Room is stripped, car is packed. All that remains is Br. Christian’s talk and quick stop by the gift shop to pick up some fudge and a calligraphy print of the Prayer of St. Francis for my wall. I broke my fast this morning by taking the Eucharist. God didn’t strike me dead, so I think I’m OK. Today is the feast of Bartholomew, one of those apostles I know little to nothing about. Perhaps I’ll stop up in the library before I leave – though I’m a bit anxious to get on the road. Not that I want to leave this place, but I know I must come down from the mountain – there’ll be no building of tabernacles here.
I overestimated how hungry I was at breakfast – I always think I need to make up for lost time. Now I’m a bit queasy – hopefully it will fade. I need to make fasting a regular part of my life – either on a consistent basis or by giving up a particular desire for a period of time. My study of the disciplines has shown me how necessary they are to life – and how lax I have been with them. One of my hopes for the new church is that we’ll focus on the disciplines, supporting one another in our efforts to seek out grace. I’m tired of just showing up and seeing what happens (Napoleon’s battle plan according to Casey on SportsNight) I must actively seek God with all my heart – only then will I be able to wait on His goodness.
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When asked why women are kept out of the abbey, Br. Christian said because they are the most wonderful thing in the world and it would be too easy to focus on them instead of Christ, that our desire to connect with the other would find its focus in the women standing across from us everyday. If you’ve given something up, you don’t set it before you to stare at it.
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