the final hour

fasting from sunrise to sunset is most difficult when you don't have anything to do, when you don't fill your time with enough activity to keep your mind off the fact that you haven't eaten in 22 hours.

that's where i am right now.

God smiled on us today and brought just enough nasty weather mason's way to keep us from school. i knew last night going to bed that i had a two hour delay, so i got to sleep in until 6:30 and just as i was pulling on my clothes, the phone rang and the news that they had canceled school rang loud and clear. so i through on some jeans and a sweatshirt and headed to morning prayers. spent the day catching up on stuff i've been putting off. relaxed a little. but as great as it was to be off school, it was a tough one fasting-wise. very aware of my desire for food. found myself several times today praying, which is the point, of course.

everyone in house church is sick, so we'll not be meeting tonight. been struggling lately with my role as leader - truth is, i feel i mostly suck. and i wonder if we wouldn't be better off without me leading. if one of my roles is to help set the vision for the church, i'm not sure i've done much to help with that. the vision i had has not come to fruition. and i know there's been a lot going on in our lives and i realize ultimately it is God's hands, but i can't help but feel like i'm hindering - not so much because of what i'm doing, but more what i'm not doing. and i'm not sure if the rest of the group is feeling that or not. probably something we should talk about.

my head is all wonky from lack of food. not a good idea to blog right now.

these lyrics just ran through my itunes:

tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

always have loved that song.

40 more minutes. think i'm going to find something other than this to occupy my time. might blog later. who knows. not me.
Æ

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Now playing: Sixpence None The Richer - Tension Is A Passing Note
via FoxyTunes

at last

went this afternoon over to cinema de lux (after calling first to make sure their imax projector wasn't broken again) to finally catch U23D. it was me, sam from school and a couple of ladies who were there to avoid the winter storm that is supposed to be moving into the area (can't say i'm terribly confident it will actually make it here). the small crowd didn't matter - i wasn't there for the crowd. the film was what i knew it would be - U2 writ large. the 3D effects were cool, but not overused and really did give the sense of being right there at times. for me, though, the best part was the sound. this is how i wish i could listen to U2 all the time - crystal clear, loud but not overbearing. reminded me of the sheer power of their music, the sonic wall they are able to create with their four members (and a little boost from technology). my biggest complaint was it was too short - so many songs i would have loved to have heard in that format. but i was happy with what they gave us. having the vertigo dvd, i can't say it's my favorite way tour - too much preaching for my tastes. but this distilled U2 to the moment and it captured them well. i'll probably see it at least one more time, if only to see how it plays in a pure digital environment.

did a little filming today - students asked me to be part of their film submission for the mason film festival. their film is about what super heroes do after they're done being heroes. i played thor, of course, which would have been much more impressive if i still had my beard. still, i think it went well. we'll see how the whole thing turns out in two and a half weeks. should be fun.

at the same time conrad, one of the film club leaders, came in and was putting together a video about the american dream and interviewed me - in my thor costume. very strange to be in costume answering the questions. my answers came off the top of my head and i kind of wish i'd had time to prepare. the more i think about it, the more i believe the american dream, at least how it is presented, is more nightmare than dream. it's all about the individual and the attainment of things, something i think is a dangerous idea to chase. not sure my answers came off that way, though. guess we'll see when he cuts it all together. funny moment: they asked if i thought the sixties changed the american dream, with me sitting there in a long, hippie wig. i twirled my fake hair before giving an answer. i hope it makes it into the final cut.

so turns out the other tournament academic team could enter coincides with an SAT test date - and our best player ray is taking the test that day. so we're left trying to decide whether we should try it. the thought is the competition won't be too bad since the really good teams have already qualified. was going to talk to mark about it today, but i got caught up in the filming stuff and we didn't get to sit down. at the very least we need to sit down and figure out what we want to do for the end of the year banquet. i think we should take part in the blazing challenge at bw3s, but we'll see what everyone else thinks.

*phone*

it's an hour later - my friend candice called and since we hadn't talked in three weeks, we had a lot to catch up on. need to be heading to bed. g'night.
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Now playing: The Pogues - A Pair Of Brown Eyes
via FoxyTunes

meet gilbert

seems when i was in kc last month for a visit, i left behind a friend of mine. and now he is writing a blog of his own:

http://www.theadventuresofhat.blogspot.com/

looks like after a rough start, he's getting along well out there. and already his blog is more interesting than mine - it's even got pictures!

enjoy his story.

just finished watching network - tmc is running oscar-winning films during february, so i've been filling some of the holes in my movie history. i really enjoyed network and am again flabbergasted that it lost out to rocky. this 32-year-old film seems like it could have been written yesterday. if anything, television is worse now than it was then, which is a frightening thought. great performances all around, exquisite direction, thought provoking, self-aware...everything a great film should be. made me want to throw open my window and shout "i'm as mad as hell and i'm not going to take it any more!"

but that would just be silly.

to bed must i be. morning will come far too early as always. another day spent in the lab. my poor students. and yet so many will still say they didn't have enough time to finish their paper. at least i know that going in...
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Now playing: Cake - Mahna, Mahna
via FoxyTunes

the tournament

You know, when I thought about the Academic Team GMC Tournament, I pictured groups of trivia nerds huddled in classrooms for four hours until one group was finally declared the winner. Definitely not the most exciting of ways to spend an afternoon.

Boy, was I wrong.

It started with barely enough students showing up for the bus. We told them to meet at 11:15, expecting to leave at 11:30. But 11:30 rolled around and we had the bare minimum - four. And our best player, Ray, was a no show. So we sent out reconnaissance to find the Science Olympiad competing in the building and they returned with Ray in tow. So at least we had a team, with one substitute even.

When we arrived at Hamilton, we figured out the tournament seeding. Based on the regular season total points, we finished in third place behind Lakota West, who we beat, and ahead of Lakota East, who destroyed us. But the good news was we ended up in the pool opposite from the 18-0 Sycamore team. Our pool included West, Princeton, Fairfield and Colerain. I liked our chances.

I spent the afternoon keeping time for the other pool so I didn't get to watch the matches. But I checked in during the breaks. Going into the final round, we needed a win by Fairfield to put us in a three-way tie with Fairfield and Colerain. We beat West (who dropped every match - so much for 2nd seed) and Fairfield won, so now we had to decide who would battle Sycamore in the Championship Round. We beat Fairfield, who beat Colerain, who beat us. So we went to the second tie break, which was point differential. Fairfield was at -5, Mason was at +3 and Colerain at +2. So going by the book we should have been in the the Championship Round and on our way to a second straight state tournament. But there was one tiny problem: seems during the Mason/Colerain match, Colerain had challenged one of the answers. They claimed the Catholic Reformation should have been accepted along with the answer in the book, Counter Reformation. The moderator didn't give them the points, so instead of winning by 5, they won by 2, meaning that question changed the point differential.

Still with me?

So we called a coaches meeting to figure out what to do. Technically, we should have won. When this had happened in the past, the book answer stood, which makes sense because otherwise you could end up having to google every question. But wanting to be fair (well, fair to Colerain anyway), we decided, since Sycamore was already going to state, to do a playoff, Colerain vs Mason, the winner going to state and taking on Sycamore in the final round.

The round was tense, Colerain feeling they'd been cheated by a bad question, Mason believing we had won according to the rules. But at least this way there would be no lingering questions. The set used was a nine, the hardest of the questions. At the end of the category round it was all tied, 24-24. I realized time was slipping away, so I stepped outside to let the bus driver know the situation and came back after the alphabet round was over and the lightning round had started. I looked at the score - Mason was behind by three points. The questions went back and forth. We'd get a question, they'd get a couple questions, we'd come back. When the dust cleared and all was finished, we tied the lightning round but found ourselves three points down. Three points away from state. But we had lost and so we loaded our bus, buoyed by our showing, but disappointed to have come so close to continuing our season.

The irony of it all is that in the category round, we technically got a question right, which would have given us three points, which would have made us tied at the end of the match. Unfortunately, by the time we figured out we should challenge, it was too late. But like Mark pointed out, we lost twice to the same team and if we were meant to go on, we would have beat them. Still disappointing and while I tried to put on a good face, it was hard. I felt the worst for our seniors, who were so instrumental in making this team what it was this year.

There's still a slim possibility we could make state by attending another tournament, but I'm not sure how realistic that is. I will definitely be looking into it on Monday though, because after the excitement of today, another day spent at a tournament sounds like the best way to spend an afternoon.
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Now playing: Wally Pleasant - She's In Love With A Geek
via FoxyTunes

opening night

been a while since i've used this notebook. currently sitting in a frigid hallway backstage waiting for act i to end so i can get into my habit and veil and become a bride of Christ for act ii. at first i wasn't sure about this play - it's a little out there and a little artsy-fartsy at times. but it's turned out to be a hilarious farce, and not just because it has men dressed as nuns (though that definitely helps). If you're reading this and are in the cincinnati area, it's a fun night at the theater. Probably not good for younger viewers (especially the end) but there's plenty of laughs for everyone.

it's always strange to talk about my fasting, as happened today at school. i'm afraid, i think, to have it sound like i'm bragging. my sacrificing at Lent doesn't bring me pride - it makes me realize just how weak i am the rest of the year. my students today pointed out how unhealthy my fasting was. quite true, but then that's not why i'm doing it. no grand epiphanies yet, though falling into the rhythms of the season has already helped.

i've been grading while i'm waiting backstage, just read a story by one of my students - amazing piece of work. such a mature writer. however, the assignment was due last december, which means she should only get half credit. but it's so well done i'm tempted to forgo the consequences. but iwll that teach her procrastination will pay off? i sometimes need to be careful of the hidden curriculum i teach my students. i'll have to think about this this weekend, figure out how to approach it. what will most help her?

another long day tomorrow, but at least i'll get to sleep in. i hope. here's hoping the team is well-rested and in good form. looks to be all guys - my other female-type cannot make it. been great fun coaching the team this year. next year will be even better since i'll know what i'm doing, assuming we have enough students for a team. must do some recruiting. ray cannot do it alone (well, he probably could, but be good to have some backup).

ok, time to get my habit on. more later, perhaps.
******************************************
later. act ii, scene ii is on and i am finished. it went well - small but reactive audience. helped to energize us. of course, my wimple/veil fell off at the end of my scene, but i think it probably only added to the hilarity.

i had hoped there would be revelry tonight, but most of the cast is sick and everyone is heading home. for the best, i'm sure. there'll be plenty of time for revelry during the run when everyone is feeling better.

irony: today i was discussing Lent with christina and asked her what church she went to. turns out she's nazarene - attend springdale church. ironic that i agreed to hep mvnu because of my nazarene ties, but holly turned out to be non-nazarene. and so i'm able to help allen out and his student teacher turns out to be nazarene. funny how God works sometimes.

looks like U23D is around for one more week. will try again on Monday. Thought about doing it today, but figured it would be pushing it to try and squeeze it in. so i came home and took a nap instead, after watching my daily dose of stewart/colbert. always good to relax before the show - i feel it helps my performance.

babbled on long enough. the show is nearing the end and i have to put my veil back on for curtain call. three down, 37+ to go. here's hoping i find time tomorrow....
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Now playing: Ty Tabor - Another Day
via FoxyTunes

sick

second day of lent and i'm already sick. not good.

by the way, one of my promises for lent is to blog every day. we'll see which lasts longer - not eating until sundown or blogging every day.

many have asked why i celebrate lent - why sacrifice? why set your self aside? what is to be gained? here are buechner's words:

In many cultures there is an ancient custom of giving a tenth of each year's income to some holy use. For Christians, to observe the forty days of Lent is to do the same thing with roughly a tenth of each year's days. After being baptized by John in the river Jordan, Jesus went off alone into the wilderness where he spent forty days asking himself the question what it meant to be Jesus. During Lent, Christians are supposed to ask one way or another what it means to be themselves.

...To hear yourself try to answer questions like these is to begin to hear something not only of who you are but of both what you are becoming and what you are failing to become. It can be a pretty depressing business all in all, but if sackcloth and ashes are at the start of it, something like Easter may be at the end.

i sacrifice what matters to me to find out what makes me me. am i my possessions? my appetites? my time? where do i find my identity? Lent forces us to strip away what we sometimes think of ourselves and face what really lies there beneath. at least that's what is supposed to happen. the problem is, we become too focused on finding out what it means to be ourselves and we lose sight of the fact that ultimately it's not ourselves who are most important.

need to run out and get some stuff for this weekend - basics like underwear/undershirts/vitamins, etc. i might do some grocery shopping but fasting all day has made me hungry and i'm afraid of what i would buy. don't want to spend too much time out and about - still feeling really tired.

just checked the academic team standings - mason ended up tied for second record-wise, but should end up third in the standings since we lost twice to lakota east and beat lakota west twice. this bodes well for our tournament. tournament starts at 1:00 on saturday - the championship round is supposed to be at 4:30. here's hoping for an excellent showing, though we'll be down our literature expert. but i don't think it will hurt us too much.

oh and for those who are far away, i am once again beardless for the play. and my hair is quite short. i joked yesterday that i had given up being hairy for lent. but i guess i'm not completely sold out because i didn't shave my head. i don't have the head to be bald. would not be good for anyone. it's times like these that i wish i had a camera so i could upload pics. there will be pics from the show, so you can see what i look like as a nun. i'll link to them as soon as i know they're available.

ok, time to get the necessities. that's two days straight writing. here's hoping i don't slack off.
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Now playing: Galaxie 500 - Melt Away
via FoxyTunes

wednesday of ashes

quick drop in to say hello on my way to bed after seventeen hours away from home. school. academic team. rehearsal. and now bed, if i can get my brain to slow down enough to fall asleep. hasn't happened yet this week. add to that feeling a bit queasy to my stomach, and it could be quite the long night.

so today officially starts lent. i heard no clear call from God this year on something to give up, so i fell back on my default - ye olde sunrise/sunset fast. and chocolate. i always give up chocolate. none of my other ideas seemed to call to me. we'll see how it goes. usually not too bad until around an hour before the sun sets. then it gets rough.

academic team finished the regular season with two wins over middletown. not sure what that does for the standings. currently we're fourth place - it will depend on how the teams tied with us and lakota west did today. we're really hoping for second or third, which will keep us out of sycamore's pool. they didn't drop a match. they'll split us into two pools for the tournament - the winner of each pool goes to the championship. fingers crossed.

ok, must to bed. not feeling well. here's hoping my brain lets me sleep tonight.
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Now playing: Phil Keaggy - Round About You
via FoxyTunes

the play's the thing

still at school - winter play is this weekend and as i'm not sure what my schedule is like, i figured i was best to stay late tonight and see it. i am hoping to sit down and do some grading, but right now i'm a little off-kilter from the day and want to take a break before doing some serious grading. i am seriously behind. and i'm seriously tired of whining about it.

i toyed with going to see U23D, which i still mean to see, but my better instincts have won out. i'll get there eventually, though i ought to make sure that it's still going to be playing next week. i am assuming it is, but then i have been mistaken before. i am actually surprised i haven't seen it yet. i may lose my standing as an uber-fan if i'm not careful, though i did get my U2.com t-shirt and cd in the mail yesterday. sucker!

finally carved some time out last weekend to see two of the five best picture nominees - juno and no country for old men. let's start with the easy one - i didn't like no country. i wanted to. the acting was good. the directing was good. the cinematography was outstanding. but the film as a whole lacked something. i sat there after it was over wthinking, "was that it?" gina compared it to my feelings for clint eastwood directed films - a sense of hopelessness. and i had that, though not nearly as bad as any eastwood film. i like the coen's other work. this one just left me feeling bleah.

as for juno...this one's tricky. i definitely enjoyed it more than i did no country. and i agree with those who have mentioned it avoids the usual teen-movie cliches and steers clear of afterschoolspecial territory. but everyone has been raving about the dialogue and the cleverness of the characters and i found it, well, annoying at times. don't get me wrong - it's not as some have claimed that they don't sound like real teenagers. i love heathers and buffy, even though no teenagers i know talk like they do. but the characters in juno seemed to be a little too aware at just how clever their dialogue was. maybe that's me just reading into it and tired of the mountains of praise being lavished on diablo cody. it certainly wasn't a bad film and definitely deserves it's place among best screenplay. but best picture? guess it just shows how weak a year it was for films.

three more to go, though i'm not sure i'll see one of them. i am not a fan of paul thomas anderson, so there will be blood is not high on my list. but i'll probably see it, just to be safe. i'm most interested in seeing michael clayton, which looks excellent and atonement, though i've heard mixed reviews of that one. not really worried about seeing them in a timely manner - i'm guessing with the writer's strike that the oscars will be delayed or drastically changed.

doesn't help that i am overextending myself yet again. i'm in the final rehearsals for falcon's the house of blue trees where i am playing a nun, which i suppose is all you really need to know about the production. me in a habit and a wimple - what better way to spend an evening? it's a bizarre story and to tell you it would either confuse you or chase you away. just know it's a bizarre evening of theatre fun with just a touch of melancholy around the edges. we open in a week (aaaaaghhh!) and run for three weekends. follow the links for more information.

and i guess i never mentioned it, but i did indeed get a part in beauty and the beast this spring. the rehearsals for that one start the day after blue leaves closes. lovely. i don't know what part i'm playing yet - i keep telling everyone i'm second fork from the left, though that may not be true. i'm in the ensemble, which could prove to be lots of fun. i hope. not really thinking about it yet, though we're less than a month from rehearsals. we go up in may and my understanding is that tickets are already going quickly. yikes. they're on the pricier side for community theatre, but CMT does excellent productions, so start saving up.

ok, killed enough time. i should get started on grading something before the pile tumbles on my head and i find myself unable to call for help and the custodian finds my body covered in a million paper cuts from the piles of ungraded persuasive essays. the horror, the horror, the horror....
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tunes: concrete blonde - still in hollywood

it's always hard coming back

a week from the end of january and i'm just now doing my first post of the new year. sad sad sad. i've thought many times of coming back and posting but often times found myself unsure of what to actually write about, what to say. most things seemed unimportant, unnecessary. but then who cares? i mean, anyone who has read my blog can tell that this isn't about making important pronouncements about life and such. it's just the random thoughts that meander through my head. sometimes they're interesting. sometimes they're not.

feels like january has slipped away. been busy with academic team and film club and trying to get caught up on all the grading i didn't do over christmas break, only i keep giving my students assignments and they keep turning them in and i don't see that stopping any time soon. so there's most of what's kept me away - the busyness of life.

then there's the fear that students might be reading. i found something hilarious and wanted to post it, but then thought, "what if a student reads it? what then?" which is not helpful at all for the purpose of this blog. something i wish i had thought about before agreeing to the interview. oh well. maybe enough time has gone by and the students have forgotten and i can post what i found and anything else that comes to mind. doesn't help, though, that right before christmas break we got a letter from our union talking about why we shouldn't do facebook and myspace. no danger of me doing those, but i wonder if the same liability exists for a blog. so many horror stories of employers using blog postings against employees. add to that the frustration a friend of mine has been having because of something i wrote on my blog and, well, i've been a bit blogshy.

fun with smart people update: after a slow start, mason has moved into either 2nd or 3rd place, depending on how middletown did in their match today. we've swept three straight matches (fairfield, hamilton and lakota west) and are hitting our stride. which has absolutely nothing to do with me as a coach. i think they're just getting into the groove of the competition. last week they all dressed in sombreros for the match. hilarious. good thing we didn't try that today because our opponent was a little touchy. we are overloaded with seniors, so we've been letting them play during the JV rounds, which is technically against the rules but the other teams we've played had no problem with it. but today a parent called us on it, so we had to forfeit the alphabet round. we still beat them, but it showed that though we tend to be laid back about the matches, not every team is like us. which is too bad, because i'm pretty sure we're having more fun.

we're doing compline early tonight, so i need to go. i think angela might be going to see the new U2-3D at the imax tonight. i'm afraid if she asks if i want to go, i might have to say yes, though it will make for a late night. we'll see what happens...
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Now playing: The National - Apartment Story
via FoxyTunes

waiting

waiting...just before seven on sunday evening. my steelers are currently either winning or losing to the over-hyped patriots. as is my wont, i'm waiting until it's over before i watch the game - much better for my heart. sometimes i check in and see how it's going before it actually ends but not tonight - i'm just going to sit here and type and wait until it's all done. i will either have a glorious evening of football ahead of me followed by getting my act together for the coming week or an evening of getting my act together for the coming week.

waiting...the gathering this morning was all about waiting, the major theme of this season. the already and not yet. the looking forward, the looking back, the wondering what lies ahead. we heard the words of isaiah echoed in the gospel this morning. "repent! for the kingdom of God is at hand!" this was the phrase that stood out to me during lectio divinia this morning. and i found myself wondering what happens if i get so used to waiting that, like john, when the kingdom of God does arrive, i begin to doubt if it's true? how do i know? Jesus's answer was to look around, see what is being done

The blind see,
The lame walk,
Lepers are cleansed,
The deaf hear,
The dead are raised,
The wretched of the earth
have God's salvation hospitality extended to them.
"Is this what you were expecting? Then count yourselves fortunate!"

here's hoping i don't bury my head in my waiting and miss the evidence.

waiting...no contact from CMT about beauty and the beast. the longer the time drags on, the further my hope of getting in. won't be too disappointed if i don't get cast - as always, i probably don't have time to commit to something like this. but i have such a great time doing them, i cannot help myself. i wondered this weekend as i drove all over ohio if i would accept a chorus part - you know, third fork from the left or whatever. and i probably would. fewer rehearsals. more of a chance to get to know people. all a moot point if i don't hear back. patience, thurman, patience.

waiting...so last night on the way to laurie's party with brent, steve and angela i heard a horribly loud noise. i thought i had run over some road debris and as it rattled around for what seemed like an eternity in my wheel well, i wondered how i hit it but brent and steve and angela, who were only a couple of car lengths in front of me, had missed it. but it soon stopped, so i kept driving - only to discover when i got to the party that one of my new tires was completely flat. upon further inspection, it turns out that the tire didn't go flat - there's a huge hole in my wheel. huge. and the back end of my car under the wheel well is completely shredded. speaking from my own ignorance, it looks like my wheel gave out and blew - either that or i did hit some debris and it tore up the wheel and the tire. the amazing thing is i was able to drive all the way to laurie's on the rim with little change in how my car drove. of course, it means i have to buy a new wheel for my car. i tempted to blame tire discounters and force them to take care of the damage, but i'm fairly confident they'll be able to shift the blame to me somehow. "we only deal with tires, not wheels. not our fault the wheel went bad. and since it wasn't technically road debris, the $15.00 per tire insurance you bought is completely worthless to you. that will be another $500 please."

no, really, i'm not a pessimist.

so i have another monday afternoon of waiting to look forward to - waiting on them to fix the wheel, waiting on getting the alignment done, waiting on them to tell me i'm screwed yet one more time just before christmas. yay.

this is a lot of waiting. here's hoping it's not like exercising and that God isn't building up my waiting muscles for some major waiting ahead. not sure i can handle it. time to go check and see if the steeler game is over. i hope the waiting was worth it...
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Now playing: Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings - Fish In The Dish
via FoxyTunes

i love me a two-hour delay

probably because they felt guilty about not giving us a delay on wednesday, mason city schools called early this morning, saying we didn't have to be at school until 9 today. glory! the only thing that would have made it better were if i had found out before i had showered and gotten dressed. but i'm not complaining - at least i wasn't already on my way to school.

and with a two-hour delay, i get to do one of my favourite things - go to morning prayers. something i desperately need. been an exhausting couple of days - i was in bed by 9:00 last night. haven't done that since...well, so long ago i cannot even remember. only one day this week was i home before 6 pm. waiting for new tires monday, academic team wednesday, film club thursday. and i'll probably go try and get an oil change and alignment this afternoon. we'll see.

i know you're sitting there reading, thinking, "tires? why did you need tires?" on saturday, on the way home from celebrating my mom's birthday (yay mom!), my left front tire decided it was tired (sorry, couldn't resist) and literally shed its skin and went bad. i sat on route 4 across from eastwood lake for a good two hours before help arrived. i called my mazda roadside support, who originally said i was covered, but then said i needed to give them $65 to have someone come help me get my tire off. i had jacked up lorelai and gotten the lugnuts off but the tire would not budge. turns out i need to buy a rubber mallet so i can crawl under the car and whack the tire until it comes off. gee, thanks for making it easy, mazda. what's the point of having a spare if you can't get the tire off? anyway, i finally got home after driving on the donut (bad, bad, i know) and figured i better just get all four tires replaced since winter was on its way and my tires were abysmal in the snow. so i went to tire discounters monday. who told me it would be a two hour wait for new tires and an alignment but only an hour for just the tires and i could get the alignment later. so i went with the latter option so i could get home at a decent hour. an hour and 45 minutes and $715 later, i had four new tires. just what everyone wants right before christmas. to make it worse, when i went back to try and get the alignment done, the wait was now 4 hours. no thanks.

speaking of christmas, i'm not there yet. my tree's not up and i haven't even begun shopping and laurie's christmas party is tomorrow and i have yet to get my exchange gift. this year i'm acutely aware of the overwhelming consumerism surrounding christmas and am just not feeling it. hopefully that will fade soon. i do love christmas and would hate to see it spoiled by my inner scrooge.

been reading coupland's latest, the gum thief. this is the longest it has ever taken me to finish one of his books. not sure if it's the book or if it's just my life right now, but i cannot seem to read more than a few pages at a time. probably a combination of both. i already know i'm going to have to reread it before making any judgments. the list has been pretty quiet about it, other than a slew of reviews from publications posted (well, except for anne's lovely review). cannot say it's blown me away, but i think that has more to do where i am right now than the book itself. it's why i'm a big proponent of rereading - we're never the same person we were when we read it the first time.

need to get going. didn't hear back from CMT about my audition, so no call backs for me. not surprised - i'm not really lead character material. could still make it as a fork or something i suppose. we'll see. my biggest asset is my ability to sing bass - most of your musical theatre boys are baritone/tenors. not me. i prefer to rumble. anyway. more waiting. we'll see what happens.

ok, to kroger, then to prayers, then to school. i wish every morning were like this. but no, we have to start at the ungodly and unhealthy time. not that i'm bitter or anything....
Æ

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Now playing: Over the Rhine - This Daring Light
via FoxyTunes

stumbling through

thursday. cannot wait for the weekend, though a new mountain of grading looms before me. OGT practice tests. jekyll and hyde essay tests. so much for my brief respite. but at least i have dinner with the owp crew and a pomegranates show to look forward to.

so mbc (the school broadcast news magazine) ran their story on teacher's who blog, which seems to be just me. they had this lovely site on the screen several times. and in a strange twist, they had me saying that i don't like to publicize my blog while the whole time there was my blog on the screen. they didn't give the exact address, thank goodness, but enough of my students are bright enough to find it by the title, which could definitely be seen. so much for all the cursing i do here.

kidding. kidding.

i'll still be cursing.

kidding. kidding.

academic team (or as i like to call it, fun with smart people) had its first scrimmage yesterday against little miami. a bit intimidating - we walked into the band room with our nine students while their 50+ students (!) sat around eating pizza. but we soon proved that size does not matter. our varsity team annihilated their varsity team in both rounds, 72-27 and 73-38. and our JV did well - the first round ended in a tie, which we lost in overtime. and they were close in the second round. a couple questions here and there and the outcome could have been very different. i'm still frustrated that we miss so many literature questions, but then so did the other teams.

hilarious moment: the team is composed mostly of guys, and they give out what they call "man points" when they answer "manly" questions - sports, certain literature, etc. and they take away man points when you answer something "unmanly" - opera, show biz gossip, etc. so i was a little worried when we got to the fine arts section of the match and the topic was the top 100 romantic films of all time. i had to convince them they would not lose man points for answering. we got jerry maguire, but missed the toss up, much to my relief - the answer was the bridges of madison county, which was a bad book and a worse movie. bleah.

called tonight for an audition slot for cmt's beauty and the beast. figured i needed something to steal away all my time this spring, right? not sure what i should sing for the audition - my usual is "stars" from les mis, but i get the feeling it might be overused. trying to think of some other options - perhaps something from carousel or south pacific? unfortunately, i don't have sheet music for those. will have to see what i can scrounge up before monday at 9:00.

been doing some reading on reformed theology lately in response to some discussions i've had. now i'm a born and bred wesley-arminian, so of course i'm going to be biased. but i have major problems with much of what i've read so far from calvin. just the five points make me cringe. and then to hear how they are often interpreted and applied.... i truly appreciate the emphasis on the sovereignty of God, something desperately needed in most churches. but it seems such a hopeless way of viewing God and humankind. and i have a major problem with the idea that some are created just to be punished. that is not love. that is not grace.

enough blathering for now. feeling worn out tonight and am just needing to sit back and relax a bit. here's hoping i can actually do that.
Æ

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Now playing: Phil Keaggy - I Always Do
via FoxyTunes

about time

so today i was interviewed by the school tv for a special they're running on teachers who blog. so i suppose i should, you know, actually do some of that.

new trimester has started and i'm back to teaching sophomores, with one final class of seniors. i feel bad for my sophomores who took their summer reading test last week and are now being subjected to four days of practice ohio graduation tests. they are going to hate me by the time the week is over. but there's no way around it. though i'm not sure it's going to get much better for them this trimester. i'll be interested to see how the class goes with the new way of doing things. i'm going to have to find some ways to keep them - and me - from burning out.

so much to catch up on...guess i should explain the last post. the one about the beautiful girl. you probably should begin looking for signs of the apocalypse because the rumours are true: i am actually dating someone. i know, i can't believe it either. completely unexpected. probably won't be too many details here - i've never been good at sharing this kind of stuff. but she really is quite amazing. lovely. intelligent. surprising. and, unfortunately, far, far away. God's got a great sense of humour. so much for my wanting to get away from long distance relationships. been hard being this far apart, but we're trying to make it work. i got to spend thanksgiving with her, which was wonderful. nothing like nearly twelve hours in car.

(funny moment: we got stuck for over an hour in an accident on I-70 - ok, that's not so funny - but i turned off the car so i didn't waste gas. only... i forgot to turn off my lights. so my battery died. luckily, i figured it out before traffic started to move again, so i asked the over-sized pickup next to me if he could give me a jump and got her restarted before lifeflight flew away)

advent starts this coming sunday. hard to believe it's already here. not sure if anything special is going on or not. i hope so. we started meeting in st. e's again during st. e's, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. really is one of my favourite times of the church year.

ok, so the new coupland book arrived at my house today - only, it needed proof of delivery, so i have to go and try to pick it up at the post office tomorrow. grrr. hopefully it was worth the wait - i ordered the special box set from amazon.ca. was a little worried with all the fluctuations with the loonie and the dollar, but i still think it ended up cheaper ordering it from there - 40.03 canadian as opposed to the 60 dollars at amazon. com. good week for it to arrive, while i'm giving the practice OGT. will give me something to keep me occupied. that and the student teacher i have right now.

ok, time for sleep. hopefully i'll be able to get back into the swing of things here now that my end of the trimester grading hell is over. later.

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Now playing: Elvis - Vertigo
via FoxyTunes

the song i can't get out of my head

i promise this isn't going to turn into a music blog. and i'll do a posting sometime if the end of the trimester doesn't turn my brain to mush (whose stupid idea was it to collect the research paper the weekend before the trimester ends. oh right, that's mine). in the meantime, go here to enjoy the song below (warning: it's terribly catchy - you'll probably sing it the rest of the day). it's one of my favourites and (cryptic alert!) explains a bit why i've been silent.

more later.
Æ


I'm in love with a Beautiful Girl,
Yes I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

And she's staring through a crack in the sky,
Yes she's staring through a crack in the sky.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

And she's in love with a wonderful guy,
Yes, she's in love with a wonderful guy,
Well I hope she's in love
with whom I think she's in love,
I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

I'm a charming and dangerous guy
Yes, I'm a charming and dangerous guy.
If you don't expect too much it's alright,
I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

And we're going through a hole in the sky,
Yeah, we're going through a hole in the sky.
We'll be up there for the longest while,
'cos I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

Yes, I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Yes, I'm in love with a beautiful girl.
Well I thought I knew all about everything,
but I'm in love with a beautiful girl.

Robyn Hitchcock

my new favorite song

click here to hear the song

It’s Hard to Be Red
by: Jake Speed
3/21/06

The tulips are up, the robin’s singing
The sun’s come back, it’s finally Spring and
I’m supposed to cheer or smile or dance or
Something like that but Spring to me means cancer

I’m red-headed, don’t you know that
My skin is whiter than a bucket of snow
If freckles connected, I’d be allright
But I guess that’s impossible, I already tried
I wish it were Winter again, and it’s hard to be a Red.

Spring Break time, you’re all on a cruise
While I’m inside with the sunburnt blues
Your golden brown tan soaks sun by the ocean
While I sit and soak in 80 proof sunscreen lotion

I’m red-headed don’t you see
I’m the one you made fun of as a kid, that’s me
Big Red, Carrot Top, Sunkist Melon
You can take your tan skin, and go to Hell and
you prolly won’t burn but I will
‘cause it’s hard to be a Red.

Woody Allen, Danny Bodaduce
Richie Cunningham and don’t forget Lucy
Queen Elizabeth, Bloody Mary Queen of Scots
Anne Boleyn had a redhead but Henry cut it off
General Custer, Napolean too
Both red-headed, both got screwed
Trotsky and Lenin: two Communist Reds
even Gorbechev had a red thing on his head
Art Garfunkel, not as talented as Simon
But I like him better ‘cause he’s red-headed, kind of
Jefferson and Grant, even Dwight Eisenhower
All White House men with Red Head Power
Willie Nelson and Bonnie Raitt
Both love singing their songs in the shade
Vincent Van Gogh may have cut off an ear
But he never cut off his dark orange beard
Mark Twain’s a great writer, there’s no mistaking
But put him in the sun and he’d burn like bacon
Little Orphan Annie sang a gem
The Sun won’t Come Out till Tomorrow, Amen!

I’m red-headed, don’t you get it
I’m the reason the whole country of Ireland was invented
It’s hard, I say, to live this way
When people only like you on St. Patrick’s Day
Yet with all these difficulties said, I’m glad to be a Red. At least I’m not bald. Thank god I’m not a blonde. I’m glad to be a red.

on the road

i decided to take my grading on the town tonight. currently sitting in the hyde park panera, taking advantage of their free wireless and happy with my choice of dinner - half a chipolte chicken sandwich and a bowl of vegetarian black bean soup. i may splurge and get something sweet before i leave. the main selling point for me - free refills of caffeine-free diet pepsi. helps keep me going while i grade. one thing i learned tonight - you don't sit outside of panera to take in the beautiful weather because that's where all the smokers congregate and all you'll get is lungs full of cancer. not that i'm bitter or anything.

speaking of grading, my students did not do well on my beowulf test. at all. maybe i should have gone with jenna's test and had them watch a buffy episode and compare it to the story of beowulf. will have to give it some more thought. not sure what i'm going to do - i've never curved a test before, but i'm thinking i might have to. or i might give them a second chance to do the essays, though the essays weren't the big problem. maybe allowing them to use their notes backfired - they figured it would be easy with notes, so they took no time to study. i don't know. still trying to get a handle on the class. truth is, i'm going to be making some changes next trimester. and i've already told tim i'd like to keep teaching brit lit next year if they need me. guess we'll have to see what happens.

i finally got around to contacting the pastoral council at VC and let them know about my desire to be ordained. as i typed up my journey so far, i realized this desire wasn't some lingering fragment of my past but a still burning call in my life. i'm not sure how that will play itself out, but i'm sensing a leading toward spiritual disciplines and i'm becoming more and more interested in spiritual direction, both as a discipline to practice and a way for me to minister. now i just wait to see what the PC says. it's exciting to see this long dormant passion beginning to be fanned into a flame once again.

don't want to spend too much time here - have to finish one more class of grading and get home in time for compline before i vegetate in front of the tv and watch my thursday night shows. but wanted to have fun typing this in public. i should try to do this at the cafe, but every time i think about it, they're closed. what i probably should do is get a router for my house so i can use my laptop anywhere around there. still not sure it's a necessity, though.

once more into the breech. here's hoping they're prettier than the other classes....
Æ

tunes: public enemy - prophets of rage

quite the spirit week

this week was a microcosm of everything great and terrible about teaching high school. it started horribly on monday morning with announcement for the staff to gather in the media center at 7:oo. this is never a good announcement. it usually means they have to pass along some tragic news so we're prepared to deal with students affected by it. this, unfortunately, was not an exception. our principal passed along that a body had been found in a pond over the weekend and that it was going to be identified as one of our students, anthony. i had anthony in my class a couple years ago - and i use the term "in class" lightly. anthony was far more interested in other past times than doing well in my english class. but he was fun to have around when he was there. great kid, horrible student. unfortunately, anthony preferred to escape from reality and ultimately it caused him to leave it. the odd thing is, in a school the size of mason (3,000 students), it made only a small ripple. his close friends were devastated, but the devastation didn't reach much to the others.

i went with bea to the funeral on wednesday night. so hard to watch students weep. this circle of friends had already lost one earlier this year. rick huff, our truant officer and ordained minister, led the service, and did a marvelous job of emphasizing the hope that can be found in tragedies like this. but his mom and stepdad took the opportunity to condemn his friends. i know it came out of a desire to spare their parents the pain they were feeling. but there has to be a better time to do that, a better way, than at the funeral.

anthony's death made the week a bit odd, the strange juxtaposition of death with the celebration of school spirit. i had a great time dressing up for the various days and seeing my students do the same. nice seeing some things don't change, no matter how the decades pass. it makes the classroom much more interesting and i think helps students to get more out of the reading we do. we had a good time acting out scenes from beowulf, though they're still a bit timid. at least most of them are. we'll see if they were actually able to learn anything next week when i give the test.

then there was the major drama of the week: seems a parent called the school and registered a complaint about the song "crank dat" by soulja boy, claiming it was too offensive for high school students to listen to at a school sponsored activity (here's the lyrics, if you want to see. good luck understanding them). so the administration, wanting to avoid a scene, decided not to play the song. and then all of the underworld broke loose. rumours flew, stating there was a long list of songs that were not going to be played, that the dj would only be playing wordless, techno versions of songs, that students could not get their money back. so the students decided to get fired up and went to the school board meeting to raise their complaints. while i'm all for student activism, they needed to think about how they were going about it. the school board has no say in this kind of thing and all it did was make the public aware of the songs that are being played at the dance, raising the possibility that there will be a list of banned songs next time there's a dance as soon as parents realize there are far worse songs than "crank dat."

dumbest moment: the student chosen to speak for the student body chose to end his rant with the following idea: why should one parent's complaint cause suffering for the rest of us. suffering? really, suffering? you really feel you're suffering because you cannot listen to a 4 minute song that you'll probably hate in six months? if you want to see suffering, maybe you should have gone to anthony's funeral. or turned on the news. or found a way not to look like an over-privileged, whiny teenager.

and of course the local media ate it up. my favorite moment comes from wkrc's coverage. they interviewed a couple of my students for the report. unfortunately, dan was dressed for spirit week and looks like, if you'll pardon the vernacular, a wigger, which only added to the hilarity for me. you also have a character dressed in red scuba gear dancing. we do so much right at mason - why is it always this kind of silliness that gets covered?

then today was the pep rally. i can't say i was looking forward to it - too many students, crazy logistics, abysmal sound. and usually the student body seems less interested in celebrating school spirit than simply getting out of class. but today was the peppiest rally i've been to at mason. andy and i had a good time getting the wave going and the drumline got all the students up and dancing about. we think they should hire the drumline to play for the dance and avoid all the controvery. it was fun seeing all the students having a great time. and they're so freaking polite - the administration got worried that the students might run over the drumline so they walked up to the students and asked them to go back to their seats - and they went! crazy!

was so exhausted by the end of the day i feared i wouldn't make it to the game and almost didn't. but got myself out of my comfy chair and drove back up to school. i met bea and we waded through the masses. as i passed the senior section they began chanting "thurman! thurman!" hilarious and flattering and embarrassing all at the same time. and, surprise surprise, the football team actually won (it's been a rough year for them). the only disappointment was the band. technically, they were excellent - sharp marching, precise playing, excellent formations. but you could barely hear them. and they had no passion. my high school band was half the size and twice as loud. but a great end to a great spirit week.

geesh. i need to post more often so i don't end up with these monstrous posts. not like i've had a ton of time this week, though. and i didn't even get to mention academic team and my first film club meeting of the year. see, i told you it was a packed week.

ok, time to try and sleep. or go and watch the hours of tv i have on my dvr. or both. night.
Æ

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Now playing: Eugene Edwards - The Next Time You Go
via FoxyTunes

now they tell me

http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/10/05/appendix.purpose.ap/index.html

*WASHINGTON (AP) * -- Some scientists think they have figured out the
real job of the troublesome and seemingly useless appendix: It produces
and protects good germs for your gut.

That's the theory from surgeons and immunologists at Duke University
Medical School, published online in a scientific journal this week.

For generations the appendix has been dismissed as superfluous. Doctors
figured it had no function. Surgeons removed them routinely. People live
fine without them.

And when infected the appendix can turn deadly. It gets inflamed quickly
and some people die if it isn't removed in time. Two years ago, 321,000
Americans were hospitalized with appendicitis
<http://topics.cnn.com/topics/appendicitis>, according to the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention
<http://topics.cnn.com/topics/centers_for_disease_control_and_prevention>.

The function of the appendix seems related to the massive amount of
bacteria populating the human digestive system, according to the study
in the Journal of Theoretical Biology. There are more bacteria than
human cells in the typical body. Most are good and help digest food.

But sometimes the flora of bacteria in the intestines die or are purged.
Diseases such as cholera or amoebic dysentery would clear the gut of
useful bacteria. The appendix's job is to reboot the digestive system in
that case.

The appendix "acts as a good safe house for bacteria," said Duke surgery
professor Bill Parker, a study co-author. Its location _ just below the
normal one-way flow of food and germs in the large intestine in a sort
of gut cul-de-sac -- helps support the theory, he said.

Also, the worm-shaped organ outgrowth acts like a bacteria factory,
cultivating the good germs, Parker said.

That use is not needed in a modern industrialized society, Parker said.

If a person's gut flora dies, it can usually be repopulated easily with
germs they pick up from other people, he said. But before dense
populations in modern times and during epidemics of cholera that
affected a whole region, it wasn't as easy to grow back that bacteria
and the appendix came in handy.

In less developed countries, where the appendix may be still useful, the
rate of appendicitis is lower than in the U.S., other studies have
shown, Parker said.

He said the appendix may be another case of an overly hygienic society
triggering an overreaction by the body's immune system.

Even though the appendix seems to have a function, people should still
have them removed when they are inflamed because it could turn deadly,
Parker said. About 300 to 400 Americans die of appendicitis each year,
according to the CDC.

Five scientists not connected with the research said that the Duke
theory makes sense and raises interesting questions.

The idea "seems by far the most likely" explanation for the function of
the appendix, said Brandeis University biochemistry professor Douglas
Theobald. "It makes evolutionary sense."

The theory led Gary Huffnagle, a University of Michigan internal
medicine and microbiology professor, to wonder about the value of
another body part that is often yanked: "I'll bet eventually we'll find
the same sort of thing with the tonsils."

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Now playing: X - Breathless
via FoxyTunes

my sincerest apologies

for those of you who tuned in tonight to the premiere of Pushing Daisies and fell in love with its quirky characters, clever writing and a sense of originality not normally seen on television in this day of (un)reality tv and recycled ideas: i am so sorry. see, i haven't liked a show on first viewing this much in a long, long time. and, if history proves to hold true, it means this marvelous show won't make it past this season. my so-called life, sportsnight, cupid - shows that were well acted, well written and canceled (and all on ABC - maybe it stands for Already Been Canceled) because the american viewing public couldn't be bothered, or were too busy watching idiots ask for lifelines for questions they should have covered in third grade or voting gloryhounds off distant islands.

don't get me wrong - i am going to enjoy every minute ABC deigns to let this show remain on the air. and i already know, if it makes it far enough, i'll be buying the dvd to watch whenever i can. i almost watched the show again after it was over; it was that good. this is my kind of show - which of course is the kiss of death.

so please join me in enjoying what little time we have with this marvelous program. savor it like a rare wine, letting each sip linger as long as possible. soon it will be gone, but we can be blessed with the moments we have.
Æ

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Now playing: Augie March - One Crowded Hour
via FoxyTunes

i love primetime homeroom days

lunch/plan bell. planning's done. grading waits until later. so instead of mindlessly wandering the internets looking for news of a new show starring demetri martin, i figured i'd jot a few of my thoughts down. you know, those burning issues that have been struggling their way from the depths of my soul to be shared with a public waiting to devour them.

or something like that.

it's my favorite month and the weather is making me all nostalgic - sights, smells, days all have significance. like today. birthday for a girl i dated my first year of college - cindy rogers. why do i remember these things and yet cannot remember the name of lori's child (it's ryan, btw - ryan roth. he's destined to play shortstop for someone)? obviously memories are tied into personal experiences. but what is it about this month that sparks so many memories? does more happen in this month or am i more aware of what does happen? or do i look for more because it's my favorite month and am looking for reasons to back up what i feel?

i have no answers. maybe i'll find them by taking a walk in the woods. at the very least, i'll make some more memories.

i think i need to stop watching tv news programs - even the funny ones. i find myself growing increasingly frustrated with our current political situation. when i hear of politicians putting off dealing with the war until the re-election cycle begins next year, i wonder if we wouldn't be better off scrapping the whole government and starting over. i'm growing to hate both parties and can think of no one i would vote for to lead our country. all the candidates make me want to hide and i feel that i'm going to be stuck once again voting, not for the best candidate, but for the lesser of two evils. and i'm losing hope that the situation will ever change. almost makes me wish i believed the framers of the constitution meant "the right to bear arms" means the right to own assault rifles, so i could take up arms against a government that is less inclined to look at what is best for the country and more inclined on how it will affect the money overflowing into their coffers.

bleah. makes me want to vomit.

something happy...house made me laugh again last night. i'm enjoying his search for a new team. will be interesting to see how long they drag this on. i have moments where i wish i could be as acerbic as he is. but i tend to like people too much to be that rude. maybe something to aspire to.

bell's going to ring. time to see what my students know about the anglo-saxons. should take about 37 seconds....
Æ

tunes: the pogues - thousands are sailing

i'm going - anyone with me?

Studio 35, Columbus Ohio


The Buffy Musical Extravaganza

i'll be there saturday, oct. 27.
Æ

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Now playing: Sinead O'Connor - I Am Stretched On Your Grave
via FoxyTunes

to quote the brooding prince of denmark

words. words. words.

a couple of friends have questioned my use of a certain expletive in the piece i wrote from the perspective of my appendix. i probably could have given some explanation before posting it but decided to let it stand as it was, especially since i had given the context in my previous post. i spent the beginning of the summer, when i wasn't taking the OWP, watching seasons five and six of The Sopranos, which is why my appendix ended up in the mob. i took the prompt as an opportunity to practice writing in a voice that wasn't my own, so i tried to have my appendix speak like a mobster. and it wasn't like my appendix was even using it in a derogatory way - he's impressed with the work the heart is doing. he didn't call the heart a "m-f" but said he was pumping away like one. big difference.

i do my best to not use "potty" language in my ordinary interaction with people and agree, nine times out of ten there are better ways to express yourself than the lazy use of expletives. but for this piece, for this character, i thought it worked. obviously, it's ruffled a few feathers. so to those of you shocked by what you read and expecting better of me: shut the fuck up.

(and in case there's any doubt: i'm trying to be funny, people. do not take this personally. and don't make me explain why it's funny).

spent most of the school day yesterday wondering if i would have to go to the doctor's office or the hospital - had been experiencing some pain in my abdomen, so called the doctor in the morning to find out if i needed to have it checked out. guess it was nothing because i didn't get a call until i was on the way home from school telling me just to keep an eye on it. so, given a clean bill of health, i went out last night with the carpool gang from OWP to The Pub over in rookwood. we had a great time catching up and promised to do it again soon, which is fine by me. haven't laughed like that in a great while. and i discovered i LOVE their goat cheese dip. who knew?

thursday night was parent/teacher conferences and unlike many of my other friends, i had a pretty light load - only four conferences. so i was wandering around and wandered into lori's room to discover her husband and child were there (i would use the child's name, but right now, i've completely forgotten it. tyler? taylor? i know, i know, i'm a horrible friend). the little one looked at me strangely when i said hey and then went back to playing with the keyboard, pounding away and ignoring me. i chatted with them for a while and then went back to get some stuff done in my room. lori found me later and said that after i left, her child looked around and said, "thurman gone." pretty impressive for a child just over a year and a half, especially since this was the first time he'd ever met me. made me smile.

heading out in a 20 minutes to see 3:10 to Yuma. not sure what to expect. heard some good stuff about it, but i'm a little trepidatious as it's a western and i tend to not like them. but the cast looks good so here's hoping. more later, perhaps.
Æ

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Now playing: The Ramones - Beat On The Brat
via FoxyTunes

no sleep for thurman

11:30. am i tired? not at all. wide. a. wake. ridiculous.

just finished watching reaper, the new show on the cw. not bad - good enough to get me to watch it a few more times. also dvr'd house, which was terribly amusing - could not stop laughing over the kidnapping of the guitar. think i may be on my way to renting the other seasons on dvd to catch up. didn't watch bones because, well, i need to find out if i need to watch season two first.

this is a sickness, isn't it? too bad i don't know a doctor like house who could figure out what was wrong with me.

thunderstorms earlier tonight - poor becky, steve and uly got caught on the way to house church. but then, just before i walked to compline, there was a break in the stormclouds and the nearly full moon drifted between. first full moon of autumn tomorrow. looks like we'll have rain most of the day, but maybe we'll see sister moon smiling for us, if only briefly.

i keep hoping this is it, the final day of unbearable heat, but i'm not quite ready to let go completely and fall into, well, fall. did that a couple weeks ago and look what happened.

i just need to move to the arctic circle.

been bitten by the consumption bug - bought new eyeglasses this weekend. oh my sweet unsuspecting wallet. $300+, which i've since discovered is about average for that kind of purchase. has it been that long since i bought new ones that i don't remember that kind of expenditure? probably, since i haven't had new glasses since, oh, 2000. so much has happened since then. and not so much, too.

you'd think after such an unexpected expense i'd be a bit more frugal with my finances. yet how do i find myself spending my time? researching the new ipod classics, specifically the 160 gb version. see, poor rory is nearly out of space. and i keep buying new music. already wiped my musical collection to make more room, but eventually even that will be gone. and now that the prices have dropped, i'm tempted to join the ipod masses. not going to do anything right now, but it's definitely in the back of my head.

so much for my desire to live more simply...

this is not helping my insomnia. i just find myself more and more awake. maybe i'll try reading some more of adverbs by handler, see if that does the trick. at least i'll be in a prone position as opposed to sitting, staring at a screen. here's hoping i don't see 1AM roll around.
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Now playing: Dramarama - Anything, Anything
via FoxyTunes

vestigial

Psst. Over here.

No, the other side.

Hey. Howya doin’?

I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced. My name is…well, why dontcha just call me VA for now. Don’t worry ‘bout not knowin’ me – I usually try and keep a low profile ‘round here. No use stirring up trouble if I don’t have to, know what I mean?

What’s that? What do I do around here? Now that is an excellent question. Been asking myself that one for years. I mean, all these friends of mine, they know. Heart’s up there pumpin’ like a motherfucker. Lungs, they’re bringing in, distributing to the rest of us. Small intestine, he’s takin’ care of the garbage. But me? I’m just kinda here. I get these funny looks sometimes from the others, like I don’t belong ‘round here. Doesn’t help being a bit wormy looking. And I gotta tell ya, it wears on ya after a while. Not like I can argue with ‘em, though. Truth is, I am a bit useless. It’s hard not knowing your purpose in a place like this. And I have to say it makes me more than a little nervous. I mean, what happens when the boss upstairs decides I’m not worth the potential hassle down the road? I highly doubt he’ll keep me around for nostalgia’s sake.

Like last week, I was talkin’ to the ears and they said they heard one of the other families had problems with theirs. Ended up shutting down the entire operation for a couple weeks to…take care of the problem. The worst part? The family didn’t miss a beat. It’s like no one notices he’s not there.

So yeah, I tend to stay out of the way. No use drawing undue attention to myself. Some things are best unseen and unheard is my motto. I figure I have a better chance of survivin’ that way. ‘Cause otherwise, someone might realize I’m not pulling my weight around here and…well…take me out.
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Now playing: Peter Gabriel - Digging In The Dirt
via FoxyTunes

must be something in the air

spent the last couple of hours catching up on blogs and figured i should at least post something here to let those who possibly wonder about such things that i am indeed still around. this may be the longest spell of blankness since i started my bloglife. and i have no excuses. no good ones, anyway.

for those that hadn't heard, my appendix and i had an arugment: i really didn't think much about it and it wanted to kill me. so right after labor day, on my doctor's recommendation, i drove myself to the Christ hospital and after being poked and prodded by a female doctor and a male nurse (and having them try FOUR times to get an IV in my arms - they said i had tough skin...oh the irony), i went in for an emergency laproscopic appendectomy. all went well and i was out of the hospital in 30 hours and back home, where i then spent two weeks in my comfy chair watching the second season of The Office, reading three books (two Ffordes, one Handler) and sleeping. a lot. so much that returning this week to school was rough because my already screwed up sleep schedule got even more out of whack. but all is well and as far as major surgeries go, this one went smoothly. i even got pictures, which i toyed with posting but it's really not pretty.

funny - this summer for OWP, one of our prompts was to write from the perspective of a body part and i chose the appendix, making him like a member of the mob afraid that the Godfather would find out he served no purpose and have him "taken out." aren't i clever? guess my appendix didn't think so.

funny, part deux: so tonight i ran into hollywood video.

no, i mean literally.

yes, once again, my misnamed parking brake failed me and lorelai meandered across another parking lot, this time running into the newly remodeled column in front of hollywood video, leaving a good sized dent in the facade and knocking my front license plate off. waited for the police to arrive, but the store didn't want a report filed, just my insurance info and driver's license info. could have been much worse - could have hit another car (again), could have hit the drop box (which i'm not exactly sure how it missed it the first time), could have gone through the doors, or hit someone. not an ideal way to spend part of a friday evening, but better than spending it watching balls of fury.

no use trying to catch you up on the past 6 1/2 weeks, but here's some highlights.

school has started and i really love teaching seniors - i think it will be tough going back to sophomores next trimester. maybe i'll get lucky next year and get to teach seniors all year.

in addition to advising film club, i'm also co-coaching academic team. hyperintelligent students who excel at trivia - these are my people.

gratis fest was fun yet again - beautiful weather, great times. some of my students were there saturday to see pomegranates. i actually got up and was dancing at the front with them, so they either think i'm the biggest geek or the coolest teacher. here's hoping for the latter.

two more friends found me via the internets. seems to have been the summer for that. fun.

and that's all i can think of right now.

ok, time to try and fall asleep again. if it's like the rest of the week, i still have a couple hours to go. at least i have the latest thursday next novel to pass the time. more sooner than later, i hope.
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Now playing: My Chemical Romance - Teenagers
via FoxyTunes

damn, it's hot

i have done n-o-t-h-i-n-g this week. zip. nada. sat around in my underwear trying to keep from melting into my comfy chair. and i've only been moderately successful at even doing that. been wanting to get outside, get on the bike, take a walk, but when i'm a sweaty mess from just walking out the door, i know this is unwise and mostly disgusting. so i sit and watch. finally got to watching the first season of bones, which brent loaned me. wasn't too impressed with the pilot, but i went ahead and gave it another chance. now i'm six episodes in and enjoying it. pretty much the x-files, minus the aliens and government conspiracy. might be adding it to my to record list, to fill the massive holes left by the loss of the girls and veronica.

also watched the first steelers game (again, thanks to brent). ok, preseason game. they looked good. sharp. ready. i know it's only preseason, but it looks like tomlin has them mentally tough and ready to play. ben looked good and comfortable. wilson looks ready to step up his game. and davis looks to be a good back up for fast willie parker. fun to watch the boys play again. here's for a good season. at least one better than the bengals.

ok, i'm only sitting here and i feel the perspiration building up on my forehead and extremities. bleah bleah bleah. why do i hate the one thing i seem to be able to do remarkably well?

my other watching option has been the matrix trilogy. now i never got to the third one, so put off by what happened in the second and what i heard others say about it. but aaron had the multidisc boxset and so i borrowed it from him and am going through the commentaries featuring the two philosophers. they claim you have to take the three as a whole to get the complete meaning. their excitement for it is making me actually look forward to seeing the others again. perhaps they'll shine a light on the murkiness i felt the first time i watched. who knows. color me intrigued.

been nice to have no agenda this week after a summer filled with them. little frustrating because that protestant work ethic kicks in and tries to make me feel guilty for doing nothing. and i there are things i'd like to get done - cleaning the basement, replying to correspondence - and things i should get done - preparing for the coming year. but if i'm anything, i'm lazy. and hot. and my insomnia has struck again - was up at 3:45am last night again. don't think it's something i ate and i'm not anxious or worried about anything. i don't know. i'm just going to blame the heat.

sometime i want to sit down and give some of my favorite moments from my trip to vegas. but now is not the time. but here's a pic to tide you over, taken by scott, the man whose birthday we were there to celebrate. unfortunately, the menu didn't list the size of the item you were ordering, so imagine my surprise and consternation when they brought me out half a cow. and imagine my distended stomach when i finished most of it. temptress, thy name is gluttony.


more later, when i'm cooler. which at this point may be sometime in december.
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tunes: Public Image Limited - Rise
via FoxyTunes

i don't know whether to be flattered or frightened

today i had three phone calls from a number i didn't recognize. i figured whoever it was would leave a message, but each time, nothing. on the third call, which came around 9:15 PM, i decided to pick it up. on the other end i heard a voice asking, "is this mr. allen, the most kickass english teacher ever?" of course i answered yes. turns out to be one of my students from last year. he said he and some others had wanted to "hang" with me (their words, not mine), so they googled my name and after a couple of wrong calls, ended up calling my dad, who decided to go ahead and give them my phone number.

either i'm far too easy to find online or my students are much smarter than i give them credit for. or maybe they just have waaaaaayy too much time on their hands.

i don't remember ever wanting any of my teacher's phone numbers in high school. so i'm flattered to be remembered. but the idea of students having my number makes me a bit...wary, i guess. an irrational fear, but in today's warped society, i could see it being a problem. i was chatting with a friend who asked if i was "comfortable" hanging with former students. guess i am, moreso than i would be with current students. i mean, i was trained to be able to relate to teens back in my seminary days, so it comes naturally. and it's not like some have intimated (read: administrators) that teachers who interact with students outside of school are looking for friends. truth is, i genuinely like teenagers. not in some creepy kind of way, but because i find them fun and fascinating.

which i guess probably just makes me seem creepy.

oh well. the students are supposed to call back once they figure out when everyone can get together and let me know when and where we can "hang." and this time i'll answer the first time i see the number.
Æ

ps you'll notice a new "now playing" format below. comes from the foxy tunes plugin for firefox. i highly recommend it.
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tunes: The La's - There She Goes
via FoxyTunes

from guacamole to sushi

Before my trip to Las Vegas, I told people who asked why I was going when I hated it so much the first time that I was following The Guacamole Rule™: every now and then I retry things I don’t like, just to be sure I still don’t like them. So from this perspective, my trip to Vegas was a complete success – I came back no longer loathing the city and having great memories of the five days there.

But I can’t say I’m in a hurry to go back any time soon.

Vegas is a place with no sense of history or even of the future. Vegas focuses on the now, the moment and the moment just around the corner. It is all that matters.

That’s not meant as a slam. OK, maybe just a little. I always hear people talking about living in the moment, blah blah blah and here I was, in a city that does nothing but live in the moment and it left me feeling empty. Not while I was enjoying myself, pogoing in the dueling piano bar or eating the world’s largest slab of meat or snapping photos of the faux Eiffel Tower behind the faux Arc de Triomphe or watching the spectacle of the Bellagio fountains. But in-between those moments (and there wasn’t much in-between with our breakneck schedule), when the spectacle faded and we waited for the next big moment, the stillness left me with a longing for something deeper. It’s probably why there are so many lights and sounds happening at once in Vegas, to keep that emptiness at bay.

I realize this is oxymoronic: “So basically you’re saying you had a great time except for when you weren’t having a great time.” I know. I did have a great time in those moments. But, to use a cliché, the whole is far less than the sum of its parts. My highlight of the entire trip was our “side trip” to the Grand Canyon (I’m not sure how side it can actually be when it takes you nearly five hours to get there). Standing there on the edge – well, as close to the edge as I could get without succumbing to vertigo – I experienced a moment I know will not fade any time soon. I felt all the moments of my life coming together, all those leading up to that Thursday afternoon and all those coming after. I experienced a contentment so often missing in my life. I knew this was where I was meant to be, the right time, the right place, breathing in the grandeur. All the great moments in Vegas cannot compare to the few hours spent at the Grand Canyon. It’s a stark contrast I can’t seem to escape. Vegas is transitory, man’s monument to instant gratification; the Grand Canyon is timeless, God’s monument to the power of time.

My first time in Vegas was too short, a smattering of hours on my first journey to the west coast. I lacked the opportunity to see anything but the mind-numbing glitz and the lost souls basking in its glow. My second trip was a touch too long. This time I saw beneath the glitz and the glow, only to discover it held little for me. I don’t gamble. I don’t drink. I don’t enjoy crowds. I don’t find great pleasure in staring at half-naked strangers. Not that there’s anything wrong with these things, they just aren’t who I am.

And I have to admit, the hypersexual nature of the strip bothered me. I know it’s the bread and butter of Vegas, what with the showgirls and sex ads and entertainment like Zumanity (Cirque’s “adult” show). But as a lonely bachelor with morals, I felt like I was trapped in that song by The Tubes. My eyes wandered and dragged my thoughts along for the ride. Most of the time I am able to ignore this aspect of my loneliness, the longing for physical contact. But in Vegas it was impossible to get away from and served to make me hyper-aware of just how long it’s been.

So while I no longer hate Vegas, it’s not something I see myself doing on a regular basis. My metaphor has morphed a bit – no longer do I see Vegas as guacamole. Now it’s more like sushi. I’ve only really had sushi once in my life, on my last trip to NYC while visiting my friend Jennifer (who hasn’t talked to me since…hmmm….). I enjoyed it while I was eating it, but I never crave sushi. And I know I only enjoyed the one time I had it because Jennifer took me and did all the ordering. I could never go on my own. Likewise, I don’t ever see myself going on my own to Vegas. Maybe in another decade I’ll try again, just to make sure I still don’t like it. Don’t they use guacamole in sushi sometimes?
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tunes: king's x - everywhere i go

it's morphin' time!

greetings, friends. been a while. been away, visiting places like chicago and vegas and the grand canyon. those tales will have to wait until i have a chance to process them. suffice it to say, my second trip to vegas was infinitely better than my first, as was my second trip to see the canyon, especially since i got to see it this time.

as you may have noticed, there have been a couple of changes to my blog. for a lot of blogdom, blogging is a way to get their ideas and insights out to the masses, to show what they know and to spark conversations and debate about what they have to say.

this is not me.

i'm only interested in having a place to process what i'm thinking and feeling. as my class this summer reminded me, writing is the primary way i make sense of my life. unfortunately, it can be like watching sausages being made. so why do it in a public forum? because it's motivation for me to write. knowing people are out there wanting to read what i have to say makes me more likely to do so. you, my faithful readers, are like my accountability partners - not holding me accountable for what i write, but that i write at all.

so i summed up my attitude for my blog at the top of the page. and i took off the comments feature, since i'm not that interested in feedback and most of the people who read this know how to get in touch with me anyway. so if something i say really gets you fired up, by all means, email me.

i suppose this ranting and raving could seem a bit stupid and self-indulgent, but then it is a blog so that shouldn't surprise anyone. neither should the fact that things here sometimes get a bit melancholy. but understand that what you get here is not all of my life; much of the time, it's those parts i need to figure out. and i don't usually need to figure out the happy parts.

enough explanation. thanks for your time and indulgence. and thanks for reading. it really does help.
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tunes: boston - amanda