i almost died twice this week

ok, maybe not death, but at the very least, severe injury. i've decided cincy is the most un-bikefriendly city in the world. combine cyclists who don't know what they're doing, with people that barely know how to drive and certainly have no idea how to drive around cyclists, stir and you have almost certain mayhem. my first experience was monday - i had ridden my bike to oakley library to pick up some books and then to norwood library for some more. on my way down allison, i signaled that i would be turning left onto courtland. a large black pick up pulled up at the stop sign and stopped. i don't know if they didn't see me or didn't know i was signaling to turn left (i mean, what can i expect, most people in cincy don't know how to use the turn signals in their own cars, much less the proper signals for a bicycle), but as i made my turn, they began to pull out, coming within inches of running me over. left me a little frustrated, little shocked. nothing like an adrenaline rush at the end of a ride.

then yesterday, i decided to ride to mariemont because, well, i've been feeling sedentary this week and wanted to shake off some of the malaise i'd been feeling. i followed mapquest directions to rt 50 and while i was heading into mariemont, i hit a stretch of road where some paving work had recently been done. unfortunately, it didn't reach all the way to the curb, and as i avoided a sewer grate, my tires caught the groove, which nearly sent me sprawling into the traffic coming up behind me. scary, scary moment. made me long for the bike path (which is one of the reasons i wanted to bike to mariemont, to find the best route to getting to the bike path in milford. not sure i've found it yet, but i hope i get the chance to ride out there before summer is gone).

and summer is quickly fading. technically, i still have two full weeks before we start back up, but those days are already filled with stuff. monday i leave for gethsemani for some solitude and time to process before the school year starts. looking forward to hearing what God has to say and where He is leading. after the scattered nature of this summer, i'm hoping for a little focus.

still no idea when i'm leaving for the reunion tomorrow or if i'll be heading out with the 'rents or not. get the feeling i'm just going to have to drive up on my own. i mean, what's another $50 in gas, right?

had breakfast with steve this morning after prayers. interesting conversation about drugs, parenthood, sex and dating (separate parts, not all together - that would just be weird). he gave some good advice on the whole online dating thing, which i still haven't completely followed through with. still stuck on the "ad" portion. never been very good at selling things. i just need to do something - not like i can't alter it later (heh. don't you love anagrams?).

enough rambling. only solid thing on the agenda today is the cookout tonight at the brownhouse - first time i've been able to go. also need to download my monthly songs from emusic before they expire on sunday. was going to cancel after this month, but have decided to go one more month. want to pick up the decemberists and possibly the new leigh nash. we'll see.
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Tunes: new order - krafty

question two

do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits? would you be willing to spend a night alone in a remote house that is supposedly haunted?

i stand with bill here:

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy

i've always had a fascination with ghosts. some of my earliest memories are of reading ghost stories or hearing them and wondering about them. i had an old alfred hitchcock record that i listened to over and over and over again. strangely enough, it's hard to scare me now. rarely does a horror film get me worked up. i do believe there are inexplicable events in this world that we cannot make sense of. and i believe some of them may be caused by someone beyond the grave.

look, if we are truly immortal souls and if we truly believe there is more to our existence than this earthly existence, then why would we deny the fact that perhaps souls find their way back to us? i know for a long time we've sought to limit what is true to only what we can prove. i just can't buy that. it's like the celtic idea of "thin places" where another world exists just the other side of this one. and sometimes there's crossover. and just because it doesn't fit into our box of reality doesn't mean it isn't true.

as for spending the night alone in a supposedly haunted house....i don't know. i definitely could see myself getting myself totally worked up over every little sound. and it being remote - i just imagine myself becoming spooked and running out of a room, only to knock myself unconscious where i would be left while spiders and all kinds of creepy things crawled all over my body.

ah the joys of an overactive imagination.

so yeah, i believe in ghosts. and spirits, both good and evil. and i'd probably spend the night in a haunted house alone - as long as i was assured there were no spiders. ghosts i can handle. spiders are a whole different story....
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Tunes: grant-lee phillips - lonesome serenade

a quickie

need to be heading downstairs to fix something edible for tonight's house church but wanted to check in.

the good news: i bit the bullet and talked to my insurance agent and found out, because i've not had an incident in over ten years, my little fender bender will not negatively affect my insurance, meaning my rates will not go up. this is excellent news to me. so now i just have to wait for state farm to call me back with a claim number and i'll be able to get lorelai looking beautiful again. and it should help dawn get her car back in order as well. the part is waiting at kevin's, so now i wait.

i also called gethsemani today to see about doing a retreat there next week, but they didn't return my call today. hopefully tomorrow. be good to get away, get focused before the school year begins. lots of thoughts and experiences to process.

family reunion is this weekend - i was going to be speaking at our weekly gathering, but kevin graciously agreed to switch with me. i don't do nearly enough with the extended family and it's always a good time. i'm hoping things work out so i can ride up with mom and dad - save me the four-hour-plus drive and the gas expense. would like to get home semi-early on sunday - alison's having a new house warming get together at her new place and since there's a pool, sounds like quite the shindig.

why is my first reaction upon hearing someone likes me always, "You're kidding, right?"

picked up three books to read yesterday - anansi boys - gaiman; son of a witch - maguire; the great omission - willard. now with nothing going on in the evenings, i should have plenty of time to read. also watched wallace and gromit, but need to do so again because i kept fading in and out (my fault, not the movie's).


cooking time. more later.
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Tunes: lost dogs - the business is going down

heady thoughts for a weekend

stolen from alan creech....


"...love is not a matter of getting what you want. Quite the contrary. The insistence on always having what you want, on always being satisfied, on always being fulfilled, makes love impossible. To love you have to climb out of the cradle, where everything is 'getting,' and grow up to the maturity of giving, without concern for getting anything special in return. Love is not a deal, it is a sacrifice. It is not marketing, it is a form of worship."
Thomas Merton, Love and Living

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Tunes: the pine valley cosmonauts - gallows pole

i can't believe i'm doing this

i've spent the morning scanning the internet, getting information on something i've been adamantly opposed to in the past:

online dating services.

this change of heart came from a l-o-n-g discussion with my good friend kat and a realization that my normal modus operandi has not been helpful.

now i've always considered online dating the last resort - the final step after all other options had run their course. in my head (which is a frightening space indeed), online dating was only a heartbeat away from accepting i would be single for the rest of my life.

these are my issues and not meant to be disparaging toward anyone else.

but after nearly eleven years with nary a relationship, i suppose it's time to admit that i suck at this and that i need to get some help. plus, kat assures me this is the way things are done now and who am i to stand in the way of progress.

one problem though: i've discovered i suck at this, too. spent most of the morning on one site, filling out their probing questionnaire, feeling like i was giving the wrong answer only to get near the end and completely collapse. they wanted Your profile headline (2 characters min., 128 characters max.) and Tell us about yourself and who you're looking for. (200 characters min., 2000 characters max.). and i had no idea what to type/write. none. so i've walked away. maybe something will come to me soon. i sure hope so.

anyway, if any of you out there have more experience with this than i do (which is most everyone) and would like to point me in the right direction, i'd be happy to benefit from your wisdom and experience, good and bad.

back to hitting cyclists with baseball bats (i'm up to 1328.8 now).
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Tunes: grant lee buffalo - side by side

question one

for a person you loved deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country knowing there would be little chance of seeing your friends or family again?

interesting this is the first question, considering i just watched corpse bride for the first time and it deals a bit with this idea. i'd like to think i would realize the importance of friends and family and feel the sacrifice is too much, even for someone i love deeply. but i've been waiting so long to love deeply and have someone love me in return that i don't doubt i would be packed and ready to go in a heartbeat. i sometimes think i'm cameron from ferris bueller:

Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.

ok, maybe not that bad. but i can easily see myself becoming enthralled with someone to the point of being willing to give up everything just to be with them. i mean, i can always make new friends. and we'll be creating a family of our own, right? and this isn't some fling - it's someone i love deeply and who loves me deeply (i assume, anyway) and therefore she is a gift from God and He would not lead me astray. love is forever, right?

the thing that scares me the most about this is, while i joke, i do have a tendency to become (ahem) a bit obsessed. i remember in college, having a long discussion with mike about this, after i abandoned many of my friends in my obsession with stacy. perhaps this is why God has seen fit to keep me out of relationships (or has created me in such away that i stay away from getting involved). He knows once i meet someone i love deeply, they will become the focus of my life, to the exclusion of others. i'd like to think i've matured and grown since those heady college days, but as i've had few relationships since then (like one), i have no way of knowing for sure.

i'm not blaming God for my lack of relationships - i take full responsibility for that. but maybe in His wisdom He's allowed me to function well outside of them, allowing me the opportunity to develop within a community of friends and end up close enough to my family that we can be a part of each other's lives. and while it would be glorious to be deeply in love with one single person, i am thankful for the way my life has been shaped by the deep relationships i've been able to form with others.

ok, your turn. feel free to leave your own answer to the question in the comments section. the more people that play, the more fun we'll all have. really.
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Tunes: asia - daylight

reliving those high school summer nights

brent's gone and i'm currently avoiding mowing my lawn, which looks like a chia pet gone horribly wrong. get there soon enough.

yesterday's KI trip was great. i always have such a glorious time and yet i go so rarely. my excuse? it's a shared experience, not one easily enjoyed by oneself. and i don't know anyone else that has a season pass that doesn't have a normal job. not that i've actually checked this out, of course. we rode all the good stuff at least twice, the best stuff (delirium, vortex and, the best of the best, the beast) at least three. i know i'm getting old because damn was the back of the beast rough. they ought to put chiropractor ads at the end of the ride. but it was a great time complete with a trip to the fx action theater with hannah-barbara - much more enjoyable and nostalgic than spongebob with the song they used to play in the old boat ride (before it became the smurf ride and then whatever nickleodeon nonsense is there now - does it even still exist?). i might have gone the rest of my life forgetting that song. having it back makes me strangely happy. i also enjoyed other KI staples, such as larosas (which always tastes better here - kind of like hot dogs at a ballgame) and funnel cake. and other than a brief thunderstorm that shut down the park (when did they become such pansies? i seem to remember riding rides and coasters in the rain; now they shut them down when there's a watch), it was a beautiful and nostalgia-filled day.

i wonder if some of my recent forays into my past (metal, KI) aren't a subconscious attempt to relive a simpler time, a time filled with great memories. i tend to consider the summer of 1986 one of the best of my life and that was 20 years ago now. as long as i don't end this summer like i did that one, in the hospital with a broken neck).

speaking of broken, i finally figured out what to do with lorelai. she'll be spending some quality time with kevin down at center city collision, probably next week. not going to report it to my insurance agent - repair costs are only a bit over what my deductible would be, so i'd rather pay a little extra and not have my rates jump by 30%. below is a picture of the damage, for those that are curious.



sad.

ok, time to be responsible and mow the lawn. was sure i would sleep well last night after walking around for over nine hours, but i must have jazzed my body up because i slept not at all. so i'm dragging a bit. but i figure if i get done now before what looks like rain, i can sleep the afternoon away. that will be good.
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Tunes: joseph arthur - honey and the moon

lorelai's broke

so we're sitting in claddagh last night, celebrating a successful first weekend. suddenly, one of the staff appears in our little room and there's a bit of confusion. i hear the word car and the word silver. i know immediately i'm screwed. once we finally get everyone quiet enough to hear, he says it's a silver honda. i feel a sense of relief. then he says involved with a silver mazda. *sigh* i knew it. so we spill out into the parking lot and sure enough, there's lorelai, bumper to bumper with dawn's (one of the fairies) silver honda accord. obviously lorelai was feeling a bit neglected and wanted to meet one of the other pretty cars in the parking lot.

i'm not completely sure what happened. the parking brake was engaged when i got back in the car, but there was a slight incline to the parking space, so perhaps i didn't engage it enough. regardless, lorelai has hefty dent in her driver's side rear bumper. luckily, the damage to dawn's car was minor, probably buffable (i hope!). there's at least $500 out the window. may have to rethink my van in a van plans. i'm sure this will all be funny some day - oh, what am i saying, it's funny now, in a painful kind of way. it'll just get funnier later.

brent and i are off to KI today - going to be a hot one, so we're going to wait until after lunch then head off to spend the rest of the day. be good to go, though i won't be able to scream on the coasters, which is half the fun. voice is still shot. did discover that while throat coat does wonders for my singing voice, it does nothing for my speaking voice. hopefully a few days rest will help it get back to where it needs to be.

geesh, glad i wasn't in a serious accident and needed my insurance agent to call me back. though maybe he doesn't come in until 10:00. be nice to stop by on the way to KI, since he's right there. we'll see what happens.

better go be a better host. bye.
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one down five to go

how is it that weekends can still feel different, even though you're not working and not actually taking a break? it's like my body actually knew today was saturday and acted accordingly. learned behaviour? years of conditioning? or something more mystical? i know not.

opening night went well. couldn't have asked for better weather - a nearly perfect summer night. good crowd too - a bit unresponsive at first, but they were totally in it by act v, which is when bottom shines anyway. so great to have an audience reacting - jazzes our performance. not a perfect performance, but an excellent opening night. elizabeth and krystal came to show (on krystal's birthday!) which was a pleasant surprise. they enjoyed the show and we talked quite a bit afterwards. tonight amelia and brian are supposed to be there and brent will be here on sunday, along with julie and emma. always good to have friends in the audience, even if you don't know they're there.

the only downside - my voice is shot. all my liquidating and resting went right out the window once the play started. i tried to take it easy, let the mike do the work, but i'm not used to doing that and i tend to fall into my "acting zone," letting the physical stuff go on automatic pilot so i can concentrate on the character/lines. may have to work on that. don't anticipate completely losing my voice, but don't want to risk it, either.

quick plug: if you're ever in sharonville, check out the blue goose. great food, great atmosphere, and they fixed the separate checks issue from last summer, which means the cast is there a lot. their burgers are amazing and their salads would make elaine benes proud.

no major plans for the day - gina needs me to run her to get her oil changed. but beyond that and a nap, i've got nothing before the show. much better timing last night - an hour before seems doable. and God was kind enough to send arby's coupons in the mail, so i had dinner last night for $2.39. if anyone gets the reach magazine and doesn't use the arby's coupons, 'twould be great if you could save them for me and pass them along. i, like many actors, am a bit superstitious, so 'twould like to keep a certain routine going until i have a bad performance, then i'll shake it up. so could be a lot of arby's in my future. not that i'm complaining....

ok, need to go put my costume in the dryer. i should go mow the lawn but don't want to. of course, that means i won't get to it until tuesday at the earliest. so much for my plans of getting all this housework done before the weekend....
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Tunes: def leppard - rock of ages

i know, i'm going to bed, leave me alone

just got back from ally's going away soiree at the grill formerly known as hamburger mary's. sad to see her go, though she did meet the one requirement for friends that move away - going somewhere i might want to visit someday. went after our truncated final dress for midsummer. lovely time for a rain storm. and always right before the play within a play. ah well, probably good for my voice i didn't have to do it. it's a bit on the puny side at the moment - nothing worrisome, just haven't been kind to it this week. personally, tonight's rehearsal was infinitely better than last night's suckfest. wow. amazing what lack of sleep will do to your ability to focus and remember your lines. we are so ready for this show. we had a bit of an audience tonight, which helped a lot because we've kind of forgotten where the funny bits are. good to have that feedback.

the nap this afternoon helped my performance tonight, but not sure it's going to do much for my going to bed tonight. i was good at mary's and drank only water and have avoided caffeine all day. just need to keep doing that for the run of the show.

please, come see it. it's free (donations accepted, of course) and it's fun to see shakespeare outside.

ok, enough begging.

my trip to half price was only partially successful. i didn't find anything to read, but i did pick up one of my favorite emma thompson movies - dead again - for $5. score! also picked up the book of questions to help when i get stuck for journal entries. and i've been thinking perhaps i might go through the book and post my answers to the questions. ideally, it's best to do this in a groups setting, so if you're feeling game (not gamey - that would be me after the play), feel free to play along. won't do it every day and it won't be the only thing i do, but hopefully it might help me be a bit more consistent.

we shall see.

amusing moment from wednesday night's daily show - i guess an arabic interpreter was discharged from the army under the "don't ask/don't tell" policy. his superiors received some anonymous e-mails, so they questioned him. the two questions they asked? do you have any gay acquaintances? and - wait for it - have you done any community theater?

looks like i won't be enlisting any time soon....

bedtime. we open in nineteen hours. woohoo!
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Tunes: indigo girls - closer to fine

friends in the news

DIY Alternative Energy starring Angie and Andy Ferrell (and written by Steven Carter-Novotni)

Local Medical Professionals Find Joy in Making Music starring Jason Seavolt and Kevin Patrick

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mistakes were made

mistake #1: eating at the goose at 10:00pm
mistake #2: drinking copious amounts of iced tea
mistake #3: getting sucked into someone's blog
mistake #4: listening to music as i tried to fall asleep
mistake #5: not finding a way to cool off

all this lead to me not sleeping until around 4:00AM

no prayers today.

need to go eat lunch, but don't know what/where. time to do some grocery shopping but my head's not in it at the moment and i'll just end up buying a bunch of stuff i won't actually be able to use to fix meals (but those doritos looked so tasty - and they were BOGO free).

this day is going to be oh so unproductive, i can tell.

methinks jalepenos is calling my name.

seems the van in a van trip has hit a speedbump - tickets are sold out for the first couple of weeks. doing it over thanksgiving would be best for me - otherwise, with the goofy schedule this year, i may not be able to swing it - trimester doesn't end until december 1 this year. weird.

ahh! i don't want to think about that yet. i still have a couple of weeks....

i need a book to read during the show. geisha is too big to take with me and i would hate to get sweat and makeup on it since it's a borrowed book. see, if i go to jalepenos, i can walk over to half price and i can find myself something. but what? nothing on my radar at the moment. i'll take suggestions, though won't do me a lot of good immediately. but i'll definitely keep them for future reference.

i can feel summer slipping through my fingers. day two of august and i've done...nothing. with plans to do nothing. nothing is good sometimes but not as good as something or anything even. well not anything - that could get me in trouble.

and i've confused myself. stupid lack of sleep.
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Tunes: ac/dc - back in black

what? two in one day?

didn't get home from dress in time to catch my daily dose of the daily show/colbert report, so i'll be taping it to watch it tomorrow morning. which means i have time to do another post and, more surprisingly, a desire to post.

too bad it is about nothing of significance.

here's a quick update of my media indulgences so far this summer, in no particular order:

books

• ragtime - doctorow - B+
  
• jpod - coupland (second reading) - A-
  
• will in the world - greenblatt - A
  
• possession - byatt - A+
  
• perfume - suskind - A
• real sex - winner - B
  
• more ready than you realize - mcclaren - B
  

movies

• xmen 3 - C-
  
• superman returns - C-
  
• pirates of the carribean - A
  
• clerks ii (twice already) - A
  
• the break up - D+
  
• a scanner darkly - A-
• nacho libre - B-
  

music (sorry, no ratings, i like 'em all. and all but rhett comes courtesy of e-music)

• big star - #1 record/radio city
• gary hoey - the best of gary hoey
• tremolo - love is the greatest revenge
• rhett miller - the instigator
• josh ritter - the animal years
• neko case - fox confessor brings the flood
• patty griffin - a kiss in time

took a break in compiling this list to talk to anne, who i haven't talked to in forever. great to catch up with her - she has a marvelous gift and i always feel more loved and appreciated after talking to her. thank you God for weaving her life into mine.

ok, morning prayers are in - eek - six hours. must go to sleep. if i can.
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Tunes: chagall guevara - treasure of the broken land

deceive, inveigle, obfuscate

seriously, what happened to july? i turned around and *poof* it was gone, with nothing to show for it. hmmmm. i know i did stuff. rehearsal mostly. and sweating. lots of sweating. and over the last couple of days, i've spent too much time playing this. my high score is 1171.4

no use trying to catch up. be painful for all involved. so we press on.

i suppose i should come clean. i've rediscovered something over the past couple of weeks, a part of who i am as a person i've kept suppressed for close to 17 years. i buried it because i was ashamed. i buried it because it didn't fit with the image on wanted to portray. i buried it because i hate mockery. but last tuesday, the grave was officially shaken open and out came my secret:

hello. my name is thurman. and i'm a metalhead wannabe.

now i can't lay claim to being an actual metalhead - my taste in metal skews farther toward the hairband side than the speedmetal side (think: more def leppard, less slayer). and i've never really run with the right crowd for it - blame it on my nazarene upbringing and the fact that most metal lyrics leave much to be desired. sorry, just never been a big fan of the apocalypse and rarely feel the need to curse God. i tried the hair in high school (oy, are those pictures i wish would disappear), but it was the 80s and everyone's hair was big.

but man, do i love a good riff and a screaming guitar solo.

been spending the last week listening to all the metal in my collection, which, despite my lengthy denial, is still pretty hefty (over 600 songs). never really gave it up completely - i mean, my obsession with king's x has kept me at least superficially connected. and i can't help but smile every time i hear boston or def leppard or guns and roses reminding me of glorious summer nights back in high school. this is as much a part of me as my more "mature" choices in music, and, because of their role in shaping who i have ultimately become, maybe even more.

i actually began a post about how i became a metalhead wannabe, but scrapped it because i couldn't figure out where to go next. maybe i'll work on it again.

90 degrees at the moment, which means it will be another sweat-filled rehearsal. i pity my fellow actors. last night was rough - heat muddled my brain and i had trouble with lines i've never struggled with before. will be better tonight. a bit scary to think we go up on friday. but it looks to be a great show. oh, and if i happened to send you an e-mail, be aware that the matinees on sunday are at 6:00PM, not 4:00PM. silly me.

and while i'm making large scale announcements, did i loan my almost famous: the bootleg cut to anyone out there? mine has turned up missing and i can't for the life of me remember who i loaned it to. i don't need it back, i just want to know where it is.

spoke briefly with aaron yesterday - i had been a bit in limbo over what was happening as far as our birthing process. a couple of the churches look to begin tonight. and i wasn't sure the one i was to lead even existed any more. but i'm feeling better about it now and am looking forward to seeing where God leads us. still a bit trepidatious, but i don't believe that's terribly unusual in situations like this. a little anxiousness and pain is involved in any birth - only there's no drugs for this one (unless slurpees count...).

ok, time to relax and clear my head for tonight. here's hoping august is more post-filled than july was.
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Tunes: king's x - we are finding who we are

stay on the scene, like a sweat machine

i am the sweatiest man ever. you may think that is hyperbole, but i'm telling you, it's true. just ask anyone who was at last night's rehearsal. clothes drenched. puddles of perspiration left on the ground. looking like i had just stepped out of a pool - a swimming pool filled with bodily fluid. it reached a point where i couldn't be near the other actors or touch them - i was that moist. i could lie down on the ground and do "thor angels" of sweat. ewwww. spent most of my time offstage apologizing. yeah, i know everyone sweats, but not this profusely. it's disgusting. and all i kept thinking was, "at least this was just the play within a play. good thing it wasn't the scenes with bottom and titania." i've got to figure something out for tonight. four or five t-shirts? a wet suit? recommendations appreciated.

this is one of the reasons i don't exercise.

fourth day without morning prayers. unlike the other days this week, no good excuse, other than i was still beat from my bout with insomnia the night before. probably should stop over to st. e's, make sure someone cleaned up the elements. otherwise, it could be a bit scary come sunday....

not much to share - been spending most of my time this week inside trying not to be a slobbery mess. have almost finished x-files season 3. only two more seasons in my collection left to go. maybe not the greatest way to spend ones time, but i've been enjoying it, much more than i would trying to do something outside.

i have nothing left to say.
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Tunes: marah - rain delay

02:30 AM

I too pass from the night;

I stay awhile away O night, but I return to you again and

love you;

Why should I be afraid to trust myself to you?

I am not afraid . . . . I have been well brought forward

by you;

I love the rich running day, but I do not desert her in whom

I lay so long;

I know not how I came of you, and I know not where I go

with you . . . . but I know I came well and shall go well.

I will stop only a time with the night . . . . and rise betimes.
WW

i sleep not tonight, i know not the reason, only my mind will not rest
and so here i am, wondering what may spill from my too-awake brain

a little trepidatious am i

been pouring over my lines for the last 45 minutes, using this granted time to try and get these words woven into my brain, which so far has been teflon-like in its inability to allow anything to stick. as if i needed further proof that i am getting old (getting, thurm? more like been there, living that). not panicking yet - further repetition at rehearsals will help. still frustrating. i've become that actor. grrrrr.

i've not been here for a while, for good reason, which i will not share because i don't desire to. and since this is my space (not myspace) and i can do what i please, i will. please.

clear?

did i mention it's 2:30AM?

rory is caught in a wonderful music current this evening - almost every song is a great one. when the love is goob by the bodeans is streaming now. earlier it included ceremony by galaxie 500, somebody by depeche mode, hummer by smashing pumpkins, matrimony by whiskeytown. quite the range of emotions.

been all over that range lately.

bad news of the day - the extra work i did at the auditorium a few weeks back did not hit my paycheck this week like i needed it to, which means i'm going to have to do some creative budgeting to not go into the red again, like i did this past paycheck. times like this i wish i were paid twice a month instead of every two weeks. every now and then the bills fall between the cracks and i come up just a bit short.

of course, these monetary worries aren't keeping me from trying to find a flight to vancouver in november for the cleverly named "Van in a Van" excursion with the campers. best flight so far is $450 round trip. no idea if that's a good price or not. i've had friends tell me both yay and nay. we'll wait a bit, check my options. will have to take all my personal days for the year to make it work out, but i think it's something i have to do - no regrets, right? and what else would i be using the personal days for?

went to kent this weekend. one simple observation - always a bad idea to see a former infatuation in a bikini.

moving on.

making a quickie trip to columbus this weekend to eat at the thurman cafe and see clerks ii. yes, i'm giving mr. smith a chance to prove that jersey girl was a horrible aberration and that he has not indeed lost his mojo. spent much of last week catching up with mr. smith at his blog and his website. reminded me of why i liked him so much in the past - the boy is quite the story teller. and has quite the way with words if you can get through all the profanity (though i would argue his profanity is part and parcel of his way with words. just won't argue that right now).

ok, 3:00AM is fast approaching and if i have any hopes of actually pulling myself out of bed for morning prayers, i should go give it another shot. but i honestly feel no more tired than when i walked in here. and i may actually feel even warmer - have i mentioned how much i hate the heat?

night.
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Tunes: terry scott taylor - mr. flutter (quite appropriate given my financial woes...)

finally

a summer movie worth seeing.

pirates rocked. 'twas everything a summer blockbuster should be - lots of fun, great characters, enough of a plot to keep the audience interested. and oh that sword fight on the water wheel. very imaginative.

forget X3 (butchers!). forget superman (BOR-ing). go see pirates. i know i will again sometime. best movie i've seen all summer, hands down.
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Tunes: U2 - don't take your guns to town

hey.

yeah, i'm still around. just not in a posting mood.

or a mood i should be posting in.

to elaborate would require more energy than i currently have.

someone called me from a cell phone based in oxford, ohio at 4:04 am. if it was you, please call back so i can yell at you for waking me up and not even leaving a blasted message.

i have poems to write, but the words refuse to come.

i have lines to memorize, yet i haven't touched my script.

i have life to experience, and here i sit.
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Tunes: archers of loaf - learo, you're a hole

unsightly, pus-seeping wounds

this is my life right now. i don't seem to remember having these problems when i've had poison ivy before, but probably because i was too busy scratching the heck out of it, which i'm trying to avoid now that i'm older and more mature.

i'll spare you the gory details.

being the slacker i am, i reneged on my plans to go biking. the only excuse i have is a mockable one - i didn't want to miss the world cup matches. sad, i know. at least today's matches were worth it - yesterday's were just ugly. am going to try and go biking tomorrow. i have an appointment with my insurance agent up in mason, so i have to be up toward the bike path anyway. will probably load up my bike and head up after morning prayers, making sure i stop early enough to cool down and take a change of clothes. not sure how far i'll go - there's a good 25 mile ride, but i'm a bit afraid that might be pushing it since i haven't ridden in a while. but there's a great place to stop along the river, which would be good and relaxing. suppose i can play it by ear - not like i *have* to do anything.

sent out a bulk e-mail about midsummer, only to discover a major typo after i sent it. little embarrassing, but i'm sure my friends will understand. and laugh.

tonight at house church we talked about birthing, trying to figure out where God is leading us now. we're at megachurch size currently and need to get back to simple gatherings. great discussion, good insights and ideas. will meet with julie and aaron tomorrow to come up with some sort of proposal. still not sure how this will work logistically, especially since jeremiah and sarah no longer can host. does this mean i should host in my house? i have the space, though not the furniture. and hosting and leading sounds a bit daunting to me. prayer will definitely be needed.

enough for now.
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Tunes: matthew sweet - i don't want to know warning

hill-air-ee-uhs

coming soon to a crappy network near you...

gardening at the grotto

in this new and exciting addition to the unbelievably-yet-to-be-tapped-out reality tv genre, watch as a new homeowner gets into side-splitting situations as he tries to keep the encroaching weeds at bay. watch in awe as the star, thurman allen, breaks his newly purchased pruning shears after snipping only four stubborn weeds. gasp when, trying to dig up a deeply entrenched weed-tree, the graciously loaned shovel snaps in half, while the weed remains. giggle uncontrollably as thurman walks his lawnmower down his 75 degree angled front lawn, only to lose his footing, unceremoniously landing flat on his back while his (luckily, not running) lawnmower rolls into the street, leaving the poor slacker with twisted shoulders and a bruised ego.

you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scream, "Get those gardening implements away from him!"

get your tivo revved up and ready to go!
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Tunes: old 97's - i'd be lonesome