WARNING!

Reading this blog has made people want to kill themselves, so if you are easily depressed, perhaps you should find something more uplifting to do, like watch a Holocaust documentary or read a Cormac McCarthy novel.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

23 Aug 7:45 AM

Sleep eluded me again last night, at least until after Vigils, when I crashed hard for an hour or so. Thankfully I’d set the alarm, though there’s something not quite right waking here by electronic beep.

The mass today was for St. Rose of Lima, who exemplified sacrifice in all things. The common for today? Common for a virgin. I couldn’t help but smile.

The reading for Lauds again came from Song of Songs. I hesitate to read into this, but I can’t help but ponder its significance given relationships were one of the things I came to pray about.

Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing—
it sweeps everything before it.
Flood waters can't drown love,
torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold—
it's not to be found in the marketplace.

8:6-8 (The Message)

So does this mean I should eschew the marketplace, forget about finding love online? Hardly. I’m not looking to buy love, though I’m sure money will be involved. And while things are sold online, what I’m seeking is not.

This view of love, of passion, colors what I seek. If I can’t have this kind of love – laughing at the terrors of hell – then I’d rather have nothing.

The sweet, fragrant curves of your body,
the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay
until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.

4:6-7

I’ve been told many times I’ve set my sights too high, place my standards out of reach. But this is love we’re talking about! Unquenchable passion! Why would you settle for anything less than your heart’s desire? I refuse to seek only to have, for it diminishes both. I seek not mere contentment, but ravishment. Not security but passion. Not just something, but everything, everything, everything. Æ

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