of loveland and back. would like to do it more often, but it's 20 minutes to get there and 20 minutes back, which means i'd have to block out about two hours to bike. maybe once summer rolls around it will be doable.

saw pomegranates again last night at the southgate house. excellent show, complete with cedarville marching band uniforms, though i am baffled by advertising. posters say 8:00. show didn't start until 9:45. and everyone else seemed to know this because we were the only ones there at 8:30. must be some secret i am not privy to. unfortunately, the boys wrecked their van (cleverly named the pomevanate) on the way to the show. they and the equipment were fine, but they kind of need transportation. anyone have a van they're not using?

finished grading the independent novel projects. now i just have the mockingbird essays and their journals, plus the making meaning questions for the stories they've been reading. the end is in sight. this week is going to be tough, though, 'cause all their friends are done and out. and it doesn't help to remind them they started two weeks after everyone else. they've conveniently forgotten that.

started reading U2 at the end of the world. i know, should have done it much sooner. but i finally found a used copy at half price and picked it up. good stuff so far. i know most of the stories so far, but still a fun read. would rather do that than grade essays.

saturday was one of those odd days, where i actually felt like the cool and interesting person i am. i really like my new haircut, got some encouraging emails, an actual handwritten letter. excellent day all around. wish i could remember how that felt for those days when i feel less than cool and interesting.

five days of classes. two days of exams. one teacher day. two days of training. one month of ohio writing project. then summer break for six weeks. somehow this fails to inspire me.

to sleep, perchance to dream.
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tunes: journey - stone in love

that's what i'm talking about

just got back from seeing waitress. nothing new about the story. in fact, it's one that's been told thousands of times - poor girl stuck in a horrible relationship falling for someone wonderful. no surprise twists, no clever variations on a theme. just the simple story of a sad girl finding her way in life.

but wow, did it work. funny, touching, intelligent, great characters. everything every blockbuster i've seen lately hasn't been. it knew what it was and played within its boundaries and was great. i highly recommend seeing it. stripped away a bit of the cinema curmudgeon that's been building up on me.

rough day teaching-wise. plagued with self-doubt and an overwhelming sense that i'm sucking at my job. luckily, i've now been doing this long enough to realize i am neither as good or as bad as i think. just seemed to pile on today. i look at some of my students who are failing and feel i haven't done enough to help them. i've got several beyond hope at this point and i want to be encouraging, but really, even if they turned in all their late work, they still wouldn't have enough to pass. i know it's the choices they made, but still feel responsible. which i suppose means i haven't been broken completely yet....

couple of former students "bought" lunch with me tomorrow - to raise money for the senior picnic, they auction of teachers and the highest bidder gets to have lunch with their teacher. good deal - free lunch for me tomorrow. and while the students in question tend to drive me a bit batty at times, it'll be fun to sit down with them one final time before they graduate.

favorite student quote of the year: grading independent novel projects and one of the options is to write a letter to the author. the student had read jon stewart's america (the teacher's edition)
and wrote a letter to mr. stewart. in it was this line: "i guess all jews are funny." seriously, i can't make stuff like this up. made my afternoon. and i am SO sending it to jon.

time for my summer haircut friday. decided to not wait until i could get an appointment at heaven, so i'm headed back to gina's stylist. no idea what i'm going to do - suggestions always welcomed. just know i don't want anything resembling a mullet. or too short on top. would so help if i could just figure out what to tell a stylist, but i get there, they wrap that sheet around my neck and all coherent thought runs out of my head. and i never figure out it's not what i wanted until i'm driving home. hopefully that won't happen this time.

time for bed, if not sleep. taking my class outside tomorrow, which means lots and lots of walking. here's hoping it goes well and i don't completely sweat through my clothes.
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tunes: richard cheese - add it up

color me coward

The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
- John Stuart Mill

days such as today, where we remember those who have fought and died for these glorious freedoms we enjoy, always fill me with a vague sense of uneasiness because i don't know how to celebrate them. or even if i should celebrate them.

don't get me wrong - i understand and appreciate the sacrifices made. i know these men and women died for what they believe in. i recognize without those willing to fight for our country, i would not be sitting here now, expressing my freedom of speech via this blog.

but the truth is, i feel a bit hypocritical celebrating.

see, i consider myself a pacifist. and not just when it comes to war, but against violence between people in any form. not sure when this became a belief of mine, though i know it came about through my own reading of scripture, specifically the teachings of Christ. even as a teenager, pacifism seemed the logical path. i remember a bible study right after reagan bombed lybia when gary split the room in half – those that agreed with the bombing on one side, those that didn’t on the other. it was me and two others on the disagree side with well over thirty on the other. it just didn’t make sense – how do we show that violence is wrong by resorting to violence? does not the bible teach an alternative?

over the years i’ve had my stance challenged, mostly with rhetorical situations – what if someone were threatening your family with a gun? what if you saw someone hurting someone else? what if someone had information about a nuclear device set to go off in 30 minutes? - the assumption always being that the only option available to the pacifist is to stand passively by while people hurt those you love. names like doormat and unpatriotic and coward usually get tossed about.

i give my answers, usually falling back on the usual – the preciousness of life, the opportunity for grace, love those who persecute you, blah blah blah. but lately i have become acutely aware that, like many of my beliefs, they exist only in the hypothetical. i think i know how i would react. but the truth is, i have never been put in any of the hypothetical situations above. and i hope i never am. but there is no guarantee.

and i’ve been wondering lately – what if my pacifism is merely a manifestation of my primary weakness – my own cowardice? what if i abhor violence because i am afraid? what if i despise war, not because it’s wrong, but because then i might actually have to fight? what if turning the other cheek is actually the easy way out? what if i am a conscientious objector because then it means someone else has to fight my battles for me? what if i’m just being selfish?

maybe that’s why i’m uncomfortable with days like today – because it forces me to compare myself with those that have sacrificed their lives – and i find myself wanting.

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.... The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
- Martin Luther King Jr.

and yet, what if i’m not being selfish? what if it’s not cowardice that drives me but a desire to live as God has called, even if those around me disagree? what if being a pacifist doesn’t mean being passive? what if it is truly the most transformative thing we can do?

maybe pacifism is unrealistic. maybe it is the height of foolishness. but then so is much of what we call Christianity when compared to what passes for normal in society. loving your neighbor? your enemy? doing unto the least of these? seeking first the kingdom of God?

i don’t claim you must be a pacifist to be a Christian. i have had many friends as well as many authors and thinkers i admire who disagree with me. it doesn’t make them warmongers any more than it makes me a coward. and that’s ok. be quite the boring world if we all believed in the same way.

and so i do celebrate today. i celebrate that God’s call for us to live our lives for Him doesn’t mean we all fall into lockstep. i celebrate that God sees fit to include all of us in His love, not just those who would fight for Him – or not fight for Him. i celebrate that there are those that by their lives (and deaths) challenge my beliefs, just as i hope i challenge theirs.

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third time not a charm

back from seeing pirates 3. similar problems i had with spidey 3 - too many stories. and a complete lack of fun. too much time needed to follow the thirty-two different sub-plots going on to give us any entertaining bits of dialogue or fun. it's like hollywood has lost the ability to tell simple stories - always need more characters, more subplots, more senseless scenes to show off our f/x capabilities. probably why i avoid blockbusters most of the time. i know there's rumours of doing a fourth if it works out, but i hope they end it here. would like to get pick up the first dvd - no use getting all three.

gina asked if i could name any movie franchises where i liked the third movie. i couldn't think of any, other than return of the king and chasing amy (though that last one doesn't really count). anyone have one?

i'm always thinking of things to write about but then i sit down and none of them come readily to mind...oh wait, that's right...

went to my first ever cattle call audition yesterday for the league of cincinnati theatres. just ten actors in front of twenty theatres. never done a monologue and a song audition before and figured it would be fun for the experience. went ok - i didn't knock anyone over, i'm sure, but i was satisfied given the minimal amount of prep time i did. did a monologue from midsummer and "stars" from les mis. had a couple of former cast members in my time slot - amy from sharonville's midsummer (wall) and elliott from chess (arbiter). good to have a couple of familiar faces to take the edge off. ted was there too, representing falcon, which helped. won't be getting any leads, but they might remember me if they need some character role or chorus help, which is all i really have time for right now anyway.

spent time friday night downloading music from emusic (yes, i gave in and rejoined). here's what i got:

erin mckeown - sing you sinners
the hold steady - almost killed me
rosie thomas - these friends of mine
soundtrack featuring jay farrar - the slaughter rule
various artists - a testimonial dinner: the songs of XTC
richard cheese - 18 random songs off his cds

want to load the songs onto my mp3 player, but i'm swiftly running out of room and need to do some pruning to get it all on. never thought i'd use up 40gb, but obviously i was wrong.

was hoping to use some time yesterday in the auditorium to finish up grading my research papers, but i actually had to do more than sit on my lazy butt this time. had to wire a couple of chandeliers for the ballet portion of the dance recital, which took much longer than i anticipated, partially because i didn't know what i was doing and partially because the chandeliers were out of balance and i had to improvise. but they seemed happy with them, which is all i care about i guess. at least i earned enough money yesterday to cover my airfare to vegas. or close to it anyway.

found out my neighbor vernon's wife has alzheimers. talked to him a bit before church this morning. i cannot imagine going through something like that, to watch someone deteriorate before your eyes, knowing your helpless to stop it. can't imagine how much it alters your life - he mentioned it several times, like having to turn off the kitchen breaker so she won't try and cook when he leaves. sad. another thing to add to my prayer list. need to see if i can help in any other way, too.

it's officially summer - i saw my first firefly tonight. made me smile.

enough for tonight. maybe more for tomorrow. i have nothing planned for memorial day, other than finishing the research papers so i can pass them back on tuesday. hopefully that won't take too long. probably will find somewhere to get a hot dog off the grill. seems appropriate. night!
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tunes: richard cheese - baby got back